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I need your advice Teamliquid. I need it more than ever. Let me do my story, it could be long I don’t know. (Sorry for my bad English, I hope you understand)
So first let me introduce you to myself. I am an 18 year old boy who just got graduated from high school. I am shy and don’t have too many friends. I am accepted for who I am in my group but I don’t go out with any of them. Partying or going for a drink isn’t my cup of tea.
So let me begin. It was 3 years ago. A new girl came to our class. Let’s call her Ann.
Let me describe her. Ann is very social. And when I say social I mean she talks to everyone. As long as the person with who she talks with isn’t a jerk to her she keeps on talking. She is also very pretty. She got an Asian look. She is also always dressed up very nice. She likes to party and have a drink an do crazy.
So this girl came to our class. In Belgium you share all your courses with your class (except for P.E. and another special course which is called ‘Zedenleer’ in Dutch). The guy I am isn’t going to talk to her. Especially not when she is pretty. But to my surprise after the first month she started talking to me! I didn’t really understand it why this girl was so interested in me. I didn’t say too much because that is who I am. But after some time I got out of that bubble and started talking with her. We had amazing conversations and could always make each other laugh. We had a bond and I never had such an amazing relationship with a girl. We understood each other. Ann knew I was kind of introvert and she accepted that.
I was not her best friend tough. She had many friends and I’m sure I wasn’t her best friend. But that didn’t bother me at all.
I started to fall in love with Ann. But I knew she didn’t love me that way. So I tried to hide it. I knew whenever she would notice it, it wouldn’t be the same anymore.
So what I did to still hang out with her is invite her to some concerts. I am lucky in that way that my brother works with a well-known DJ, so I could easily get free tickets and transportation to these concerts. I took her with me 2 times, and I think she really enjoyed that. That for me was a way to go do something besides seeing her in school.
All went well and we kept chatting with each other during vacations. We didn’t talk that much as before but we kept contact.
So the next year Ann is in my class again and we had an amazing time.
But then suddenly in December during Christmas vacation she went to another school. Apparently she didn’t like the courses she did at the time and decided to move to another school because my school didn’t offer the right courses she wanted to do. She didn’t tell me anything about that and we lost contact for 2 years! We maybe spoke 3 times during this period. I sometimes saw her at the gate of our school talking to her friends, and we smiled at each other but didn’t really talk.
I lost interest in her after a couple of months. I sometimes thought about her but I didn’t feel feelings anymore.
Until this Monday. We had graduation and she was there! I noticed her and smiled but didn’t talk to her. After the ceremony she came to our table where me and my parents were standing and she kissed me on the cheek and started talking to me. I was perplexed. I didn’t know what to say. She talked more with my parents than with me. I wasn’t even looking at her. I looked straight ahead and just didn’t know what to say. It was a complete disaster.
After about 20 minutes I think she left our table, and soon me and my parents left the place. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I was thinking to myself that that was the last time I ever saw her, because we didn’t keep contact anymore and that was in my eyes the last day we ever could have met.
But I was wrong.
My school organized a party which I attended on Tuesday (the day after graduation). It was my first party this year I think. There was music and alcohol. And more importantly she was there! I couldn’t believe my eyes when she came in. I thought to myself, I need to go talk to her or I would regret it for the rest of my life.
I ordered a third beer to drink for some courage, finished it, and went to her. I kissed her on the cheek and we started talking. It went very fluent because I was a bit drunk. I still had everything under control. We took some pictures with her friends and I went back to my group. I ordered another beer. And another one. And another one.
I was drunk. I had never been so drunk in my life before. At the time I was thinking to myself, this is great. I don’t feel shy. I can talk to everyone. So I decided in my head that it was time to tell her that I loved her. The feelings were back stronger than ever. At that time I was sitting down looking around searching for her. I think I sat there for about half an hour looking for her from my seat. I was too dizzy to stand up.
I couldn’t find Ann so I decided to sent her a text message.
It said: “I am sitting in the corner. I am way to drunk. Can you come?” or something like that.
My cellphone didn’t save the message.
She responded: “I am in a place to eat with my friends. I had to go with them because they will bring me home.”
I sent back: “Don’t worry  . I love you  ”. I wrote a because I knew she didn’t love me.
She didn’t send a message back so I sent “Sorry” to her. She didn’t respond at that either.
I sent another one: ”please don’t sleep” I think.
I went home and slept for 9 hours. I woke up expecting a text message from her, but there was none. So I went on Facebook the whole day hoping she would come online. Ann’s friend was online so I told her I wanted to speak with Ann. She told me she would come online for sure so I waited. About 3 hours ago she went online. I explained Ann everything. She understood because she is amazing. I told her that it really hurt that I couldn’t be with her. She said she really liked me, but didn’t have feelings for me. The conversation lasted 90 minutes. I said her I didn’t want to see her again because it would be very awkward. Also it really hurts knowing she doesn’t love you while you love her with all your heart.
She said we should meet again soon.
So here I am. Writing this blog when I should be sleeping. What can I do Teamliquid? Keep in mind that it really hurts deeply that she doesn’t love me. Meeting her would be very awkward in my eyes. My plan was to just stop seeing each other and hope the feelings go away like it did 2 years ago.
Please TL I need advice. I have never been in love this badly and I would do everything to make her love me the way I love her.
 
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Every situation is different.
I remember my physics teacher got together with a girl he'd liked for like seven years (after she'd given up on finding someone better  ).
