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meteorskunk
Canada546 Posts
Your mental anguish will keep breakin you the hell down until you trash your old sheltered self. It will get more and more desperate to make you feel like dying until you finally can't take it and say "fuck it why am i holding onto this self that i am, who gives a fuck what people think". I think the main thing is to realize how much pride hurts you in the end. just be happy with surviving and all that! and just love everyone. i think thats how you find purpose. | ||
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Mickey
United States2606 Posts
I never meant to state that cannabis was bad or immoral in some way. I just don't recommend people smoke during times of sadness and depression as it tends to increase those feelings. I'm all for the legalization of cannabis and don't believe it's a gateway drug as many government officials tend to state. It has great properties and certainly makes a trip to burger king a better experience, lol. My best advice is what others have already said. Try finding genuine people who enjoy your company for who you are and not for who you're supposed to be to them. Find things your passionate about and help others when you can. I also believe your anxiety of being a virgin is something you need to overcome. There's nothing bad about being a virgin at your age and you should have sex when you feel you're ready. You're sexuality is your buisness and you should do whatever you makes you happy. Hopefully you'll meet a person that makes you happy and things will go from there. You're not alone man. Be well and live well. | ||
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meteorskunk
Canada546 Posts
On June 06 2010 02:11 Mickey wrote: It's great that I feel people were going through the same situation I was in. Not because I wish pain on others, but it makes me feel that it's something we all go through. I never meant to state that cannabis was bad or immoral in some way. I just don't recommend people smoke during times of sadness and depression as it tends to increase those feelings. I'm all for the legalization of cannabis and don't believe it's a gateway drug as many government officials tend to state. It has great properties and certainly makes a trip to burger king a better experience, lol. My best advice is what others have already said. Try finding genuine people who enjoy your company for who you are and not for who you're supposed to be to them. Find things your passionate about and help others when you can. I also believe your anxiety of being a virgin is something you need to overcome. There's nothing bad about being a virgin at your age and you should have sex when you feel you're ready. You're sexuality is your buisness and you should do whatever you makes you happy. Hopefully you'll meet a person that makes you happy and things will go from there. You're not alone man. Be well and live well. I don't think that is necessarily true for everyone (cannabis). If I'm feeling depressed and i smoke my first bomber in months, the weed is like "hey wtf man? why are you being such a lamer? enjoy these funny little things you overlook everyday stupid!" | ||
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Mickey
United States2606 Posts
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hp.Shell
United States2527 Posts
On June 05 2010 18:12 Emon_ wrote:This way you can shape an identity within a group, instead of creating one from thin air that can be wavered by a gust of wind. Can you elaborate on this idea please? I like the idea, but I feel I'm not getting the full substance of it. On June 05 2010 18:27 JustAnotherKnave wrote: (1.) i think you're reaction to this whole gay thing makes you appear to me as extremely homophobic. tell your friends gf to strip for you and "then we'll see who's gay"..... are you out of your fucking mind? there is nothing wrong with being gay. a homophobe is way more of a faggot than an out and open queer. (2.)and your weed sure isn't helping you very much. i suggest a new supplier. 1. Firstly, there are a lot of details about this person I'm calling "my friend's gf" that I didn't bother to get into in the original text so that the read would actually be bearable. If you want details, here's a few. They're really just reasons why I had been harboring violent rage toward her, which led to my decision to act in the way I did when this situation arose. By the way, I never said there was anything wrong with being gay. I'll admit, however, that I'm a little shocked sometimes when met with enthusiastically happy gay people who are bursting with energy and etc that I can't help but think it's mostly an act that's done much for the same reason as when a person screams on a rollercoaster: that is, to relieve stress. This shock and "acting to relieve stress" can give way to a feeling of wanting to get away from that person, which you might argue is homophobic. You'd be correct. However, I have absolutely no problems with gay people who are actually sane about how they go about their daily lives. I've even been sometimes friends with gay people, but they were always mature and reasonable with the amount of enthusiasm they had with being gay. What I'm trying to say is, I may be "afraid" of some homosexuals, but I'll argue that it's only because some people (me) don't have an unlimited supply of energy, and I feel drained if I'm around that person for too long. Natural reaction? Fear and a desire for escape. Which is reasonable. To get back to my original point of providing examples of why I felt hatred toward my friend's gf: (Keep in mind I have since moved out of this living situation, but sometimes my thoughts are expressed in present tense. The good examples are at the bottom.) -began living in my 2-bedroom apartment I had been originally sharing with my roommate -refused to pay rent or even help out by throwing in a few bucks, even though she was often using the apartment more than I was or my roommate was -drove my roommate away from any and all friendly interactions with me, effectively isolating me when I was inside the apartment, by her immature reactions to my normal, more mature, friendly self -in fact, the only dialogue I still had with my roommate was the times when we'd sit in the living room (the shared space of the apartment) around the coffee table smoking ganja. This led me toward greater abuse of the drug I once felt liberated by. The toking