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Zzzz this thread got closed...link is here if you want:
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=101087
edit: Ok thanks for the replies guys, thing is, I'm not the guy trying to cut some ones lunch: I'm the guy having my lunch cut.
My girlfriend of 2 (almost 3) years is currently on medical school rotations in the country, so I only get to see her on weekends. Apparently one of the guys with her is in the situation I described in the original post: Made friends under the pretense he currently has a girlfriend, yet admits to her today that he has broken up with said girlfriend and has a crush on my girl.
Normally I'm not angry if a guy has a crush on my girlfriend, it's happened before and I was okay with it. How ever, I'm pretty pissed off in this case because as I said, he is aware that she and I have been together for a long time, he is aware that we're going through a new experience as we come to terms with only seeing each other on weekends, and he basically gets to see her from morning to night monday-friday. Add onto that the fact that he has probably been lying to her at least 1 week of having a girlfriend and has used it to talk about fairly intimate stuff about our relationship, and I am feeling quite fucking pissed off.
I guess I made this topic because as I said, I'm not really the jealous type...but I do I think I have a right to be pissed off in this situation, and I want TL opinions about it.
PS. I'm not really concerned about her ditching me for the guy, she is a very loyal girl and I trust her. But that doesn't change the fact that I think this guy is a huge faggot.
OP:
Hypothetically:
If you have a crush on a girl, who you know is in a stable relationship with another guy for at least 2 years, do you tell her?
Give reasons as to why/why not tell her.
Does it make a difference if you know the guy?
Does it make you a shit bloke if you tell her?
Does it make it bad if you've befriended her under the pretense that you yourself have a girlfriend, yet in fact you actually broke up with said girlfriend a month ago?
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First of all i think your anger is justified.
The thread was closed before my post... but as soon as i saw the no rights thing i made a copy.
minutes ago I wrote
I disagree with 90% of the thread.
first: what kind of crush?
You should be confident and shouldnt worry about she beeing or not in a relationship.
What you should at least sense is what is her impression on you. This is really easy if you have balls. Just ask her out for a beer, an ice cream, anything honest and direct without second intentions. You will know right away if anything could happen. If she rejects you then forget about her. If she would go out with you (even for a simple walk) dont EVER talk aboult her boyfriend, and if she does directly change the subject. If you do it you are a fucking asshole and dont deserve to live.
Why would you lose a chance of connecting with someone? Just because she is with some other guy? If he is not your family or friend wtf. And if he is... well, more delicate, but still valid. Probably i would tell the guy first if i know him... Wait!!! i have done it at least once, wasnt nice, but it was honest. He is still my friend, and either of us has any interest on that girl anymore. Last time i saw her we were the three together in a party.
And dont be a prick, never lie to a girl that you actually like. If you are just horny maybe you could lie, but is not my style anyway, and you must face the consecuences. Speak with the truth, and listen, is easier. If you lie to her you lose my respect again, and i even could want to hurt you.
Just think about you and the girl. Even if you are talking about my girlfriend... i know she wont leave me because there is no way you are better for her than me. And if you are... thats a completly different story. I would be fine while you didnt piss me off talking about me or lying to her.
After reading new op i want to tell you i have been there, it sucks, but if you and your girlfriend are fine and trust each other you could just forget him. And let her know you dont like him, with no intentions, just for the record.
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"Why would you lose a chance of connecting wiht someone?"
Because that person is in a friggin' relationship. Respect that, don't be a dick about it. I'd like to think people have the common decency to do such a thing, just as I'd like to assume people have the decency not to cheat, etc. Same concept, you don't fuck with people in relationships, not only does it bring drama/mistrust, it's just morally wrong [to me].
I'd personally tell the guy to fuck off, and assuming he wasn't significantly stronger than me, probably try to start a fight with him if he didn't stop hitting on my girl or telling her that he has feelings for her. In fact, I've never ever told someone in my life, whether gf or just a friend "don't hang out with this person" but I probably would in this case.
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It should be apparent that if a guy likes a girl he will most likely react to his feelings. meaning the guy cares zero of your relationship history, and is more concerned in expressing his love to her. I'm not trying to worry you since it takes two to tango, but girls can be easily swayed. It is also important to note that if she is attracted to him then the forthcoming doesn't look promising. Wait, they will be living with eachother? Take the initiative and explore other venues just for your sake. I'm not cynical just be aware of your options.
I make em good girls go bad...
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On September 01 2009 20:06 FabledIntegral wrote:
"Why would you lose a chance of connecting wiht someone?"
Because that person is in a friggin' relationship. Respect that, don't be a dick about it. I'd like to think people have the common decency to do such a thing, just as I'd like to assume people have the decency not to cheat, etc. Same concept, you don't fuck with people in relationships, not only does it bring drama/mistrust, it's just morally wrong [to me].
I'd personally tell the guy to fuck off, and assuming he wasn't significantly stronger than me, probably try to start a fight with him if he didn't stop hitting on my girl or telling her that he has feelings for her. In fact, I've never ever told someone in my life, whether gf or just a friend "don't hang out with this person" but I probably would in this case.
Some relationships are sick, many of them are wrong. Respect shouldn be normed, it should be earned. If i dont know you why should i respect your status? I have complete trust in my girfriend as she does to me. If she knew someone she would tell me, as i would too. I never ask a girl if she is in a relationship, is not important to me. Should be important to her, and if it is she will tell me and then we could talk about respect, but with her, not with her boyfriend. Thats my moral sense, is not like yours, and is respectfull and honest.
I agree with the bold part, but not with the italic part. I would just tell her that i dont like him at all, but for me she can do whatever she wants.
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Competition is good, otherwise there would be no strive for improvement!
