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First off, I am bit discourage from posting up this up given the recent trend of relationship-help blogs. But I figured it would be interesting to find out what other people's opinion on this would be so, why not.
I had just started a new job(after almost a year of searching), and I considering whenever or not I should I pursue a office relationship. The girl I am thinking about had just started as well. We both work at the front desk so there are many opportunities for small talk. I am very good people person, so I was had no trouble into talking (flirting?) and making her laugh, though I am consciously held myself back from getting too friendly with her.(I am VERY familiar with the dangers of the friend zone)
So now that I explained the situation, Here's a couple of issues I been struggling in my head.
First is whether or not should I even purse an office relationship. This is first real job I had since graduating,(not counting old side-jobs) and I am not sure if I should risk purse a office relationship if it might conflict with my job. My main concern is if it is against office regulations or disapproval from my superiors. Though the awkwardness of a possible rejection is also a worry, but I can just laugh that off easily.
Speaking of rejection I could also be reading this wrong and she just not be interested in me. Like I said I been trying to do the delicate balance of keeping my distance and being friendly/flirty, and likewise she been doing the same, so I don't really have a 100 percent sure if she would be interested. She did add me on facebook, though I never asked or told her about it. I started the job last week, so I know if I were to ask her out, I would have to do it soon. (before the DREADED FRIENDZONE!!!!)
To be honest the fear of rejection is not stopping me from asking her her out, my concerns were expressed in my first point.
 
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generally as long as it doesn't interfere with your actual work and judgements too much there's not going to be a concern from your superiors if your going out with someone or not.
Office job is a place where thats fine,
Teaching however... on a taster into teaching into my degree. damn! some of these teachers!
i wish i didnt hear, "always be professional with other members of staff"on my teaching course 
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If you're a very good people person, the last thing you should do is be asking nerds on the internet anything about relationships.
Do what you think is best, and if you get the girl, great. If you don't, maybe the next one will go better. Overthinking these things is always the worst thing you can do, so just act the way you always do and ask her out if you want to. Definitely don't waste your time stressing over it.
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naw, dont shit where you eat. best to explore relationship opportunities elsewhere.
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just ask your boss or whatever how they feel about it? seems kind of straight forward if your problem isn't social skills...
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ever see the show "The Office?"
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Kennigit
Canada19447 Posts
Floor relationships, work relationships, college program relationships. Don't do it. Just don't.
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dont listen to the haters Dandy4. u can have many jobs in ur life but u can only have ONE tru love. she could be the 1 man, she could be the 1.
go for it, u will regret it forever if u do not
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On July 12 2010 07:30 Maero wrote:
If you're a very good people person, the last thing you should do is be asking nerds on the internet anything about relationships.
Don't underestimate the TL'ers, there have been a number of times where I found their opinions rather insightful. Not to mention I am still a nerd at heart.
On July 12 2010 07:34 Herculix wrote:
just ask your boss or whatever how they feel about it? seems kind of straight forward if your problem isn't social skills...
I was thinking about it, but I am literally one of three guys working there other two being the security guard and the janitor, and I don't know how the boss would feel about when, the new guy just came up and asked "Hey, is cool if I bang one of the co workers?"
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Don't shit where you eat. Words to live by.
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There is a german proverb that goes "Stecke nie den Füller in Firmentinte", which translates to something like "Never put a pen in company ink." Seriously though, you'll be together 24/7, which is not the best of ideas. Also, your conversations will probably mostly revolve about your work, which seems kind of boring. I wouldn't want to talk with my girlfriend about my work all day.
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While I am aware of what you guys are trying to say about the "sit where you eat" thing, but I think I might be under a different situation. It's kinda of part time internship so its not a nine to five job. We also have different day-shifts, since we are both interns. At any giving week we would only share a one day 4hr shift.
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I know for the company that I'm currently interning at that they specifically mentioned in the code that office relationship is highly discouraged. You might want to make sure that it's allowed before you make a move.
