EPTBack Story
I played Brood War off and on for quite some time, but I was never any good at the game. Maybe D+ on iCCup. I just didn't have the mechanics and precision needed as a 15 year old boy. (I was never a PC gamer until BW) I ended up just playing UMS maps all the time. I didn't even know about the professional scene until many years later, and I kind of regretting not trying to get good at the game.
A New Opportunity
When StarCraft II was announced I was quite excited, until they released the specification requirements, and learned that my POS computer at the time could not play it. I missed out on the Beta even though I had a key, and didn't end up getting a new desktop and the game until November.
I was quite determined to do well this time. I did customs with friends and a lot of practice matches. So when I finally did my placement matches, I was quite surprised when I won them all and was placed into Platinum immediately. I trained with some of my friends who were Diamond at the time and just had them pound me into the ground until I got better. Within a month, I was up to Diamond league on the ladder (and this was before Master League). I was incredibly pleased with my performance, and continued on.
Shortly after, Master League was announced, and I immediately made this my new goal. Every win propelled me closer to my goal, and every loss was a lesson learned. About a month later, I made it.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/4uQaw.jpg)
It was a fantastic feeling.
By the end of season one, I has as many as 3037 points near the end.
I joined Team Insan1ty, and was hoping to compete in clan wars sometime soon.
Things were going quite well.
The Slow Decline
During all this personal success, I had forgotten about something kind of important.... School.
Season 2 began at the end of March, and I had finals coming up in April. I put SC2 on hold for the time being and focused on my classes. Ended up doing quite well, imo.
The lease on the room I was renting ended at the end of April as well, so I had to move out, and decided to spend my summer in America.
May rolled around and most of my time was spent looking for work, which I eventually got a job as a line cook in a restaurant. This kept me quite busy. I was trying to throw in a couple of games of SC2 as often as I could, but I could feel that my skill was deteriorating.
By the end of Season 2, I was doing terrible. I had a 30% win-rate on the ladder and this discouraged me quite a bit. The meta game seemed to change and it was like relearning the my builds all over again.
Season 3 rolled around, and I was still quite busy. Looking for a place to stay while in school, getting my financial situation all set up, general life stuff. I got around to doing my placement match, and I saw that I was placed into Diamond. I don't mean anything against Diamond players, but it just felt bad falling down the mountain you tried so hard to climb.
I took a break from the game again for a bit.
Then a few days before the ladders locked, I decided to give it another go. I grinded out over 40 ladder games that weekend, doing very well. I was looking forward to Season 4.
The Current Situation
So here we are, Season 4.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/UIfAV.jpg)
I got back to Master League. I feel good.
The problem? I have no motivation to play anymore. Long games stress me out to the point where I cannot play more than a few in a row. Losing makes me so mad. It's all just so frustrating that I want to pull my hair out.
I have only done my placement match and have not queued up a single game after that.
I have played on alt accounts on different servers still, only because I want to preserve that Master League status.
I watch almost every major tournament game that has a zerg in it to try to get inspired, but nothing comes to me when I play.
I know a lot of people have an anxiety about laddering, but this seems like something completely different to me. I am not sure what to do.
I still want to play. I still want to be good. I still love the game.
The problem being, I have no idea where to go from here to get better.
I would really appreciate some direction.
This is my first blog ever, so be gentle.
