EPT
What's wrong with me?
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TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
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Endymion
United States3701 Posts
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TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
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jdseemoreglass
United States3773 Posts
The solution is either constant conscious effort to prevent harmful behavior, or perhaps finding a partner who is just as clingy as you, and hope that you two don't eventually kill each other from mutually overreacting in an argument. | ||
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Masamune
Canada3401 Posts
Stop being so clingy. | ||
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munchmunch
Canada789 Posts
(a) Make plans that sound fun, not a last resort. Don't say, let's hangout, say, let's watch a movie, or go someplace, etc. (b) Give her some slack for being 15; she's really young and should be allowed to make a lot of mistakes. (c) Give yourself some slack for being 20; you might not realize it, but you're still really young. You probably have a lot of stuff to learn, and lots of chances at romance ahead of you. The odds are that this relationship won't last your whole life, and that's a good thing. Enjoy what you have, and try to be less insecure. Don't worry about not being perfect. | ||
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TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
On September 17 2011 07:31 munchmunch wrote: There's nothing wrong with you. It's natural to be insecure in a relationship, especially when you are not getting the face-time that you need. From the sounds of it, it's not her fault either. Human relationships don't magically work, you need to make them work. I suggest: (a) Make plans that sound fun, not a last resort. Don't say, let's hangout, say, let's watch a movie, or go someplace, etc. (b) Give her some slack for being 15; she's really young and should be allowed to make a lot of mistakes. (c) Give yourself some slack for being 20; you might not realize it, but you're still really young. You probably have a lot of stuff to learn, and lots of chances at romance ahead of you. The odds are that this relationship won't last your whole life, and that's a good thing. Enjoy what you have, and try to be less insecure. Don't worry about not being perfect. thank you | ||
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GigaFlop
United States1146 Posts
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Maand
326 Posts
Talk things over. Know what's on her side and make sure she knows what's on yours. Probably two most important things I've learned past fire years from two failed(sort of) relationships. And what munchmunch said in c) ! Edit: You probably know that but I'm gonna write it anyway. Conflicts in relationships are not a bad thing. It means your relationship is strong and alive. The seemingly more violent conflict, the more vivid and pure emotions are involved and even if they are bad, if you resolve the conflict they recoil in good emotions  | ||
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Earll
Norway847 Posts
The only cure I can say will most certainly work against something like this is getting more experience\more relationships\more girls or whatever, that can go a long way to getting rid of neediness. But that is a more long term solution i guess. If you can't pull yourself together I predict a not so good end for you in the not too distant future though, it seems like you are way over invested in this compared to her, and stuff like this can go into an evil spiral of doom real fast. =p If you want this to last then you are just going to have to stop being needy. If you ever think sometihng MIGHT come across as needy, even if you have somehow convinced yourself that it is not out of needyness that you want to do\say it, don't. | ||
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Maand
326 Posts
Ellis had exaggerated fears of speaking in public and during his adolescence he was extremely shy around women. At age 19, already showing signs of thinking like a cognitive-behavioral therapist, he forced himself to talk to 100 women in the Bronx Botanical Gardens over a period of a month. Even though he did not get a date, he reported that he desensitized himself to his fear of rejection by women. You can quite literarily train such things  | ||
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VarmVaffel
Norway378 Posts
On September 17 2011 07:53 GigaFlop wrote: 15-year-old girls aren't the most mentally stable... Pretty much. I'm not generally too fond of generalizing people like this, but there's a good point to be made here. Even though they can seem like they are mature, they aren't really at that age. You should take that into consideration. She, the same as you, still have a lot to learn. | ||
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TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
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Zombie_Velociraptor
274 Posts
She is 15 years old and I am 20 years old. It's 4 years between us on paper, but in reality its pretty much 5 years I can see why the title of the blog is 'what's wrong with me'... | ||
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TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
On September 17 2011 08:17 Zombie_Velociraptor wrote: This probably isn't going to be very helpful at all, but after reading this: I can see why the title of the blog is 'what's wrong with me'... what do you want to have said with that? EDIT after you EDITED: Yeah thanks, douche. | ||
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eXigent.