If she's really manipulative then maybe you shouldn't see her.
I can't offer you any advice on winning her heart but maybe someone else can.
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She made her feelings pretty clear to you.
You've made an important friend, don't lose that trying to get more than whats there. Nothing will come of it, you just need to treasure the friendship and move on.
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I sent back: “Don’t worry . I love you ”. I wrote a because I knew she didn’t love me.
She didn’t sent a message back so I sent “Sorry” to her. She didn’t respond at that either.
I sent another one: ”please don’t sleep” I think.
You are most likely done with her. I know she talked to you after, but that is how it goes and then they slowly drift away or just ignore you later on. Just try not to think about her, you are doing the right thing thinking it would be awkward to meet, it seriously is when that path has been chosen.
Yes I did have something like this happen, I just left her to herself and she eventually texted me seeing if we can still be friends and tried to work it out. She eventually said it was hard for her to do and I have never spoken to her again since. The hurt does go away after a few months, or just go out and see who else is out there. If you meet more girls you can push the other one out of your thoughts pretty easily.
Thinking you love them is something every guy does and it is usually just a false sense in your heart and mind that causes you to make odd decisions.
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Next time you really hit it off lean in for the kiss? Also, you don't like parties because you don't feel comfortable at them? I didn't feel comfortable playing zerg at first, but dayum am I glad I continued. Very few people are naturally awesome at picking up girls, it takes practice.
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"I ordered a third beer to drink for some courage, finished it, and went to her. I kissed her on the cheek and we started talking."
That made me lol, does anyone else do that?
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Someone really needs to make a "general dating & relationships thread for any and all questions" answered by teamliquid professionals in dating and relationships. There are just so many girl blogs I can't expect to find a decent blog under all this
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On June 30 2011 08:22 GhostKorean wrote:
Someone really needs to make a "general dating & relationships thread for any and all questions" answered by teamliquid professionals in dating and relationships. There are just so many girl blogs I can't expect to find a decent blog under all this Teamliquid professionals in dating are showed by blue posts like in the SC2 strat forums haha.
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United Kingdom1689 Posts
It sounds miserably like you're fucked. Damn, I know how you feel- but honestly, your life will not be as shit as you think, without this person.
My advice sounds really harsh, but I have had a similar but worse situation. I ignored the advice of friends and family for about a year, but it turned out they knew what I shoulda done all along- I just didn't want to believe that they were right. Cut yourself off from her, and do not nurture the idea that she might decide to come back, or that you will talk to her again any time soon to find she is feeling differently. Don't toy with any ideas, don't check her facebook, or look over old messages, texts, emails, music/films you associate with her.
You will be better in the long run, I 100% guarantee it. You can't live as an emotional cripple in the vague hope that things will change to how you want them.
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On June 30 2011 08:10 Kralic wrote:Show nested quote +
I sent back: “Don’t worry . I love you ”. I wrote a because I knew she didn’t love me.
She didn’t sent a message back so I sent “Sorry” to her. She didn’t respond at that either.
I sent another one: ”please don’t sleep” I think.
You are most likely done with her. I know she talked to you after, but that is how it goes and then they slowly drift away or just ignore you later on. Just try not to think about her, you are doing the right thing thinking it would be awkward to meet, it seriously is when that path has been chosen. Yes I did have something like this happen, I just left her to herself and she eventually texted me seeing if we can still be friends and tried to work it out. She eventually said it was hard for her to do and I have never spoken to her again since. The hurt does go away after a few months, or just go out and see who else is out there. If you meet more girls you can push the other one out of your thoughts pretty easily. Thinking you love them is something every guy does and it is usually just a false sense in your heart and mind that causes you to make odd decisions.
Thank you for your elaborate response. I really appreciate it.
This is what my brain is telling me to do. Just try to let her go and don't see her again.
But sometimes I think to myself that I am going to regret important decisions. That I am going to think in a couple of years: What if...
On June 30 2011 08:17 BouBou.865 wrote:
Next time you really hit it off lean in for the kiss? Also, you don't like parties because you don't feel comfortable at them? I didn't feel comfortable playing zerg at first, but dayum am I glad I continued. Very few people are naturally awesome at picking up girls, it takes practice.
Yeah I don't feel comfortable at parties. I am not very confident with myself so dancing and stuff like that isn't something I enjoy.
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Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Men Fail With Women — And How To Make Sure YOU Avoid Every One Of These Deadly Common Mistakes...
- By David DeAngelo, Author Of “Double Your Dating”
MISTAKE #1: Being Too Much Of A “Nice Guy”
Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted "nice" guys? Of course you have. Just like me, I'm sure you've had attractive female friends that always seemed to date "jerks"... but for some reason they were never romantically interested in YOU.
What's going on here? It's actually very simple...
Women don't base their choices of men on how "nice" a guy is. They choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them. And guess what? Being nice doesn't make a woman FEEL that powerful ATTRACTION. And being NICE doesn't make a woman CHOOSE you. I realize that this doesn't make a lot of logical sense, and it's hard to ACCEPT... but GET OVER IT. Until you accept this FACT and begin to act on it, you'll NEVER have the success with women that you want.
MISTAKE #2: Trying To “Convince Her To Like You"
What do most guys do when they meet a woman that they REALLY like... but she's just notinterested? Right! They try to "convince" the woman to feel differently.
Well, I have news for you... YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A WOMAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION! Never, ever, EVER. You cannot CONVINCE a woman to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning". Think about it.
