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So I finally grabbed my balls and told the girl everything. She actually took it pretty well. The only problem is that its confusing now, but we promised to not make things weird between us. YAY
She said stuff like, "If I did like you, would we go out?" The problem with this is that as much as I love her, I don't think I could treat her the way I wanted to. Also, here, the Korean community is very small and so gossip and this stuff spills fast. At church, there are already alot of couples, I don't want to be just another one of those. I'm not sure how parents would take it in, her mom is really scary!
Then, when she was about to leave, she said that again, like "Even if I did like you, we wouldn't go out, right?" And then I told her again, I would love to but I don't think I could treat you the way you deserve. Luckily, we will talk some more about this. I hope it goes well!!
Ah, but she said she has to think about it, which I don't really like hearing. If she liked me back, I'm sure she would've said so. But hearing her say that makes me think she's forcing herself to try to like me 
There was also alot of misunderstanding that was cleared up. People used to make fun of us and say that we were dating, and she didn't want people to do that because she thought they would make me like her in a superficial way, but in fact that's a big no no :D I told her that I liked her because she changed me in so many ways. As I started to like her more and more, I started to realize that if I'm going to like a girl and want to treat her well, I should learn to treat the women in my life better, such as my mother and my little sister. She also helped me realize what kind of guy I want to be for a girl, even if it's not her.
I used to be really insecure about all of this, but I'm glad I told her. I also took some of the advice from the members, thanks!
 
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Congrats man, I'm on this kind of situation right now, I don't know if telling her is the best idea though =(, I too feel that I can't make her happy which makes me so fucking sad.
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On January 07 2010 12:27 MeriaDoKk wrote:
Congrats man, I'm on this kind of situation right now, I don't know if telling her is the best idea though =(, I too feel that I can't make her happy which makes me so fucking sad.
Haha, you know, the things that most girls want though is your heart and mind, not materials.
Or at least the girl I like, hehe. I'm so glad she's not materalistic, it makes me want to treat her even better. Unfortunately, I don't think I can
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God it feels awful, and to make it even worst, we are changing the place where we work, so I'm not gonna see her anymore.
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On January 07 2010 12:35 MeriaDoKk wrote:
God it feels awful, and to make it even worst, we are changing the place where we work, so I'm not gonna see her anymore.
Well we live in a place of high technology!
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Well I think that, "but if I liked you we would date right?" could go both ways. She either is looking for general assurance that she can get a guy she likes or she really does like you and is just being hesitant. Did she say she would think about dating or if she liked you? In my experience most girls will straight up tell you that they just wanna be friends. Unless this girl has an intention of playing you/indefinitely cliffhanging you, then I think your odds are already better than most of these same situations. It's dangerous though man. She seems nice and might not have been able to bring herself to say that she didn't have feelings for you.
Also, if you want this to go through AT ALL, you need to immediately throw the "I can't do well enough for her" mentality out of the window. What makes you even think this? It seems like half the reason is really due to the social stigma of it (in your eyes). People are gonna date dude. And they will date a lot. Your church having a lot of couples is just normal. Just because you have a girlfriend and attend the same church as other people with girlfriends, doesn't mean you are automatically the same as them. You post on TL.net. Once she follows you have no chance of being the same.
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Calgary25991 Posts
My advice is don't do the cordial gentlemanly thing. ie "I would love to but I don't think I could treat you the way you deserve." Don't do that.
Girls want a man to lead them. A better answer is anything direct, even "Yea of course we'd go out" is better than what you said.
I don't even know if you want advice but yea, step 1 looks good so far.
Oh yea also don't show your entire hand right off the bat. Sometimes it's great to be mr. sensitive but I wouldn't open with "I told her that I liked her because she changed me in so many ways. As I started to like her more and more, I started to realize that if I'm going to like a girl and want to treat her well, I should learn to treat the women in my life better, such as my mother and my little sister. She also helped me realize what kind of guy I want to be for a girl, even if it's not her" that kind of stuff.
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United States4796 Posts
Congrats, man. I hope you come back with more good news. 
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On January 07 2010 12:49 Romance_us wrote:
Well I think that, "but if I liked you we would date right?" could go both ways. She either is looking for general assurance that she can get a guy she likes or she really does like you and is just being hesitant. Did she say she would think about dating or if she liked you? In my experience most girls will straight up tell you that they just wanna be friends. Unless this girl has an intention of playing you/indefinitely cliffhanging you, then I think your odds are already better than most of these same situations. It's dangerous though man. She seems nice and might not have been able to bring herself to say that she didn't have feelings for you.
