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"I'm fat because I'm lazy!"
I'll get to that quote in a second, first a backstory. One that I didn't include last time around.
Every since I was a kid I've been the big kid, not fat just big. I was like 1,50m when I was 10 or 11 and by the time I was 18 I was 1.98m. During this whole period I was the tallest kid in school, but also a bit chunky. Thanks to my love of sports I managed to keep it under control.
So when I turned 19 I had to quit playing the sport of my choice. I hurt my knee but I wasn't that good anyway. I was more of a thinker. The problem is that before I quit I played at a fairly high level and had practise 5-6 times a week. And to keep that up I had to eat ALOT.
So I quit sports and became a coach. Now the problem with me is that I've never enjoyed practise. I've always hated it but I dragged my ass there and give it my all every week because I loved the team I was in. So when the team dissolved what happend? I had no reason to practise 5-6 times a week, instead I started sitting by the computer more and more, but still eating the way I used to.
So last fall I decided to do something about it. If you check my blog you'll see 8 posts of my "weightloss". I listed my flaws and started working out. But somewhere around christmas it all fell trough. I got lazy and stopped. Since then the biggest physical exersize I've had is walking to and from school (20minutes each way).
What suprised me isn't the fact that I gave up. It's how I did it. I didn't try to justify it. I didn't try to make exuses to not exersize. I just quit.
So I've been "fine" with that ever since but these last couple of weeks has given me quite the scare. I've started having chest pains. They come and go and sometimes I dont get them for like 3-4 days but then they're back. It's like someone is constantly pressing against my ribs, just by the heart. This past weekend I was half awake in the middle of the night and suddenly I get goosebumps all over my body. At the same time my heart started beating in a wierd way. I was 100% convinced that I was gonna have a heartattack.
And that's when it struck me. I just turned 24. 24. Am I really suppose to have a heartattack and die now? My life hasn't even begun. I don't cry, that's just who I am, but that night was the closest I've ever gotten to crying without actually crying.
I was scared and ashamed of myself.
The following night me and my friends went out, and we spent the entire night in a jacuzzi. We all took pictures and when I saw those pictures the next day I felt even more shame. I looked like the fucking micheline man.
So today I went for a walk, just a short one, to gather my thoughts cause I remember that used to help me think. And I really thought about what caused this. I looked at my childhood, I was bullied but I learned how to deal with it so that wasn't it. My parents didn't have a happy separation but I'm not ready to blame them for it either. That brings me to the first quote in this text, which was the first piece of truth I could come up with. I'm fat because I'm lazy. And after thinking some more I think I came up with the full answer:
I'm fat because I'm lazy and I've always been putting myself down.
Very few actually knows this about me but I'm a exteremly judgemental person. When I've met you two-three times I've probably said so many insulting things about you in my head that you can't count them. And this all comes back to me having a bad self-image. As I wrote in my previous blog: I've never seen myself as a fat guy. But I've also always been the first one to call myself fat. As a defence mechanism. If I say it it won't mean as much when someone else says it.
As I also said in the last blog: I love fastfood, but I didn't explain how much. I could probably write a book about how I feel when I eat a nice burger. How it tastes and how the texture feels. I'm a fast food addict. And yes I do feel people use the word "addict" too much these days but in my case I belive it's correct. This is a video from "The West Wing" with John Spencer (great actor) playing Leo McGarry describing what it's like being a alcoholic. That pretty much describes how I feel about fastfood.
Tomorrow I'm getting a gymcard. I have a gym near by with some nice equipment (I've heard) so I'm gonna buy a gymcard and this time I have to make it. I also need to get some information about how I'm going to tackle my food problems. I'll give you guys blog updates from time to time. Don't ask me when because I don't know.
My name is Jesper, I'm 24 years old and I don't want the year 2010 on my gravestone.
 
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gl. i like how you accept that its your fault your fat. i think thats an important step and I hope you keep with it this time. best of luck.
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best of luck Jesper. I hope you can control your addiction and get that excersise discipline up!
Always remember, 50% of the results are what u eat. The other 50% is how u work out.