sessions were always preceded and followed by the opening and closing of my roommate's bedroom door. -because of this isolation, I began to play my acoustic guitar in my bedroom more. My bedroom door is normally open, so of course the sound is going to carry. Well, I was paying half the rent, electric and internet bills, so it's effectively my space and I can do what I want with the airwaves as long as my roommate doesn't get excessively annoyed. My roommate's gf, on the other hand, does NOT hold such power, according to me, contributing member of three-people-in-a-two-bedroom-apartment-life we've begun to consider the normal living situation. -keep in mind, his gf is NOT ON THE LEASE. According to the landlord, if someone isn't on the lease but they're living in the apartment with us, it's a breach of contract and we could be evicted. Not to mention we're smoking weed all the time, but that's a separate point. -I'd be at home between classes, and my roommate would come home with his gf to fuck. He'd close the door, say "hey Mike" like he didn't expect me to get there, and then when I'd say "hey" back, like it's polite to do, his gf would groan and she'd start talking to him as though she hated my existence. I found out later that they came close to kicking me out a few times, thankfully they're not THAT huge of assholes. -because she had been living in the apartment with us for so long, naturally she feels like she owns the place, because she's got roomie whipped, so I should be too... or something. So she begins attempting to order me to do things differently, which I blatantly refuse each time she tries. Along with my refusal I tell her she should start paying a third of the rent because she is effectively living with us and of course I'm too good a person to outright kick her out and back to the dorm from whence she came (that she was still paying for). examples of orders: -groaned when she walked by my open doorway, effectively telling me to stop playing my guitar. I groan back, she groans louder. (not the erotic type of moaning, either.) Once she even had the nerve to stand in my doorway and tell me "that sounds like SHIT." In response, I began playing the most horrific made-up chords existence can possibly fathom in equally horrific rhythms to sort of tell her just how wrong she was, and how much harder she'd made her life by bringing her negativity into my Chill Zone. -told me I needed to buy more weed when we ran out (it's common courtesy to "match bowls" as a pothead, meaning each smoker puts in his or her fair share of cash to the smoke) -drank the last quarter of my half gallon of milk one day while I was away at class. I come home to "oh yeah, we drank it, sorry." Oh yeah, it was also test week before finals week, so I hadn't had breakfast yet, and I had been planning on cereal when I got back, and then a nap until 3 or 4pm. By the way, it takes less than a quarter of a half gallon of milk to have two bowls of cereal. They said that they would buy the milk next time and that I could have some of theirs. I thought that was slightly fair, except they didn't even bother to buy the same type of milk I always got. It was skim milk or some shit. So I didn't even drink any of theirs out of spite. -Later I was going out of town for the weekend and I had about a quarter of milk in my half gallon jug left. It was about a week away from the expiration date. Being the cool guy I am, I KNOW when my milk fucking expires, so I'm not worried at all about finishing it before I leave for the weekend, because it'll fucking be there when I get back or heads will explode. So I'm nearing the doorway with all my stuff when the two lovebirds come out of their closet and head straight for the fridge. Roomie takes my milk jug out, shakes it, looks for the expiration date, and tells me that I should finish it before I leave, or it'll probably go bad. To which I respond. But you can guess, can't you? Life is full of ups and downs. There are some people you just don't get along with. She was one of them. In the heat of the moment, my few attempts with women during that semester of college appeared to have no effect on their understanding that I'm a heterosexual. So their insinuation that I was homosexual caught me completely off guard. So when you ask me if I'm "out of my fucking mind," I'd say I'm relatively sane (perhaps no longer completely, but I'm putting the pieces back together), as compared to the bitch I told off that night. 2. If you'd kindly re-read the OP, you'll find that I've since quit smoking, so there's no need for you to comment on how the cannabis is allegedly affecting me. | ||
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meteorskunk
Canada546 Posts
On June 06 2010 02:19 Mickey wrote: It's different for everyone and I should of clarified that. However, was kind of things have you been depressed about and are they significant? Not in the grand scheme of things they're not significant, thats what weed helps me see. My sober mind is more like yikes am i going to have enough money in the future? shoot why am i so ugly, ugh i hated the way my friend treated me 2 years ago that one time! basically me me me. and yes this led me to some pretty severe suicidal tendencies earlier on. and then mama cannabis is like ... yo ok dude you got the warm sun, u got your friends your family, ur health and you can appreciate anything through the right lense so do it up! | ||
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hp.Shell
United States2527 Posts
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hp.Shell
United States2527 Posts
On June 06 2010 02:28 meteorskunk wrote: Not in the grand scheme of things they're not significant, thats what weed helps me see. My sober mind is more like yikes am i going to have enough money in the future? shoot why am i so ugly, ugh i hated the way my friend treated me 2 years ago that one time! basically me me me. and yes this led me to some pretty severe suicidal tendencies earlier on. and then mama cannabis is like ... yo ok dude you got the warm sun, u got your friends your family, ur health and you can appreciate anything through the right lense so do it up! You rock dude. That's awesome. | ||
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meteorskunk
Canada546 Posts
Thanks man I think you rock too. I hope things keep getting better, and I'm sure they only can with such a good attitude. | ||
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hp.Shell
