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I just read this wonderful article: http://www.npr.org/blogs/monkeysee/2011/04/21/135508305/the-sad-beautiful-fact-that-were-all-going-to-miss-almost-everything
To give a brief summary of the article, it essentially talks about the idea of being "well-read" and how a person must choose between culling and surrendering the vast amount of culture that they will never be able to reach. Culling involves deciding not to do things because you deem them either unworthy or uninteresting, for example, "I do not like rap so I will not listen to rap" or more specifically "I did not like one Stephen King book, so I will never read another one of his books." Surrender involves realizing that you lack the time to find the good things, so you do not bother. You end up in the same situation with surrender as with culling, not listening to rap and not reading Stephen King, but there is a recognition that perhaps there are good parts to those that would take you too much time to find. The article makes a credible case that surrender is the preferable mindset to culling, but that culling is easier emotionally/psychologically.
Personally, I do not really care either way. Culling and surrender both amount to the same problem: lack of time. The article makes the point that it is a great thing that one person cannot consume all of creativity and intellectual efforts of humanity, otherwise we would not have accomplished much. I agree with that sentiment, but that doesn't mean that I am not angry and sad about it. I want to consume it all. I want to taste every food, read every book, watch every movie, listen to every combination of sounds. But I cannot, so where does that leave me?
It leaves me feeling the way I have felt on and off again for years now, in that I just do not care to waste my time. I have so little time with which to live my life (an unknowable amount of time for that matter, which just makes it worse), and I am angry that I have to waste some of it unnecessary things. I do not want to be nice to people I do not like, and I do not want to hold back from telling pretty girls I think they are pretty, just so I can hold true to social mores that make society function better. I understand the principle of society functioning, and I understand that lying and being nice help people coexist better, but I find it all a huge waste of time. It reminds me of another article sent to me by a friend that feels the same way I do, this one by the onion: http://www.theonion.com/articles/openminded-man-grimly-realizes-how-much-life-hes-w,19273/
Time and time again I find myself doing what is better for everyone rather than what is better for me. I understand that it might be better for me in the long run to be nice to people I do not like, but the long run is an unknowable sacrifice, similar in principle to an unknowable afterlife. Must I sacrifice my short term time (or life?) on a vague set of future circumstances that I have no logical way of approximating? It seems that that is what is expected of me (and everyone).
I do it, but I worry because I feel like I am getting increasingly bitter and angry towards people that waste my time, and towards myself for letting them waste my time. It actively makes me unhappy by making me angry, and then I feel guilty that I may not be being nice enough. And the few times when I tell someone off, I rarely feel better since I realize that I ruined their day for no little total benefit of my own, as I will just have to deal with someone else's bullshit.
I feel trapped by time. This has had positive benefits for me at times, as I find myself having romantic and passionate tendencies, since those usually involve the importance of the now, of today. To be trapped by time, means to constantly focus on maximizing your time now, whether it be in pleasure or work, whether it be procrastinating or finishing something as soon as possible, it always has an urgency to it. I want to see this episode now!, or I will lose it to time. I want to kiss you now!, or I will lose you to time. It has had its positive effects.
But I still feel trapped.
 
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17058 Posts
To be trapped by time, means to constantly focus on maximizing your time now, whether it be in pleasure or work, whether it be procrastinating or finishing something as soon as possible, it always has an urgency to it.
This seems to be a depressingly utilitarian view of time. Just accept that there's nothing you can do about it, you'll never be able to see or experience everything you'd like to, and that if you're enjoying the moment and not damaging your future, maybe everything'll still be ok without you having had been there. Fretting about things you can't change isn't going to magically give you more time, so just do something you want to do and be done with it.
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On May 10 2011 15:38 flowSthead wrote:
To be trapped by time, means to constantly focus on maximizing your time now, whether it be in pleasure or work, whether it be procrastinating or finishing something as soon as possible, it always has an urgency to it.
You seem to be trying to live for the moment. But aren't you missing on the very things that you can experience in the present by constantly feeling urgent and vigilant for things you don't want to do now?
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On May 10 2011 16:11 Schplyok wrote:
You seem to be trying to live for the moment. But aren't you missing on the very things that you can experience in the present by constantly feeling urgent and vigilant for things you don't want to do now?