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If you truly feel she is the one, listen to your heart!
Go for it!
:D
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United States24709 Posts
On July 12 2010 07:30 Maero wrote:
If you're a very good people person, the last thing you should do is be asking nerds on the internet anything about relationships.
Do what you think is best, and if you get the girl, great. If you don't, maybe the next one will go better. Overthinking these things is always the worst thing you can do, so just act the way you always do and ask her out if you want to. Definitely don't waste your time stressing over it.
As a pre-service teacher definitely.
I know many teachers who have gotten married after working in the same school so it definitely happens and works out. I'd wait until tenured though to do that...
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I was in a work relationship once, after it ended so did my job.
If your job means anything to you, learn from my mistake and DONT DO IT.
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On July 12 2010 08:51 Dandy4 wrote:
While I am aware of what you guys are trying to say about the "sit where you eat" thing, but I think I might be under a different situation. It's kinda of part time internship so its not a nine to five job. We also have different day-shifts, since we are both interns. At any giving week we would only share a one day 4hr shift.
Your whole first post talks about how this is your first job, but now you're an intern and this is not permanent? Don't change your story to try to justify to yourself making a move. Either do it or don't, but don't bullshit yourself about the reasoning, nor don't bullshit yourself to placate people on TL who have raised legitimate concerns.
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United States24709 Posts
On July 12 2010 09:41 CheAse wrote:
I was in a work relationship once, after it ended so did my job.
If your job means anything to you, learn from my mistake and DONT DO IT.
Why did your job end? Can you explain it?
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On July 12 2010 09:41 CheAse wrote:
I was in a work relationship once, after it ended so did my job.
If your job means anything to you, learn from my mistake and DONT DO IT.
This is a is only is a summer internship so I will only have this job two months reguardless (hopefully they hire me for a more long position.) Also I do know she is still in college so she won't be looking for a position pass the internship period.
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Two teachers in my high school worked in the same department. The female teacher was engaged, but broke it off to pursue a relationship with her co-worker. This happened my freshman-sophomore year, then in my junior year they married.
So yes, sometimes office relationships work.
Another anecdote: Pam and Jim.
If you can sufficiently segregate your personal life from your work life, I don't see any reason why you should actively prohibit an office relationship.
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United States24709 Posts
On July 12 2010 10:20 TOloseGT wrote:
Two teachers in my high school worked in the same department. The female teacher was engaged, but broke it off to pursue a relationship with her co-worker. This happened my freshman-sophomore year, then in my junior year they married.
So yes, sometimes office relationships work.
Another anecdote: Pam and Jim.
If you can sufficiently segregate your personal life from your work life, I don't see any reason why you should actively prohibit an office relationship.
You don't always have to do that necessarily even though... I think it's a good idea.
Two science teachers where I worked were married. On the bulletin board next to my desk was a sheet of paper that said FUD with an unused wrapped condom stapled to it. I asked someone what FUD means and they said 'f u dave' and the husband's name was dave lol.
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On July 12 2010 09:47 Dandy4 wrote:Show nested quote +On July 12 2010 09:41 CheAse wrote:
I was in a work relationship once, after it ended so did my job.
If your job means anything to you, learn from my mistake and DONT DO IT. This is a is only is a summer internship so I will only have this job two months reguardless (hopefully they hire me for a more long position.) Also I do know she is still in college so she won't be looking for a position pass the internship period.
I would go for it then! low risk and high rewards.
my relationship ended very poorly, and we were like 50% of the staff. Basically became unbearable to work with her. However we are now friends
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Is she the Pam to your Jim? Then go for it...if you're like Michael...just don't date.=D
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a lot of workplaces dont allow office relationship. You should see if yours has that rule.
I don't think they will fire you for it but if you don't perform well, they will pin you on that.