United States2527 Posts
Edit: followed up with proper dialogue, of course.  | ||
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50bani
Romania480 Posts
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JinjoBust
Korea (North)130 Posts
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SirGlinG
Sweden933 Posts
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JinjoBust
Korea (North)130 Posts
On June 06 2010 02:47 50bani wrote: If virginity is your existential crisis then I envy you sincerely. It feels like you are a shallow person, which is interesting because you shouldn't have such as an existential crisis if you are shallow. The thing about religion and how you need spirituality in your life while rejecting standard beliefs you have been lead to by your upbringing looks like you are a bit emotionally unstable at this point. Also to note, your posts in this thread are pretty long, like you have a huge burden and need relief. Get counseling, maybe even medical advice. Lamenting on the internet is just that, lame. If you need help, this is not the place you will find any. Being concerned about looks doesn't make a person shallow. Over-generalizing and prescribing blindly to social norms is shallow. People need relief sometimes and it's not up to you to deny them that. | ||
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SagaZ
France3460 Posts
but gj on quiting smoking, it's nice to do it very ocasionaly but when it gets to constant it reaally screws your life | ||
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SolaR-
United States2686 Posts
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Emon_
3925 Posts
On June 06 2010 02:27 hp.Shell wrote: Can you elaborate on this idea please? I like the idea, but I feel I'm not getting the full substance of it. I'd be glad to. A little bit of background first - there is a popular way of relating to life that consists of an individual setting the rules and boundaries for his life. Other people are important only if I acknowledge them, my happiness always comes first, I control my emotions, I control my time etc. Other people are basically objects that can be understood through certain terms and that have value that I give them. The same goes for you and your actions - everything can be controlled and shaped into what you want it to be. An existential crisis, according to this theory, is not having clear enough goals, not being efficient with planing your time, reacting inappropriately to other peoples actions etc. If you view life that way it becomes a very lonely place to be a part of. People are replaceable at the slightest argument. Not only that, but even your own thoughts aren't your own since you're trying to control them into being a certain way. This negates the influence that a family and society have on an individual while growing up and the duty that the individual has back to them. Having an existential crisis, according to this theory, means being disconnected from family and society. Not knowing where to go next because of lacking relationships in your life. Ideally, your life should be intertwined with family and society (friends) to create greater good for everyone. Of course, there are bad families and discriminating societies which make this way of living very difficult. You have to find new people that you need to learn from and, in return, help out. This is where courage comes in. Proving that you're willing to rise above challenges set forth by the injustice of your surrounding and aspire in spite of them. However, this is striving for an ideal. The same as any other book/quote out there, it has a limited value, because the author doesn't know you and assumes you want what he wants. A book be a part of shaping a life, but there should be a lot more to it. The answer to your life is with your family and your friends. If you have good relationships with them it makes the future easier to predict because you now have a history of where you're from and where you need to be. Conversely, if you decide this on your own without consideration of anything else, it can change with your mood. Because you can't really be sure if what you're doing is right. I read the post about the roommate and the gf. If she didn't want to pay the third of the rent she could clean up around the house or cook for you guys. Prove that she wants to be the third roommate and that she respects the both of you. It sounded like a real horror read the way things turned out. Best of luck with your new apartment. You seem like a decent enough guy. Don't let their pettiness bring you down. | ||
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bITt.mAN
Switzerland3701 Posts
On June 06 2010 05:55 CultureMisfits wrote: is there such a thing as a "hard" drug? hp.shell, don't even go there I really feel like this could help you, tell me if the style of music is not yours and thus the message does not get through, but I feel that this could help: | ||
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snotboogie
Australia3550 Posts
On June 06 2010 01:16 JFKWT wrote: Oh kay, this thread is looking like a scene straight out of INFP globalchatter (before the server got mysteriously wiped). How quaint, I am an INFP too (never heard of that forum though) | ||
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Forlorn
Korea (South)69 Posts
Also I was never good in social situations. I guess I always come off as unsympathetic but really I try my best to understand their situation logically. Most of the people I talked to I didn't find to be on the same intellectual level. Not being good socially also hindered my success with the ladies. I lost my virginity kind of late and let me tell you: it is just a huge social delusion that having sex makes you a man. Having sex makes you feel no different than before. With friends I lost all of mine. They turned out to be very selfish assholes. I am isolated now too but it is ok. I actually feel happier now than I have ever been. I believe that in high school and college I spent a lot of my time trying to fit in and be accepted; this often led to depression. Now that I don't have friends, I can just be myself. It is like pressing the reset button on life. I messed up in life earlier and now I can carve any new path I want, be myself, do what I like, and not care about what others think. So even though it seems bad, now is a perfect time to start over.  | ||
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