If a woman doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her? But we all do it. When a woman just isn't interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind. Bad idea. One that will never work.
MISTAKE #3: Looking To Her For Approval Or Permission
In our desire to please women (which we mistakenly think will make them like us), us guys are always doing things to get a woman's "approval" or "permission". Another HORRIBLE idea. Women are NEVER attracted to the types of men who kiss up to them... EVER.
Don't get me wrong here. You don't have to treat women BADLY for them to like you. But if you think that treating a woman well means "always getting her approval and permission for things", think again. You will never succeed by looking for approval. Women actually get ANNOYED at men who seek their approval.
Doubt me? Just ask any attractive woman if Wussy guys who chase her around and want her approval annoy her...
MISTAKE #4: Trying To “Buy” Her Affection With Food And Gifts
How many times have you taken a woman out to a nice dinner, bought her gifts and flowers, and had her REJECT you for someone who didn't treat her even HALF as well as you did? If you're like me, then you've had it happen a LOT.
Well guess what? It's only NATURAL when this happens... That's right, I said NATURAL. When you do these things, you send a clear message: "I don't think you'll like me for who I am, so I'm going to try to buy your attention and affection".
Your good intentions usually come across to women as over-compensation for insecurity, and weak attempts at manipulation. That's right, I said that women see this as MANIPULATION.
MISTAKE #5: Sharing “How You Feel” Too Early In The Relationship With Her
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they "feel" too early on. Attractive women are rare. And they get a LOT of attention from men. Most men don't realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE TIME.
An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translate into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.
And guess what? Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men. That's right. They have EXPERIENCE. They know what to expect. And one thing that turns an attractive women off and sends her running away faster than just about anything is a guy who starts saying "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates.
This signals to the woman that you're just like all the other guys who fall for her too fast... and can't control themselves.
Don't do it. Lean back. Relax. There's a much better way...
MISTAKE #6: Not “Getting” How Attraction Works For Women
Women are VERY different from men when it comes to ATTRACTION. You need to accept this fact, and deal with it. When a man sees a beautiful, young, sexy woman, he INSTANTLY feels a sexual attraction.
But does the same apply for women? Do women feel sexual attraction to men based mostly on looks? Or is something else going on? Well, after studying this topic for over five full years now, I can tell you that women usually have their "attraction mechanisms" triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Have you ever noticed that you see a lot more average and unattractive men with beautiful women than the other way around? Think about it.
Women are more attracted to certain qualities in men... and they're attracted to the way a man makes them FEEL than they are to looks alone. If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman. But it's not an accident. You have to LEARN how to do this.
And ANY guy can learn how...
MISTAKE #7: Thinking That It Takes Money And Looks
One of the most common mistakes that guys make is giving up before they've even gotten started... because they think that attractive women are only interested in men who have looks and money... or guys who are a certain height... or guys who are a certain age. And sure, there are some women who are only interested in these things.
But MOST women are far more interested in a man's personality than his wallet or his looks. There are personality traits that attract women like a magnet... And if you learn what they are and how to use them, YOU can be one of these guys.
YOU DO NOT have to "settle" for a woman just because you aren't rich, tall, or handsome.
Let me say this again: If you know how to use your body language and communication correctly, you can make women feel the same kind of powerful sexual attraction to you that YOU feel when you see a hot, sexy young woman.
MISTAKE #8: Giving Away All Of Your Power To Women
Earlier I mentioned that it's a mistake to look to a woman for approval or permission. Well, another similar tactic that a lot of guys use is GIVING AWAY THEIR POWER to women. Said differently, guys try to get women to like them by doing whatever the woman wants. Another bad idea...
Women are NEVER attracted to men that they can walk all over... Women aren't attracted to Wussies!
MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing EXACTLY What To Do In Each Type Of Situation With Women
Now I'm going to blow your mind... A woman ALWAYS knows what you're thinking. Women are approximately TEN TIMES better than men at reading body language. That's ten TIMES.
I know, it might be hard to believe. But for example, if you're out on a date with a woman, and you want to kiss her, she knows it. And if you don't know exactly what to do and exactly HOW to kiss her, and you just sit there looking at her and getting nervous, she won't help!
And this goes for ALL aspects of women and dating... Approaching a woman, getting her number, asking her out, kissing her, getting physical... everything. If you don't know what to do in each situation, you will probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING. And you KNOW it.
It is VITALLY important that you know EXACTLY how to go from one step to the next with a woman... from the first meeting, all the way to the bedroom.
www.doubleyourdating.com
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The Sixteen Commandments Of Poon
by Roissy
I. Never say ‘I Love You’ first
Women want to feel like they have to overcome obstacles to win a man’s heart. They crave the challenge of capturing the interest of a man who has other women competing for his attention, and eventually prevailing over his grudging reluctance to award his committed exclusivity. The man who gives his emotional world away too easily robs women of the satisfaction of earning his love. Though you may be in love with her, don’t say it before she has said it. Show compassionate restraint for her need to struggle toward yin fulfillment. Inspire her to take the leap for you, and she’ll return the favor a thousandfold.
II. Make her jealous
Flirt with other women in front of her. Do not dissuade other women from flirting with you. Women will never admit this but jealousy excites them. The thought of you turning on another woman will arouse her sexually. No girl wants a man that no other woman wants. The partner who harnesses the gale storm of jealousy controls the direction of the relationship.
