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Monday. September twentieth. Year 2010. A day that will live in infamy.
'Cause it was my first day at Foothill College in California.
I'm easily intimidated by new experiences, so I was a bit apprehensive at first. Thankfully, it wasn't all that different from high school. With any luck, it'll be fun!
Here's how my day went:
I wake up at 6:30 so that my mother could drive me to school; the class started at 8 AM, but since my sister goes to school in San Francisco (about 2 hours away! X_x), we have to leave earlier than I would have liked. Yes, this does in fact imply that I have no driver's license. I'm a spineless pussy when it comes to driving, so sue me.
+ Show Spoiler +![[image loading]](http://www.centralnewyorkinjurylawyer.com/scared%20driver.jpg) This is me in ten years.
I arrive around 7:10, so I head around to check out where all my classes are. At this point, my anxiety is forgotten, since I'm just thinking about what the classes are like, and how the professors and fellow students are. So, I'm kinda gallivanting around the campus, feeling upbeat and jovial. In fact, this song is playing in my head the whole time:
+ Show Spoiler +
In fact, don't continue reading until you have that playing. I want you guys to feel the kind of mood I was in.
You listening? Good.
No, wait, that one guy doesn't have it playing yet. Turn it on, buddy.
There we go, you're such a reasonable audience.
Anyway, I'm walking around the place, and I run into an old friend of mine from high school... let's call him Carter. Carter shares my sardonic sense of humor, so we get along very well. Now, I'm psyched for class, because I'm anticipating we'll be sharing at least one. I feel like fist-pumping, but doing that without any provocation would be awkward, so I refrain.
But dark times are ahead for me, for in the middle of my little tour, after parting with my friend, I start to feel cramps in my abdominal area. Not a good sign, usually, so I head to one of the restrooms to see if I could... make a deposit, so to speak.
But alas, poor Aeres! Apparently, I am in the throes of that devilish ailment known as constipation. Seems like I'm gonna be holding it in for a bit longer; that shit was backed up like a whore's ass in Vegas. And only slightly more sanitary.
So life starts to suck for me again. You can turn off the music now, the mood is pretty much gone.
I check my watch once the throbbing of my fecal fetus has ceased, and I notice that it's almost 8:00 -- the first class is about to start. Fortunately, it's my favorite subject, history. Specifically, Ancient Egypt. So, I try to ignore my intestinal problems and head on over to (hopefully) enjoy the class.
Again, my hopes are dashed, though. The history professor is just... ugh. She looks like she was born around the time of the subject matter she's teaching, and her attitude is that of a "Three years until retirement..." kind of thing.
+ Show Spoiler +![[image loading]](http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/angry_england.jpg) I saw her drive past me. She looked perturbed.
As soon as the student mass trudges into the classroom, she looks up, turns back to her computer, and plays this video on the projector: + Show Spoiler + God, it's horrifying. Not only is it just embarrassing to hear, but I don't learn anything new anyway. Once it's over, she turns to us again and starts launching questions at us that most of us don't understand at all. Since history is my passion, I respond affirmatively with a few of the answers, but before long, Ms. Despicable Crone says I've spoken enough for the class, and I should stay quiet for the rest of the period.
The class is two hours long. Twenty minutes have passed. And I gotta stay quiet and attentive for an hour forty, while trying not to shit my pants accidentally? Fun times, I guess. And to top it off, she threatens to loop that fucking YouTube video if we (and by we, I mean everyone but me) are too reticent about answering her gauntlet of questions.
It's nice that the student body is baller, so it balances out the cunt behind the podium. She lectures about 30 minutes total; it would've been longer, but she keeps getting interrupted every 5 minutes by late students who hover around the doorway. Serves her right, the bitch.
Somehow, though, I make it through. The second and final class for the day is English 1A. I like writing, and I daresay I'm good at it, but my brain, for some reason, refuses to kick into writing gear when presented an assignment about a subject I have no interest in. So, I'm not too happy about this class. However, the class is made awesome by the combination of three things:
First off, the teacher is stellar. She's this bright and happy Polish woman who has such a cool accent. I'm not gonna say the professor was incredibly attractive, but she's definitely not ugly, so that's a plus. Too bad she's wearing the most atrocious scarf I've ever seen! It looks like a boa constrictor wearing zebra stripes. I mean, I'm not exactly Estee Lauder, but come on, this is ridiculous.
+ Show Spoiler +![[image loading]](http://www.gotpetsonline.com/pictures-gallery/exotic-pictures-breeders-babies/zebra-pictures-breeders-babies/pictures/zebra-0003.jpg) Stop wearing sub-Saharan animals around your neck!
Second, Carter is there. Score!
