First of all I want to say thank you to the TL community. I was a bit afraid to post this blog at first but now I am so glad I did it
ILOVEKITTENS thank you so much I really appreciate your post and hopefully it will also help others who see it. You are so right that I am just so hyper sensitive around everyone and everything. I am always worried about how others feel about any situation and feel about me... Even around my closest friends I just hate people been unhappy with anything and try to prevent that from happening. And you are right... I've been finding excuses to not act... The only times I succeed is when I feed off motivation from others to inspire me to do something. This is probably why I posted this blog and your post have been very helpful in doing this.
So anyway today I went to work and it started off with a meeting at 9am. I was surprised to find her there as I knew she wasn't rostered today. Aparantly she asked to swap shifts and was working today and was going to work the same place as me. But alas it didnt end up this way . Our manager rearranged the shifts again at the meeting and we ended up working with in different teams. Is it possible that she did this intentionally????
Also she also made this really weird comment. So you see yesterday I was rostered with another girl from Costa Rica and today she said that girl didn't like person x (who happens to be the only other asian guy in the organization). Maybe I'm just thinking too much. Anyway today I worked with a different girl who had a super sexy Columbian accent lol.... sigh.... I think I really do fall for every girl who is nice to me like that Jim Carey Movie... I need to go see it. Honestly, maybe all the girls i happen to know before are just not nice or something (maybe cause most of them are law students).... I never met so many nice girls in such a short span of time and at the same place!
OP:
Hello fellow TLers. I am 24, single, poor, going to university and is your typical nice/average guy who plays alot of starcraft ..... I don't think I'm unsociable but I tend to get depressed easily and when I'm depressed, I just don't feel like doing anything
Two weeks ago, I started working my new part time job as a fund raiser for a charity. The job bascily involves approaching random people on the street and convincing them to contribute on a regular basis. (i got the passion and skillset for it but it just drains so much out of me because of my introverted personality).
Long story short. I met this girl on my first day of work. I didn't find her super cute/attractive at first. But while fund raising together she was just so incredibly supportive and nice to me the whole day and we had these wonderful conversations through out the day, at lunch and on our commute home. By the end of day I pretty much fallen for her. It was a nice sunny day too.
I received an updated roster the next day and I checked my work roster for the next fortnight and I did not get rostered with her in any of my 6 shifts. I kept thinking about her for 3 days and decided to call her and ask out to come to a friends birthday dinner with me. It took alot of courage to finally make the call but im glad i did. The convo went pretty smoothly but she said she already had plans
To make things worse, the weather has been so cloudy and rainy the following days at work and I couldn't get any one to sign up. We have a quota and I'm doing so badly. At this rate I might get fired before I get to see her again.... so sad and gloomy.
I don't know what to do right now. I feel like just giving up on her. And might as well give up the job too. even though I really want to do well in this job that I find really meaningful and I really really like this girl
I hate this damn weather. I hate mean people.
Fellow TLers who are nice. Please cheer me up and give me some advice.
Sounds like you have found a girl you have a nice connection with, and while she had other plans this time around, hopefully she'll be free the next time you call. You've put yourself out there and it sounds like you've made quite an effort to get yourself in a better place. Keep it up ...
Call her again and ask when she has time (you obviously need something to do). Then she'll know it's not about just randomly doing something and if she says yes be happy.
On July 19 2011 21:32 TheGiz wrote: Wow, these girl blogs have now broken down to qq'ing about phone calls and text messages...
What happened to the epic tales of love and loss that prompted me to make huge marathon posts?
You my friend seem to be like me. Browsing TL girl blogs all day and feeding on the drama hahaha.
In regards to the OP: she had other plans but did she mention anything like "maybe next time" or "how about next weekend"? Calling her again so soon might make it too easy for her so I'd say hold off for a day or two at the least and then call her if she doesn't call you first.
@Asjo Thank you so much for your kind words. I really hope so...
@KeksX I am afraid of asking her out directly because I think it will be awkward for us both when we work together after she reject me.
@OpticalShot Sorry I'm not very dramatic... I'm too average and boring in general. She did mention "see you soon" but im guessing/hoping she didn't check the roster cause if she had she would know we wont be seeing each other anytime soon.
On July 19 2011 21:58 panda_inc wrote: Thank you everyone for your replys.