III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority
Forget all those romantic cliches of the leading man proclaiming his undying love for the woman who completes him. Despite whatever protestations to the contrary, women do not want to be “The One” or the center of a man’s existence. They in fact want to subordinate themselves to a worthy man’s life purpose, to help him achieve that purpose with their feminine support, and to follow the path he lays out. You must respect a woman’s integrity and not lie to her that she is “your everything”. She is not your everything, and if she is, she will soon not be anymore.
IV. Don’t play by her rules
If you allow a woman to make the rules she will resent you with a seething contempt even a rapist cannot inspire. The strongest woman and the most strident feminist wants to be led by, and to submit to, a more powerful man. Polarity is the core of a healthy loving relationship. She does not want the prerogative to walk all over you with her capricious demands and mercurial moods. Her emotions are a hurricane, her soul a saboteur. Think of yourself as a bulwark against her tempest. When she grasps for a pillar to steady herself against the whipping winds or yearns for an authority figure to foil her worst instincts, it is you who has to be there… strong, solid, unshakeable and immovable.
V. Adhere to the golden ratio
Give your woman 2/3 of everything she gives you. For every three calls or texts, give her two back. Three declarations of love earn two in return. Three gifts; two nights out. Give her two displays of affection and stop until she has answered with three more. When she speaks, you reply with fewer words. When she emotes, you emote less. The idea behind the golden ratio is twofold — it establishes your greater value by making her chase you, and it demonstrates that you have the self-restraint to avoid getting swept up in her personal dramas. Refraining from reciprocating everything she does for you in equal measure instills in her the proper attitude of belief in your higher status. In her deepest loins it is what she truly wants.
VI. Keep her guessing
True to their inscrutable natures, women ask questions they don’t really want direct answers to. Woe be the man who plays it straight — his fate is the suffering of the beta. Evade, tease, obfuscate. She thrives when she has to imagine what you’re thinking about her, and withers when she knows exactly how you feel. A woman may want financial and family security, but she does not want passion security. In the same manner, when she has displeased you, punish swiftly, but when she has done you right, reward slowly. Reward her good behavior intermittently and unpredictably and she will never tire of working hard to please you.
VII. Always keep two in the kitty
Never allow yourself to be a “kept man”. A man with options is a man without need. It builds confidence and encourages boldness with women if there is another woman, a safety net, to catch you in case you slip and risk a breakup, divorce, or a lost prospect, leading to loneliness and a grinding dry spell. A woman knows once she has slept with a man she has abdicated a measure of her power; when she has fallen in love with him she has surrendered nearly all of it. But love is ephemeral and with time she may rediscover her power and threaten to leave you. It is her final trump card. Withdrawing all her love and all her body in an instant will rend your soul if you are faced with contemplating the empty abyss alone. Knowing there is another you can turn to for affection will fortify your will and satisfy your manhood.
VIII. Say you’re sorry only when absolutely necessary
Do not say you’re sorry for every wrong thing you do. It is a posture of submission that no man should reflexively adopt, no matter how alpha he is. Apologizing increases the demand for more apologies. She will come to expect your contrition, like a cat expects its meal at a set time each day. And then your value will lower in her eyes. Instead, if you have done something wrong, you should acknowledge your guilt in a glancing way without resorting to the actual words “I’m sorry.” Pull the Bill Clinton maneuver and say “Mistakes were made” or tell her you “feel bad” about what you did. You are granted two freebie “I’m sorry”s for the life of your relationship; use them wisely.
IX. Connect with her emotions
Set yourself apart from other men and connect with a woman’s emotional landscape. Her mind is an alien world that requires deft navigation to reach your rendevous. Frolic in the surf of emotions rather than the arid desert of logic. Be playful. Employ all your senses. Describe in lush detail scenarios to set her heart afire. Give your feelings freedom to roam. ROAM. Yes, that is a good word. You’re not on a linear path with her. You are ROAMING all over, taking her on an adventure. In this world, there is no need to finish thoughts or draw conclusions. There is only need to EXPERIENCE. You’re grabbing her hand and running with her down an infinite, labyrinthine alleyway with no end, laughing and letting your fingers glide on the cobblestone walls along the way.
X. Ignore her beauty
The man who trains his mind to subdue the reward centers of his brain when reflecting upon a beautiful female face will magically transform his interactions with women. His apprehension and self-consciousness will melt away, paving the path for more honest and self-possessed interactions with the objects of his desire. This is one reason why the greatest lotharios drown in more love than they can handle — through positive experiences with so many beautiful women they lose their awe of beauty and, in turn, their powerlessness under its spell. It will help you acquire the right frame of mind to stop using the words hot, cute, gorgeous, or beautiful to describe girls who turn you on. Instead, say to yourself “she’s interesting” or “she might be worth getting to know”. Never compliment a girl on her looks, especially not a girl you aren’t fucking. Turn off that part of your brain that wants to put them on pedestals. Further advanced training to reach this state of unawed Zen transcendence is to sleep with many MANY attractive women (try to avoid sleeping with a lot of ugly women if you don’t want to regress). Soon, a Jedi lover you will be.
XI. Be irrationally self-confident
No matter what your station in life, stride through the world without apology or excuse. It does not matter if objectively you are not the best man a woman can get; what matters is that you think and act like you are. Women have a dog’s instinct for uncovering weakness in men; don’t make it easy for them. Self-confidence, warranted or not, triggers submissive emotional responses in women. Irrational self-confidence will get you more pussy than rational defeatism.
