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[G] The Animals of of the Past: BW's Critters

Blogs > Bibbit
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Bibbit
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
Canada5377 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-11-24 18:01:45
August 02 2011 01:37 GMT
#1
I consider myself a very big fan of Starcraft 1 and 2. However, there is one aspect in which Sc2 cannot hold a candle to its predecessor. I am talking, of course, about the neutral critters. For Sc2, Blizzard decided they were going to make the critters way too generous. If you want to place a building, they get out of the way. They pretty much don’t block pathing at all. And if you still want them out of the way, they only have 10 health so they die instantly to anything. Even ignoring all this, they are much less badass on the whole.

I would be very sad if this somehow degenerated into some sort of sc2 vs BW debate, so don’t do it.

PG13: I felt kinda bad swearing in this thing so if you’re really tiny, don’t read it. There may be F-Bombs!

Ursadon

[image loading]

The Ursadon is probably the most famous critter of all time. Much like Lada Gaga, however, a lot of its fame is under a pseudonym:“Panda Bear Guy.” It rose to prominence largely through the curse it put on players as well as the extreme passion he was shown by Nick “Tasteless” Plott.

You see, though it may look like it’s just a cute little bear, it was also a gypsy. This gave it a complete inability to understand sarcasm as well as the ability to perform gypsy spells. Specifically, any player that were to kill PBG in a game would ultimately end up losing. This curse a freakishly high success rate. much higher than that of Tutankhamen. Therefore, in this respect, PBG was more successful and powerful than one of the greatest and most prolific leaders in all of human civilization.

Furthermore, PBG seemed to find himself in strange situations all the time. For example, once upon a time there was a (heroic and Godlike) Protoss player named Horang2 that set forth to cheese his Terran opponent on Destination. This made PBG very sad and, more significantly, very very angry. But instead of lying down, spreading his legs, and letting Horang2 do whatever he wanted, PBG decided he was going to do something about it. He confronted the probe at the bridge when he was trying to go cross-map for some early game shenanigans. The Ursadon began punching the probe relentlessly. Unfortunately, the punches were unable to inflict any actual damage, but he was able to stall the probe for a couple of seconds.

Although the Panda Bear Guy is most famous for being repeatedly mention by his homeboy Tasteless, he is still undeniably awesome by his own merit.

Kakau

[image loading]

Okay, so if you’re anything like myself, you will have read this critter’s name in the voice of Vegeta from DBZ (DBZ is not to be confused with PBG. Or the NAACP). Admittedly, I am not entirely certain that is actually how you pronounce Kakaru. What I am certain of, however, is that it is not important and we can move on to the serious business at hand.

Though the Kakru cannot rival PBG with regards to their impact on pro games, this is not its fault. It had no control over Blizzard’s decision to not make air units collide. Still, through its superior intelligence, it found a way to to fuck with Kal by pretending to be a dropship:

+ Show Spoiler +


More than that, the Kakaru’s ability to directly impact games at a lower level is completely unrivalled by other critters. Its resemblance to the Mutalisk can be very frightening to the untrained, apparently brain-dead eye that me and my fellow baddies posses.

I can honestly say it is the only critter that has forced me to stim on at least one occasion, effectively dealing up to 120 damage to my army. For that, it has my respect. But it has earned something even more significant. The Kakaru holds my deepest, sincerest hatred. Fuck that guy. Seriously.

Rhynadon

[image loading]

Apparently there was a time in Blizzard’s history when they gave an impressively small number of fucks. Alternatively,perhaps they were just tired after creating one of the best games of all time. Either way, “Rhynadon” sounds kind of familiar. Kind of very familiar. He also looks pretty familiar.

[image loading]

Still, in terms of general badassery, the Rhynadon ranks quite highly. The thing is a friggin; rhinoceros for God’s sake. Don’t even try to pretend you didn’t think rhinos were totally the shit when you were younger. And hell, considering the size-scale of everything, the Rhynadon was most likely massive. This means that it can’t be lifted by Phoenix the thing was pretty much a fucking dinosaur. If you successfully lied to yourself about not liking rhinos, try to do the same about dinosaurs.

