EPT
Now, admittedly, it’s my worst matchup, but I thought I might be able to offer a little help. You see, the problem with PvP is always one of intelligence; you can’t know what your opponent will do next. In PvB (Post versus Blog), you’re always going to know roughly where your opponent is coming and something of his style before you reply, and let’s face it, PvLR has been broken for longer than I care to discuss; better to avoid engagement and just macro up a high post count so that when you do engage you’re already a force to be reckoned with.
Post with me:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcqxiKcxuww
Now, the question for many of us when it comes to PvP is going to be,
If everyone is arguing from roughly the same position, how do I distinguish myself?
This is a reasonable question, and I’ll answer it with an analogy.
Equipment:
I’ll often see a photograph and think, “Wow, this is a great photo, you must have an amazing camera.” The logic is simple, inarguable, unerring in its truth. When I see a post that’s very well written, I don’t think, “Wow, a fine point, well argued.” Nobody thinks that. I straight away think,
Wow, this is fantastic. Look at that use of prepositions, the sparseness of those adjectives. This man must have a majestic keyboard.
So I put some time into it, I thought; what kinds of keyboards do progamers use? What mice do they use? Are they mechanical? Can you have a mechanical mouse? Would that be too steampunk? So I took my search to TL in an effort to unravel the mysteries. I searched and this is what I found…
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![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/IT7RB.png)
There are 500 of these…
I simply must have an impressive keyboard for myself; that’s what will help my posting. So I searched and searched until I found the keyboard that suited me best. I have a man’s hands, and so no piffling little Das Keyboard affair would suit me, I’d need something bigger. Something monstrous. In the end, I settled for, the Crayola EZ Type. It’s a hefty beast, but well worth the investment. This isn’t a keyboard you “get used to,” it’s a keyboard that will bend your hands to fit its grotesque form and make you a better poster for it.
Shindigs once told me that the ideal for a proposter would be to:
Post fast. Die Young. Leave a good looking blog.
…but as time goes by, I’m starting to think that maybe I need to slow down- get my priorities in order. Maybe I need a bulky, slow keyboard so I can avoid burnout?
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/VUluX.png)
When it physically hurts to type, you can’t post one-liners to get yourself banned. Plus: Dig them custom keycaps.
Now, I’m no fool. I know that people are going to demand replays so that they can understand what I’m getting at, I can handle that. Indeed, the video above shows the means by which I post with my own Crayola keyboard.
Now, you may already have noticed that this post (or this video, if I take the time to edit it) boasts a fair few spelling mistakes. I’m still getting used to the spacing of the keys on the keyboard itself (or the Bloggermax4000 Pro as I like to call it). It’s not an easy task, but these are the trials we put ourselves through in the name of our craft. My hands are in a state of constant agony, my postcount is in real danger of falling below one a day, but my average post quality has tripled. Coincidence? I think not.
It also comes with its own mouse, something that Das Keyboard has yet to boast. The mouse is filled, absolutely packed with flashing LEDs. There is a tiny island floating in it. Whenever I am tempted to rage-reply, I stare at the tiny island and I am calmed… one day though, it might not be enough, and you might see something written in my name appended with “user was banned for this post.”
Until then I remain, as ever, yours,
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/FCImb.png)
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Huge thanks to my sponsors:
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/dNAHM.png)
(Can't remember who first made the "little blog factory" joke, but I loved it)
(Can't remember who first made the "little blog factory" joke, but I loved it)
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This entire post has been a shoutout to boesthius