XII. Maximize your strengths, minimize your weaknesses
In the betterment of ourselves as men we attract women into our orbit. To accomplish this gravitational pull as painlessly and efficiently as possible, you must identify your natural talents and shortcomings and parcel your efforts accordingly. If you are a gifted jokester, don’t waste time and energy trying to raise your status in philosophical debate. If you write well but dance poorly, don’t kill yourself trying to expand your manly influence on the dancefloor. Your goal should be to attract women effortlessly, so play to your strengths no matter what they are; there is a groupie for every male endeavor. Except World of Warcraft.
XIII. Err on the side of too much boldness, rather than too little
Touching a woman inappropriately on the first date will get you further with her than not touching her at all. Don’t let a woman’s faux indignation at your boldness sway you; they secretly love it when a man aggressively pursues what he wants and makes his sexual intentions known. You don’t have to be an asshole, but if you have no choice, being an inconsiderate asshole beats being a polite beta, every time.
XIV. Fuck her good
Fuck her like it’s your last fuck. And hers. Fuck her so good, so hard, so wantonly, so profligately that she is left a quivering, sparking mass of shaking flesh and sex fluids. Drain her of everything, then drain her some more. Kiss her all over, make love to her all night, and hold her close in the morning. Own her body, own her gratitude, own her love. If you don’t know how, learn to give her squirting orgasms.
XV. Maintain your state control
You are an oak tree. You will not be manipulated by crying, yelling, lying, head games, sexual withdrawal, jealousy ploys, pity plays, shit tests, hot/cold/hot/cold, disappearing acts, or guilt trips. She will rain and thunder all around you and you will shelter her until her storm passes. She will not drag you into her chaos or uproot you. When you have mastery over yourself, you will have mastery over her.
XVI. Never be afraid to lose her
You must not fear. Fear is the love-killer. Fear is the ego-triumph that brings abject loneliness. You will face your fear. You will permit it to pass over and through you. And when your ego-fear is gone you will turn and face your lover, and only your heart will remain. You will walk away from her when she has violated your integrity, and you will let her walk when her heart is closed to you. She who can destroy you, controls you. Don’t give her that power over yourself. Love yourself before you love her.
roissy.wordpress.com
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How do I put this. Pretty much everyone I know has had this happen to em when they were in their mid-late teens. This is what alcohol does to you at that age. It's no big deal.
You're done with her tho, best to ignore her and move on, at least till there's no actual romantic feelings left on your side. Otherwise the relationship remains fucked up forever.
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Everything in those 16 rules a few posts above is either shit or has to be taken with a couple of tons of salt. except 13, in my opinion.
since you still want to be with her, and not actively are in a position to have her, 13 is to be disregarded though(which should kinda tell you how i regard those "rules").
now i am not that much of a casanova myself, but what i do know from my own relationships(i am 26 now, and currently single[with no aim to change that until i graduate and move back to my hometown] still don't know that much about life and love, i have to admit, but enough about me) is that if you are determined to want that one person and that one only, you are bound to fail. miserably.
don't let that discourage you, though. she can still be your number one priority. but don't get caught up in the way of thinking that there is only this one girl that you will ever love. not trying to imply that you have to be a gigolo with 25 possible booty calls in his phone book, no. i am just telling you to accept the fact that this might be a really great friendship after all while you engage with other women and 5 years later you'll all of a sudden find yourself in a position where she suddenly is attracted to you. that's when you strike! but don't be the miserable fool sitting around doing nothing while waiting for that day to happen, as it might very well never come.
however, if she wants to meet you and talk to you now, do not turn her down because you think it will emotionally mess you up. you are emotionally confused already, there is little to no turning back anyway!
if you break contact now(especially with that high school graduation going on where everybody goses to different cities and universities most likely afterwards, this is a huge turning point, i moved for 770 km after my a-levels/abitur/grammar school graduation to go to some university and have not met a person here that i knew before), it will be all the harder getting the connection you had back later on.
my biggest advice to you might be kinda lame, but try talking to her about it, explaining your feelings, and if you can't do that (while you said you were comfortable talking to her though) hell, write a letter. and don't be in fear of being turned down. it might happen. it might very well happen. but for the hell of it, you weren't the one who did not try.
after all, there is only one thing you should not be doing, and that is living a life full of regrets for not trying.
(i know this advice is kinda counterintuitive to what yoda says about trying, but screw small green wrinkled jedi masters for this one. this is real life. this is love. what does he know a bout it?)
EDIT: After reading the post right above mine, the alcohol thing comes back to mind. alcohol is an amplifier of emotions. and you have to understand it that way. i have found myself singing to many a balcony late at night being heavily under the influence. but still, there's got to be some truth behind it. and if you feel as special about this girl when sober as when drunk, but only have more problems making it clear, well, shit, man, go for it.
but make it clear that it is not the alcohol doing the talking. that is never something that turns girls on, especially not someone like you described.
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I'm waiting for chill to find this and cry himself to sleep. >.<
I have one question though... why did you tell her not to sleep? o.O Just a drunk moment?
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Sorry man. We all have stuff like this.
Move on with your life, work on your social skills, pick up some good hobbies, etc. Sometimes they will come back to you. 99% of the time not especially if there was no real attraction for her initially.
Time to move on!