It's not really living for the moment, since I often don't act on these things, and like I sort of very poorly implied, I end procrastinating a lot because the alternative is not something I want to waste my time on (but ending up doing so anyway). Also, I was more speaking of a state of mind. I make long term plans all of the time, but I still feel trapped because those long term plans are still urgent. For example, if I were to make a long term plan to say finish building a shed in 3 months, or a house in 2 years (I have no idea what realistic times are for this), there would be an urgency in my mind to get these done so I don't drop dead before I finish, whether or not I am actively working on them or not.
On May 10 2011 15:57 Empyrean wrote:
This seems to be a depressingly utilitarian view of time. Just accept that there's nothing you can do about it, you'll never be able to see or experience everything you'd like to, and that if you're enjoying the moment and not damaging your future, maybe everything'll still be ok without you having had been there. Fretting about things you can't change isn't going to magically give you more time, so just do something you want to do and be done with it.
I do sometimes just do things I want to do and be done with it, as you suggest, but stopping fretting is something I am not good at doing at all. I have to constantly second guess and self analyze. It's not like I don't understand your point intellectually. Sure, fretting about things has very rarely helped someone, but I cannot put this into practice. Plus, I find some weird self-congratulation that I am obsessed with time and ultimately death, even if it is causing me to fret and worry and feel trapped.
But I also just do not find the idea of accepting my situation to be satisfying. It just kinda makes me more angry. An example of my constant back and forth:
Why should I have to accept my physical limitations?
Probably because I am a physical being, with a mortal body.
But the mind is immaterial, blah blah blah.
The point being, I am unsatisfied with the idea that I have to subsume myself to reality, even if in practice I do it anyway. This makes me feel trapped, both because of the reasons stated above, and because of the realization of a lack of choice in the matter, a lack of freedom.
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17058 Posts
Seems like reading some Nietzsche would be eye opening.
Also this wikipedia article:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amor_fati
EDIT: The article you linked to is now my facebook status by the way <_<
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On May 10 2011 16:26 Empyrean wrote:Seems like reading some Nietzsche would be eye opening. Also this wikipedia article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amor_fatiEDIT: The article you linked to is now my facebook status by the way <_<
I'm actually a huge fan of Nietzsche, and existentialism in general ^_^. One of my favorite books is Walker Percy's "Moviegoer", and I generally love to discuss existentialism with most of my friends. It's pretty baller.
On a basic level, I feel I have to subscribe to amor fati, since if I had changed my life in any way, I probably would not be me (causality paradox), but I also just like the simplicity of the idea.
I don't feel as though existentialism would help me feel better, I think it has only made me feel worse, but in an awesome way. Nietzsche himself was notoriously unhappy and passive in real life, no matter how irate and loud his writings were. This isn't to say that I find existentialism depressing, like some popular opinion makes it out to be, because I actually find it incredibly uplifting. But that uplifting has a cost, which for me is that it makes a lot of other things depressing, such as time.
I find that it flipped the world for me, by making things I thought were bland before into something beautiful, and then making things that did not bother me much extremely irritating.
EDIT: It's also my facebook status, lol.
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Have fun, screw utility 
The thing this reminded me of is how i cull TV shows. I'm sure there are many good ones I would enjoy that my friends recommend but I simply don't have the time to watch them all. Reading the newspaper went the same way lol.
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On May 10 2011 16:21 flowSthead wrote:
It's not really living for the moment, since I often don't act on these things, and like I sort of very poorly implied, I end procrastinating a lot because the alternative is not something I want to waste my time on (but ending up doing so anyway). Also, I was more speaking of a state of mind. I make long term plans all of the time, but I still feel trapped because those long term plans are still urgent. For example, if I were to make a long term plan to say finish building a shed in 3 months, or a house in 2 years (I have no idea what realistic times are for this), there would be an urgency in my mind to get these done so I don't drop dead before I finish, whether or not I am actively working on them or not.
I used to think and well, still sort of do exactly the same way. But I found a way around feeling trapped by future obligations/deadlines. If I had to build a shed in 3 months, I would decide beforehand that I will work on the shed only on certain days and not touch it otherwise. For me this shifts the whole burden to that particular time and I can do whatever I want, whenever I want as long as it's not the day I'm supposed to work.
Setting goals for yourself makes you feel free when you achieve them. When you feel free, you probably stop worrying about time so much.