Also, if you want this to go through AT ALL, you need to immediately throw the "I can't do well enough for her" mentality out of the window. What makes you even think this? It seems like half the reason is really due to the social stigma of it (in your eyes). People are gonna date dude. And they will date a lot. Your church having a lot of couples is just normal. Just because you have a girlfriend and attend the same church as other people with girlfriends, doesn't mean you are automatically the same as them. You post on TL.net. Once she follows you have no chance of being the same.
Haha thanks. Yeah, she thought I liked her because people sort of forced it, and honestly, though it's been a part of it, its not the only reason, which is maybe why she asked that? I hope she's not teasing, or being nice, I want her to be truthful, and staying as friends is better than a fake relationship.
And what do you mean by once she follows me, I have no chance of being the same?
On January 07 2010 13:05 Chill wrote:
My advice is don't do the cordial gentlemanly thing. ie "I would love to but I don't think I could treat you the way you deserve." Don't do that.
Girls want a man to lead them. A better answer is anything direct, even "Yea of course we'd go out" is better than what you said.
I don't even know if you want advice but yea, step 1 looks good so far.
Oh yea also don't show your entire hand right off the bat. Sometimes it's great to be mr. sensitive but I wouldn't open with "I told her that I liked her because she changed me in so many ways. As I started to like her more and more, I started to realize that if I'm going to like a girl and want to treat her well, I should learn to treat the women in my life better, such as my mother and my little sister. She also helped me realize what kind of guy I want to be for a girl, even if it's not her" that kind of stuff.
Well, I didn't want to ask her out, as I knew she wouldn't say yes. I figured that maybe telling her how I felt and ways she's changed me would sort of help her realize how much I liked her? She sort of thinks that she's just another girl, I think. We're both going to college after this year, and she said that there will be other girls. Fortunately, I don't think that way at all. :D
On January 07 2010 13:06 El.Divino wrote:Congrats, man. I hope you come back with more good news.
Haha thank you, I really appreciate it
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when you say "im not good for you" it makes them think that you're smart enough to know that, and they like it
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On January 07 2010 13:06 El.Divino wrote:Congrats, man. I hope you come back with more good news.
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negative a billion respect for anyone girly enough to not date someone cause they dont think they can flower them with love or some gay shit like that. Your just fooling yourself man. You were too scared to tell her you liked her, and now your bullshitting yourself so you dont have to take the step of actually asking her out and potentially getting rejected.
You really should be ashamed. Hopefully that shame will result in a courageous decision, for good or ill.
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Good luck bro!
Dumb logic here but here goes.
Sometimes girl think how a guy would react if he knew she liked her a lot. As in it makes her look easy, etc. they're sensitive too!
So maybe she said she'll think about it to not show "her full hand". Even though she indeed does like you back.
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On January 07 2010 13:21 yhnmk wrote:
negative a billion respect for anyone girly enough to not date someone cause they dont think they can flower them with love or some gay shit like that. Your just fooling yourself man. You were too scared to tell her you liked her, and now your bullshitting yourself so you dont have to take the step of actually asking her out and potentially getting rejected.
You really should be ashamed. Hopefully that shame will result in a courageous decision, for good or ill.
From the way the guy is talking about this relationship, I'm guessing its more of a real, soul-touching, relationship than a quickie high school (or even some college) one.
Not all women want to be manned around, some are more independent and feel that they deserve more respect than they get from most of their casual friends-that-are-boys.
I'm not saying that this is the case with this girl, cause I really have no background info, but if she was that kind of girl then he'd be perfectly justified.
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Like Chill said, you definitely haven't come anywhere close to growing big bowling balls yet. You're on the way there, but not quite. Dancing around the issue, hemming, hawing, that sort of thing is traditionally for women. As the guy, you should really step up to bat and show her you mean what you say.
If you like her, then be like yeah, I like you and I want to take you out. Saying something like "I have feelings for you but think I'm not good enough for you," is kind of like taking a big dookie on yourself in front of her. And the fact she's not outright dropping you should be MORE than enough indication that she likes you. Are you kidding, man? A girl who's not interested is going to flat out say "no, let's just be friends," or "uh......." and then walk away. A girl who's sitting here like ok, yeah, you like me, nice, ok let's start hypothesizing about how we're going to carry this into the future, is a girl who's VERY interested. She just has no clue how to handle it. You need to step up and lead the way.
Of course, I got nothing to go off except what you share, but I think you're reading her wrong. She likes you a lot. If she didn't, there'd be no worry at all in her mind about what to do. She could just avoid you like the plague or put you firmly in the friend seat. She's telling you she likes you. Women can't just jump on you and grab on with both legs. They gotta look reserved. Don't be fooled by the facade.
She's going home to think about how to jump your bones without looking slutty. That's what I think. Stop putting her in that position and ask her out already. Poor girl ended up falling for a guy without enough spine! Take pity on her and yourself!