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On June 30 2011 08:02 POiNTx wrote:
So here I am. Writing this blog when I should be sleeping. What can I do Teamliquid? Keep in mind that it really hurts deeply that she doesn’t love me. Meeting her would be very awkward in my eyes. My plan was to just stop seeing each other and hope the feelings go away like it did 2 years ago.
Please TL I need advice. I have never been in love this badly and I would do everything to make her love me the way I love her.
If you think it's a bad idea to see her again then don't see her again....at least for a while. How long is a while? It's different for everyone, but it has to do with the way you think about her. When you think of her and see things that remind you of her do you feel like you still love her? If so, it hasn't been long enough. How about when you feel angry or bitter? Still not long enough. What about when you can look back on your time together and see it as a pleasant memory? Bingo.
Unrequited love sucks, but there is nothing you can do to "make" her love you. However, from the experience it seems you have learned to open your heart to someone and step out of your comfort zone. These lessons will serve you well in the future!
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holy christ wall of text for responses.
Of course she doesnt love you, it's pretty hard for reasonable people to fall in love with someone they dont know that well. Even if they're close friends with you, if you tell a girl you love her before you're officially dating she'll think you're crazy.
What can you do? Play it by ear, grow some balls and keep trying. I'd say your boned because you dropped an L bomb on a girl but who knows there are some weird girls out there that arent scared off completely by stuff like that
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just move on. dont even think that she's coming back. just get on with your life and find other things. the more you think about her, the worse it gets. after everything settles, you'll be fine
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Go, talk, smooth things out and then just let things go.
I don't see how there's really any issue here besides the inability of yours to confront her. If things don't work out, then that's that, but at least you got to say or do what you wanted and that's a level of satisfaction you can swallow easier than hoping the whole thing dissolves overtime.
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There are plenty of fish in the sea dude. I'd move on, get someone else. If she feels anything in the future you guys can eventually get back together. Right now just walk away. She's still processing what you told her. Things can change when you've told her you liked her. It'll be on her mind and she will think about it. Just don't bother her and walk away.
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Stop seeing her. Distance urself. Don't do anything related to her. Hang out with a different group of friends.
It's over. Accept the fact. It may take awhile but one day you'll accept it and move on.
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Ok this blog really helped me thank you all!
What I am going to do is to just wait until the feelings are gone. Don't talk to her or do things that might make me think of her. I realized I fucked up really badly.
After that I will just see what I do from that point on. Maybe get in contact with her again to try to start a friendly relationship, I will see I don't know yet.
Also as some of you were wondering, she told me that she wanted to see me again, and she doesn't mind that I have feelings for her. She wants to have a relationship with me like it was 2 years ago. But for me it is really hard to have a normal friendly relationship with her because I keep thinking to myself she knows I like her. It's just too awkward in my eyes. Hanging out with this girl while I know she doesn't want me and while she knows I want her... It is just to absurd.
On June 30 2011 09:48 OmniEulogy wrote:
I have one question though... why did you tell her not to sleep? o.O Just a drunk moment?
Yeah I was thinking she was already home and fell asleep because she didn't respond my text. Kind of dumb to think that way but I was drunk.
After this she told me she just didn't know what to say. At first she even thought someone took my cellphone as a joke.
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Are you that guy I saw in the TL channel in HoN talking about a blog about a girst? C:
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On June 30 2011 19:45 Rosvall wrote:
Are you that guy I saw in the TL channel in HoN talking about a blog about a girst? C:
No, I don't play HoN.
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On June 30 2011 08:18 Kamais_Ookin wrote:
"I ordered a third beer to drink for some courage, finished it, and went to her. I kissed her on the cheek and we started talking."
That made me lol, does anyone else do that?
Unless she starts a conversation I need to be at least 3 beers in to be able to talk. 2 just make me sleepy.
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if you genuinely like here as a person then become good friends with her.
but try to stop being in love, as stupid as that sounds. if you're friends while one of you has a crush on the other, it's just bad for the loving one. (as in: you get friendzoned. you don't want that.)
if you think you have to continue trying to get together with her then go for it, but only if you think you can succeed, which i think you don't (from reading your op). that would mean you should probably just let go and forget her.
good luck!
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On June 30 2011 08:09 ch33psh33p wrote:
She made her feelings pretty clear to you.
You've made an important friend, don't lose that trying to get more than whats there. Nothing will come of it, you just need to treasure the friendship and move on.
Yeah, i made the same fucking mistake this year and it was horrible. My advice is just to leave it. I know it's hard but in about a year (god, had it already been this long?) you won't look back
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Stopped reading at "I'm 18".
Means nothing, moving right along...
Also I have a friend whom I had a crush on throughout high school. In Grade 10 I told her I liked her but she politely denied me and I simply moved on, accepting the rejection. Now many years later we're still very good friend and we hang out a lot. She's dating my cousin and they're mostly very happy.
Sure, I'd bang the crap out of her given the chance, and we could probably manage a relationship if my cousin didn't exist, but guess what? I don't lose sleep over it. I like her like a sister, and could love her so much too, but it doesn't matter to me because we're friends and she treats me well and I'm happy with just that.
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On June 30 2011 19:31 POiNTx wrote:
Also as some of you were wondering, she told me that she wanted to see me again, and she doesn't mind that I have feelings for her. She wants to have a relationship with me like it was 2 years ago. But for me it is really hard to have a normal friendly relationship with her because I keep thinking to myself she knows I like her. It's just too awkward in my eyes. Hanging out with this girl while I know she doesn't want me and while she knows I want her... It is just to absurd.
