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I don't know why I'm posting this, but I guess I'm looking for people's opinions, and help.
I'm living with my parents at this moment, although I'm miserable at home. My grand father just died a few weeks ago, my dad taking it bad, my dad also found out he has cancer a couple months earlier. My mom is really clingy to me, she use to say a lot of verbally abusive things, like threats of leaving, suicide even(although she stopped). Nowadays, shes just really really annoyingly talkative and manipulative in the way she guilts me to do anything she wants.
I've struggled throughout my university career balancing my parents and school work. I find it really hard to find the motivation to keep going sometimes, I've had periods where I failed some courses and talked to the school about what I can do. I've seen a psychiatrist, didn't help much, other than diagnosing me with chronic depression, which I used as an excuse to continue school.
I really want to leave the house, I lived for a small period of time with my cousins, who can't let me live with them anymore. I had high marks, played as much starcraft as I wanted, although my parents don't really know. I went from a 50-60 to a 70-80. I just want to have some independence.
My parents tell me how "evil" and ungrateful it is to leave them at this time. But it's just so much to be pressured and guilted about everything I do. I'm almost 21, I know I have the right to leave, although I have no money, other than the OSAP (student loan) i'm getting in a couple of weeks, which is enough to support rent for a school year. I am frightened of failing, or also of my reoccuring depression that might screw me over.
Sorry for this blog being so long. I just need to clear my head sometimes, I know sometimes I seem like a brat in this post, but really I really want to maintain ties with my parents, and succeed in school, which I love. I'm not an antisocial person, I do try my best to be close to friends and talk. I'm just at a lost of how to remedy my situation, I tried to talk to my parents, believe me, in every way. They always say the same things, always use the guilt, or get angry. My dad has a short temper, no matter how I approach him to talk, he'll throw a tandrum in a second.
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I had to deal with nearly the exact same thing when i moved to Croatia. My mom would be annoying, constantly try to guilt me into coming back, saying how terrible of a child i was to desert her etc. Basically some people (esp women) seem to be terribly clingy and hate to be left alone, and hate to have to do anything themselves. They can't tolerate a change in a lifestyle where everything is easy for them and they get all the attention they want. I know that seems to be quite a misogynist statement but it's true of a lot of people. You just have to take action and change the circumstances yourself - move out, fix your life. If your parent's never forgive you then that is terribly petty of them.
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I don't know why your parents tell you how "evil and ungrateful" it would be to leave them. However, I think that you need to move out or to residence. Try and tie off any valid reasons that your parents "need" you at home and then tell them that you need to move away for school for a while.
I think you just have to move out for your own future. Try and help your parents get set up for when you leave so they don't have any valid things to complain about.
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Sorry to hear your troubles. First off, you might want to sit down with your parents and tell them in your opinion why it might be best for you to live on your own for you to succeed in college without the troubles being at home. Your parents might not like this idea at all but it takes a bit before they realize its probably better for you and them. Moving out would certainly clear your head and let you progress forward into your studies which it seems you are eager in progressing in.
These type of situations involves you making the big step and actually moving out. I am sure the rest of TL will probably have better advice than me, but the last thing we want is depression coming back as that shit sucks. And I didn't hence no type of bratness in your post other than your parents coming off somewhat selfish.
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Yep, really, if that's your situation, you just have to move out. If your parents are causing you that amount of trouble, then it's their responsibility to let you leave, as parents that is.
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United States4796 Posts
I agree with tirentu. You should move out.
Settle things with your parents. If they don't understand you might have to go forcefully. They don't realize that they're being selfish and that in the end your success is what matters, not their daily matters.
As difficult as it is, I think you should make as much of an effort as you can to distance yourself from them. It's a bit harsh, but in the end necessary for your betterment.
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if your mom is being a manipulative bitch to someone with depression which seems to run in the family(looking@mom) then you should really consider your own feelings much more strongly, since no one else seems to be doing so
you should be a little more open though, what could possibly make you feel guilty enough to stay there if you had a solid option to leave? you being there isn't going to cure your dads cancer or bring your grandfather back, your shitty surroundings will remind you of how shitty you feel(i experience this but i wouldnt say its a longshot for you)
you are the child and they are the parents, its awful for them to be selfish about you, when you have so much potential.
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I moved away from my at times heavily alcoholic mother a few weeks ago. Best decision i ever made. You should do the same.
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Sorry for you bro, hope for the best going your way.
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your dad is dying of cancer and your mom needs emotional support...yes, you're an ungrateful child
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thanks knight, like i said, i don't want to cut my parents out, i just dont see me helping the situation at home by being there. Aside from being the whipping boy, should i stay and continue to not help? Probably fail at everything, and end up miserable?
It's just hard to do all this at once, you guys probably guessed that I am asian, and never had the experience of doing this, so it's just such a big jump to do move out. It's just really hard to find a solution being there, I tried everything. I REALLY try to talk to my parents, they're just not willing to listen.
If theres anyone here that knows me from clans, games, or meeting me, I seem really normal, and very friendly. Perhaps, if you could shed some light on what i can do.
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You don't realize what you mean to your parents. I'm sure they place a great deal of value in their only(?) child. Try to tough it out and make them happy. Your dad is definitely going through a really rough spot. Asian parents especially fathers don't know how to express their emotions and often do so negatively. I don't know what they want exactly, but I'm thinking at least try to get your grades up. Go out to study if being at home makes it impossible. You're at that age where your parents are getting older and are starting to need to depend on you. Just try to do your best.
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Why is it selfish to leave your parents when you're 20+ ? I would imagine they would actually appreciate the breathing space, since they appear to be self-sufficient.
Wait until your dad stops grieving, take out that student loan, find a roommate and leave. Sometimes you have to jump before you learn how to fly.
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EPT
