Man, I'm 21 and I've been going through the same deal as you for the past few months now. Sure, I may have had a thought or two in these realms when I was 17 or so, but really, I had NO IDEA what I'd be going through in my late 20th year up to right about now. Let me tell you, life is harder when you're a virgin in a society that expects you to lose it before you graduate high school. Being in college with more open-minded people than not helped me let go of my (born and raised) Christian beliefs for good.
Sure, I toyed with the idea that there wasn't a god, but as life wore on I found that there's a third option that I've come to agree with more than religion or atheism. And that is spirituality. It's one thing to say there's no god, it's completely another to say there is a god and he favors you because you pray to a specific prophet (beware of false ones), but I've found it quite intellectually fulfilling to just take the universe for what it is: beautiful, alive, and continuous. I highly recommend you have morals in your life, but that doesn't mean you have to drink someone's blood every Sunday and say remember Jesus as your savior once every five minutes in order to live in paradise. The Bible is meant to be taken non-literally, by the way. You can actually gain a lot of knowledge about the world if you read it that way.
(quotes) ---- I'd argue against using cannabis. Cannabis intensifies any mood you are currently in and if you are rather sad it will simply make it worse. Believe me from personal experience. ----
---- I was just quoting a song
I never did drugs when I was younger, with the exception of drinking, but I would if I could do it over again. If you have the will power and control to not do anything stupid and stay away from hard drugs, I believe drugs open up a lot of doors to curbing adolescent depression.
HOWEVER, most kids really can't handle nor understand the responsibility behind doing any sort of drug. They often times get behind on responsibilities and go overboard with them. ----
I tend to agree with these two. Cannabis helped me recognize my own spiritual beliefs as valid and possible. At one point I even believed that the universe was simply a large organism trying to get by in its own little world. Now I just believe in unity. There are drugs that can help you understand more about yourself if you use them with respect. I'm not saying you should go toke up outside or stay high for the rest of your life. But every once in a while certainly can't be a bad thing.
Actually, along with my existential crisis, I had to stop hanging out with my small group of college friends several months ago. This small group had already been made smaller due to my use of cannabis, though I was getting to the level in the underground communities where new doors were opening up and I would've probably been popular in a few short weeks. However, because of my lacking social ability when it came to women, my small group of friends actually sat me down at a beer/weed party and told me that I should stop waiting to come out of the closet, because it would be better for me if I had my sexual orientation out in the open.
Let me tell you, I was pissed. I'm straight, by the way. I told my roommate's disrespectful girlfriend to strip then and there and then we'd see who's gay. I couldn't even get away from them because I was drunk. I later moved out of my apartment early, basically screwed my roommate and longtime friend into having to pay the full rent and also into having to buy dishes for the kitchen (sob sob), and also stopped hanging out with that group of friends. And that's how I quit smoking.
Basically, I hate having been so damn sheltered in high school. No one ever pressured me to get a girlfriend until college, so it was seldom that I had one in high school. I think I was more interested in getting a higher level in some RPG than trying to get involved with females. It's not like it helped that my mom switched the channel and said "eww, gross!!!!" every time something even remotely seductive (shampoo commercials? COME ON!) came on the tv.
It's much more important to go through an existential crisis at a young age than it is being fucking ignorant. I know you didn't need my life story and I know no one gives a shit about some loser on the internet (me), but perhaps it will help you get through your dark time. I feel that my crisis took a hell of a lot longer because it was triggered by me gaining 100% independence (irresponsibility), losing the friends I hung out with 99% of the time (isolation), and recognizing how late I am in losing my virginity (low self-esteem) -- all at the same time. It would have been nicer to deal with those things individually, but life kicks us all in the ass sometimes, right?
It's ending though, the crisis that is, thank... me? Yes, thank ME for having the balls to man up. I'll let you know how I turn out.
Why didn't you just post this as a response in his thread, since that's what it is? Why make a new thread? Anyway though, I think the worst part about experiencing this at a young age is that you begin to overanalyze the purpose of everything you do in life. Maybe by getting a bit more passive instead of aggressively going after your dreams/passions. You tend to see the big picture of things which just makes you be more lax about life.