I don't like it when this happens. "Sorry, I don't have feelings for you. But we can still be besties, right?"
And yes, some people are able to get over their feelings and be good friends. I'm not one of those people and I personally don't know any. From what you're saying, you don't think you can be "just friends" right now. That's fine. Give yourself the time you need.
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Going to wait a week before I answer. Just going to try to forget her. If interesting things happen, i'll update the blog.
This blog really helped me. You guys are just to awesome. :D :D
<3 TL
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On July 01 2011 02:48 POiNTx wrote:
Going to wait a week before I answer. Just going to try to forget her. If interesting things happen, i'll update the blog.
This blog really helped me. You guys are just to awesome. :D :D
<3 TL
TL loves you too.
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Haha what do you need help with? Sounds like you destroyed any chance with her by becoming a wierd creeper in her eyes.
I give you props though, I wouldnt have the courage to confess my love through a text measage...
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On July 01 2011 03:19 Dance. wrote:
Haha what do you need help with? Sounds like you destroyed any chance with her by becoming a wierd creeper in her eyes.
I give you props though, I wouldnt have the courage to confess my love through a text measage...
Lol what?
I needed advice what to do next. She said she wanted to see me again, and I wondered if it would be a good idea. I came to the conclusion it probably isn't the best idea.
She understood why I hid my love for her. She knows my personality and isn't as shallow to just put a mark on other peoples head.
I was drunk. Otherwise I wouldn't have done it. :p
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See her again, it doesn't hurt. If you weren't thinking of her every minute during the period of time taht you didn't see her much than it wasn't true love it was just an attraction that you had towards the first cute girl that seemed so perfect to you, that was outgoing and very forward with you.
Keep seeing her, keep talking to her, invite her to more concerts and stuff.
Be best friends with her, and it'll be the best decision you ever made.
Choose to ignore her and not see her again and you will live your life with regret.
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I have been in more love than this. After a year or something, I always realize I was a stupid.
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On June 30 2011 08:02 POiNTx wrote:I was drunk. I had never been so drunk in my life before. At the time I was thinking to myself, this is great. I don’t feel shy. I can talk to everyone. So I decided in my head that it was time to tell her that I loved her. The feelings were back stronger than ever. At that time I was sitting down looking around searching for her. I think I sat there for about half an hour looking for her from my seat. I was too dizzy to stand up. I couldn’t find Ann so I decided to sent her a text message. It said: “I am sitting in the corner. I am way to drunk. Can you come?” or something like that. My cellphone didn’t save the message. She responded: “I am in a place to eat with my friends. I had to go with them because they will bring me home.” I sent back: “Don’t worry . I love you ”. I wrote a because I knew she didn’t love me. She didn’t sent a message back so I sent “Sorry” to her. She didn’t respond at that either. I sent another one: ”please don’t sleep” I think.
Why oh why oh why oh why oh why did you tell her you loved her? It's not like you were in a relationship with her either. Because what you were feeling for her was probably not love, or at least too early to actually be considered love.
Saying "I love you" is a pretty bloody big deal, it's the kind of thing you say to your significant other when you are sure you mean it and that the feeling is actually love and not just strong attraction.
On June 30 2011 08:02 POiNTx wrote:
I went home and slept for 9 hours. I woke up expecting a text message from her, but there was none. So I went on Facebook the whole day hoping she would come online. Ann’s friend was online so I told her I wanted to speak with Ann. She told me she would come online for sure so I waited. About 3 hours ago she went online. I explained Ann everything. She understood because she is amazing. I told her that it really hurt that I couldn’t be with her. She said she really liked me, but didn’t have feelings for me. The conversation lasted 90 minutes. I said her I didn’t want to see her again because it would be very awkward. Also it really hurts knowing she doesn’t love you while you love her with all your heart.
She made her feelings clear. Just back away from it. If you wish to still remain friends with her, then feel free to still see her as a friend. If you're still feeling too hurt, then tell her you need some time to get over it.
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On June 30 2011 08:10 Kralic wrote:Show nested quote +
I sent back: “Don’t worry . I love you ”. I wrote a because I knew she didn’t love me.
She didn’t sent a message back so I sent “Sorry” to her. She didn’t respond at that either.
I sent another one: ”please don’t sleep” I think.
You are most likely done with her. I know she talked to you after, but that is how it goes and then they slowly drift away or just ignore you later on. Just try not to think about her, you are doing the right thing thinking it would be awkward to meet, it seriously is when that path has been chosen. Yes I did have something like this happen, I just left her to herself and she eventually texted me seeing if we can still be friends and tried to work it out. She eventually said it was hard for her to do and I have never spoken to her again since. The hurt does go away after a few months, or just go out and see who else is out there. If you meet more girls you can push the other one out of your thoughts pretty easily. Thinking you love them is something every guy does and it is usually just a false sense in your heart and mind that causes you to make odd decisions.
You first mistake was sending 3 things each one being some OMG I NEED YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU HNNNG
Don't do that.
Ever.
Also stop talking to her since she seems manipulative, thats not good for you man.
