EPT
Everything was wonderful; the world was an unfolding tapestry – lights, colours, sensations, learning in the truest sense. The world was being revealed slowly, day-by-day and the concerns of the older child or the adult were not even fathomable. Not yet quite in control of the hands and legs, but screaming, crying and laughing came forth naturally.
Age 5:
Life sure had changed by this stage; anxiety, laughter, movement have become corporeal – but the burdens remain fairly unchanged. Now walking upright, the world demanded more, but it still felt like a safe place without too much fear or reproach of the future. The difference between right and wrong was still not actively clear, but there was a fair idea in the mind.
Age 10:
Social constructs, pressure, fledgling ‘crushes’ on those girls came and went quickly. Slightly educated now, grasping the finer points of life. Still existent is the unbridled joy at the small things; life has not taken those out yet. The future seemed slightly more worrying then, but friends, family and the ability to dream abate the small amount of anxiousness that did exist.
Age 15:
The world was now besmirched with a lot of negatives; it had become slightly more unbalanced, however there was still a lot of time to be care-free. Interests had changed wildly, girls seemed more elusive and time seemed to pass slowly. This was also a period of well-being, a fine and subtle time where lots of different opinions clouded the mental-sphere. It was hard to make a decision or a clear-cut belief out of anything – anything intransient that is. Although there were some. Those were the best times, so it was thought.
Age 18:
Emotions were still swinging all over the place. The niches in life that were to be enjoyed had been found, alcohol had also come into the scene. Tumultuous is a good word to describe all of the changes that did occur. Naive, silly, brave, reckless, visionary, hopeful, depressed, overjoyed -- uncertain. Ambiguity definitely lingers in life.
Age 21:
Things were set in stone here, travel had been done and life had been explored in much greater detail. Virginity had been lost a few years back. A relationship was underway; life was great – life felt different now. As if there was some invisible glue giving more hold on the thing, there was a feeling of permanence to the whole situation. The lines appeared to be more marked, the future seemed more intriguing, exciting.
Now:
Stuck inside the vertigo of your own thoughts – your self-expression has changed. Where was the ground again? Sometimes it feels like your feet are not there to catch you anymore. The world is not bleak (or is it bleaker than ever before?) Heaven is your own state of mind. Life changes and so do you; you are a product of life, of society and everything else that surrounds you. I suppose it is only fair that sometimes you will not feel your best; some things won’t excite you the way that they used to.
Expressions, emotions, changing perceptions...they are all wrapped up in a blanket – sometimes they escape, other times they are held tightly within. Uncertainty still exists, but doesn’t it exist everywhere, and all the time?
Life is more impromptu now, though education has been completed. The relationship is gone, but the times seem even brighter for whatever reason. You feel more enlightened upon the state of the human mind, the human spirit and the driving mechanisms behind each word and action. You can’t predict them but you do feel well versed in the language of love, fun and equally well-educated in matters of the dark, the depressed and the unsure. Living out of home in a different country, times are good, more free, more relaxed, less pressure but there are growing future worries.
Have you become more cynical over the years? Or is it purely that your world, that started as a blank canvas or an empty tapestry, is now rich with detail?
Life has been some journey. In 5 years when you look back, will you laugh, cry or fondly reminisce about how you feel right this minute? Too much exists between and outside of positive and negative to even begin to describe how you will feel, or what ideas will be sheltered in your mind then.
Until then; enjoy, hate, love, ponder upon, curse at, be scared by, be content with life.