I do sometimes just do things I want to do and be done with it, as you suggest, but stopping fretting is something I am not good at doing at all. I have to constantly second guess and self analyze. It's not like I don't understand your point intellectually. Sure, fretting about things has very rarely helped someone, but I cannot put this into practice. Plus, I find some weird self-congratulation that I am obsessed with time and ultimately death, even if it is causing me to fret and worry and feel trapped.
Ultimately we are trapped by limitations and time, the best we can do is to try and trick ourselves into forgetting it, or if possible to accept it. What do you want to do today? How about next week? What do you want to achieve this year? List those things and focus on them. Every second that's not spent on those things is free and they can be used or wasted in anything that requires them.
But I also just do not find the idea of accepting my situation to be satisfying. It just kinda makes me more angry. An example of my constant back and forth:
Why should I have to accept my physical limitations?
Probably because I am a physical being, with a mortal body.
But the mind is immaterial, blah blah blah.
It's hard to reply to this, it doesn't really matter whether you accept or reject your limitations as some limitations are there to stay, no matter what you do.
The point being, I am unsatisfied with the idea that I have to subsume myself to reality, even if in practice I do it anyway. This makes me feel trapped, both because of the reasons stated above, and because of the realization of a lack of choice in the matter, a lack of freedom.
Have you ever had a time in your life, where you didn't have to do a single thing? Something like a long vacation. Did you feel like you were free then or was the future still making you feel trapped? Or are you so sick of reality that you find normal everyday stuff like eating and sleeping a waste of time too?
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On May 10 2011 22:01 Sotamursu wrote:
I used to think and well, still sort of do exactly the same way. But I found a way around feeling trapped by future obligations/deadlines. If I had to build a shed in 3 months, I would decide beforehand that I will work on the shed only on certain days and not touch it otherwise. For me this shifts the whole burden to that particular time and I can do whatever I want, whenever I want as long as it's not the day I'm supposed to work.
Setting goals for yourself makes you feel free when you achieve them. When you feel free, you probably stop worrying about time so much.
In principle I don't disagree. And I have set certain goals for myself, but usually at those times, it is more that I forget about the idea of feeling trapped, rather than those goals making me feel free. I guess practically there is no difference, but it sort of seems like a temporary stopgap rather than a solution.
It's hard to reply to this, it doesn't really matter whether you accept or reject your limitations as some limitations are there to stay, no matter what you do.
Yeah, well that was sort of my point. They are there no matter what I do, but I have trouble just accepting that. The notion is not altogether different from an irrational fear of anything. For example, I am afraid of bugs, and there is really very little rational reason to be so, but I am anyway. I try to force myself to deal with it when I have to do yard work for example, but it doesn't change the fear. Similarly, I feel trapped by my limitations and I irrationally wish it wasn't the case and am frustrated by my reality. The feeling isn't particularly useful, but it happens nonetheless.
Have you ever had a time in your life, where you didn't have to do a single thing? Something like a long vacation. Did you feel like you were free then or was the future still making you feel trapped? Or are you so sick of reality that you find normal everyday stuff like eating and sleeping a waste of time too?
I have and the I did not feel free. I have at times felt like I was accomplishing something, which is a state of mind I have used to combat feeling trapped. But I have never really felt free in the way I think you are implying. Freedom of choice always exists, I believe, but that freedom of choice is still limited by time and circumstance.
It also isn't really the case that I am sick of reality and I want to live in fantasy. It is more like I feel powerless against the walls of reality. I think fantasy is worse than feeling trapped by reality, but reality isn't good. It is just the lesser of two evils. As for sleep and eating? I evaluate those based on context. Eating by itself as a function of sustaining my health I find to be a waste of time. I do not enjoy eating for the sake of keeping me alive. Eating for the sake of taste and smell, that I enjoy very much and do not really find a waste of time. In the OP I believe I mentioned how feeling trapped by time also means I will never be able to taste every food I want to taste, or to enjoy every food as much as I want to. Sleeping is the same way. Sleeping for the majority of the time I find a huge waste of time, probably the biggest waste of time in mine or anyones life. Napping I find supremely pleasurable, and is an activity I do rarely by myself but frequently with a girlfriend. Pretty much everything for me is context dependent in terms of whether or not I find it a waste of time (or a better way to phrase it would be wasting my time/ drying up my time).
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EPT
