EPTBehold the glory!
![[image loading]](http://i39.tinypic.com/2502vy8.jpg)
For hours, days, weeks, me and my ally, Uptown (Locked on TL) have been crawling ever so slowly in our 2v2 division to reach the top. Why? For fame? For rank!? For bragging rights?! NO! It was to be above those double zerg users, those bastards who pick the most hated combo in 2v2!
It hasn't been an easy ride, not at all. Even now, after that screenshot was taken, we fell a few spots before settling back down at 3rd. Along the way we discovered many things, about ourselves and the people we played. There's a lot of nice people out there, and there's a few angry ones too.
The Journey
It began for us as it did for so many, the placement matches. The tedious ten games you must play to be placed in your league. One wrong step will send you plummeting to a lower league, but luckily for us, the placement matches are absolutely terrible. Fighting out way past this tedious obstacle, we fell face first into Platinum league, Division 11.
We chose to always play double random, for entertainment, and to be cool. Because everyone knows to be cool, you have to play double random. So we fought on, getting all sorts of match ups. We found out roaches were almost an easy win, and found out some people get angry at you for making them. It was also a time of learning the maps, the oh so amazing maps that Blizzard made for 2v2.
One map stood out above the others, and that map is Twilight Fortress. It looked okay, it seemed alright, until we played it. We played it and found out the rush distances were long. So, so long. The map spoke to us, telling us to play a long, macro game, because there were so many expos, and it was such a long walk to your opponents base.
Alright, we said, let's play a macro game. So we did, and thus we found out our computers were not beefy enough to handle four players worth of units clashing together. The lag was horrible, so horrible... And so began our hatred towards that demonic map entitled Twilight Fortress.
Moving right along we had a decent amount of games played, with not the greatest record but as far as playing double random went, it wasn't bad. Then we discovered the retarded imbalance of double zerg and proxies.
We already knew double zerg was dumb and almost always a sure loss, but the proxies took us by surprise. They seemed impossible to defend! How can you stop them?! At our darkest hour we came up with the brilliant idea; we too shall proxy. We too shall cheese. Let those who don't proxy feel the pain we have felt. Thus began our proxy games.
7rax, 7pool, double proxy gate, we did it all. We did all of it, and we won, and won some more. Our record and rank shot up towards the heavens, speedily pushing us towards the top. Along the way we met many who kept falling victim to our proxy style. We felt bad, but we endured, taking the hate in stride as we continued upward.
All good things must come to an end, and so they did. It became clear to us that some match ups were impossible to proxy, and almost impossible to win if the opponent wasn't a blind monkey.
The Match-ups, the Races, the F U ZERG
The weakest of the match ups is certainly being double Protoss vs. anything that isn't double Protoss. The gateways make too slow to proxy a Zerg or Terran, and even if you manage to take out a fellow protoss, you'll be steamrolled by their ally. We hate being double Protoss very much, almost as much as playing against double Zerg.
Protoss in general, is the weakest race in 2v2. Early defense and aggression is hard as fuck to do. Protoss vs. Zerg in 2v2 is a constant struggle of "How can I NOT be gayed this game?" Speedlings, if you did not know, can push past any unit that isn't tightly packed behind a lot of other units in a 1unit choke. That is to say, your zealot blocking the path in your progamer sim city defense will be of no use vs. 10 speedlings right clicking their way through him.
So aside from protoss sucking big balls, how does Terran fair? Decently, depending on the matchup. Double Terran for example, is the only team capable of not being an autoloss vs. double Zerg thanks to having walls that don't fuck your units from helping your ally. Terran proxy is also a game changer in conjunction with 7pool or 2gate proxy, as marines are awesome little buggers in taking out marines/scvs vs. terran, and being little ballers vs. the other two races as well.
So that leaves zerg. Zerg, zerg, zerg. Oh zerg. How we hate you. If you don't 6 pool or 7 pool, there's the threat of speedlings being crammed down our throat. Your roaches storming their way up the ramp spewing their saliva on anything in sight. If by a miracle you can live to the mid-game, you get the awesome choice of fighting a fuck ton of roaches, or hydra, or lings, or banelings, or mutalisks. Think of those units, and than double them or mix them all together in one annoying ball of gay, and that is what playing vs. double zerg is like in 2v2. If you aren't double Zerg yourself, or double Terran, it's going to feel like David vs. Goliath, except Goliath is a really, really gay giant.
Conclusion
Now that we're almost at the top, myself and Locked are dead certain the wipe will occur, washing away all our sweat and blood. We know this will happen, because we know Blizzard hates us. If Blizzard does not hate us, we would never play on Twilight Fortress all the fucking time despite having it thumbed down, or whatever the hell the map preference is meant for.
Not only do we play Twilight Fortress all the time, we random double Zerg on that map more than the other maps. Which is completely retarded as going for a fast rush is completely negated by the long distances. We. Hate. Twilight. Fortress.
Next on the proof-of-hate scale is how long it takes us to find a game. Granted we play late at night, so taking awhile for a game is bound to happen, but... 15 minutes?! When the people we finally play say they've only waited one minute. Cool. Or even better, we're waiting upwards of 10mins and the fuckers CANCEL THE MATCH. AWESOME.
It may just be terrible luck for us, but after so many games we're very certain Blizzard hates us. They hate us for not conforming to the double Zerg ways, or even double Terran. We've been double random the entire way up, and we'll be double random the entire way up once the wipe happens.
Viva la Resistance! ...uh... la... Random?
Here are some replays, not very many, just some fun games, and things demonstrating zergzerg gayness. I didn't watch all of them so most of it is based from memory. Also a few games I play with Kakale, whom is still the same partner just on a different name. Oh and he uses a mic, I don't have one, so there's half a conversation missing in every replay. I swear I'm not crazy and talking to myself ><
http://www.mediafire.com/?jjh4fu1uyny (hope link works!)