Ragnasaur

[image loading]

The Ragnasaur is one of the most interesting and enignmatic critters. To be quite frank, I have no clue wtf its supposed to be. Our friends over at starcraft.wikia.com have referred to it as a “tripedal creature” with a “lobster-like tail.” Although we may never know exactly what it is, my homie Metamage1 has done some in-depth research of its emotions.

On July 01 2010 15:43 metamage1 wrote:
These ragnasaur things dont have a real face
[image loading]
Some ideas
+ Show Spoiler +

Happy ragnasaur
[image loading]

angry ragnasaur
[image loading]

and of course
+ Show Spoiler +

jazz drummer
[image loading]


But either way... it will find you


Scantid

[image loading]

Anyone reading this from a primarily Sc2 background may already be familiar with the Scantid through its bastardized freak-cousin the scantipede. The real Scantid, however, is a mix between scorpions and the Incredible Hulk. It used to be this tiny-ass little scorpion thing until the planet it lived on got nuked all to hell. These things survived underground and were mutated by the radiation into something that has “claws capable of ripping a man in half and a stinger filled with extremely lethal poison.” If you liked the Hulk movies (which you totally shouldn’t have), just imagine if the main character was a giant scorpion instead of a roid-raged Cabbage Monster.

But what impact has he had on actual games, you ask? He has proven himself to be a loyal follower of the Emperor himself!



Bengalaas

[image loading]

The Bengalaas is the most badass critter of them all. First and foremost, they’re fucking tigers. More specifically, they’re sadistic super tigers that are also giant dicks.”[T]hey have been observed slapping smaller creatures [...] before finally making the kill with one swift bite to the neck.” If that’s not enough, they don’t actually die. Like Protoss units (Bengalaas are from Aiur), they explode into blue smoke when they’re “killed,” signifying they were warped back to safety where they will be turned into something else badass.

[image loading]

My research was unfortunately not able to find any instances of Bengalaas interfering with pro games. But this is of course very easy to explain. Everything and everybody already knows to stay the hell away from these things.


Ok thanks for reading! I hope this was nostalgic for some and maybe eye-opening for others. =D

+ Show Spoiler [Sources] +
A lot of lore-related stuff about the critters was taken from Starcraft.Wikia.com and classic.battle.net. Info on the roles of these critters in progames was largely from searching Teamliquid so <3s to all you guys as a whole. Protoss death GIF taken from SCLegacy.com


****
Jayjay54
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Germany2296 Posts
August 02 2011 02:01 GMT
#2
automaton 2000. 'nuff said
Things are laid back in Unidenland. And may the road ahead be lid with dreams and tomorrows. Which are lid with dreams. Also.
Angra
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
United States2652 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-08-02 02:05:28
August 02 2011 02:04 GMT
#3
On August 02 2011 11:01 Jayjay54 wrote:
automaton 2000. 'nuff said


blasphemy





This is an awesome writeup. Some of your pictures are broken though. All the ones introducing each critter.
Bibbit
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
Canada5377 Posts
August 02 2011 02:09 GMT
#4
On August 02 2011 11:04 Angra wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 02 2011 11:01 Jayjay54 wrote:
automaton 2000. 'nuff said


blasphemy





This is an awesome writeup. Some of your pictures are broken though. All the ones introducing each critter.


Seriously? They're showing up for me. D:
Varpulis
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
United States2517 Posts
August 02 2011 02:13 GMT
#5
On August 02 2011 11:04 Angra wrote:
Show nested quote +
On August 02 2011 11:01 Jayjay54 wrote:
automaton 2000. 'nuff said


blasphemy





This is an awesome writeup. Some of your pictures are broken though. All the ones introducing each critter.

open 'em in a new tab, they're functional.
For he is the Oystermeister, lord of all the oysters.
Bibbit
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
Canada5377 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-10-14 05:06:41
August 02 2011 02:13 GMT
#6
edit: gone
Vazze
Profile Joined August 2009
Sweden279 Posts
August 02 2011 02:15 GMT
#7
Haha, nice writeup.
Also, I think Tasteless referred Ragnasaur as a homeless guy in a Intel Classic game.
The map was Destination, but I don't remember the players.
Jung Myung Hoon and Doh Jae Wook fan!
zappa372
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
Chile365 Posts
August 02 2011 02:17 GMT
#8
I lol'd, great write-up.
EE HAN TIMING!
Probe1
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States17920 Posts
August 02 2011 02:18 GMT
#9
CLICK EM TILL THEY EXPLODE Muahhahaha