Canada2419 Posts
I suggest trying your hardest to start taking everything positively, and do things to take your mind off of negative thoughts. Everytime you argue about the same thing , it probably puts a small rift into your relationship that could possibly blow up some time later on. I would advise backing down a little and resisting the urge to argue. In general its good to be calm and level headed in every portion of your relationship, and would benefit not only you, but her aswell. Lastly realize she is very young, and most likely has a completely different mindset than you regarding all kinds of things. Even if the relationship doesnt work out in the end, dont treat it as the end of the world and learn from it and build on it. After a while you will find its much easier to remain calm and basically roll with the punches. | ||
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arb
Noobville17921 Posts
On September 17 2011 08:19 TOCHMY wrote: what do you want to have said with that? EDIT after you EDITED: Yeah thanks, douche. Seriously bro shes probably too young for you anyway. Remember, if her favorite toy doesnt vibrate shes too young for you bro. But in all reality, shes young as fuck, give her some space and stop being so fucking clingy wow. Thats like the #1 thing girls hate is clingy as fuck guys | ||
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DoubleZee
Canada556 Posts
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TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
On September 17 2011 08:26 DoubleZee wrote: Don't date a 15 year old. Seriously. Can't you be arrested if you guys have a bad breakup and she claims you "raped" her? It's never a good idea to date someone that young when you're not the same age. you can get arrested if anyone says you raped her, but yeah i get ur point. | ||
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nicknt
185 Posts
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DKR
United Kingdom622 Posts
On September 17 2011 08:26 DoubleZee wrote: Don't date a 15 year old. Seriously. Can't you be arrested if you guys have a bad breakup and she claims you "raped" her? It's never a good idea to date someone that young when you're not the same age. Half your age + 7 is the rule I heard for acceptable dating ages... | ||
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illKarasu
United States58 Posts
saying this, I am not judging, but pointing out the fact that for example, work may be a priority for you but job/career may have absolutely no bearing in "annie's" life. I'm sure there are many other observable comparisons from inane (TV shows and demographics based on interest) to more serious (status of getting a new car/new license). Next, from these observations step back and realize that at 15 you were seeking different life experiences than you are now. Since TOCHMY at 15 there has been much learning thus TOCHYMY at 20 is not exactly the same OP. I think I'm trying to say that if nothing else you have to be patient when a younger person is not on your wavelength, or even someone at your same age cannot see things how you see them. If it helps, do my exercise by comparing your current self to a 15 year old cousin, or a young kid you see in the supermarket. Can't you imagine them in vastly different life circumstances? Does that mean that two such different people should necessarily always agree on how to live or interact with each other? To give a wild answer to your last questions: logic doesn't always work, and personal experience doesn't work except maybe to temper your reactions to feeling icky. A relationship is what it is, there is no "coasting on good, sometimes hitting bad spots or potentially becoming ruined." Friends, family, girlfriend. They are all just how they are, you choose how you interact and react to them. btw since you've read this far in my post, imho some of the above advices may be useful to you, just don't take some of them to be mean-spirited and outright ignore them. Consider them as different points of view (even if you feel insulted a lil lol) phew, glhfhfhfhf!!! | ||
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DoubleZee
Canada556 Posts
On September 17 2011 08:29 TOCHMY wrote: you can get arrested if anyone says you raped her, but yeah i get ur point. Statutory rape, not "real rape". If you had sex, or even if she just SAID you did to someone, you could end up in jail. She's jail bait. Get the hell out, it's not worth the risk. Not even going to get into how crazy/ignorant/unstable 15 year old girls are. Date someone done highschool at least. | ||
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Earll
Norway847 Posts
On September 17 2011 08:54 DoubleZee wrote: Statutory rape, not "real rape". If you had sex, or even if she just SAID you did to someone, you could end up in jail. She's jail bait. Get the hell out, it's not worth the risk. Not even going to get into how crazy/ignorant/unstable 15 year old girls are. Date someone done highschool at least. Age of consent is 15 in sweden. | ||
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josemb40
Peru611 Posts
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DoubleZee
Canada556 Posts
Oh...those crazy swedes...my 2nd piece of advice still stands. | ||
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Battleaxe
United States843 Posts
On September 17 2011 09:00 Earll wrote: + Show Spoiler + On September 17 2011 08:54 DoubleZee wrote: Statutory rape, not "real rape". If you had sex, or even if she just SAID you did to someone, you could end up in jail. She's jail bait. Get the hell out, it's not worth the risk. Not even going to get into how crazy/ignorant/unstable 15 year old girls are. Date someone done highschool at least. Age of consent is 15 in sweden. Was planning on posting about age difference, looks like it doesn't matter, gl hf! Seriously though, there has been some really good advice in the comments, I'd take some of it and apply it the best you can. From what I was reading some of your issue may also stem from not completely trusting her. If I'm mistaken I apologize, but it's certainly not out of the ordinary to feel distrust at times, especially when you know she's young in school with other dudes all the time, etc. One thing to keep in mind is that YOU'RE that older dude the guys at school can't get your girl to forget about. Most relationships I've noticed with two people as young as yourselves end up with the older person breaking up with the younger one. If you're clingy, that rule goes right out the window, so as long as you give him her space and try to be mindful of when you may be going too far, I think you'll be fine. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States44441 Posts
You just gotta learn to stop being clingy; apparently you know what you gotta do. Now just... do it. | ||
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nBk
174 Posts
She could feel/be completely different in a year, or even tomorrow - you never know. Just always be aware of that fact bud. Also, being clingy is a bad thing. I know how you feel though because I sometimes do it myself, but, do try to avoid that the best you can. And not to be mean or anything, but if in fact this doesn't work out eventually, which honestly it probably wont. Date someone closer to your age because dating anyone that young will only cause you problems since they're still young and going through changes like I previously stated. Above all, don't get too attached this early or you'll just hurt yourself in the long run. Take it slow and steady man and try to be understanding to a girl of that age and things should be alright. | ||
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Kojak21
Canada1104 Posts
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JoeSchmoe
Canada2058 Posts
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jdseemoreglass
United States3773 Posts
I've been waiting for the US to embrace this kind of common sense for a long time... | ||
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RedJustice
United States1004 Posts
While the relationship is having it's problems, I think you should focus more on the title of your blog-- what's wrong with you. Ultimately you can only change yourself, and regardless of how this relationship turns out, fixing yourself will be a long term permanent fix, rather than a bandaid on something that may not last. Why do you have so much insecurity? Either you are creating problems that don't exist out of your insecurity, or you are so insecure that you got into and are staying in a relationship that is not good. If you address your insecurity the problems will go away in one form or another, and hopefully prevent the same thing in any future relationships. | ||
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Thorn Raven
United States126 Posts
Yes. The truth is, everything is going to be okay. Just keep telling that to your self as you continue to pursue her. And pursue her. The perspectives that munchmunch provided aren't just pieces of knowledge, rather, they are wisdom; a way of thinking that can become part of who you are. I can be hard, but remember these things. Remember. Work at them. | ||
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supaplex
United States75 Posts
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TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
Thank! <3 | ||
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