#1: If a guy keeps repeating "I'm gonna be honest with you officer" OR "I'm being honest with you officer" he's guilty!
#2: If you're black, you're guilty! (No this is not a racist joke)
#3: If you're a cop and want to beat the shit out of a suspect never keep screaming "STOP RESISTING" when the camera is on!
#4: If you have a broken tail light, there's drugs in the car.
#5: Don't run, the police will just get angry and #3 your ass.
#6: If you live in a trailerpark you're on crack.
#7: Cops have a compass buildt into their brain. When chasing a subject they may say "Going north" take two right turns and then say "northbound again!". This is not a flaw in the compass, north has shifted!
(please feel free to add more stuff)