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Would you agree that I am a teenage boy trapped within a girl's body? My parent's find this hard to understand?
As to introduce myself, I am 17 years old, and a High-school student with Asperger Syndrome who lives in the UK. I shall now fill out my question details;
I have identified myself as a male since I was born (or for as long as I can commemorate) - even filling out my gender on pre-school tasks as 'male' or 'boy'. It was only until I had hit puberty at 13 1/2 that it had hit me and my feelings of alienation and depression intensified. I had kept this a secret from my parents for many years and it was only a month ago had I brought up the topic fully without just gesturing or 'hinting' that something about me was not right.
I was bullied relentlessly, throughout all of my school years, dubbed 'a mutant' a 'freakshow' or that I am 'trying to be a man' and that I should know my role. But I'm not trying to be a boy. I AM a boy- trapped in a female's body - trapped between genders.
If I am seen naked, say; in the shower, or after being forced to wear a dress - I feel humiliated. I cannot stand women's clothing as it does not fit my lanky body shape correctly. I feel much more confident and comfortable in men's tracksuits, as I feel more 'me'.
I am disgusted at the thought of having a vagina, ovaries, breasts (huge, cancerous tumours strapped onto your chest - the most disgusting part of the body) hips (hate them. They look awkward and bizzare to me, almost alien-like) and last but not least - menstural cycle. I loose blood every month, and for what? I hate babies, I never intend on producing offspring, the thought of having a disgusting parasite incubating within my body for 9+ months makes me want to vomit. It sounds like something from the movie 'alien'. Just think about it as a car on another planet with no wheels or an engine, what is the point of the car being there if it cannot move? That's how I feel. I am not violating female biology because I am not a female. I am a 17-year old boy.
Another is my reasoning. Because of my Asperger Syndrome, I am extremely exaggerated on my left hemisphere, but poorly developed among my right. I am socially awkward and I speak in a monotone-like voice, just for this, I was shunned by my female peers. My parents are stubborn, saying 'You always do the opposite of them! Why?! Why can't you act your gender?!' 'No! You're a girl! You shouldn't be fascinated in knives guns and blood! You're sick in the head!' 'No! I won't allow you to be seen wearing that! You're a girl! Stop being stupid!' - And so on.
If you are female, you have to be absolutely perfect, you have to be pretty, otherwise you are not accepted within today's society, you are required take longer periods of time to get prepared for things, as if it is some type of social standard, it is considered as 'trashy' to go out without make-up, you are judged for everything you do. I do none of these. I don't wear makeup, I wear thick black-rimmed glasses, I have short hair and I wear plaid shirts with a belt and black trousers or kahki's. I feel comfortable that way. I feel 'real'.
The fact that there are numerous aspects of me (both physically and mentally) that are against the laws of female biology, this renders me the inability to associate with females compared to that of males. My instinct is to think within a logical manner, emotions seldom come first. It is extremely difficult for me to perceive other individual's emotions, I cannot read faces well, and I find it very hard to accomplish basic social matters that the average female would consider child's play. Spatial intelligence is amongst one of my greatest methods of processing by default, and I find myself excelling in male-dominant topics, such as Computer-programming (I know XML, HTML, Python, C+ and C++, VBS, JavaScript, and command-line scripting, all of which I had learnt primarily by myself) Science & Mathmatics, Astrophysics, Chemistry, Physics, Engineering (I have drawn concept machine designs as a past-time) Aeronautical Engineering (Aviation designing) and Biology. I have built computers from scratch and other parts of machinary, self-taught. I have drawn blueprints that I wish to invent, but again; 'That's a man's thing! Stop being such a geek! Have children!!'
I was born in the wrong body. I am not a tomboy. It is much deeper than that. My parents never had a 'Daughter' (I shudder at the word, I am your son.) or a 'girl'. When people call me as a 'him' or 'that guy' I feel happy and corrected. But every day my feelings intensify, and I am now on strong anti-depressants.I have told my doctor this and she referred me to my psychologist, which is on the 21st. How can I make my parents understand? I want to be me, I want to be free, I want to enjoy my life as someone who I am, not somebody that I am not.