@Asjo Thank you so much for your kind words. I really hope so...
@KeksX I am afraid of asking her out directly because I think it will be awkward for us both when we work together after she reject me.
@OpticalShot Sorry I'm not very dramatic... I'm too average and boring in general. She did mention "see you soon" but im guessing/hoping she didn't check the roster cause if she had she would know we wont be seeing each other anytime soon.
Should I call her to just talk?
No, she's dodging you. If she didn't suggest an alternative time, usually saying "I'm busy that day" means a softened rejection. Best thing to do would be to not work yourself up over a girl you met over the course of one day.
Then again, I could be wrong...just make sure you don't call if the above is the case, because she'll maybe get spooked a bit.
Take that "see you soon" and make it happen captain. It's not over until she says so, and in this case she has said nothing like that. Stop thinking living/thinking in what-ifs, they will just hold you back.
Quoting from a childhood cartoon here:
Take chances, make mistakes, get messy
(if you're rejected again then yeah, time to move on, but now you've taken one step closer to being awesome-)
On July 19 2011 21:58 panda_inc wrote: Sorry I'm not very dramatic... I'm too average and boring in general. She did mention "see you soon" but im guessing/hoping she didn't check the roster cause if she had she would know we wont be seeing each other anytime soon. Should I call her to just talk?
Wooo dude that's the wrong idea. You say you're too average and boring in general. I DON'T SAY SO. At least your blog has been so above average and so non-boring in general, I'm not falling asleep at work yet. So there Mr.DramaPanda, let's make this work.
My approach to meeting a new girl is to take them out for a lunch/dinner. One-on-one, not in a groupie or in a giant party. If she doesn't agree to this, move on to another girl. She either has good reasons (long-term boyfriend) or she realizes she's not worthy of your awesome presence.Having a nice meal in front of you already gets you off to a good conversation regarding tastes and food preferences and then you can bloom that into whatever you want. Then obviously after meal you should go for coffee/dessert and even more talk. It's so important to have a conversation in the early stages so you can see if she's actually the one you're looking for. Don't have to go anywhere super-fancy, some local place that's half-a-level above the typical fast-food chain is acceptable.
You should call a definite time and place. Don't do the "oh you choose time, oh what kinda food do you want, you choose I don't care I'm ok with everything" WHAT KIND OF A MAN lets the woman choose everything (also I learned that girls immediately get turned off by indecisive guys) so you call the time, you call the place, pick her up or meet her there and here we go. This is kind of why you shouldn't go for meatalicious-special-all-you-eat-like-a-carnivore-slob-buffet because girl might be vegetarian.
While having a lunch/dinner date, you should be looking out for: - Ring(s). Ring on ring finger? GG. Have a nice meal, tell her it's nice getting to know her, and that you'll say hi if you bump into her at work again. Having said that, the fact that she came out for a date although she's in a relationship should be enough compliment to you sir and you shall be proud of that. Other rings maybe symbols of friendship, special family tradition, or simply decoration. Ideally, she's wearing maybe one decorative ring on a non-ring finger. - Other jewellery. If she has no jewellery on, she might be a kind of down-to-Earth kind of girl and likely single. Earrings only - she is average and most likely single. Why more likely than no jewellery? I find girls try to look "better" (by putting shiny thingies on) when looking out for guys. If her earrings were gifted by her BF then she'd probably only wear it when seeing that BF, so whatever she's wearing she probably bought herself to suit her own taste. Other jewellery rings on nose, ring, lips, eyelids, ugh wherever... depends on your personal taste but I'd stay away. - Angle of incline. Is she leaning forward (towards you) most of the time or sitting back? Observe this, especially when you're saying something interesting. Now, not all girls lean in to listen, but at least having her back off the chair means she's interested in your story (and you). If she's sitting back and relaxed, chances are she's listening but doesn't give a fuck. - Makeup. Tells you how much she prepared. Zero makeup? Her intent is to be friends with you. Some makeup? She open to the idea of getting to know you better. Too much? I don't want to say this so conclusively but... fuck off whore. It's a first date, a casual one at that. Now, this probably only tells you her level of intent based on her first impression of you so don't be too discouraged or encouraged, it's the talk during the date that matters the most. - Bag/Pouch. All girls carry one. Is it a maker bag/pouch? You may want to consult your bank account before thinking of going long-term with her. Applies to fobby Asian girls the most but probably to most girls in general.
