EPT
Hi, my name is SirJolt, and I’m really bad at Brood war. It’s been about six months since my last win and I can still taste the sweet victory when I shut my eyes.
Day[9] has the right idea, inviting his viewers to “Be a Better Gamer,” but there comes a time when being a better gamer just isn’t within our reach. I’m a simple guy, with a simply guy’s hands and brain.
You can’t imagine the number of drones I’ve sent into combat alongside my hydras, the number of defilers I’ve let gradually accumulate energy until, bloated and useless, they are killed. Occasionally, I’ll buy an overlord at the right time, but it’s never a sure thing.
I’m not a man for delayed gratification, I can’t get no satisfaction. I need instant gratisfaction®.
For some of us, Brood War will forever be outside our competence. At least, until now.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/Y0F1N.png)
Originally, we had considered StarCraft 2 Hero, but then we realised that there was far less need for it than the real project…
-Brood War Hero-
For the completely inept, I’m proud to say that I can offer a package that presents REAL Brood War style scenarios and relies on your responses to win or lose. Play through career mode’s leagues as your favourite progamer, be the clutch player in any number of team games.
Use the specialised Brood War Hero™ keyboard to simulate the experience of being a real life progamer!
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/dRFAZ.png)
As you can see, the highly specialised custom keyboard boasts all the buttons you need, 1, 2,3, and A. The A button also acts as an action button for rounds in which you control spellcasters. You'll have full access to all the commands you love so much.
Play as your favourite Progamer
Brood War Hero™ offers you the opportunity to live out your dreams in our never-before-seen single player campaign. Take on the role of your favourite Brood War progamer, can you manage to win the OSL and the MSL? Is the coveted golden mouse within your reach? Bonus points are awarded for managing to carry your team
Have you ever wished you were Jangbi? I’ll bet you have. I know I have. We’re offering you that chance!
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/Z1zPe.jpg)
Now you too can experience how it feels to play Brood War as Jangbi. You can practically feel the psionic energy crackle as your repeatedly hit the "Storm" button and enemy hydras simply burst before the weight of eldritch energies.
Normally, a normal human wouldn’t have any hope of keeping up with the multi-tasking required to be Jangbi. Brood War Hero™ takes some of the difficulty away by giving you one collective energy pool for all of your high templar (above right), which means you can do less fussing and more storming.
Have you ever considered what it would be like to be the Tyrant? The Legend Killer? Lee Jae Dong himself? If not, it’s only because you have worried that, like Icarus, you might stray too close to godhood and be flayed alive by the proximity to the sun for your transgressions.
Fear no more mortal, for I can deliver into your mind the feeling or being three time WCG winner, three time OSL champion and twice king of MSL. You too can be Jaedong.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/ZsM20.jpg)
My hands quake as I stretch across all four of the keys I have at my disposal. For a moment, for just one moment, I know what it is to be him, and I weep, tears thudding softly to the desk. Truly, this is as close as man has been to god.
Purchasing Info:
For the moment, the application is still very much in development, but I hope to make a beta available soon. There is no release schedule, but we aim to add new progamers to the campaign mode every single week, and the optional expansion will add a head-to-head career option, giving players the opportunity to play as Yellow[Arnc] and twin brother Luxury in a constant fight to stay on top.
If you want to offer your support, order now by simply sending me 100 Esports dollars (through PM or PlayPal) and I’ll add you to our list of closed beta participants.*
*+ Show Spoiler +
Closed beta participants may be subject to additional levies/taxes/fines/fees/tarries/duties/tolls/excises and/or tithes. These will be added to your subscription automatically as rolling renewal charges, each in the region of fifty (50) Esports dollars per month.
Cancellation will be managed easily. Should you choose to cancel, simply contact our offices and request the cancellation. Unfortunately, due to high demands on staff time, our offices are no longer contactable by telephone, email, letter post or fax.
We are, however, still contactable by telegram, semaphore, ogham and hand-carved braille tapped discretely into the wall by the door [between the hours of midnight and seven am]
If you are for any reason unable to meet the above conditions, you may make your complaints in the entirely fair and unbiased medium offered by this thread, though I make no assurances that I will ever read them.
Cancellation will be managed easily. Should you choose to cancel, simply contact our offices and request the cancellation. Unfortunately, due to high demands on staff time, our offices are no longer contactable by telephone, email, letter post or fax.
We are, however, still contactable by telegram, semaphore, ogham and hand-carved braille tapped discretely into the wall by the door [between the hours of midnight and seven am]
If you are for any reason unable to meet the above conditions, you may make your complaints in the entirely fair and unbiased medium offered by this thread, though I make no assurances that I will ever read them.
$50 ESPORTS dollars per month to be like Jaedong? Deal.