You're not the only one brother. I too lost many friends recently (bullshit drama) and have to deal with isolation and a whole host of personal issues that threw my life into utter chaos and desolation. Suicide crosses my mind on a regular basis.
You know what though, we're both OK. Don't learn life from TV shows. Grow on your own schedule and walk your own path, this is the only way through life.
Fuck all the haters. You are the only one who will be with you through your whole life.
GrayArea: I decided to start a blog and also respond to the thread with this post. I tend to FEEL more passive about my life now than I did before, but I'm definitely taking action to change myself.
snotboogie: Thanks for your post, it's nice to know someone else is as isolated as I am right now. I lost my friends because I put my foot down and stopped hanging out with them, because they were assholes for harboring their beliefs about me for so long. So I guess you could say it's SELF-isolation. By the way, man, I've been through a suicidal period of time in my life previous to this disaster, and the best thing I have for you about that is (if you want it): you're still young. Suicide doesn't solve anything. And if you actually kill yourself, your future self (yes, you have a future) will be disappointed. So make your future self happy by letting it live its life.
I totally agree about the "You are the only one who will be with you through your whole life. " Completely. If I knew you in real life I'd throw some cannabis your way. Or a beer. Or something. Thanks for the hug, btw. You know what? Meditation has helped me a lot recently. If you're really stressed out and you just need to relax and let everything go, meditation is a hell of a lot better than feeling down. Plus, it gives you energy, like red bull. If you're interested in that, I recommend evernewjoy dot net. Once you get past his initial appearance, if that turns you away, you'll find he's very scientific in his explanation, and very spiritual in his beliefs. One of the things he emphasizes is the idea that the world needs more touch. So that hug really meant a lot to me. Keep it real brother.
Edit: You know, writing it down like this really makes me feel like I'm on the right track. I just wanted to point this part out again it was triggered by me gaining 100% independence (irresponsibility), losing the friends I hung out with 99% of the time (isolation), and recognizing how late I am in losing my virginity (low self-esteem) -- all at the same time So the three "problem areas" are irresponsibility, isolation, and low self-esteem. And you know what? Those three things have actually been improving all at once. It's not just being able to wake up at the same time every day, or taking the time to brush my teeth every day, or being able to walk out the door, or being able to buy the groceries in a non "self-checkout" lane because of social anxiety. I recognized that what was really dragging me down is that I was trying to fix all the little things at once. Now that I'm getting better, I'm realizing that I really only started to change these three things, and everything else just sort of falls into place. Good to note for anyone going through something similar, I think.
I type too much when I'm explaining this stuff. Oh well.
We seem to have a lot in common! I already do meditation when I can. Prayer also helps (I'm a Christian so we don't have 100% the same beliefs, but much of what you say about spirituality resonates with me)
Cannabis + music is also a deep meditative experience for me too. (Please noone bring up my Christianity as if it conflicts with this... I don't believe it's wrong, especially not the way I use it)
Incidentally, one of the reasons I play Starcraft is because it's another form of meditation. It commands the focus away from my troubles for a solid 10 minutes at a time.
^Err, no. Music and SC can be meditative, for me at least. I also enjoy watching movies and playing RPGs, that's not meditation... but the post wasn't about everything that I like to do, was it?
On June 05 2010 16:52 snotboogie wrote: We seem to have a lot in common! I already do meditation when I can. Prayer also helps (I'm a Christian so we don't have 100% the same beliefs, but much of what you say about spirituality resonates with me)
Cannabis + music is also a deep meditative experience for me too. (Please noone bring up my Christianity as if it conflicts with this... I don't believe it's wrong, especially not the way I use it)
Incidentally, one of the reasons I play Starcraft is because it's another form of meditation. It commands the focus away from my troubles for a solid 10 minutes at a time.
I could see starcraft being a kind of meditation, but it also stresses me out because I hardly ever win. So for me, it's not as meditative as it probably is for someone like Bisu or Fantasy, let's say.
