EPTStep.
Step.
Am I walking properly? Sometimes when I look down, my feet are slightly pointing inwards. Other times they're pointing perfectly straight, like they're on a mission to take me to my destination in the most efficient manner possible. Sometimes I wish I'd naturally point my feet outward when I walk. I've heard that displays self-confidence.
Do people who see me walking down the street realize how neurotic I am at this very moment? Surely they do. It would be impossible for them not to. There must be something on my face that gives away the fact that I am, in fact, completely nuts right now.
I look around and see the faces of twenty or so mind readers. They glance at me with what I could swear are looks of slight disapproval. Fuck you all. You have no right to judge me. I'm landing on my right foot, and point my toes slightly outward. There! This is what happens when you fuck with me, assholes!
The left comes down pointing outwards too, and for a moment I feel like I own this street.
You know, if someone were watching me this whole time, they'd have seen me change the way I walk, and so even if they somehow missed the fact that I'm psycho, now they know for sure. A wave of concern floods through me. Forget it man, just walk pointing the feet forwards. Let's just get the fuck out of here.
Unknowingly, I've reached my destination. My dad's old, anachronistically light-blue Ford sedan sits there, ready to deliver me from this terrible street. As I breathe a sigh of relief, my eyes spot a piece of paper tucked under the windshield wiper. I take it, and read.
Offence: 8404
(Park continuously for longer than permitted)
Penalty: $84
Fuck you, world.