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gl, but the hardest part is yet to come. Going to the gym for the first couple days isn't that hard, but it's keeping the habit that is. It's really, really easy to fall back into the old ways, it all starts with "aww not today, I don't feel so well, I'll go tomorrow". Don't. You have to do it, after a couple of months new habits will kick in and going to the gym will feel as natural as taking a shower every morning. You'll feel awful by not going to it.
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Thought I'd just suggest seeing a doctor about the chest pain.
As for the rest, best of luck!
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Good luck with this, I hate trying to lose weight takes a lot of will power. I just started mine in steps, last 3 months have been changing my eating habits, now that I have that under control I will start the exercise portion with the proper eating portion.
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On April 30 2010 04:59 Shade692003 wrote:
gl, but the hardest part is yet to come. Going to the gym for the first couple days isn't that hard, but it's keeping the habit that is. It's really, really easy to fall back into the old ways, it all starts with "aww not today, I don't feel so well, I'll go tomorrow". Don't. You have to do it, after a couple of months new habits will kick in and going to the gym will feel as natural as taking a shower every morning. You'll feel awful by not going to it.
Yeah I know, I've tried this once before. Blogged about it here and after I while I started saying "i'll just do it tomorrow".
@Atom Cannister
I'm not sure if I want to know the horrible truth. Or maybe that's just what I need to do.
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Good luck, I hope you make it this time!
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Very good blog, been following you closely and cheering for you. You remind me of a very good friend of mine who I am sincerely worried for because I think he will be dead in 10 years due to being way to overweight. He's much bigger then you are (unless you have gained alot) but he a few years ago he was not huge only big...
I also think about myself who is starting to get a little to much belly fat right now. I was really up and coming at the gym got really involved with diet and regular exercising but I got hurt and later on sick so I was out for a while and just never got back to it...
I have not exercised for a month now but today I decided that no longer can I let myself go like this. I actually had a nice curve going and was in the shape of my life so I know what it feels like to just drop the ball.
Not the most structured post kinda just thinking loud right now... Ah well I know you can do this and if you want I can give you a few recipes for dishes that's heavy, healthy and great to microwave and also fast to make. Yes, I love to bake and to cook.
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fuck yea, good read.
good luck.
Same shit seems like happening to me also. I am getting heart/chest pains and recently chowing on fastfoods (thanks to free food during the time of my birthday). 
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1584 Posts
GL! also started working out again a couple months ago. Is a nice yes.
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Keep at it, bud, it'll come  I wish you all the best!
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The one small singular advice I have for going to the gym is as follows: First the first 3 weeks at least, go with a friend. Use a friend as motivation to force you to go because a lot of people are able to go hard in the beginning and then just kind of die off after a while. Trust me when I say that having a friend that is as motivated as you are and will make you work out will increase your chances of staying fit and losing weight.
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Awesome blog :O
I've been thinking of buying a gymcard myself, once I get my money next month. So good luck, you seem very determined and together (or not) we shall prevail against the evils of three-digit numbers on the "våg" (mind went black, wtf is våg in english O.o).
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Best of luck at first and a little advice: Do it but don't over do it. Have a lighthearted approach but remember what your goals are.
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Good luck man!
I bought a gymcard 2 weeks ago an to be honest I'm struggling quite a bit. I've gained like 20 pounds in the last year of highschool and they're still there now. Hopefully that's going to change
Stay strong.
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Be sure to have the Rocky theme song on your playlist.
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That song somehow always makes me give 110% whenever I hear it.
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On April 30 2010 05:59 wolfy4033 wrote:
Awesome blog :O
I've been thinking of buying a gymcard myself, once I get my money next month. So good luck, you seem very determined and together (or not) we shall prevail against the evils of three-digit numbers on the "våg" (mind went black, wtf is våg in english O.o).
I'm going to assume it means 'scale'?
