I think I kinda just finally came to realize that I've become sorta loserish... and to make it worse, I've been feeling really lonely lately too.
Why loser? I'm doing nothing.. at all. My school term ended and I've been doing nothing... literally. I mean, I have a part-time job.. but after that, I get home and do nothing. I tried working out and that lasted a week. I plan to keep doing it soon but I mean like.. I just don't feel like my way of life is meaningful enough to be "cool".
And lonely..? I went to a different university than all my closest friends. With work, school and other stuff, I kinda didn't get to hang out with them much and now that schools over for me, they still have their own work or summer school or whatever. I have not hung out with them for so long that when I did meet up with them, I felt like the odd one out.
And the friends that I did meet in university? They're from all over the country and the world.. It's not easy to ask to hang out lol..
I don't know what to do guys. I feel like I can't be the only one going through this. Going from having an awesome group of close friends.. but because of well.. "life", things change and you end up.. lonely?
find some new friends who can 'hang out' on a frequent basis your asian right? go spend more time at pacific mall or something there is a large variety to select from at the uoft
On May 29 2010 16:10 blue_arrow wrote: find some new friends who can 'hang out' on a frequent basis your asian right? go spend more time at pacific mall or something there is a large variety to select from at the uoft
yeah because asian's only befriend other asians. what a considerate suggestion.
On May 29 2010 16:10 blue_arrow wrote: find some new friends who can 'hang out' on a frequent basis your asian right? go spend more time at pacific mall or something there is a large variety to select from at the uoft
yeah because asian's only befriend other asians. what a considerate suggestion.
If the op is truly the way he makes himself to be, then maybe finding some fellow asians is a good start, then he can branch out and socialize with everyone!
you bring up a good point. what the hell can you do during the summers to socialize? luckily a lot of my friends are around because they live here or are interning over the summer, but if they didn't i'd go to work during the day and surf the web at night and during the weekends. for people say "Get out into the world", what is that suppose to mean? go to starbucks and hit on random chicks? that sounds real fun and meaningful.... (<--sarcasm)
On May 29 2010 16:21 caelym wrote: you bring up a good point. what the hell can you do during the summers to socialize? luckily a lot of my friends are around because they live here or are interning over the summer, but if they didn't i'd go to work during the day and surf the web at night and during the weekends. for people say "Get out into the world", what is that suppose to mean? go to starbucks and hit on random chicks? that sounds real fun and meaningful.... (<--sarcasm)
I said he should go clubbing, just get out and dance/grind or whatever, easiest way to meet people.
Nothing wrong with being a loser or solitary. I mean don't take it real far, but no need to get down on yourself if you enjoy time alone.
Going out to clubs, drinking, trust me- it's just a bunch of fuckin' morons. Being involved in some kind of community is always a good idea- but don't worry if you're kinna more of a solo guy. Who gives a fuck what people think. Someones gotta do it.
If you're not happy, that's 1 thing... but be sure you're not basing it on what you imagine other people "would think." Please don't become another random moron listening to Lil John going to clubs and washing your car 2X a week.
he's not talking about what other people's opinions are of him, he craves a sense of belonging and the close social interactions that take place amongst good friends
On May 29 2010 16:10 blue_arrow wrote: find some new friends who can 'hang out' on a frequent basis your asian right? go spend more time at pacific mall or something there is a large variety to select from at the uoft
loool. Pacific mall. I get my hair did there.
Anyways, jjun212, I've been in your situation before. It really is a shitty place to be in. Being lonely sucks, but being lonely AND having nothing to do really drains you. I have a question though. What's so hard about saying, "Hey we should go this or that?" to other students in your classes? So WHAT if the other students are international or from all around the world. Don't you think the isolation, the lonliness, the yearning for warmth and friendship is a common ground that you both share? "Yeah, all my closest friends moved on to other places and it's actually a little hard to find genuine friends." These are the folks its actually EASIEST to befriend because they're just LOOKING for someone to become friends with.
Also, what do you like to do? What sort of activities do you think you like? I advise you to find an activity that gets you excited. It's easy to make friends when doing a mutual activity that you both love. (Starcraft anyone?). LEAP before looking. Do things you're not comfortable doing. On a regular basis. Never gone karoking before? Do it. Never gone canoeing before? Do it. Never gone clubbing before? Fantastic. See what happens. UofT has TONS of clubs. I bet there's a starcraft club there... If not, start one yourself and see what happens. It can't hurt. Even if you get 2 or 3 people out of the entire student body to join. That's pretty good.
(Also, volunteering is a nice place to meet some fine young tail. I mean friends.)
I also advise you to find a genuine friend with shared interests but who's a real social butterfly. I mean, that really is the best way to learn how to make new friends. They'll go out of their way to help you, teach you, push you. Also, listen to Lil' Jon and wash your car at LEAST twice a week.
Perhaps I should go a different route. We all get older. We lose contact with friends, it happens. I don't talk to, now, 90% of the people I've called friends. You sometimes just gotta deal with it as they come and go. You will make more for sure, at jobs or in classes, its just gonna happen. My point is, don't rush it. Maybe you can take the time to get into other things. Learn to paint or pick up an instrument. Don't feel like you have to spend ALL your free time talking to someone or texting or its a total waste. Be patient and see where the next few months take you. No worries. + Show Spoiler +
edit: Volunteering is a great idea. Hospitals or Libraries come to mind :D
On May 29 2010 16:18 blue_arrow wrote: are you saying that only asians go to pacific mall? how rude =p
*face palm* and this is exactly what you implied in your post.
