EPTI'm done with depression. It took me three years, but I'm done.
The reason I'm posting this is, just in case this occurence exists, for the depressive analytical minds that might be roaming around TeamLiquid.
What best other than reverse-engineering it then? 3 years of experience leads to this. Yesterday, I was somewhere in the deep bottom. I don't know if I'm bipolar or anything but oh well, can't be arsed wondering.
In a nutshell, it's gonna go this way, totally dumbed down.
1) Being raised in an environment where you thrive and/or there is disdain for failing (or raising yourself that way). It's as if you had no right to fail. You deny yourself that right and sort of live with this. You get a touch of perfectionism because you don't want your "work of art" to be a fail.
"Water can't be dirty, otherwise people wouldn't drink it"
2) Exposure to failing (I don't use failure, failure only exists for machines).
The first time you'll ever be exposed to "failure" you'll start stacking feelings left and right, left and right, let them get embottled inside. Such approach is flawed because it's occasioning a massive snowball effect. As such, you only see the snowball getting bigger while, in fact, you could have shrugged it off.
"From H2O to being exposed to a soil's minerals or being in eroded pipelines? I better be purified!"
3) The overflow point (and that's where we start making excuses - remember, I was there even yesterday).
We have stacked failing and attributed it to something else. Ultimately, A) we perceive ourselves as failures because we can't see the light in the end of the tunnel (aka your accomplishments) and B) we can only see failure when thinking of oneself, because we only stacked failing all along. Let's think of it this way:
Dirty water is dirty (whichever level of dirt it is, so long it ain't H2O). It doesn't accept the fact that it is dirty so it goes through a purifier. At first, it works great, it looks clean, feels clean and stuff. At some point, though, the filter is just too obstructed. Water can't get clean and "is exposed" to the fact that it is, in fact, "terribly dirty". It only sees its dirt and concludes that it can't flow or be consumed by people.
Fortunately, it brings us to #4
4) Can't be arsed, fuck this thing. Moving on, let's be dirty waters, if the consumers (aka other people in this world) don't like us, so be it. You know what, "I CAN'T BE ARSED."
You don't need water purifiers. If you're a jerk inside, be a jerk. If you have failed academically, so be it! Just keep in mind: Be yourself. You can't be arsed being preoccupied by the difficulty of life. Give it a kick to the rear and move on.
"It's easy said this way" says your mind. It's easy because I faced it head-on. I don't care anymore about what happened to me, how many hits I took when I was a kid, how much I hated my life because I was failing at some specific things. Failing makes you grow. What doesn't kill you literally makes you stronger in a way or another. Granted, it makes you weak at one side, but it makes you stronger.
Finding the excuse of near-paralysis? Look for vVvSpectral, he's the man, I wouldn't be able to play in his state. Yes, he's the man, he's strong in his own right. He does something because he accepted his new limits, he accepted his "failing". He got stronger and he now is an inspiration to all those who know about him, me included. He's an ordinary man, yet any of us TLers should look up to him. If he has down moods, he should just remember: he's the man.
The way all of us are. We're all "the man" or "the woman" for our own reasons.
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inb4 cool story bro posts, I don't care about you trolls :D If anything, thanks for reading ;D
I hope you had fun reading this, I had fun writing it and just being derisive at my own self for being this dumb. I'm judgemental towards my own self (my own big brother, sort of), not towards others. If you're depressed, you ain't dumb. You just need assistance into having the courage to just... take away the water filter and move on. Your past simply doesn't define you (aka your dirt). The future does (aka flowing through the river and being consumed). You won't be lethal unless you're a serial killer or something.
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If you're depressed and totally bummed out, I'm no professional helper but I am confident I'll do a potentially much better job, no medication needed. If anything, leave me a PM. If you're confident about sharing your mind, just blurt it out right here. Oh, and you can't be arsed being afraid of trolls if you chose the latter.
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PS#2: "Failing" can be anything that happens to us that has a negative connotation. Ranges from being rejected/dumped by a girl to being left near-dead and abused in all sorts. It takes courage to be any of us.