Cannabis + music I've only ever really experienced this alone a handful of times. Usually when I experienced this I did it with people who I thought were my friends. Since then I've been off the drugs but I kinda want to smoke a little bit before I quit altogether just so that I can be alone and at peace when I do it, and not feeling bad when someone gives me a look like "stop grinning and laughing you fucking weirdo" sometimes.
I'm not gonna say anything about Christianity, but there are some things I've read that have steered me away from literal Christianity. The basic idea of religion is that it's good to be a moral person. I don't think it's necessary to believe in Jesus to be happy (or be granted a good afterlife), though.
Also if they legalize it I'll probably smoke regularly, but only occasionally, maybe a few times a month, as opposed to several times a day.
You can list quotes and read books forever, but it won't change much. There are so many people that will reply with advice from some book or TV show, because they've been severed from reality but they just don't know it. Getting in touch with other people is the best thing you can do. I'm not talking about your old friends or reconnecting with some bad people - I'm talking about healthy people that can think beyond what the news tell them to. This way you can shape an identity within a group, instead of creating one from thin air that can be wavered by a gust of wind. Maybe you need to change your attitude towards other people.
There a million books on the subject and a million people ready to give their opinion, and no one can explain what your situation specifically means unless they take the time to get to know you. Be wary of internet advice.
On June 05 2010 18:12 Emon_ wrote: You can list quotes and read books forever, but it won't change much. There are so many people that will reply with advice from some book or TV show, because they've been severed from reality but they just don't know it. Getting in touch with other people is the best thing you can do. I'm not talking about your old friends or reconnecting with some bad people - I'm talking about healthy people that can think beyond what the news tell them to. This way you can shape an identity within a group, instead of creating one from thin air that can be wavered by a gust of wind.
There a million books on the subject and a million people ready to give their opinion, and no one can explain what your situation specifically means unless they take the time to get to know you. Be wary of internet advice.
In total agreement here.
About the OP, Good Luck man, you've come to terms with many things in your life you don't like and have made choices to be YOU!
i think you're reaction to this whole gay thing makes you appear to me as extremely homophobic. tell your friends gf to strip for you and "then we'll see who's gay"..... are you out of your fucking mind? there is nothing wrong with being gay. a homophobe is way more of a faggot than an out and open queer.
and your weed sure isn't helping you very much. i suggest a new supplier.
Shell, I'm sure you will find things to light up soon. Often it's just about finding the right context; finding people you like to be with, things you like to do. From there on, things will be much easier, regardless or existential beliefs or whether or not you have sex - things you seem to wrongly blaim for your current feelings. It would seem that your group of friends are quite immature if your are around 21 as well. Yet, you live in America, where this kind of attitude seems prevalent, so they probably soaked up the attitude from the environment. Doesn't really matter though. Sex is just a physical expression and has no importance otherwise. It's not something you need or cannot do without. Take this from a 26-year-old virgin
I find that people, while realizing that Christianity would be too silly to believe it, often try to make it easier for themselves by embracing some kind of abstract belief. More and more people seem to adhere to agnosticism today. While it's good to have a template for understanding life, I don't think you should put too much emphasis. At the end of the day, you just have to accept that you don't really know. Drugs will not show you anything that not there, they will just influence your thought patterns; open your mind, you might say. It's good that you have been able to let go of the belief-set that was forced upon you as a child, and I think you now simply need to diminish the importance of having such belief-set instead of simply trying to replace it with another one. It will come to you eventually if you just keep reflecting on life.
Anyway, best of thoughts from here. I certainly don't think of you as a "loser on the internet", and just hope that you will be able to sort things out. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, anyway
wow, a lot of things seemed to have happened here to a certain people, can only wish you luck with everything and point out that it's always darkest before dawn, and yupp that saying is true (talking from experience)
It sounds like I'm you but in another lifeform. I'm in it right now. My mind is making hands weight feel increased making typing more difficult. My subconscious is driven by fear. My life is lability. My mind is analyze.