As to introduce myself, I am 17 years old, and a High-school student with Asperger Syndrome who lives in the UK. I shall now fill out my question details;
I have identified myself as a male since I was born (or for as long as I can commemorate) - even filling out my gender on pre-school tasks as 'male' or 'boy'. It was only until I had hit puberty at 13 1/2 that it had hit me and my feelings of alienation and depression intensified. I had kept this a secret from my parents for many years and it was only a month ago had I brought up the topic fully without just gesturing or 'hinting' that something about me was not right.
I was bullied relentlessly, throughout all of my school years, dubbed 'a mutant' a 'freakshow' or that I am 'trying to be a man' and that I should know my role. But I'm not trying to be a boy. I AM a boy- trapped in a female's body - trapped between genders.
If I am seen naked, say; in the shower, or after being forced to wear a dress - I feel humiliated. I cannot stand women's clothing as it does not fit my lanky body shape correctly. I feel much more confident and comfortable in men's tracksuits, as I feel more 'me'.
I am disgusted at the thought of having a vagina, ovaries, breasts (huge, cancerous tumours strapped onto your chest - the most disgusting part of the body) hips (hate them. They look awkward and bizzare to me, almost alien-like) and last but not least - menstural cycle. I loose blood every month, and for what? I hate babies, I never intend on producing offspring, the thought of having a disgusting parasite incubating within my body for 9+ months makes me want to vomit. It sounds like something from the movie 'alien'. Just think about it as a car on another planet with no wheels or an engine, what is the point of the car being there if it cannot move? That's how I feel. I am not violating female biology because I am not a female. I am a 17-year old boy.
Another is my reasoning. Because of my Asperger Syndrome, I am extremely exaggerated on my left hemisphere, but poorly developed among my right. I am socially awkward and I speak in a monotone-like voice, just for this, I was shunned by my female peers. My parents are stubborn, saying 'You always do the opposite of them! Why?! Why can't you act your gender?!' 'No! You're a girl! You shouldn't be fascinated in knives guns and blood! You're sick in the head!' 'No! I won't allow you to be seen wearing that! You're a girl! Stop being stupid!' - And so on.
If you are female, you have to be absolutely perfect, you have to be pretty, otherwise you are not accepted within today's society, you are required take longer periods of time to get prepared for things, as if it is some type of social standard, it is considered as 'trashy' to go out without make-up, you are judged for everything you do. I do none of these. I don't wear makeup, I wear thick black-rimmed glasses, I have short hair and I wear plaid shirts with a belt and black trousers or kahki's. I feel comfortable that way. I feel 'real'.
The fact that there are numerous aspects of me (both physically and mentally) that are against the laws of female biology, this renders me the inability to associate with females compared to that of males. My instinct is to think within a logical manner, emotions seldom come first. It is extremely difficult for me to perceive other individual's emotions, I cannot read faces well, and I find it very hard to accomplish basic social matters that the average female would consider child's play. Spatial intelligence is amongst one of my greatest methods of processing by default, and I find myself excelling in male-dominant topics, such as Computer-programming (I know XML, HTML, Python, C+ and C++, VBS, JavaScript, and command-line scripting, all of which I had learnt primarily by myself) Science & Mathmatics, Astrophysics, Chemistry, Physics, Engineering (I have drawn concept machine designs as a past-time) Aeronautical Engineering (Aviation designing) and Biology. I have built computers from scratch and other parts of machinary, self-taught. I have drawn blueprints that I wish to invent, but again; 'That's a man's thing! Stop being such a geek! Have children!!'
I was born in the wrong body. I am not a tomboy. It is much deeper than that. My parents never had a 'Daughter' (I shudder at the word, I am your son.) or a 'girl'. When people call me as a 'him' or 'that guy' I feel happy and corrected. But every day my feelings intensify, and I am now on strong anti-depressants.I have told my doctor this and she referred me to my psychologist, which is on the 21st. How can I make my parents understand? I want to be me, I want to be free, I want to enjoy my life as someone who I am, not somebody that I am not.
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