Third... well, I THOUGHT it was gonna be a three-item list, because I notice the assigned reading text, The Zookeeper's Wife, was about World War II. Again, history buff that I am, I'm a bit more excited. Until I read the summary on the back of the book. Turns out it's a motherfucking love story in the Holocaust. Oh, well, you take what you can get.
By the way, Carter is a friggin' master of misdirection. He asks like 20 different questions pertaining to the syllabus to stall for time, because there's a sort of diagnostic essay that we're supposed to write in class to get a sense of how well we write. Unfortunately for Carter, Ms. Obnoxious Scarf sees through his plan and allows the class to start writing 20 minutes before Carter is allowed to, and since the essay is the ticket out the door, my noble friend has to stay after class for a bit. Like a pro, I get my essay out in record time (although whenever I write, I grip the pen WAAAAAAY too hard, so I have constant hand cramps), and swagger out the door, right to the bathroom.
Sweet relief ensues.
Since my classes are over for the day, and I've been released from the class earlier than expected, I decide to walk home, since I'm out of shape anyway and home is only two or so miles from the campus. Not the wisest decision I've ever made, mostly because I tend to get cold VERY easily. So, I'm wearing black jeans, a black longsleeve shirt, and black fucking Uggs. And I plan to basically climb a 2-mile hill to get home.
I'm an idiot.
Finally, I make it home, after my heroic encounter with this mighty beast: + Show Spoiler + Also, I nearly get hit by a car because the bastard's talking on his cell phone and swerving around like a Hula-Hooper on meth. Oh, and the blisters from the Uggs. I need some decent tennis shoes...
So, yeah, that's my story. All things considered, I'm looking forward to my time at college. Certainly something new.
 
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Hey man I read your little adventure here and it's actually quite funny. I got some laughs out of it. Hope you enjoy your semester. Your writing style is quite good and comical, I like that. Oh... a dude wearing Ugg boots though......?
P.S get a driver's license, you're in college now buddy, you're going to need to get around. Mom giving a ride to school... not a really good look hahehheh =D
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On September 21 2010 05:20 MetalMarine wrote:
Hey man I read your little adventure here and it's actually quite funny. I got some laughs out of it. Hope you enjoy your semester. Your writing style is quite good and comical, I like that. Oh... a dude wearing Ugg boots though......?
P.S get a driver's license, you're in college now buddy, you're going to need to get around. Mom giving a ride to school... not a really good look hahehheh =D
Yeah, I know about the Uggs. They're warm. >_<
Mom was only driving me the first day. I'm walking once I get some good shoes.
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Dedicating 800th post to you... Well you should still get a driver's license anyways, trust me it will make your life 10000x better/easier.
Bonus: you can also bang a chick in the backseat (or at least a BJ) =)
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On September 21 2010 05:25 MetalMarine wrote:
Dedicating 800th post to you... Well you should still get a driver's license anyways, trust me it will make your life 10000x better/easier.
Bonus: you can also bang a chick in the backseat (or at least a BJ) =)
Well, at least you're practical. Thanks for the encouragement. =P
On September 21 2010 05:29 thedeadhaji wrote:LOL I basically know where your house has to be now  Enjoyed reading the blog. Next time you have stomach issues, just get up and leave class, then come back once your business is finished. If you're worried about the teacher, then spend 5 minutes looking like you're REALLY IN PAIN before you leave lol. Good thing your parents can drop you off, because parking @ foothill college is a BITCH! walking should be perfectly fine, it's beautiful in the area 
... Ofuck, Haji's a stalker! O_o Do you still go to Foothill? Maybe I've seen you before.
About the stomach issues: I literally couldn't do anything about it the first time, so there wasn't much point in trying again until stuff had time to move around, y'know? I also didn't want to incur the wrath of the history professor.
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I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.
Kinda, anyway, nice writing. Really enjoyed your blog. 5/5
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On September 21 2010 05:37 Rainmaker5 wrote:
I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.
Kinda, anyway, nice writing. Really enjoyed your blog. 5/5
*moves to Boston*
Thanks for the compliments. =P
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
On September 21 2010 05:37 Aeres wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 05:25 MetalMarine wrote:
Dedicating 800th post to you... Well you should still get a driver's license anyways, trust me it will make your life 10000x better/easier.
Bonus: you can also bang a chick in the backseat (or at least a BJ) =) Well, at least you're practical. Thanks for the encouragement. =P Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 05:29 thedeadhaji wrote:LOL I basically know where your house has to be now Enjoyed reading the blog. Next time you have stomach issues, just get up and leave class, then come back once your business is finished. If you're worried about the teacher, then spend 5 minutes looking like you're REALLY IN PAIN before you leave lol. Good thing your parents can drop you off, because parking @ foothill college is a BITCH! walking should be perfectly fine, it's beautiful in the area ... Ofuck, Haji's a stalker! O_o Do you still go to Foothill? Maybe I've seen you before. About the stomach issues: I literally couldn't do anything about it the first time, so there wasn't much point in trying again until stuff had time to move around, y'know? I also didn't want to incur the wrath of the history professor.