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On July 12 2010 08:24 baller wrote:
dont listen to the haters Dandy4. u can have many jobs in ur life but u can only have ONE tru love. she could be the 1 man, she could be the 1.
go for it, u will regret it forever if u do not
i just went through a similar dilemna and i thought this, then decided it was dumb and deleted her number & all messages shit. I'll explain why. you'll meet TONS of women in your life, getting all caught up on one IS MORE LIKELY TO MAKE YOU MISS YOUR TRUE LOVE THAN TO MEET HER. there are ALWAYS more women. would you stop playing sc because you had one shitty game? if you're so focused on that game you don't play another, you could not play the best game in your life. not the best metaphor but i hope you understand what I'm saying
and for work relationships, generally, no. don't do it. I mean it all comes down to whether or not you can look yourself in the mirror and say "I'm satisfied with my life" but it really speeds up the process to learn from others' experience. and that means no work relationships. doesn't mean you can't have fun while you're there though, and it deosn't exclude future hookups if one of you leaves or w/e
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On July 12 2010 10:43 shieldbreak wrote:
Is she the Pam to your Jim? Then go for it...if you're like Michael...just don't date.=D
I think I am more of a Ryan 
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Then stop taking drugs and marry a nice indian girl!
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Since it sounds like your positions are only temporary, I'd say just go for it unless it's against company policy.
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Like others have said you should check with the boss whether workplace relationships are allowed. They're not likely to hire you if you break a company rule.
I wouldn't do it if I were you. Apologies if I'm wrong but you sound more horny than head-over-heels.
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You seem WAY too concerned with the "friend zone". Trust me, if she's going to friend zone you, she's done it already. The only way you're going to know is to grow a pair, ask her out, and see what happens.
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On July 12 2010 17:44 Kashmir wrote:
I wouldn't do it if I were you. Apologies if I'm wrong but you sound more horny than head-over-heels.
Well, granted we have only met for a week, I am not going to lie and say I am not physical attracted, having said that she does seem to be a genuine cool person.
On July 12 2010 20:31 Servius_Fulvius wrote:
You seem WAY too concerned with the "friend zone". Trust me, if she's going to friend zone you, she's done it already. The only way you're going to know is to grow a pair, ask her out, and see what happens.
I have been though my fair share of the "just friends" thing, so that is the reason why I have am a little cautious. Having said that, I have decided I am mostly likely going to ask her out in the coming week.
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In that case good luck! Hopefully it'll all work out for you and you can come get your kudos when you update us later :D
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just a quick update, she said yes. Woot!
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Edit: posted late, but anyways thats cool she said yes!
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Congratulations Dandy4, incoming blog update soon yeah?
*hint hint*
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On July 16 2010 02:52 Dandy4 wrote:
just a quick update, she said yes. Woot!
Nice! I too would appreciate a blog update!
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On July 12 2010 08:19 Kennigit wrote:
Floor relationships, work relationships, college program relationships. Don't do it. Just don't.
In all of your past relationships, how many of them smoothly transitioned into lasting friendships? (kinda necessary if you work together) I think it takes someone with remarkable inner balance to step back from a relationship and avoid a lot of negative emotions to embrace a friendship. If you think both of you have that in you, fire away. I am not that person and probably never will be. Out of all the people I have met there is one that I think would be capable of a safe post coitus (and/or breakup) work relationship.
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Thanks for all the support guys, I will try update my blog after the date, which is tomorrow so you guys wouldn't have to wait too long. Side question, sorry I am a blogging n00b, should I just reply to this existing thread or start a new post when I want to update my blog post?
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Make a new thread if you are going to put some effort into writing a nice summary of your date. If you want to keep it short and simple just update it here.
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I'll be honest I didn't read all of the OP or much of any of the responses, but here is what I have to tell you. If there are mutual feelings there is no sense in not giving it a try. Try to keep things as casual as possible so if things don't work out it'll end on good terms if you still have to work with her.
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you can interview for the same job anywhere
you can't interview for the same pussy anywhere
do it
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EPT
