So everyone's talking about the next patch notes. But fuck those patch notes, I want something big. I want some sweeping changes that completely revamp the game. So here are my ideas. Blizzard call me if you need to talk I'm available all week but not on Sunday 'cause my Uncle is coming over to visit.
Terran:
Nuke landing time has been decreased from 20 seconds to 5 seconds.
Units must now return three times a day to the barracks, factory or starport that they were spawned from in order to eat, bathe and sleep. Failure to do so will cause irritation in your soldiers who will then go AWOL to live peaceful lives with the native women.
Firebats are back in the game, and you can combine one with a Marauder to create the Firauder, who shoots grenades that explode into FIRE.
Your mineral income is now dependent on whether or not fat politicians sitting comfortably behind secure walls think the Zerg are a real threat. They will bash you for spending millions of minerals on the war while at the same time demanding to know why there aren't enough combat shields to go around.
Lifted buildings can now be landed on top of small enemy units, squishing them.
StimPacks now slowly cause addiction in marines and marauders. They will ransack your Command Center and rob SCVs for money to buy more.
Vikings now have Norwegian accents (Blizzard I don't know how you fucked that one up.)
A new Terran unit has been added, a massive warship called the Iceberg. It moves extremely slowly but deals heavy damage. When summoned from the Starport it will shout out in a thick Mexican accent: "ICE to meet you!!!"
Battlecruiser models are now to scale.
Protoss:
High Templar now have French accents.
Motherships can now land in a manner similar to vikings, becoming a portable Nexus that probes can deposit resources in like a normal Nexus.
Photon Cannons have been removed from the game. I don't care if you need a static defense, those things are fucking retarded.
If a pylon is destroyed while a unit is warping in, instead of that warping unit disappearing it will instead half-warp in, its mangled legs trying to find footing and its misshapen lungs gasping for air before flopping over to one side and dying a brutal death, alone and unloved.
Carriers can now be loaded with Void Rays and Phoenixes instead of Interceptors.
Three Colossi, a Carrier, four Immortals and two Void Rays can now merge together to form PROTOSSTRON, SCOURGE OF THE SWARM. With his mighty fists he tears apart his foes.(Note: an Archon must be available to pilot ProtossTron)
Half of all zealots warped in are now female zealots, and they're fucking SEXY.
Void rays now have unlimited range as long as they have line of sight with their target, because it's a fucking laser beam.
Zerg:
Zergling pathing has been changed so that when running in a group they form the shape of an Ultralisk, this defense mechanism warding off natural predators.
Hydralisks can now ride Roaches, using them as little steeds to cross the battlefield.
Creep now spontaneously generates Banelings, slapping Francesco Redi in the face.
Queens now have psi storm and blink.
Ten Ultralisks can merge into an Omegalisk. Also, ten Overlords can now merge into a Cerebrate that can only be killed by a Dark Templar, but it doesn't matter because all they do is sit around and bitch at Kerrigan all day.
Ultralisks can now move while burrowed.
Zerg buildings can now burrow, forming extensive ant-like tunnel systems. Little holes will begin to pop randomly out of the ground where a stream of Broodlings will attack from.
Zerg can now summon a Leviathan from a Hive, but it doesn't recognize friend from foe and just goes batshit crazy on everything.
When Ultralisks die they now explode into twenty zerglings.
Overlords can now dump creep on top of enemy biological units, getting them all sticky and glued to the floor, ensnaring them.
If Neural Parasite is performed on a Dark Templar, the link to the Khala will shatter and the gross perversion of what should not be will draw the attention of the Voice in the Darkness. A link to the void will open and cause a massive wormhole in space and time, devouring the battlefield and causing a draw.
UPDATE Someone leaked screenshots of my new patch.
I would love to see the Toss warp thing actually happen. We could have real "just a flesh wound" black knight moments in SC2. Imagine half a zealot just kicking at a giant thor.
I like the marine, eldar, and tyranid pictures! Makes you realize how similar so many genres are. Starship Troopers is basically a TvZ movie and theres that video with the SC sounds that I love.. etc. And PROTOSSTRON, SCOURGE OF THE SWARM.. rawr!
All totally reasonable. I would suggest though, to raise the Colossi count for creating PROTOSSTRON. I think 3 is borderline imba - 4 is more reasonable IMO.
On December 12 2010 09:52 HollowLord wrote: Units must now return three times a day to the barracks, factory or starport that they were spawned from in order to eat, bathe and sleep. Failure to do so will cause irritation in your soldiers who will then go AWOL to live peaceful lives with the native women.
To scale battlecrusiers? New strat: Make five battlecruisers, cover your enemy's base, and hope he hasn't hotkeyed anything.
I am a vocal supporter of Protoss telefragging. God that'd be awesome.
That neural parasite thing sounds like something from Lovecraft.
You should add something like zerg units being able to burrow beneath enemy structures and collapse their foundations. Or being able to unburrow through buildings. Yeah, that's an ultra busting through your planetary fortress.
On December 12 2010 12:01 Spazer wrote: You should add something like zerg units being able to burrow beneath enemy structures and collapse their foundations. Or being able to unburrow through buildings. Yeah, that's an ultra busting through your planetary fortress.
Fuck delicate and careful balances, elect me president of Blizzard and I'll change all the soundtracks into electric guitar riffs and hire Patrick Stewart to voice EVERY. SINGLE. UNIT
Where all players that 1-base are placed into a special "Weenie" league, forced to play against eachother and kept like lepers, seperated from good, God-fearing Macro players!
Where the Brood War Terran music is played by the resurrected corpse of Ronnie James MOTHERFUCKING-DIO!
Nuke landing time has been decreased from 20 seconds to 5 seconds.
Firebats are back in the game, and you can combine one with a Marauder to create the Firauder, who shoots grenades that explode into FIRE.
Vikings now have Norwegian accents (Blizzard I don't know how you fucked that one up.)
Protoss
Motherships can now land in a manner similar to vikings, becoming a portable Nexus that probes can deposit resources in like a normal Nexus.
Void rays now have unlimited range as long as they have line of sight with their target, because it's a fucking laser beam.
Zerg
Zerg buildings can now burrow, forming extensive ant-like tunnel systems. Little holes will begin to pop randomly out of the ground where a stream of Broodlings will attack from.
Overlords can now dump creep on top of enemy biological units, getting them all sticky and glued to the floor, ensnaring them.
In addition to Psionic Storm, Queens have been given Blink.
Void rays now have unlimited range as long as they have line of sight with their target, because it's a fucking laser beam.
/agree 100%. Imagine if the death star had to fly around a giant gas planet to get close enough to shoot a powerful laser beam at a huge target................oh wait.
On December 14 2010 16:30 HollowLord wrote: Blizzard claimed their galaxy editor could do anything but all I can get it to do is give me error messages.
EPT![[image loading]](http://imgur.com/Uzlq8.jpg)
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