I'll be honest though, at first glance, compleeeetely different interpretation 
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don't let temptation lure you into the habit of 'do it later you'll be fine', 'do it tomorrow its okay! 'just a little bit more is not going to kill you'. Whenever you feel this is creeping and lurking in your mind you have to snap out of it and say no. Hope you do well
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Work hard Julmust, you can do it! We are what we want to be, so just put your mind to it and keep at it!
Going to the gym can be easier if you go with some friends too.
Don't lose courage!
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On April 30 2010 06:22 ShaLLoW[baY] wrote:Show nested quote +On April 30 2010 05:59 wolfy4033 wrote:
Awesome blog :O
I've been thinking of buying a gymcard myself, once I get my money next month. So good luck, you seem very determined and together (or not) we shall prevail against the evils of three-digit numbers on the "våg" (mind went black, wtf is våg in english O.o). I'm going to assume it means 'scale'? I'll be honest though, at first glance, compleeeetely different interpretation
Oh, duuh. Yeah, scale is obviously what I meant.
lol
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Holy crap, almost 2m tall when you're 18?
Anyway, Good luck.
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good luck dude, read and learn as much as you can about weight loss it will help... and trust me it's worth it
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GL and since your swedish: kollozzeum (forum) and the axon.blogg.se
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Nice blog and best of luck!
I've always been criticizing myself too. My parents weren't that big of a help either. I can relate to the how you criticize others when you first meet them as well (I shamefully admit it).
But recently I started getting myself back together. I just started working out and tried to eat healthy. After awhile, I didn't miss the fatty food that I loved before. I mean, I still get cravings but I'm pretty satisfied with how I feel not that I'm healthier. I hope you'll feel the same way soon enough!
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im a fairly 'big' guy - not fat, muscular
im not saying im some body builder, but ive got muscles.
buy yourself some 3 or 4 pound dumbells and hold on to the while you run. or, they make weights that you can strap on to your ankles/wrists/waist and other parts of your body. those will definitely bring more fat burning and muscle building.
best of luck to you good sir
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Good luck. But remember that THE MOST IMPORTANT aspect of weight loss/body fat loss is NOT working out - it's DIET. You need to tackle that main problem of excess fast food head on and fix your diet. Just by changing WHAT you eat, you can still feel full and lose lbs like nothing.
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Sydney2287 Posts
On April 30 2010 04:42 Julmust wrote:As I also said in the last blog: I love fastfood, but I didn't explain how much. I could probably write a book about how I feel when I eat a nice burger. How it tastes and how the texture feels. I'm a fast food addict. And yes I do feel people use the word "addict" too much these days but in my case I belive it's correct. This is a video from "The West Wing" with John Spencer (great actor) playing Leo McGarry describing what it's like being a alcoholic. That pretty much describes how I feel about fastfood. Tomorrow I'm getting a gymcard. I have a gym near by with some nice equipment (I've heard) so I'm gonna buy a gymcard and this time I have to make it. I also need to get some information about how I'm going to tackle my food problems. I'll give you guys blog updates from time to time. Don't ask me when because I don't know.
About a year ago when I went on a weight loss routine I knew that there was no way I was giving up pizza, so I went about trying to come up with a way to cook a pizza with the least calories possible, while still being tasty. Tried different cheeses, different amounts of cheese, different bases, cut back on pepperoni, etc etc. It's pretty amazing what you can do. My point is, if you feel that simply giving up burgers is going to be tough, try and come up with a way you can make your own, healthier, burgers. It'll possibly end up being cheaper than fast food too.
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On April 30 2010 04:42 Julmust wrote:
Very few actually knows this about me but I'm a exteremly judgemental person. When I've met you two-three times I've probably said so many insulting things about you in my head that you can't count them. And this all comes back to me having a bad self-image. As I wrote in my previous blog: I've never seen myself as a fat guy. But I've also always been the first one to call myself fat. As a defence mechanism. If I say it it won't mean as much when someone else says it.
Wow that sounds so much like me, im also fat and lazy but i have never done sports or anything i've just been like that all my life, im 23.
Let us know how it goes anyway, ive tried just walking before but goddamn is it boring, im a very fidgety person and i hate wasting time.
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