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On September 01 2009 19:35 LilClinkin wrote:
Hypothetically:
If you have a crush on a girl, who you know is in a stable relationship with another guy for at least 2 years, do you tell her?
Give reasons as to why/why not tell her.
Does it make a difference if you know the guy?
Does it make you a shit bloke if you tell her?
Does it make it bad if you've befriended her under the pretense that you yourself have a girlfriend, yet in fact you actually broke up with said girlfriend a month ago?
More important reason if I was in his position was that I really really like your gf that much to be an ass and tell her how I feel tho I know its with you LOL
Ye it does make me a shit bloke  I mean come on there are tons of women around
Ye it makes bad when u lie
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Calgary25980 Posts
Your girlfriend either likes the guy or is just telling you about it to get a jealous reaction out of you. It's probably the latter or you wouldn't know aobut the situation. Tell her to stop seeing the guy or you're through. There's no reason for her to hang around a guy who openly said he wants her.
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You can tell, your GF is interested in the guy.... and probably if I were you I would start looking for a new GF. There are more girls in the world who are worth your attention. I would have ditched her, not even my girlfriend is allowed to play abusive manipulative games like this.
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On September 01 2009 20:51 Chill wrote:
Your girlfriend either likes the guy or is just telling you about it to get a jealous reaction out of you. It's probably the latter or you wouldn't know aobut the situation. Tell her to stop seeing the guy or you're through. There's no reason for her to hang around a guy who openly said he wants her.
this. and beat the shit out of that guy
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On September 01 2009 20:51 Chill wrote:
Your girlfriend either likes the guy or is just telling you about it to get a jealous reaction out of you. It's probably the latter or you wouldn't know aobut the situation. Tell her to stop seeing the guy or you're through. There's no reason for her to hang around a guy who openly said he wants her.
I agree and you have to let him know that if he continues to hit on your girlfriend you will have a serious "talk" with him. Definitely do something to show him that he needs to back the fuck off.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
"I'd really appreciate it if you stayed away from my GF. Not that I'm worried that a loser like you could steal her, but it's just annoying, so fuck off. Thanks!"
then if he gets snide or sarcastic punch him in the teeth
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On September 01 2009 21:54 Rekrul wrote:
"I'd really appreciate it if you stayed away from my GF. Not that I'm worried that a loser like you could steal her, but it's just annoying, so fuck off. Thanks!"
then if he gets snide or sarcastic punch him in the teeth
This actually isn't that bad of an idea, it gets the point across. But only do it if you have big muscles and think you can back your words up with your fist (or Tae Kwon Do skills)
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konadora
Singapore66158 Posts
On September 01 2009 21:54 Rekrul wrote:
"I'd really appreciate it if you stayed away from my GF. Not that I'm worried that a loser like you could steal her, but it's just annoying, so fuck off. Thanks!"
then if he gets snide or sarcastic punch him in the teeth
this
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On September 01 2009 21:54 Rekrul wrote:
"I'd really appreciate it if you stayed away from my GF. Not that I'm worried that a loser like you could steal her, but it's just annoying, so fuck off. Thanks!"
then if he gets snide or sarcastic punch him in the teeth
On September 01 2009 21:20 araav wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2009 20:51 Chill wrote:
Your girlfriend either likes the guy or is just telling you about it to get a jealous reaction out of you. It's probably the latter or you wouldn't know aobut the situation. Tell her to stop seeing the guy or you're through. There's no reason for her to hang around a guy who openly said he wants her. this. and beat the shit out of that guy
Agreed, but mainly the bold. Have a chit chat with either one of them, and let themknow you're not going to stand by idly and watch this bullshit go down.
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wth is up with you guys? I say it's mainly the decision of your girl. I bet she is just trying to make you jealous. Come on, she wouldn't tell you that there is a guy who has a crash on her if she had any interest in that dude. Thats something personal you wouldn't tell someone.
"There is a guy who has a crush on me" just means that you should care because there are other waiting.
And even if she feels somehow attractad to him (I doubt it or she wouldn't tell you), basicly it's her decision. If she throws away your longtime partnership for some stupid guy "beating the shit out of that guy" won't help you anyway. Don't be so immature...
I'ts your right to be upset. Best thing to do is to say that you are disappointed and that you don't want him to stalk her again.
If she is as loyal as you claim her to be nothing will happen anyway. She just wants to make sure that you care and make you jealous before she gets bored by this guy. Relax ...
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Girls are cunts man.. I know a girl that is ENGAGED and she has a huge crush on me. The only reason we are not dating is because she lives 3 hours away. She has admitted that if she lived closer she would be with me but i ignore her now because she is engaged. I do not know what goes through their heads honestly. If your relationship is meant to last it will.
It is not what you can actively do that matters, it is how good of a person you are which translates to how much she likes you.
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Dude there is a famous saying
Even though there is a goalie, you can still score
We should all live by this.
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I was in this exact situation. Except, I was the good male friend of my now-girlfriend for about 2 years. She had a douchebag boyfriend (high school drop-out, always made her cry), but stayed with him. One day, she came up to me and told me she liked me more than she should. I kissed her afterwards and we've been together ever since.
However, I can say this, this is a terrible way to start a relationship. By having her leave and go straight to the other guy, it breaks some of the trust needed in a very serious relationship. Please tell her this and ask her if she wants to break the special bond you guys have for something like that.
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Women aren't territory. They have to make the decisions they want for themselves. You can tell her you don't like it when she hangs around people who she knows is going to make moves on her, but it's up to her whether or not she obliges. I'm with Chill on this, she's a waste of time if she does this crap. If she does oblige, and the guy stalks her, then I also agree with Rekrul (but only in that stipulation).
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EPT