On June 05 2010 16:52 snotboogie wrote: We seem to have a lot in common! I already do meditation when I can. Prayer also helps (I'm a Christian so we don't have 100% the same beliefs, but much of what you say about spirituality resonates with me)
Cannabis + music is also a deep meditative experience for me too. (Please noone bring up my Christianity as if it conflicts with this... I don't believe it's wrong, especially not the way I use it)
Incidentally, one of the reasons I play Starcraft is because it's another form of meditation. It commands the focus away from my troubles for a solid 10 minutes at a time.
I could see starcraft being a kind of meditation, but it also stresses me out because I hardly ever win. So for me, it's not as meditative as it probably is for someone like Bisu or Fantasy, let's say.
Cannabis + music I've only ever really experienced this alone a handful of times. Usually when I experienced this I did it with people who I thought were my friends. Since then I've been off the drugs but I kinda want to smoke a little bit before I quit altogether just so that I can be alone and at peace when I do it, and not feeling bad when someone gives me a look like "stop grinning and laughing you fucking weirdo" sometimes.
I'm not gonna say anything about Christianity, but there are some things I've read that have steered me away from literal Christianity. The basic idea of religion is that it's good to be a moral person. I don't think it's necessary to believe in Jesus to be happy (or be granted a good afterlife), though.
Also if they legalize it I'll probably smoke regularly, but only occasionally, maybe a few times a month, as opposed to several times a day.
Oh kay, this thread is looking like a scene straight out of INFP globalchatter (before the server got mysteriously wiped).
Well I've never done drugs (at the risk of getting easily death sentenced) and whatnot but still being a nerd-without-girlexperience I'll say I feel what OP is going thru. Just to further the comment, SC, Music and other mind-stimulating things tend to take precedence over hormones for us nerdgeeks (although put some hot girl in the room and you'll be hard put (no pun) to admit that).
That being said, imho drugs are pretty dangerous physically and socially and if you have a choice i.e. no one is blackmailing u into drug abuse/peddling imho its not worth getting involved in that. But i guess you already knew =p (bad grammar here)
Religion wise its also easy to realise how it has been abused for various personal and political motives (there's been a publicised chain of local religious charities misusing funds, not that it was unheard of, just that its becoming more popular nowadays to broadcast and discuss such topics). Religion and spirituality seems to become a form of oppression from our more openly "religious" peers and co-humans, however there will always be those who impose on others and others who feel that finding individual spirituality is more meaningful, so i guess gotta put up with both types ye
On June 06 2010 01:16 JFKWT wrote: Well I've never done drugs (at the risk of getting easily death sentenced) and whatnot but still being a nerd-without-girlexperience I'll say I feel what OP is going thru. Just to further the comment, SC, Music and other mind-stimulating things tend to take precedence over hormones for us nerdgeeks (although put some hot girl in the room and you'll be hard put (no pun) to admit that).
You need to become the typical cool Asian then.
We get to have all the mind stimulating hobbies that you nerds enjoy, plus the hot girls that you speak of.
I guess you're not in university yet, because you'll be surprised at just how desperate girls are too eventually.
I had this same quarter life crisis! what is it with us nerds and this same crisis?
Your mental anguish will keep breakin you the hell down until you trash your old sheltered self. It will get more and more desperate to make you feel like dying until you finally can't take it and say "fuck it why am i holding onto this self that i am, who gives a fuck what people think".
I think the main thing is to realize how much pride hurts you in the end. just be happy with surviving and all that! and just love everyone. i think thats how you find purpose.
It's great that I feel people were going through the same situation I was in. Not because I wish pain on others, but it makes me feel that it's something we all go through.
I never meant to state that cannabis was bad or immoral in some way. I just don't recommend people smoke during times of sadness and depression as it tends to increase those feelings. I'm all for the legalization of cannabis and don't believe it's a gateway drug as many government officials tend to state. It has great properties and certainly makes a trip to burger king a better experience, lol.
My best advice is what others have already said. Try finding genuine people who enjoy your company for who you are and not for who you're supposed to be to them. Find things your passionate about and help others when you can.
I also believe your anxiety of being a virgin is something you need to overcome. There's nothing bad about being a virgin at your age and you should have sex when you feel you're ready. You're sexuality is your buisness and you should do whatever you makes you happy. Hopefully you'll meet a person that makes you happy and things will go from there.