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On January 07 2010 13:32 Navi wrote:Show nested quote +On January 07 2010 13:21 yhnmk wrote:
negative a billion respect for anyone girly enough to not date someone cause they dont think they can flower them with love or some gay shit like that. Your just fooling yourself man. You were too scared to tell her you liked her, and now your bullshitting yourself so you dont have to take the step of actually asking her out and potentially getting rejected.
You really should be ashamed. Hopefully that shame will result in a courageous decision, for good or ill. From the way the guy is talking about this relationship, I'm guessing its more of a real, soul-touching, relationship than a quickie high school (or even some college) one. Not all women want to be manned around, some are more independent and feel that they deserve more respect than they get from most of their casual friends-that-are-boys. I'm not saying that this is the case with this girl, cause I really have no background info, but if she was that kind of girl then he'd be perfectly justified. cowardice is never justified, are you kidding me? He loves her apparently, even IF you turn out to be unworthy generally or to her incredibly high standards, or rejection is almost certain, its bitching out if you dont actually fucking try. At the very least it would build character and prepare him for future fuck ups in major relationships.
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I'm a bit confused. You say you can't treat her the way you'd want to, but you'd have to know what that treatment is in order to know this. In light of the fact that you know how you want to treat her, why the fuck not just treat her like that?
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On January 07 2010 13:48 prOxi.swAMi wrote:
I'm a bit confused. You say you can't treat her the way you'd want to, but you'd have to know what that treatment is in order to know this. In light of the fact that you know how you want to treat her, why the fuck not just treat her like that?
Haha, money and stuff. Even though she's not materalistic, I mean, I still want to treat her well you know?
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On January 07 2010 13:38 yhnmk wrote:Show nested quote +On January 07 2010 13:32 Navi wrote:On January 07 2010 13:21 yhnmk wrote:
negative a billion respect for anyone girly enough to not date someone cause they dont think they can flower them with love or some gay shit like that. Your just fooling yourself man. You were too scared to tell her you liked her, and now your bullshitting yourself so you dont have to take the step of actually asking her out and potentially getting rejected.
You really should be ashamed. Hopefully that shame will result in a courageous decision, for good or ill. From the way the guy is talking about this relationship, I'm guessing its more of a real, soul-touching, relationship than a quickie high school (or even some college) one. Not all women want to be manned around, some are more independent and feel that they deserve more respect than they get from most of their casual friends-that-are-boys. I'm not saying that this is the case with this girl, cause I really have no background info, but if she was that kind of girl then he'd be perfectly justified. cowardice is never justified, are you kidding me? He loves her apparently, even IF you turn out to be unworthy generally or to her incredibly high standards, or rejection is almost certain, its bitching out if you dont actually fucking try. At the very least it would build character and prepare him for future fuck ups in major relationships.
I'm confused by this post...
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On January 07 2010 14:03 il0seonpurpose wrote:Show nested quote +On January 07 2010 13:38 yhnmk wrote:On January 07 2010 13:32 Navi wrote:On January 07 2010 13:21 yhnmk wrote:
negative a billion respect for anyone girly enough to not date someone cause they dont think they can flower them with love or some gay shit like that. Your just fooling yourself man. You were too scared to tell her you liked her, and now your bullshitting yourself so you dont have to take the step of actually asking her out and potentially getting rejected.
You really should be ashamed. Hopefully that shame will result in a courageous decision, for good or ill. From the way the guy is talking about this relationship, I'm guessing its more of a real, soul-touching, relationship than a quickie high school (or even some college) one. Not all women want to be manned around, some are more independent and feel that they deserve more respect than they get from most of their casual friends-that-are-boys. I'm not saying that this is the case with this girl, cause I really have no background info, but if she was that kind of girl then he'd be perfectly justified. cowardice is never justified, are you kidding me? He loves her apparently, even IF you turn out to be unworthy generally or to her incredibly high standards, or rejection is almost certain, its bitching out if you dont actually fucking try. At the very least it would build character and prepare him for future fuck ups in major relationships. I'm confused by this post...
what hes trying to say is quit being a pussy
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Telling her you're worried your not good enough for them was just a horrible, horrible move. You're attempting to gain some kind of pity, attempting to make he generate some artificial feedback/sympathy from her. It's clear you really just want want her to say, "Oh, of course you're good enough for me." You're trying to coach her into making the move! There's no balls there. Underhanded tactics.
Seems like she's giving you every opportunity to just take the plunge, but you're fumbling everytime you get the ball. You can't really be that scared of rejection or failure. If you are, then leave this poor girl alone and stop messing with her emotions with your hypocritical routine of, "I think the world of you, but alas, I am not worthy of one such as thee, so our love must never be... T.T" You're basically saying: if we dated, I'm sure it would fail because of me. Dude...
