EPTI would be very sad if this somehow degenerated into some sort of sc2 vs BW debate, so don’t do it.
PG13: I felt kinda bad swearing in this thing so if you’re really tiny, don’t read it. There may be F-Bombs!
Ursadon
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/OKQPy.png)
The Ursadon is probably the most famous critter of all time. Much like Lada Gaga, however, a lot of its fame is under a pseudonym:“Panda Bear Guy.” It rose to prominence largely through the curse it put on players as well as the extreme passion he was shown by Nick “Tasteless” Plott.
You see, though it may look like it’s just a cute little bear, it was also a gypsy. This gave it a complete inability to understand sarcasm as well as the ability to perform gypsy spells. Specifically, any player that were to kill PBG in a game would ultimately end up losing. This curse a freakishly high success rate. much higher than that of Tutankhamen. Therefore, in this respect, PBG was more successful and powerful than one of the greatest and most prolific leaders in all of human civilization.
Furthermore, PBG seemed to find himself in strange situations all the time. For example, once upon a time there was a (heroic and Godlike) Protoss player named Horang2 that set forth to cheese his Terran opponent on Destination. This made PBG very sad and, more significantly, very very angry. But instead of lying down, spreading his legs, and letting Horang2 do whatever he wanted, PBG decided he was going to do something about it. He confronted the probe at the bridge when he was trying to go cross-map for some early game shenanigans. The Ursadon began punching the probe relentlessly. Unfortunately, the punches were unable to inflict any actual damage, but he was able to stall the probe for a couple of seconds.
Although the Panda Bear Guy is most famous for being repeatedly mention by his homeboy Tasteless, he is still undeniably awesome by his own merit.
Kakau
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/bvMfI.png)
Okay, so if you’re anything like myself, you will have read this critter’s name in the voice of Vegeta from DBZ (DBZ is not to be confused with PBG. Or the NAACP). Admittedly, I am not entirely certain that is actually how you pronounce Kakaru. What I am certain of, however, is that it is not important and we can move on to the serious business at hand.
Though the Kakru cannot rival PBG with regards to their impact on pro games, this is not its fault. It had no control over Blizzard’s decision to not make air units collide. Still, through its superior intelligence, it found a way to to fuck with Kal by pretending to be a dropship:
+ Show Spoiler +
More than that, the Kakaru’s ability to directly impact games at a lower level is completely unrivalled by other critters. Its resemblance to the Mutalisk can be very frightening to the untrained, apparently brain-dead eye that me and my fellow baddies posses.
I can honestly say it is the only critter that has forced me to stim on at least one occasion, effectively dealing up to 120 damage to my army. For that, it has my respect. But it has earned something even more significant. The Kakaru holds my deepest, sincerest hatred. Fuck that guy. Seriously.
Rhynadon
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/xouUy.png)
Apparently there was a time in Blizzard’s history when they gave an impressively small number of fucks. Alternatively,perhaps they were just tired after creating one of the best games of all time. Either way, “Rhynadon” sounds kind of familiar. Kind of very familiar. He also looks pretty familiar.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/S0JIY.png)
Still, in terms of general badassery, the Rhynadon ranks quite highly. The thing is a friggin; rhinoceros for God’s sake. Don’t even try to pretend you didn’t think rhinos were totally the shit when you were younger. And hell, considering the size-scale of everything, the Rhynadon was most likely massive. This means that
Ragnasaur
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/wjjSB.png)
The Ragnasaur is one of the most interesting and enignmatic critters. To be quite frank, I have no clue wtf its supposed to be. Our friends over at starcraft.wikia.com have referred to it as a “tripedal creature” with a “lobster-like tail.” Although we may never know exactly what it is, my homie Metamage1 has done some in-depth research of its emotions.
On July 01 2010 15:43 metamage1 wrote:
These ragnasaur things dont have a real face
![[image loading]](http://i269.photobucket.com/albums/jj52/metamage1/rag1.jpg)
Some ideas
+ Show Spoiler +
But either way... it will find you
These ragnasaur things dont have a real face
Some ideas
+ Show Spoiler +
![[image loading]](http://i269.photobucket.com/albums/jj52/metamage1/rag2.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://i269.photobucket.com/albums/jj52/metamage1/rag3.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://i269.photobucket.com/albums/jj52/metamage1/rag4.jpg)
But either way... it will find you
Scantid
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/x8Pnl.png)
Anyone reading this from a primarily Sc2 background may already be familiar with the Scantid through its bastardized freak-cousin the scantipede. The real Scantid, however, is a mix between scorpions and the Incredible Hulk. It used to be this tiny-ass little scorpion thing until the planet it lived on got nuked all to hell. These things survived underground and were mutated by the radiation into something that has “claws capable of ripping a man in half and a stinger filled with extremely lethal poison.” If you liked the Hulk movies (which you totally shouldn’t have), just imagine if the main character was a giant scorpion instead of a roid-raged Cabbage Monster.
But what impact has he had on actual games, you ask? He has proven himself to be a loyal follower of the Emperor himself!
Bengalaas
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/PjM5F.png)
The Bengalaas is the most badass critter of them all. First and foremost, they’re fucking tigers. More specifically, they’re sadistic super tigers that are also giant dicks.”[T]hey have been observed slapping smaller creatures [...] before finally making the kill with one swift bite to the neck.” If that’s not enough, they don’t actually die. Like Protoss units (Bengalaas are from Aiur), they explode into blue smoke when they’re “killed,” signifying they were warped back to safety where they will be turned into something else badass.
![[image loading]](http://sclegacy.com/features/editorials/animationofdeath/deaths.gif)
My research was unfortunately not able to find any instances of Bengalaas interfering with pro games. But this is of course very easy to explain. Everything and everybody already knows to stay the hell away from these things.
Ok thanks for reading! I hope this was nostalgic for some and maybe eye-opening for others. =D
+ Show Spoiler [Sources] +
A lot of lore-related stuff about the critters was taken from Starcraft.Wikia.com and classic.battle.net. Info on the roles of these critters in progames was largely from searching Teamliquid so <3s to all you guys as a whole. Protoss death GIF taken from SCLegacy.com
All the ones introducing each critter.