On June 06 2010 02:11 Mickey wrote: It's great that I feel people were going through the same situation I was in. Not because I wish pain on others, but it makes me feel that it's something we all go through.
I never meant to state that cannabis was bad or immoral in some way. I just don't recommend people smoke during times of sadness and depression as it tends to increase those feelings. I'm all for the legalization of cannabis and don't believe it's a gateway drug as many government officials tend to state. It has great properties and certainly makes a trip to burger king a better experience, lol.
My best advice is what others have already said. Try finding genuine people who enjoy your company for who you are and not for who you're supposed to be to them. Find things your passionate about and help others when you can.
I also believe your anxiety of being a virgin is something you need to overcome. There's nothing bad about being a virgin at your age and you should have sex when you feel you're ready. You're sexuality is your buisness and you should do whatever you makes you happy. Hopefully you'll meet a person that makes you happy and things will go from there.
You're not alone man. Be well and live well.
I don't think that is necessarily true for everyone (cannabis). If I'm feeling depressed and i smoke my first bomber in months, the weed is like "hey wtf man? why are you being such a lamer? enjoy these funny little things you overlook everyday stupid!"
On June 05 2010 18:12 Emon_ wrote:This way you can shape an identity within a group, instead of creating one from thin air that can be wavered by a gust of wind.
Can you elaborate on this idea please? I like the idea, but I feel I'm not getting the full substance of it.
On June 05 2010 18:27 JustAnotherKnave wrote: (1.) i think you're reaction to this whole gay thing makes you appear to me as extremely homophobic. tell your friends gf to strip for you and "then we'll see who's gay"..... are you out of your fucking mind? there is nothing wrong with being gay. a homophobe is way more of a faggot than an out and open queer.
(2.)and your weed sure isn't helping you very much. i suggest a new supplier.
1. Firstly, there are a lot of details about this person I'm calling "my friend's gf" that I didn't bother to get into in the original text so that the read would actually be bearable. If you want details, here's a few. They're really just reasons why I had been harboring violent rage toward her, which led to my decision to act in the way I did when this situation arose. By the way, I never said there was anything wrong with being gay. I'll admit, however, that I'm a little shocked sometimes when met with enthusiastically happy gay people who are bursting with energy and etc that I can't help but think it's mostly an act that's done much for the same reason as when a person screams on a rollercoaster: that is, to relieve stress. This shock and "acting to relieve stress" can give way to a feeling of wanting to get away from that person, which you might argue is homophobic. You'd be correct. However, I have absolutely no problems with gay people who are actually sane about how they go about their daily lives. I've even been sometimes friends with gay people, but they were always mature and reasonable with the amount of enthusiasm they had with being gay. What I'm trying to say is, I may be "afraid" of some homosexuals, but I'll argue that it's only because some people (me) don't have an unlimited supply of energy, and I feel drained if I'm around that person for too long. Natural reaction? Fear and a desire for escape. Which is reasonable.
To get back to my original point of providing examples of why I felt hatred toward my friend's gf: (Keep in mind I have since moved out of this living situation, but sometimes my thoughts are expressed in present tense. The good examples are at the bottom.)
-began living in my 2-bedroom apartment I had been originally sharing with my roommate
-refused to pay rent or even help out by throwing in a few bucks, even though she was often using the apartment more than I was or my roommate was
-drove my roommate away from any and all friendly interactions with me, effectively isolating me when I was inside the apartment, by her immature reactions to my normal, more mature, friendly self
-in fact, the only dialogue I still had with my roommate was the times when we'd sit in the living room (the shared space of the apartment) around the coffee table smoking ganja. This led me toward greater abuse of the drug I once felt liberated by. The toking sessions were always preceded and followed by the opening and closing of my roommate's bedroom door.
-because of this isolation, I began to play my acoustic guitar in my bedroom more. My bedroom door is normally open, so of course the sound is going to carry. Well, I was paying half the rent, electric and internet bills, so it's effectively my space and I can do what I want with the airwaves as long as my roommate doesn't get excessively annoyed. My roommate's gf, on the other hand, does NOT hold such power, according to me, contributing member of three-people-in-a-two-bedroom-apartment-life we've begun to consider the normal living situation.
