EPTTime seems to have stopped. It hasn't.
Everything: my heart my body my head my arms my legs my mouth my everything can't comprehend it. It can't comprehend what I'm seeing and I am stuck in that moment for what seems to be an eternity.
She gives me a strange look and walks past.
What happens when you meet the one that you loved?
The one that you thought you would care for the rest of your life?
What happens when you meet the one that slipped away?
What should happen? Because at that moment I had no idea.
There's people all around us. There's friends all around me.
They don't know anything. There's only two people walking past and acknowledging each other.
I don't notice any of them, I only notice her.
The one that slipped away.
Do I go and say hi and walk away? Will she be offended? Will she make a scene?
Do I go and apologize? Will she ignore me, trying to forget everything that's happened?
Do we act like nothing had happened, that there was only us, two people who were walking past and acknowledging each other?
Do we do as we promised to each other that last night and remain friends? Do we at least try to pretend?
The two people make small talk. They look down uncomfortably at the ground, avoiding the others gaze. It was a mildly interesting sight to see, but no one gave any attention.
"How are you doing?"
"Good you?"
"Fantastic."
I started to wither and die inside, each word, each sentence a pain in my heart.
I wanted to say more.
I wanted to say how beautiful she looked.
I wanted to talk about how we ended our relationship.
You never realize how precious, how valuable how fragile the people you love are.
You never realize how you start to love to see that one smiling face day in and day out.
You never realize how much happier you were with them.
Until you let them slip away.
"I have to go, good luck."
The love that I destroyed in haste, oh how I wanted desperately to bring it back.
Oh how desperately I wanted to have this perfect woman back in my life, the one who probably understood me the most, the one I didn't appreciate enough till I fucked everything up.
Time seems to regulate itself again. What seemed to be a fantasy, a surreal moment, a turning point in my life had passed.
People were talking, people were drinking.
The small awkward conversation ended, and the two participants parted ways.
Nothing to see, nothing to care about.
It felt like everything was closing in on me, everything was moving too fast. I looked around and only saw a crowd that seemed to mock me with their sheer indifference. I went to my car and threw up on the side of the road.
And when you do realize how precious, how valuable how fragile that special person is.
And how you tore her heart apart and made a mockery of her already low self confidence.
When you finally know that you need to make this right: it's too late.
She will have already slipped away.