=O
i would never purposely imply such racially discriminatory and rude ideas as stated in your accusation =(
btw OP i have several good buddies (mostly azn) over at the uoft if you really want i can tell you their names and which programs they're in and where they live during the fall/winter semesters, but i think i gotta ask for their permission first before disclosing any personal information that would cause them discomfort watch out though 1 or 2 of these people i know may try to anally violate you with various objects when you look the other way
I think a lot of what you're going through is completely common. I mean, I went through it. I lost all of my friends when I got into skateboarding, and then again when I decided to go to college (same thing as you; I went somewhere none of my friends did).
Now I'm a senior and even though I've been going to school for three years, I have never made a single lasting friend. You know, I've tried. I went to university clubs, parties, road trips with strangers, study groups, asking to hang out with classmates, trying lots of new things, etc. I've tried it all.
While I wouldn't say that these things wouldn't work for you, they definitely didn't work for me (ahh I can still remember those horrified faces when I asked to hang out with them). In this regard I'd advise you to trust yourself - I know that personally, I'm not very social. I knew that spending the night with strangers would be weird for me, buut I did it anyway, just to try to break out of my depressing routine. The things I thought I wouldn't like turned out to be a waste of time, so now I trust myself - if I don't think I like it, I don't do it.
I decided to do things that I thought WOULD be fun. For example, I love nature and so I had a lot of fun camping in the Colorado open-space for a few weeks. Also, I enjoyed a lone road trip to the Grand Canyon. I joined in a bike competition. Even though I was anonymous and remained so, I had fun being in a crowd and burning energy. Consider involving yourself in things you're confident you'll enjoy.
These endeavors helped, but the truth is that I was still pretty depressed. As I said, I'm a senior, no friends, and many many people have blatantly said they didn't want to spend any time with me. Yet - I'm happy.
Why? Well the Rolling Stones were right - look for the girl with the far away eyes. The reason I'm satisfied with my life, the reason I'm never lonely, the reason I no longer let every little thing get to me, is because of the chick I'm with -- my wife. Ahh I remember every little thing about her; when we first met, our first kiss, the smell of her hair, the way our hands fit together so perfectly - ahem.
Well my point is that I know exactly what you're going through. I'm afraid this isn't actually THAT helpful, since I found my wife when I was 17, and then bumped into her three years later, getting married soon after that. Obviously you can't plan for that... Nonetheless, I know for a fact that if my wife left me I'd be miserable. Women are important. Essential, even. She and I don't spend every waking second together (in fact, I'm alone quite often) but she is still the source of my happiness.
On another note, try to discover yourself, and what it would take to make yourself happy (me, for example, I knew I'd be happy being a biologist, so that's why I'm in school.) Pay attention to yourself. For example, I think that many people (definitely me and apparently you as well) are miserable when they are idle (so if you find yourself unhappy, try to unmask the reason why - maybe you hated living with your asshole of a brother - I know I did). Make sure to occupy yourself with things you KNOW you can do (don't promise yourself something you can't keep). Can't find the willpower to work out? I feel ya, but try to go swimming; it's much more fun and a great work out. Plus bikinis... plus bikinis. Walk/jog with your dog(s), or buy some cheap in-home work out equipment so you can work out more spontaneously. Or study, even if the semester is over! I do a little of each.
Bottom line -> Listen to yourself, get yourself a woman, and GLHF. Hope that helped.
There is a reason why people have hobbies, for fun stuff to do when you are by yourself. Like this website for example... There are people share your hobbies are interest on the internet too for you to interact with, if you cant get hold of friends in real life.
Take what you like, put posters up everywhere, and get a bunch of people together. If any women show up, then the host gets dibs. If not then at least you make a friend or two
you have a part time job? free time? bored, lonely even?
sounds like you need a woman imo lol
friends are awesome too. find somebody who makes you laugh, decide they should be your friend, and take em out to dinner. do this a couple times and you've got another circle of friends
^ Dudes right. Get a girlfriend. Set realistic standards for yourself (one shouldn't restrict themselves to dating super models unless they themselves are a super model) and get out and about more.
Volunteer somewhere. You'll be helping good people doing good things, meeting said good people, and getting out of the house. Triple win.
You mentioned how you went to a different school then all your friends. Awesome. That's a great opportunity. Abuse it: join a club. It's not hard to meet people, you're just not used to it.
Ask yourself what you want and go get it its that simple. Don't be hard on yourself because of other peoples expectations, just meet your own and enjoy life. If you want to get rich and fuck hot women do it. If you want to become a beach bum do it. If you want to sit around and play SC and surf the net do it. Just don't overthink everything to the point of making yourself unhappy. Set some goals out, thinks that you really want, and as long as you aren't hindering yourself from getting those things that you want don't worry about it!
EPT
I would totally do that if I wasn't already committed to what I'm doing.![[image loading]](http://isleifure.blog.is/users/e1/isleifure/img/ronery1.jpg)
I found the smash community in my city, met a lot of my friends from there