-keep in mind, his gf is NOT ON THE LEASE. According to the landlord, if someone isn't on the lease but they're living in the apartment with us, it's a breach of contract and we could be evicted. Not to mention we're smoking weed all the time, but that's a separate point.
-I'd be at home between classes, and my roommate would come home with his gf to fuck. He'd close the door, say "hey Mike" like he didn't expect me to get there, and then when I'd say "hey" back, like it's polite to do, his gf would groan and she'd start talking to him as though she hated my existence. I found out later that they came close to kicking me out a few times, thankfully they're not THAT huge of assholes.
-because she had been living in the apartment with us for so long, naturally she feels like she owns the place, because she's got roomie whipped, so I should be too... or something. So she begins attempting to order me to do things differently, which I blatantly refuse each time she tries. Along with my refusal I tell her she should start paying a third of the rent because she is effectively living with us and of course I'm too good a person to outright kick her out and back to the dorm from whence she came (that she was still paying for).
examples of orders: -groaned when she walked by my open doorway, effectively telling me to stop playing my guitar. I groan back, she groans louder. (not the erotic type of moaning, either.) Once she even had the nerve to stand in my doorway and tell me "that sounds like SHIT." In response, I began playing the most horrific made-up chords existence can possibly fathom in equally horrific rhythms to sort of tell her just how wrong she was, and how much harder she'd made her life by bringing her negativity into my Chill Zone.
-told me I needed to buy more weed when we ran out (it's common courtesy to "match bowls" as a pothead, meaning each smoker puts in his or her fair share of cash to the smoke)
-drank the last quarter of my half gallon of milk one day while I was away at class. I come home to "oh yeah, we drank it, sorry." Oh yeah, it was also test week before finals week, so I hadn't had breakfast yet, and I had been planning on cereal when I got back, and then a nap until 3 or 4pm. By the way, it takes less than a quarter of a half gallon of milk to have two bowls of cereal. They said that they would buy the milk next time and that I could have some of theirs. I thought that was slightly fair, except they didn't even bother to buy the same type of milk I always got. It was skim milk or some shit. So I didn't even drink any of theirs out of spite.
-Later I was going out of town for the weekend and I had about a quarter of milk in my half gallon jug left. It was about a week away from the expiration date. Being the cool guy I am, I KNOW when my milk fucking expires, so I'm not worried at all about finishing it before I leave for the weekend, because it'll fucking be there when I get back or heads will explode. So I'm nearing the doorway with all my stuff when the two lovebirds come out of their closet and head straight for the fridge. Roomie takes my milk jug out, shakes it, looks for the expiration date, and tells me that I should finish it before I leave, or it'll probably go bad. To which I respond. But you can guess, can't you?
Life is full of ups and downs. There are some people you just don't get along with. She was one of them. In the heat of the moment, my few attempts with women during that semester of college appeared to have no effect on their understanding that I'm a heterosexual. So their insinuation that I was homosexual caught me completely off guard. So when you ask me if I'm "out of my fucking mind," I'd say I'm relatively sane (perhaps no longer completely, but I'm putting the pieces back together), as compared to the bitch I told off that night.
2. If you'd kindly re-read the OP, you'll find that I've since quit smoking, so there's no need for you to comment on how the cannabis is allegedly affecting me.
On June 06 2010 02:19 Mickey wrote: It's different for everyone and I should of clarified that. However, was kind of things have you been depressed about and are they significant?
Not in the grand scheme of things they're not significant, thats what weed helps me see. My sober mind is more like yikes am i going to have enough money in the future? shoot why am i so ugly, ugh i hated the way my friend treated me 2 years ago that one time! basically me me me. and yes this led me to some pretty severe suicidal tendencies earlier on.
and then mama cannabis is like ... yo ok dude you got the warm sun, u got your friends your family, ur health and you can appreciate anything through the right lense so do it up!
