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I feel a lot of empathy towards you OP. I know you probably don't think that we have that much in common, that's how I would feel if you were writing this to me after I spilled my guts here, but I feel like I do.
For those out there suffering from real depression: Your doctor is a licensed drug dealer. No matter what your story is, they want you to take pills to make it all go away. Pills might change your emotions, but it won't be real. If your life sucks, pills won't fix that. You have to do more. For me, a relationship and a place of my own were the two things I really needed. But you don't necessarily need a girlfriend, or your own place. Just someone to work through your problems, and make things better. Figure out what you want, and find ways to get it. It's never easy. At first I hated my job, because it was hard work. But when you do a good job and people thank you for it, it's worth it.
See ya.
I'm glad to hear that you made it.
I'm trying my best now. I work hard in school. Really hard. I hope that I can pass this year.
And for the first time in over a year, I have a crush. She's really brightened my outlook on life.
I hope my life can become similar to yours.
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On October 23 2010 10:15 SpicyCrab wrote:
Shinosai,
I LOVED your SC2 videos. They were a great help, some of the best out there. You could've been a very successful caster, I think.
I am disappointed that you stopped, but I guess you had your reasons @_@.
Good luck with every thing.
Agreed 100%. You brought me up to Plat from Gold in early beta thanks to your videos. I think you could've really done well with that.
Your doctor is a licensed drug dealer. No matter what your story is, they want you to take pills to make it all go away. Pills might change your emotions, but it won't be real. If your life sucks, pills won't fix that. You have to do more.
Really interesting point. I always felt that pills were kind of a cop-out, though I guess probably some people legitimately have a chemical imbalance that is the only cause of their depression.
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Wow, you know, reading how many people really liked my videos back in beta, it makes me want to start up again. =p Just know that I have to beat Majora's Mask first. And I'm also pretty rusty at sc2 
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I can so relate to you in a sense that I hate how there are always those arrogant egotistical brats in gaming communities (WoW, Dota, even Starcraft) that trash talk constantly. Especially in team-oriented games like Dota, people who rage at teammates just kills my taste for the game. Like you mentioned, it seems they play the game just to somehow make themselves a superior person in a fake world of games than they are in the real world. Their arrogance and cynicism just wear you out and drive you away from the game. It's one of the main reason why I don't play as much as I used to.
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Sorry dude but your life dont suck.
User was warned for this post
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Nice read. Good to know you got out of your depression  .
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On November 03 2010 02:33 SlyinZ wrote:
Sorry dude but your life dont suck.
Okay, you're the expert. What are the exact qualifications needed for a life to suck or not suck? Remember, we're working with strict definitions here.
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On November 03 2010 00:12 shinosai wrote:Wow, you know, reading how many people really liked my videos back in beta, it makes me want to start up again. =p Just know that I have to beat Majora's Mask first. And I'm also pretty rusty at sc2
Pfftt... It will look better when you start off with rusty games and get better and better. =)
Was a good read, had some stuff that I could relate to. Glad to see you are doing better now.
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This post was absolutely beautiful and sad. Great read.
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I can relate.
I have struggled with depression for a long time. I had a breakdown at the beginning of the semester and had to drop out.
I am getting counseling and medication, and it is helping, but sometimes I feel like things will never get better. I'll just keep pressing on I guess.
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On November 03 2010 02:33 SlyinZ wrote:
Sorry dude but your life dont suck.
You can't really say that seeing how a life "sucking" or not is more dependent on how a person was born and raised, as this will probably affect how they take certain situations. Just because a) happens to me and makes me depressed it doesn't mean that a) will make you or someone else as depressed. Since we all take things in differently, this is more individualistic and subjective.
Yes you can say that if we were poor, without computers, starving to death in a 3rd world nation, that our lives would suck, yes maybe to us in the 1st world we would, but for them that's all they have, they might not know any better, and they might think their lives are great, while we view it completely differently.
@ OP: Happy to read about a blog where you came out on top after these things seem to impact you pretty negatively. Great job in getting out of a hole that many fall into and stay in. Also for fixing your life from when everything seemed pretty much dismal. 5/5
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The 'meaning of life' is a bit of a misnomer. Might as well ask what the meaning of car is or the meaning of golf. I guess what people are asking when talking about life having no meaning is: what is the purpose of life? None that I know of. Perhaps the only thing universal enough to be considered the purpose of life is that we all seek happiness in one form or another. Everything that we do is driven by some sort of belief that it will better ourselves or others.
My theory is that when you have nothing, the lack of logical purpose in life becomes much more pronounced. Both being busy and being happy probably leave a lot less time to think of miserable topics such as the fact that nothing we do will ultimately matter. And really, what does our "ultimate" fate matter when we are living in the present?
You should know by now that the purpose of life is to find the Good. =)
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I think I'm in a bit of a similar position though not as severe. By nature I'm more to avoid trash talking and conflict though there are times where I just go out and yell at people calling them stupid and what not (usually in DotA if they're on my team and just way too new to the game to be anywhere near good). When I play with internet friends it's a bit better as we use Ventrilo to talk. While our text seemed really angry, our voices were a completely different tone of "oh we have a noob how annoying". Still we ripped him a new one over it via text chat.
Still I feel like I'm at that point where I want help but don't know how to get it. There's that huge shyness barrier to go out and trust someone enough...and even when I do, I wouldn't know what to say. "I'm depressed please help me?" Sometimes I don't even known the reason why.
Blog was a pretty good read and I think I could benefit from a relationship like that but feels like I'm too immature to handle one. Like the people online that do talk to me carry on their own relationships and they bring it to the online world making me constantly feel like a third wheel regardless of where I am. Just that feeling of jealously over them getting that success and me getting nothing is really frustraiting and I know it's not a good thing. Still it's there and and it sucks.
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Man I remembered being a whiner when I was around 15 to 17, I started to appreciate my life when I almost lost my grandma (whom raised me from 0 to 19 years).. You have a great story for people kinda going through what you've been in. this is a good motivator or inspiration.
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EPT