Critters? What critters!
우정호 KT_VIOLET 1988 - 2012 While we are postponing, life speeds by
UTL_Unlimited
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Korea (South)353 Posts
August 02 2011 02:19 GMT
#10
fun write up ^.^
I still believe that the SC1 critters were much more entertaining, but then again I've only seen 2 critters from SC2 and that was the weird scantipede thingy that looks weird and then the automaton xD
Need to write more things...
Bibbit
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
Canada5377 Posts
August 02 2011 02:21 GMT
#11
To be clear I don't hate sc2 critters and they may or may not have their own article some time in the future.

Also, are the pictures fixed?
Seeker *
Profile Blog Joined April 2005
Where dat snitch at?37021 Posts
August 02 2011 02:35 GMT
#12
Ahhh the SC1 critters. I loved the SC1 critters.....

I remember one time I was so angry because I was losing and I unleashed my rage upon the neutral critters. :[
ModeratorPeople ask me, "Seeker, what are you seeking?" My answer? "Sleep, damn it! Always sleep!"
TL+ Member
Gamegene
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
United States8308 Posts
August 02 2011 02:36 GMT
#13
When I played SC LAN with friends as a kid I had this fucking brilliant idea of mindcontrolling Kakaus for secret scouts.

Totally worked too.
Throw on your favorite jacket and you're good to roll. Stroll through the trees and let your miseries go.
ShadowDrgn
Profile Blog Joined July 2007
United States2497 Posts
August 02 2011 02:56 GMT
#14
Haha, so I'm not the only one to confuse those kakarus on Destination with mutalisks. Such annoying critters.
Of course, you only live one life, and you make all your mistakes, and learn what not to do, and that’s the end of you.
Holgerius
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
Sweden16951 Posts
August 02 2011 02:56 GMT
#15
Heh, fun write-up.
I believe in the almighty Grötslev! -- I am never serious and you should never believe a thing I say. Including the previous sentence.
Whole
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States6046 Posts
August 02 2011 03:09 GMT
#16
interesting that the tiger thing has the same death animation as a DT (except less transparent)
Frigo
Profile Joined August 2009
Hungary1023 Posts
August 02 2011 03:17 GMT
#17
There is a hallucination Kakaru on a version of Longinus that one game disappeared with the usual sound made by hallucinations right at my base, scaring the shit out of me.

There was a PvZ game with Bisu I believe, where the PandaBearGuy blocked the scouting probe, allowing zerg to kill it, and finally win the game with double lair hydra drops. Either in the same, or the next game protoss ignored any hydras, and went straight to kill PBG.

And Scantids are radscorpions
http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Treasure_Chest
Bibbit
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
Canada5377 Posts
August 02 2011 05:11 GMT
#18
On August 02 2011 11:36 Gamegene wrote:
When I played SC LAN with friends as a kid I had this fucking brilliant idea of mindcontrolling Kakaus for secret scouts.

Totally worked too.

Nah yo I think if you mind control it, it gets autotargetted by the other guy. It's all about the queen's Parasite!

On August 02 2011 12:09 Whole wrote:
interesting that the tiger thing has the same death animation as a DT (except less transparent)

Its the same as the zealot too, no? HT is a fair bit different.
ZeroChrome
Profile Joined September 2010
Canada1001 Posts
August 02 2011 05:14 GMT
#19
Tasteless once described the Ragnasaur as a creature that walks around on three legs asking the other units for money. I wish I knew what game it was in haha.

There is also a game where Reach killed every critter cuz his proxy got blocked by one.
Forward
Fontong
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
United States6454 Posts
August 02 2011 06:54 GMT
#20
Ursadons are zerg haters and friends of the protoss.

The proof? An ursadon blocked the hatchery placement on Desti so my probe didn't have to.
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