TOO MUCH ABOUT APPEARANCES. Why? I'm not advising you to be super-shallow. But women have senses that we men don't, and she will notice all the counterparts about you and make judgements about you before you even think about the second thing I listed above. Mindgames are important and you don't want to lose out too early.
Oh, conversation? There's already work to talk about, but work is usually a boring topic. Unless she's super excited about work, probably better to talk about the food, then hobbies (do you cook? what (else) do you do on your free time) then pop culture (what's on TV, movies) and somewhere along the line pinpoint her passion and talk about that until she's out of things to say. More than enough for a single date and probably the coffee after too.
After everything, drive/walk her home and maybe hug goodbye but I wouldn't kiss even if she was drooling all over you. Just part of the game. If she later calls/texts you how she had a good time then it's mission success. If she adds "maybe we should hang out again" or similar, bonus points. No call/text for 2-3 days... then it's time to move on.
On July 19 2011 21:24 panda_inc wrote: Long story short. I met this girl on my first day of work. I didn't find her super cute/attractive at first. But while fund raising together she was just so incredibly supportive and nice to me the whole day and we had these wonderful conversations through out the day, at lunch and on our commute home. By the end of day I pretty much fallen for her.
I used to work a sales job where we would cold-call the parents of our friends. It was almost like being a phone solicitor and we were often treated like one (terribly). Without supportive coworkers NO ONE would have made it! Personalities like hers are what make teams like yours work.
So you made a new friend. Awesome. But falling for her already? You kind of remind me of Jim Carrey from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind:
It's alright. I've been there too. At least you asked her to do something. I think it would be best to focus on things that matter a lot more, such as not getting fired. From now on you should probably see her as a friend, but if you feel that strongly try again, get rejected or accepted, and move from there.
wow TL is such a kind and helpful community even more than I thought
@hazelynut Yea, thats what I think is probably the case. The only reason why I still have some hope is because after I asked her, she did ask where it was and when it was before saying she had plans. Anyway I didn't plan to call her again anytime soon and I dont get to see her anytime soon...
@GigaFlop That is probably the case although we did talk alot ... but then its not a sure sign isn't it
@Rinrun Thank you for the encouragement, I hope to get closer to awesume too! I made the convo casual so at least nothing really changed much.
@OpticalShot Wow you must be a PRO! Your advice sounds super super helpful! I'm gonna save it and keep it as reference for all future dates! Thank you so much for your help and kind words! I will try my best!
@Servius_Fulvius Yea sound like me I didn't plan to fall for her... It just happened damn it..... Its probably part of her job to helpful a new recruit like me.... I just fall for niceness... can't help it I'm trying to see her as just a friend but its so hard.... thats why I'm gloomy and depressed I really hope I don't get fired.... I'm getting quite stressed about it but I'm already trying my bloody best already its the weather So sad
If you've given up, it's already over. Wait until you guys bump into one another again, casually ask her to do something [if she has anything else to do]. A sure way to commonly seem like it is nothing is to ask and then stack on statements like: "If you have nothing better to do" "If you want to" "If you don't mind being with me".
This will give empowerment to her and the difficulty of saying no if she doesn't wholly dislike you, will be a lot higher since she'll be saying no to all your statements.
OP, ask urself what did YOU do to make HER attracted to you? it sounded a bit like u were playing the part of the follower when u were at work together, gettiing support and advice from her. thats enough to make any low-self-esteem guy fall in love with a girl but its the complete opposite of what you should be doing if u want to make HER feel attracted to YOU
When you get a chance to meet her again (maybe after a shift), suggest having a coffee after work. After all, you barely know each other, so you don't have to call/text. Don't get too excited and play natural.
The worst thing you can do is show that you really want this girl. Girls get turned off by needy/clingy men. So next time you see her act as if you don't care for her. The only thing is, getting stuck in the friend zone. So when you're talking to her, make sure that you flirt with her to show that you MAY BE interested. If she's into you, you'll be able to tell. if she's not, it's okay. Believe me, there are a lot of girls out there that are similar to the one you described so don't worry about it brah.
On July 19 2011 21:24 panda_inc wrote: Hello fellow TLers.
Greetings, warrior. I will be your life coach today.