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ur agonising about how she makes you feel , when the only thing that matters is how YOU make HER feel.
do you make her feel sexy and turned on?
or do you make her feel like ur a sappy little dumbdumb who got drunk and sent her a lovely duvey text because you suddenly have this heartache that she in no way shares or relates to
do you make her feel horny? if the answer to this question is NO then you need to find out how to make her feel horny if you wanna be in a relationship with her.
how to make her horny? read that guys long 16-step post
or you could write her a letter lolo
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Really don't think there is much you can do except ignore her more or less, and maybe one day she'll approach you and you can kind of be polite but brush her off in an attempt to pique her interest.
Hopefully you learn from this experience though, generally I think telling a girl you love her out of no where is not gonna work too well.
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Man so much wall of text and I don't think I read it carefully enough to fully absorb it all in one run, but I just got the impression you missed out on a couple good chances before it all came down to that drunk night. Girls are fast at noticing stuff...
Well now that it's happened, I'd advise you to let things settle down and don't push anything more to "happen" with her.
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The important thing is that you stepped up and made your move. How she responds is entirely up to her and there isn't anything you can do to change it. There is no further action required from you to "convince" her that you would be good together. Sometimes fate just delivers the wrong thing and you have to play with what you got.
Now that you've already put it out there, you can move on with no regrets that you didn't give it a decent try. Not everyone can say the same.
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On June 30 2011 08:22 GhostKorean wrote:
Someone really needs to make a "general dating & relationships thread for any and all questions" answered by teamliquid professionals in dating and relationships. There are just so many girl blogs I can't expect to find a decent blog under all this
Find the "Ask Kennigit" Thread.
Get laid 10x more often. Guaranteed!
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number one rule.. there are no fucking rules.. dont make things complicated. if you want her, you go for her - now think about it, if you don't, don't try to convince yourself that you actually want her. now go kick some ass
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Never feel awkward for anything. You wanna talk to her? Then talk to her. You wanna run around naked? Then just do it! Always do what you feel is right, regardless of how embarrassing or awkward things might feel.
She said she wanted to see you again? That's great! Even though she might not feel the same for you as you do towards her (yet!), it doesn't matter! You're great friends, and that's not so bad either, right? Just because you dropped the bomb and told her you loved her, it doesn't mean your friendship and everything you feel for her is forever ruined, right? Just take a step back, accept the situation and just smile at life, because life is awesome. *knucklebumps*
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So much diversion in people's opinion lol.
I actually made up my mind. I am going to ask her out. Zlasher convinced me with a PM he sent. If it's super awkward and stupid, well that's a lesson that will be burned into my memory for the rest of my life, and I accept that. I realized it's this kind of experiences that I will need. If I don't grab this chance now, maybe somewhere in the future I will be facing the same problem and still don't know what to do if I don't act now.
+ Show Spoiler +On July 03 2011 18:44 Obbeskrutt wrote:
*knucklebumps* *knucklebumps*
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My advice is to just be honest and say, 'look, I really like you, why don't we give this a try and see how it works out?' Go out and do something casual and fun. Go for a coffee, go exploring in the city, go look at some cool shit. Just the fact that she knows you're on a date changes the whole dynamic of the relationship. Since you've already made it clear you like her, it's very unlikely you'll be friends the same way again - so you might as well take the chance and go for it. Otherwise, like you said, there will be regrets.
In terms of the whole "game" thing, I personally think it's, at worst, a whole load of bullshit, and at best, it just gets in the way. Just have the balls to suggest you go out and see how things go and learn things on your own.
I spent years of my life learning this and there are so many girls I regret not asking out in the last two years. Thankfully I'm still young so I have loads of chances left with other girls, and so do you. So give it a shot and see how it works out. And if it doesn't, then you will have that experience under your belt and you will be better off for it.
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I ordered a third beer to drink for some courage, finished it, and went to her. I kissed her on the cheek and we started talking. It went very fluent because I was a bit drunk. I still had everything under control. We took some pictures with her friends and I went back to my group. I ordered another beer. And another one. And another one.
Jupiler? Duvel? What was it?
Sorry to hear that it didn't work out. If I was in your shoes, I'd break off contact and try to get over her. It sounds like she's not interested in more than just being friends...
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On July 04 2011 02:11 AMaidensWrath wrote:Show nested quote +
I ordered a third beer to drink for some courage, finished it, and went to her. I kissed her on the cheek and we started talking. It went very fluent because I was a bit drunk. I still had everything under control. We took some pictures with her friends and I went back to my group. I ordered another beer. And another one. And another one.
Jupiler? Duvel? What was it? Sorry to hear that it didn't work out. If I was in your shoes, I'd break off contact and try to get over her. It sounds like she's not interested in more than just being friends...
Leffe (blond en donker) and Jupiler 
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I was once in a kind of similar situation a couple of years ago. I went to my best friend and told her that i loved her. She said she didn't and it felt so awkward, but surprisingly we kept being friends (now we still are pretty good friends). I think it was because we just kept acting natural and just kind of started over.
Try to let it be for a while, and then... whatever it comes will come good. Just relax
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On July 04 2011 02:54 POiNTx wrote:Show nested quote +On July 04 2011 02:11 AMaidensWrath wrote:
I ordered a third beer to drink for some courage, finished it, and went to her. I kissed her on the cheek and we started talking. It went very fluent because I was a bit drunk. I still had everything under control. We took some pictures with her friends and I went back to my group. I ordered another beer. And another one. And another one.
Jupiler? Duvel? What was it? Sorry to hear that it didn't work out. If I was in your shoes, I'd break off contact and try to get over her. It sounds like she's not interested in more than just being friends... Leffe (blond en donker) and Jupiler
Santé!
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EPT
