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Firstly... RAWR!
So, my girlfriend pissed me off a bit, and so I'm staying up a bit YouTubing it up, watching some Day9 stuff and just putting off sleep. Then I remembered that I hadn't posted on TL in a while, so thought I'd put something down :D
So, I believe some background is in order:
I am currently studying to get my degree in Chemical Engineering (I feel like capitalizing these words make it more important, hehe) and it's been a crappy ride so far. My first year was ok, and I managed to pass all but one module - electronics... the bitch!
I was devastated at first, because it was the first time I had ever failed a subject in my whole educational career. But I had/have amazing friends that encouraged me not to give up, to push on, and work a bit harder. I entered my second year with that exact mentality... but it was easier said than done.
I managed to obliterate electronics in the first semester. This would have been great, except that I managed to fail another 3 subjects: Organic Chemistry, Mechanics of Materials, and Differential Equations. If I thought failing 1 subject was bad, I was in for a rough time. I was extremely depressed, and wanted to just pull out of engineering all together. My parents weren't even nearly impressed. Sure, I had 2 distinctions and 4 total passes, but lets be honest, all they see are the big, all caps, "FAIL"
2nd semester wasn't kind either, and I basically ended up having to repeat the majority of my second year of study in my third year at varsity.
This year, I had to return to varsity 2 weeks early in order to complete summer school (Southern Hemisphere and all that) for a maths subject that I failed in the second semester of last year. But doing so allowed me to start my year without any previous year subjects to hold me back. I was finally moving forward.
But, alas! I seem to have failed another subject.
The thing that bothers me the most about all of this, is that I put in so much work! I try really hard, often spending more time than most of my friends do, but I still end up failing. I know that I can't just sit and play SC2 all day, as much as I'd like to, because varsity costs a crap load. But I often just feel like a failure. The only thing keeping me going sometimes is the fact that I owe the bank a ton of money for my studies, and without my degree I'll never be able to pay it off.
But this week I finally hit a breakthrough... sorta. I put in a lot more work than I usually do (almost missed a couple local SC2 tournament/league matches) in order to pass the semester tests. And I did! For the first time in 3 and a half years I have walked out of a couple tests feeling confident that I had passed well.
But the past still scares me. What if it was just a fluke. What if the next test series rapes me backwards? I'm worried that I'll let my family and friends down again. But knowing that I have a huge debt to pay, and that I want to have my own place some day makes me keep on at it. My parents are struggling financially, and I want to lighten the economic burden that I've been to them as much as I can. I want to prove to my family that I can get through all of this, no matter what they think.
So TL, why do u keep doing what you're doing?
[TL;DR --> I fail a lot at varsity, but my study loan and longing for independence keep me working at it. What about you?]
 
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We keep doing because we must
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I just changed jobs, i was in charge of the network and security at a sorta big retail and now i'm a sap consultant, awesome job but its really hard! i used to work like 8-9 hours a day now im doing 11-12, luckily my gf has a job thats almost the same in time consuming so she doesnt complain much about it. Other than that i just finished software engineering a couple of months ago, other than that everything still the same for me. I guess i do it cause i sort of like being bussy. Plus it has a nice pay so i can do anything i want on the weekends
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Wisdom from portal: We do what me must because we can.
We do because maybe, just maybe, that one thing you want is sitting at the end of the yellow brick road. So perhaps it is time to reflect of why you started on your career path in the first place, to get the money? Or to finally get that job that every day you wake up and you are excited to go to work and do your job? We rarely end up where we first set sights.
For me it is designing rocket engines and space craft in general, it is that now and ever since I could remember.
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Don't try HARDER, necessarily. Or perhaps don't THINK of it as trying harder. Try 'different' methods, which might be slowly increasing focused study time, or compartmentalizing things. Quite honestly, stuff like DiffEq isn't something you get by bashing your head against it. You either come across and it clicks on what you've built up already or you're pretty much fucked just by looking at the quadratic you need to solve for the problem.
To be honest, it's not so much as an "SC2 addiction" or "I'm failing at tests" that's putting you behind...it's more like you're trying to do everything well concurrently, which is dumb. Either suddenly put a lot of time into SC2 and then neatly store the knowledge away later so you can do Chem work or vice versa...you don't have 400 APM IRL, sorry.
And we work so that eventually we can do stuff without working...like spew out notation without wondering what I'm saying, or hold off allins without thinking for 5 minutes and then getting raped for being too indecisive. And for that, you've gotta put in a lot of focused, CONTINUOUS time - not just "oh I'll do this, do that, come back" shit. That doesn't fly. You know, the whole "our successes are catalyzed by our failures" thing. Hope this can help you reorganize a plan of action.
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@redHQ I think you've got a good point there. I've always been interested in chemical engineering, but what I really want to do is work in nuclear power. It's one of those things that keeps nagging at the back of my mind, just the sheer possibilities of what's out there in the nuclear field makes me excited about finishing my degree.
@ymir233 you may be right. Sometime working harder doesn't get u further, just more frustrated. But it's difficult to change the way you've worked for so long. And maybe working harder and/or longer just helps me think that the effort I put in should give me proportional results. Hopefully I will be able to find a balance somewhere
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Rated a 4 because this is very poignant.
It is a common phenomenon for otherwise stellar students in high school to have difficulty in university. The main reason is because the knowledge that one learns in high school is not extremely difficult, so naturally intelligent students are able to learn and excel without much actual effort. Then, university comes along, where one actually has to work for their education, and these students struggle to apply the necessary work habits in order to study. Mechanical engineering has been the hardest thing I've ever done, and I'm smart. I failed two classes too, and it was not fun. Rest assured that I will never fail another class again.
So you then ask yourself why is it worth the effort in the first place? For some, the answer is not simple. For me, it is - I want to be better than other people. I want to exceed the normalcy and mediocrity that I see everyone around me accept for what it is. That, and I genuinely like learning and creating works of intelligence that I can be proud of. Plus, if you've ever taken any shit from anyone in your life there is no better way to return the favor than to simply be better than those who would keep you down.
The best revenge is living well.
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I finished my infrastructure engineering degree because... I wanted to? One of my dreams is to design super optimized/efficient sustainable cities, and I knew that I was taking the right steps during school. Right now I'm working as a transportation/traffic engineer - not exactly designing cities, but doing that in much smaller parts.
Keep doing what you do because you KNOW you want to. Don't lie to yourself or hide behind excuses. You WANT to do what you do.
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EPT