I am 24, single, poor, going to university and is your typical nice/average guy who plays alot of starcraft
A warrior must never ascribe negative attributes to themselves as part of an introduction. This mindset is the foundation to your issues. Being single is not always seen as a bad thing, but clearly you are of that mentality. Why? Because you put 'poor' right afterward. How many rich people do you see putting 'rich' in their description? Unless you are covered in flies and haven't eaten in over 24 hours, you are not poor. You are going to a UNIVERSITY. You can't be poor. Get these negative self-attributions out of your mind, NOW. Typical and 'average' are words that NO self-respecting individual ascribes to themselves. The minute you think of your individual achievements, unique qualities, and personal values before you think of yourself as average, boring, or typical is the minute that will CHANGE your mother-fuckin' LIFE. Also, you play a lot of StarCraft. I can see you have the tactician's spirit in you!
..... I don't think I'm unsociable but I tend to get depressed easily and when I'm depressed, I just don't feel like doing anything
Once again with the whining. What kind of MAN are you? You are more educated than 99% of the world, more wealthy than at least 80% of the world, and you still find reason to get depressed. Sounds like a case of self-inflicted issues and hyper-sensitivity to me! Depression is a chemical reaction in your brain that does indeed promote apathy and sloth. However, clinical depression does not just spring up whenever it rains. It is a result of your low self-esteem and insecurities. To defeat these two foes you need less than two fists; you need but 30 minutes of directed, positive thinking about yourself and the desire to improve yourself. People who are used to losing, following the leader, staring at the ground instead of making eye contact, all became that way because of the words that started this sentence - "used to." You are IN THE HABIT of being depressed and apathetic. You have made it a ROUTINE, something that chemically your body creates almost systematically as a result of this self-fulfilling prophecy. A man who finds it acceptable to be depressed, and does not do anything proactive to prevent himself from falling into said stupor, WILL be depressed. A man with a different mentality will take the blows as they come and spring back up for second helpings faster than Oliver Twist. The first man will probably end up with fewer bruises but also fewer victories, and is almost not a man at all but merely a automaton going through the motions of life. The second man will be hurt exponentially more, especially the first few times he falls, but with every time he gets up he gives himself another chance at VICTORY. Getting up in itself is a victory over yourself. Do you not want to taste victory?
Two weeks ago, I started working my new part time job as a fund raiser for a charity. The job bascily involves approaching random people on the street and convincing them to contribute on a regular basis. (i got the passion and skillset for it but it just drains so much out of me because of my introverted personality).
Yes. YES. YES. I have barely begun my lesson and I already see promise in your mentality. You have the skillset, the passion. Anything said after this is an excuse. an imaginary affliction that you have created to make it okay for yourself to not succeed. A man who only focuses on his strengths will take failure as an unacceptable event that only further motivates himself to win. A man who sees his strengths but makes excuses for himself with his weaknesses will take the failure as an expected occurrence. When you expect to fail, you are already half-way there. You have landed the job (and what a fantastic job it is, my pupil, a true chick-magnet). Your superiors have deemed you worthy. When will YOU? This job requires you to break the shell you have constructed around yourself, limiting your evolution. This is the perfect springboard into a life of confidence, personal and social PROGRESS. You do not have an introverted personality, starting today. If you dare think such blasphemy, I shall smite you from the heavens.
Long story short. I met this girl on my first day of work. I didn't find her super cute/attractive at first. But while fund raising together she was just so incredibly supportive and nice to me the whole day and we had these wonderful conversations through out the day, at lunch and on our commute home. By the end of day I pretty much fallen for her. It was a nice sunny day too.
Falling for the wiles of a woman upon first meeting her is a mark of desperation. You cannot commit your feelings to someone without knowing them first. A few friendly talks with a co-worker does not signal romantic interest. It signals the potential for further involvement. Saying that you have 'fallen' for her only betrays your underlying desire for acceptance. Although, truth be told, everyone wants to be accepted, it is only those that cripple themselves with the NEED for it that have such fickle emotions and self-respect. Value yourself above that.