I've taken courses there in the past :O
local CC
I've already graduated with a Masters degree so
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On September 21 2010 05:49 thedeadhaji wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 05:37 Aeres wrote:On September 21 2010 05:25 MetalMarine wrote:
Dedicating 800th post to you... Well you should still get a driver's license anyways, trust me it will make your life 10000x better/easier.
Bonus: you can also bang a chick in the backseat (or at least a BJ) =) Well, at least you're practical. Thanks for the encouragement. =P On September 21 2010 05:29 thedeadhaji wrote:LOL I basically know where your house has to be now Enjoyed reading the blog. Next time you have stomach issues, just get up and leave class, then come back once your business is finished. If you're worried about the teacher, then spend 5 minutes looking like you're REALLY IN PAIN before you leave lol. Good thing your parents can drop you off, because parking @ foothill college is a BITCH! walking should be perfectly fine, it's beautiful in the area ... Ofuck, Haji's a stalker! O_o Do you still go to Foothill? Maybe I've seen you before. About the stomach issues: I literally couldn't do anything about it the first time, so there wasn't much point in trying again until stuff had time to move around, y'know? I also didn't want to incur the wrath of the history professor. I've taken courses there in the past :O local CC I've already graduated with a Masters degree so
Again, I'm an idiot. I read your "Ask me anything" blog yesterday, so I should've known. Hooray for poor reading comprehension skills.
Still kinda creepy that you know where I live. Oh well, you're a TL hero, so it could be worse!
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On September 21 2010 05:39 Aeres wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 05:37 Rainmaker5 wrote:
I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.
Kinda, anyway, nice writing. Really enjoyed your blog. 5/5 *moves to Boston* Thanks for the compliments. =P
Boston is a shitty place to live, although it is significantly better if you dont own a car so that could work out for ya.
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On September 21 2010 05:54 NukeTheBunnys wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 05:39 Aeres wrote:On September 21 2010 05:37 Rainmaker5 wrote:
I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.
Kinda, anyway, nice writing. Really enjoyed your blog. 5/5 *moves to Boston* Thanks for the compliments. =P Boston is a shitty place to live, although it is significantly better if you dont own a car so that could work out for ya.
It was kind of a joke, seeing as how everyone knows where I live now. T_T Besides, it's too cold. I'd rather move to Arizona or somethin'.
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dude why are you wearing uggs??? do they make guy shoes?
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On September 21 2010 06:01 mOnion wrote:
dude why are you wearing uggs??? do they make guy shoes?
I know they're feminine, but they fit my feet well and they're warm. I don't think I should be demonized because of my footwear, long as it works for me and I like it. Although, I really do need some good athletic shoes for when I'm walking to/from school every day.
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On September 21 2010 05:29 thedeadhaji wrote:LOL I basically know where your house has to be now Enjoyed reading the blog. Next time you have stomach issues, just get up and leave class, then come back once your business is finished. If you're worried about the teacher, then spend 5 minutes looking like you're REALLY IN PAIN before you leave lol. Good thing your parents can drop you off, because parking @ foothill college is a BITCH!walking should be perfectly fine, it's beautiful in the area
Truer words never spoken. In fact, a friend of mine just ranted to me on the abysmal state of parking there.
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what the hell, you got to start 23 days later than me
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On September 21 2010 05:39 Aeres wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 05:37 Rainmaker5 wrote:
I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.
Kinda, anyway, nice writing. Really enjoyed your blog. 5/5 *moves to Boston* Thanks for the compliments. =P
Now I KNOW where you live! You can't escape TL forever!
On a related note, that was a really entertaining story! Much more interesting than my first day of college which was just a bundle of stress. Keep us updated with your adventures :D
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On September 21 2010 07:08 dudeman001 wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2010 05:39 Aeres wrote:On September 21 2010 05:37 Rainmaker5 wrote:
I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.
Kinda, anyway, nice writing. Really enjoyed your blog. 5/5 *moves to Boston* Thanks for the compliments. =P Now I KNOW where you live! You can't escape TL forever! On a related note, that was a really entertaining story! Much more interesting than my first day of college which was just a bundle of stress. Keep us updated with your adventures :D
You sure? I might have been talking about Boston, Ontario. Or Boston, Missouri! You may never know...
Thanks for the praise! Tomorrow is only one class, Statistics, so I'm not sure there's gonna be much to talk about. Who knows, there might be something bloggable. I'm not a fan of math, so maybe I'll write of my struggles with graph paper and derivatives.
It'll be a real tear-jerker, I assure you.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ODUGlGhaapI/Sm6Pzupc2xI/AAAAAAAANFo/woTiskI4cjQ/s400/Coiled+snake-1.JPG)