Instead of spilling your guts and trying to act all deep and then so cowardly, you should have gone for the old fashioned: "Wanna see a movie?" You shoulda started small and cool, instead you went for the big blunder.
On January 07 2010 12:20 il0seonpurpose wrote:
Ah, but she said she has to think about it, which I don't really like hearing.
You're pretty much fucked. The only reason she'd date you now is out of pity for being so hopelessly infatuated with her while having absolutely no faith ion yourself to maintain a relationship. It will end badly.
But it's okay to fuck up like this. Just keep this in perspective when you fall for the next girl. There's always a next girl.
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That makes a lot of sense, thanks. I don't even have a car or anything, it would be so difficult for us to go out and stuff. That's a big reason too, I mean we're still in high school still but she has a car and everything and I don't... she got money and I don't. What can I do?
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Well you're fucked now, you shouldn't have even thought that she wouldn't date you because you couldn't shower her in gifts. If she likes you she's not gonna be like "eh he doesnt have a car, no thx" Should've just gone for it. Next time you want a girl don't spill your heart, be 012932-088823x10 more confident, and ASK HER OUT
edit: your name fits this occasion admirably.
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On January 07 2010 15:09 il0seonpurpose wrote:That makes a lot of sense, thanks. I don't even have a car or anything, it would be so difficult for us to go out and stuff. That's a big reason too, I mean we're still in high school still but she has a car and everything and I don't... she got money and I don't. What can I do?
Get a job, get a car/license. Part 1 might be kinda hard, but trying to find little ways to make money can't hurt.
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On January 07 2010 20:55 d3_crescentia wrote:Show nested quote +On January 07 2010 15:09 il0seonpurpose wrote:That makes a lot of sense, thanks. I don't even have a car or anything, it would be so difficult for us to go out and stuff. That's a big reason too, I mean we're still in high school still but she has a car and everything and I don't... she got money and I don't. What can I do? Get a job, get a car/license. Part 1 might be kinda hard, but trying to find little ways to make money can't hurt.
Or take public transportation?
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Interesting story, keep us updated!
btw I think you two will end up being good friends. Just my guess.
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Calgary25991 Posts
On January 07 2010 15:09 il0seonpurpose wrote:That makes a lot of sense, thanks. I don't even have a car or anything, it would be so difficult for us to go out and stuff. That's a big reason too, I mean we're still in high school still but she has a car and everything and I don't... she got money and I don't. What can I do?
LOL. If want her then go get her. If you don't then stop dancing about it in your head. All this car, money, society, parents, church stuff is bullshit you're using as a crutch. Go fucking get her.
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She is "thinking" about how to tell you she isn't interested without hurting you feelings.
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On January 07 2010 15:09 il0seonpurpose wrote:That makes a lot of sense, thanks. I don't even have a car or anything, it would be so difficult for us to go out and stuff. That's a big reason too, I mean we're still in high school still but she has a car and everything and I don't... she got money and I don't. What can I do?
I don't see anything wrong with that. Get it out of your head that you need to spend money and drive girls around. They're supposed to like you for your personality, not so you can be an ATM/chaffeur for them.
I dated plenty of girls in high school without a car (had money though.) I never paid for any of their stuff and quite a few times was treated by them. Have confidence in your personality. No relationship is going to go very well if it's based on material goods anyway. This isn't a K-drama where the only way to win a girl is to do out of this world things like fly her on a jet plane or buy her a $5000 dress out of nowhere.
What you CAN do is tell her to take you guys out and make it worth her effort by being entertaining/fun to be around. It's not like girls aren't willing to put effort into something if it's fun for them.
Please don't listen to the guys giving advice like "LOL ur fucked, you didn't follow the rules etc etc." Those are ppl who treat human relationships like they're an RPG. It's disturbing to say the least.
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StorkHwaiting, thanks alot!
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NP buddy. Go out there and the charming self you can be :D. If you don't act like it's your duty to drive and pay, she won't think it's your duty either. Dating is to find out if you guys like each other's personalities. So just be yourself and try to have fun for YOU. Be attentive to her needs/interests but be expressive about what you find fun about life. If she finds you interesting/fun then dating makes sense. If she doesn't, well...a relationship's not going to work if you need to give Extraordinary effort on a constant basis.
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What Chill said. I often buy girls meals to be a gentlemen, but it also works the other way around. I feel proud when I get girls to buy things for me. To have a healthy relationship, most stuff should be 50/50. This includes buying stuff and treating meals. Don't worry about the no car thing, drive her car lol.
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EPT