I received an updated roster the next day and I checked my work roster for the next fortnight and I did not get rostered with her in any of my 6 shifts. I kept thinking about her for 3 days and decided to call her and ask out to come to a friends birthday dinner with me. It took alot of courage to finally make the call but im glad i did. The convo went pretty smoothly but she said she already had plans
So you won't be able to see her at work any more? Tough cookies. However, look at how much you have already accomplished - you have made the first step. I imagine this was very hard for you with your self-imposed handicaps, and I salute you. This shows your true warrior spirit. Pre-existing plans are an unavoidable situation, and in and of themselves do not imply anything about her level of interest. What you need to do now is call her again, and tell her that you had a great time at the party and that it's unfortunate that she could not come. "So, when's the next time you're free? We'll make up for the lost time."
To make things worse, the weather has been so cloudy and rainy the following days at work and I couldn't get any one to sign up. We have a quota and I'm doing so badly. At this rate I might get fired before I get to see her again.... so sad and gloomy.
Look at all these CONFINES you have set up for yourself. With the fuckin' weather and work all set up to oppose you, how can but one man ever hope to achieve anything in this world?! Son, let me tell you. Heroes of the past have achieved things that you have NEVER EVEN dreamed of, in worse weather and in more turbulent work conditions. What separates you from these men of valor? Your feeling of limitation due to your surroundings. I am confident that the charity knows that it is hard to stop strangers in the rain and get money from them. Otherwise, there would be no need for charities in the first place. The weather doesn't mean SHIT. The most epic kiss in a movie is in the middle of a downpour. The most epic battles are under cloudy skies. Helm's Deep. D-Day. The trenches. And you dare to complain about a few unsightly tropospheric entities and how they have ruined YOUR life? Perspective is key, my friend. The condition of the heavens does not waiver the hearts of men on Earth. And remember, you have to become a man.
I don't know what to do right now. I feel like just giving up on her. And might as well give up the job too. even though I really want to do well in this job that I find really meaningful and I really really like this girl
1. You do know what to do right now. 2. You will not give up on her until she has given you enough reason to do so. 3. You will not give up the job either. 4. You DO find this job meaningful and you DO have interest in the girl, you do not really really like her. Why? Because any guy who does after one day is a creep and it will scare her the fuck away. Why? Because no one wants a boyfriend who is so dependent on recognition and acceptance.
So. This meaningful job, you will succeed in it. And if you are to fail, you will find another job and succeed in that one. You will not GIVE UP. Giving up is the mark of a COWARD and a WEAKLING. Why would you willingly sell yourself into mediocrity? Strive for something greater, and even if you fail, the experiences you gained in the attempt will make the next journey easier.
This girl. You will not give up on her until she makes it clear that she wants to have nothing to do with you. And that will only happen if you continue this sad and emo mentality, which no doubt pushes people away from you.
I hate this damn weather. I hate mean people.
At this point, you probably think that I am a mean person. I do not have to justify myself to you, but I will anyway, just for you to get a sample of this 'mean' mentality. It disgusts me to see a man so encumbered by the anchors he himself has tied around his waist. Actually, it infuriates me to see a generous and capable man not succeed and blame things such as weather and 'mean people'. Most people feel in a similar way, but in varying degrees and with varying outcomes. Some will call you names, laugh at you, belittle you. Some will try to help you, if only by giving criticisms. There is a vast difference between these two groups.
And once again, THE WEATHER IS IRRELEVANT.
Fellow TLers who are nice. Please cheer me up and give me some advice.
Getting cheered up is meaningless if you do not solve the issue that brought you down in the first place. Advice is meaningless if you do not find the resolve to follow it. With these words, I bid thee farewell, and perhaps you will look back on this day as your new birth, your new beginning, your ascendancy to the level of the heroes who reside in Valhalla.
On July 19 2011 23:25 panda_inc wrote: @Servius_Fulvius Yea sound like me I didn't plan to fall for her... It just happened damn it..... Its probably part of her job to helpful a new recruit like me.... I just fall for niceness... can't help it I'm trying to see her as just a friend but its so hard.... thats why I'm gloomy and depressed I really hope I don't get fired.... I'm getting quite stressed about it but I'm already trying my bloody best already its the weather So sad
Sounds like you fell for her because she gave you attention. Has this happened in the past? Whether it may be artificial or not, the attention is the reason why you seem to have fallen. Also, do you have girls that you talk to as friends?
EPT
. Our manager rearranged the shifts again at the meeting and we ended up working with in different teams. Is it possible that she did this intentionally???? 
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