By the way, thanks for all the encouraging posts. I've been saying "hi" to people on the street more often, which is definitely a step in the right direction. There's other bad habits I'm also breaking out of, but I'm monitoring my progress and trying my best to improve and stay on track, instead of just wallowing around knowing I had to do something but not knowing where to start.
On June 06 2010 02:19 Mickey wrote: It's different for everyone and I should of clarified that. However, was kind of things have you been depressed about and are they significant?
Not in the grand scheme of things they're not significant, thats what weed helps me see. My sober mind is more like yikes am i going to have enough money in the future? shoot why am i so ugly, ugh i hated the way my friend treated me 2 years ago that one time! basically me me me. and yes this led me to some pretty severe suicidal tendencies earlier on.
and then mama cannabis is like ... yo ok dude you got the warm sun, u got your friends your family, ur health and you can appreciate anything through the right lense so do it up!
On June 06 2010 02:19 Mickey wrote: It's different for everyone and I should of clarified that. However, was kind of things have you been depressed about and are they significant?
Not in the grand scheme of things they're not significant, thats what weed helps me see. My sober mind is more like yikes am i going to have enough money in the future? shoot why am i so ugly, ugh i hated the way my friend treated me 2 years ago that one time! basically me me me. and yes this led me to some pretty severe suicidal tendencies earlier on.
and then mama cannabis is like ... yo ok dude you got the warm sun, u got your friends your family, ur health and you can appreciate anything through the right lense so do it up!
You rock dude. That's awesome.
Thanks man I think you rock too. I hope things keep getting better, and I'm sure they only can with such a good attitude.
I've found that staring at hot chicks' asses for a few seconds and then looking at them and grinning, not smiling, but grinning, often gives great results
Edit: followed up with proper dialogue, of course.
If virginity is your existential crisis then I envy you sincerely. It feels like you are a shallow person, which is interesting because you shouldn't have such as an existential crisis if you are shallow. The thing about religion and how you need spirituality in your life while rejecting standard beliefs you have been lead to by your upbringing looks like you are a bit emotionally unstable at this point. Also to note, your posts in this thread are pretty long, like you have a huge burden and need relief. Get counseling, maybe even medical advice. Lamenting on the internet is just that, lame. If you need help, this is not the place you will find any.
On June 06 2010 02:47 50bani wrote: If virginity is your existential crisis then I envy you sincerely. It feels like you are a shallow person, which is interesting because you shouldn't have such as an existential crisis if you are shallow. The thing about religion and how you need spirituality in your life while rejecting standard beliefs you have been lead to by your upbringing looks like you are a bit emotionally unstable at this point. Also to note, your posts in this thread are pretty long, like you have a huge burden and need relief. Get counseling, maybe even medical advice. Lamenting on the internet is just that, lame. If you need help, this is not the place you will find any.
Being concerned about looks doesn't make a person shallow. Over-generalizing and prescribing blindly to social norms is shallow.
People need relief sometimes and it's not up to you to deny them that.
if you feel presured to get a girlfriend and get laid, there might be something very wrong with your self esteem... but gj on quiting smoking, it's nice to do it very ocasionaly but when it gets to constant it reaally screws your life
On June 05 2010 18:12 Emon_ wrote:This way you can shape an identity within a group, instead of creating one from thin air that can be wavered by a gust of wind.
Can you elaborate on this idea please? I like the idea, but I feel I'm not getting the full substance of it.
I'd be glad to. A little bit of background first - there is a popular way of relating to life that consists of an individual setting the rules and boundaries for his life. Other people are important only if I acknowledge them, my happiness always comes first, I control my emotions, I control my time etc. Other people are basically objects that can be understood through certain terms and that have value that I give them. The same goes for you and your actions - everything can be controlled and shaped into what you want it to be. An existential crisis, according to this theory, is not having clear enough goals, not being efficient with planing your time, reacting inappropriately to other peoples actions etc.
If you view life that way it becomes a very lonely place to be a part of. People are replaceable at the slightest argument. Not only that, but even your own thoughts aren't your own since you're trying to control them into being a certain way. This negates the influence that a family and society have on an individual while growing up and the duty that the individual has back to them. Having an existential crisis, according to this theory, means being disconnected from family and society. Not knowing where to go next because of lacking relationships in your life. Ideally, your life should be intertwined with family and society (friends) to create greater good for everyone.
Of course, there are bad families and discriminating societies which make this way of living very difficult. You have to find new people that you need to learn from and, in return, help out. This is where courage comes in. Proving that you're willing to rise above challenges set forth by the injustice of your surrounding and aspire in spite of them. However, this is striving for an ideal. The same as any other book/quote out there, it has a limited value, because the author doesn't know you and assumes you want what he wants. A book be a part of shaping a life, but there should be a lot more to it. The answer to your life is with your family and your friends. If you have good relationships with them it makes the future easier to predict because you now have a history of where you're from and where you need to be. Conversely, if you decide this on your own without consideration of anything else, it can change with your mood. Because you can't really be sure if what you're doing is right.
I read the post about the roommate and the gf. If she didn't want to pay the third of the rent she could clean up around the house or cook for you guys. Prove that she wants to be the third roommate and that she respects the both of you. It sounded like a real horror read the way things turned out. Best of luck with your new apartment. You seem like a decent enough guy. Don't let their pettiness bring you down.
On June 06 2010 05:55 CultureMisfits wrote: is there such a thing as a "hard" drug?
hp.shell, don't even go there
I really feel like this could help you, tell me if the style of music is not yours and thus the message does not get through, but I feel that this could help:
On June 05 2010 16:52 snotboogie wrote: We seem to have a lot in common! I already do meditation when I can. Prayer also helps (I'm a Christian so we don't have 100% the same beliefs, but much of what you say about spirituality resonates with me)
Cannabis + music is also a deep meditative experience for me too. (Please noone bring up my Christianity as if it conflicts with this... I don't believe it's wrong, especially not the way I use it)
Incidentally, one of the reasons I play Starcraft is because it's another form of meditation. It commands the focus away from my troubles for a solid 10 minutes at a time.
I could see starcraft being a kind of meditation, but it also stresses me out because I hardly ever win. So for me, it's not as meditative as it probably is for someone like Bisu or Fantasy, let's say.
Cannabis + music I've only ever really experienced this alone a handful of times. Usually when I experienced this I did it with people who I thought were my friends. Since then I've been off the drugs but I kinda want to smoke a little bit before I quit altogether just so that I can be alone and at peace when I do it, and not feeling bad when someone gives me a look like "stop grinning and laughing you fucking weirdo" sometimes.
I'm not gonna say anything about Christianity, but there are some things I've read that have steered me away from literal Christianity. The basic idea of religion is that it's good to be a moral person. I don't think it's necessary to believe in Jesus to be happy (or be granted a good afterlife), though.
Also if they legalize it I'll probably smoke regularly, but only occasionally, maybe a few times a month, as opposed to several times a day.
Oh kay, this thread is looking like a scene straight out of INFP globalchatter (before the server got mysteriously wiped).
How quaint, I am an INFP too (never heard of that forum though)
Hey man, I definitely can relate a lot to your post. Although I wasn't brought up with Christian values, I was left to figure out religion for myself. What I found is that I can't be sure about any religion; you can't prove their is a god and you can't prove there isn't, but if I try to live my life as a good person then what does it matter?
Also I was never good in social situations. I guess I always come off as unsympathetic but really I try my best to understand their situation logically. Most of the people I talked to I didn't find to be on the same intellectual level. Not being good socially also hindered my success with the ladies. I lost my virginity kind of late and let me tell you: it is just a huge social delusion that having sex makes you a man. Having sex makes you feel no different than before.
With friends I lost all of mine. They turned out to be very selfish assholes. I am isolated now too but it is ok. I actually feel happier now than I have ever been. I believe that in high school and college I spent a lot of my time trying to fit in and be accepted; this often led to depression. Now that I don't have friends, I can just be myself. It is like pressing the reset button on life. I messed up in life earlier and now I can carve any new path I want, be myself, do what I like, and not care about what others think.
So even though it seems bad, now is a perfect time to start over.
EPT
