honestly, as stated before, not outstanding but at least even a moron like myself understands every bit of it
evan's was awesome, though...
edit: bleh, why are my posts continually opening the new pages -.-
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Cpt Obvious
Germany3073 Posts
honestly, as stated before, not outstanding but at least even a moron like myself understands every bit of it evan's was awesome, though... edit: bleh, why are my posts continually opening the new pages -.- | ||
evanthebouncy!
United States12796 Posts
On December 19 2006 12:39 pr0n- wrote: before bitching around, try writing a similarily good poem in Hindu honestly, as stated before, not outstanding but at least even a moron like myself understands every bit of it evan's was awesome, though... edit: bleh, why are my posts continually opening the new pages -.- Haha it's awesome, I love when my post open new pages so you can make sure everyone reads your thoughts. Tis a wonderful thing! :D | ||
MaNNeRDex
United States169 Posts
On December 19 2006 10:31 ilovezil wrote: That's weird, my bandar displays a 2-week tempban Haha... you're funny [smile]. =P [Hides from bandar] | ||
Servolisk
United States5241 Posts
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Hitokiri
Spain306 Posts
You said fuck you And I loved thee So now you're dead That sexy corpse of yours Spoke to me in tongues Now its all mine Teheee | ||
CrownRoyal
Vatican City State1872 Posts
Sonnet 1 Vicariously I lie in this cell. Tortured, trembling, terrified, I am scarred Wrongly done, mistreated, serving life in hell; Kept inside me, emotions tightly jarred. Keen anger, angst, animosity flowing Today the guilty walks as I lay lost. Inside, my hate and fear, boldly showing Innocently I must now pay the cost. Only in death may I leave this very place Life isn’t just, but I must now depart Please don’t remember me a disgrace Left mortal life behind for a new start Reside now in the heavens with anew Waiting for my lovers to follow through. | ||
CrownRoyal
Vatican City State1872 Posts
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evanthebouncy!
United States12796 Posts
On December 19 2006 15:50 CrownRoyal wrote: Since we're in the spirit of sharing poems here's a sonnet i wrote recently. Feel free to critique. Sonnet 1 Vicariously I lie in this cell. Tortured, trembling, terrified, I am scarred Wrongly done, mistreated, serving life in hell; Kept inside me, emotions tightly jarred. Keen anger, angst, animosity flowing Today the guilty walks, as I lay lost. Inside, my hate and fear, boldly showing Innocently I must now pay the cost. Only in death may I leave this very place Life isn’t just, but I must now depart Please don’t remember me a disgrace Left mortal life behind for a new start Reside now in the heavens with anew Waiting for my lovers to follow through. LOL man I just sang to it. It's a metal song. | ||
CrownRoyal
Vatican City State1872 Posts
On December 19 2006 15:53 evanthebouncy~ wrote: Show nested quote + On December 19 2006 15:50 CrownRoyal wrote: Since we're in the spirit of sharing poems here's a sonnet i wrote recently. Feel free to critique. Sonnet 1 Vicariously I lie in this cell. Tortured, trembling, terrified, I am scarred Wrongly done, mistreated, serving life in hell; Kept inside me, emotions tightly jarred. Keen anger, angst, animosity flowing Today the guilty walks, as I lay lost. Inside, my hate and fear, boldly showing Innocently I must now pay the cost. Only in death may I leave this very place Life isn’t just, but I must now depart Please don’t remember me a disgrace Left mortal life behind for a new start Reside now in the heavens with anew Waiting for my lovers to follow through. LOL man I just sang to it. It's a metal song. cool? | ||
besiger
Croatia2452 Posts
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A3iL3r0n
United States2196 Posts
I should also say, that since poetry is so dependent on using the exact right words, that writing good poetry in another language is very hard to do. | ||
evanthebouncy!
United States12796 Posts
On December 19 2006 16:18 A3iL3r0n wrote: Rhyming is hard to do well. And by that I mean, so it doesn't come off cheesy or have a sing-song rhythm. It does indeed rhyme poorly, I don't think that kid was being a smartass, or even if he was, it's good criticism. Also, the poem has nothing original about it. I think most people could've have written an approximation of that poem. A good measure of writing is to ask yourself, could anyone but <fill in the blank> have written this? Good writing is very distinctive. I should also say, that since poetry is so dependent on using the exact right words, that writing good poetry in another language is very hard to do. Lol Rhyming is not hard! Did you got hit by a metal bar? Just say stuff and shuffle words around And in the combonation rhyme will be found It's as simple as placing "aye" in place of "yes" Or as simple as changing "tell" into "Confess" I must do this becomes This I must do Here's a simple rhyme line for you! Just made that in 1 minute. It's not hard! Just think abit more of which word goes where to rhyme, be adventurous. | ||
Pressure
7326 Posts
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lil.sis
China4650 Posts
ppl from russia always lag reading poems makes me gag the mountain in GUTS was the aggro-crag | ||
evanthebouncy!
United States12796 Posts
On December 19 2006 16:52 lil.sis wrote: evan the bouncy is a fag ppl from russia always lag reading poems makes me gag the mountain in GUTS was the aggro-crag there u go u got it! | ||
A3iL3r0n
United States2196 Posts
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5 Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, 10 And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. 15 I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. | ||
fusionsdf
Canada15390 Posts
On December 19 2006 05:03 Gandalf wrote: I'd like my fellow TL.netters to critique the poem I've pasted below. It was written by an Indian(Hindu, from India) friend of mine, and English isnt his first language. "Lonely for You..." I've reread all your letters And kissed your photograph; I'm trying to remember The funny way you laugh. The many times you held me when things turned upside down; You always raised my spirits and smiled away my frown. But where are you today, dear, when I am missing you? I need to hear you whisper the love I know is true. If you are there and hear me, please bring me your sweet smile. I long to hold you, darling, for just a little while One more thing. He posted this in some forum and one of the posters replied: "your poem has too much rhyme". I dont get that. What exactly is "too much rhyme"? Or is this poster just trying to be a smart ass? Well basically the rhymes interfere with the imagery too much. It cant be really consistent and personal because of this. The rhyme scheme sucks some of the personality out of the poem I think. Plus, its a bit like when someone uses cliches - too general. It starts off really nice and has a good feel. It certainly isnt a bad poem by any stretch. As a second language poem it is really great. But like the other guy, I think the abundance of rhyme kills the flow and the personality of the poem. | ||
evanthebouncy!
United States12796 Posts
On December 19 2006 19:21 A3iL3r0n wrote: Maybe my post wasn't clear. Rhyming is difficult to pull off in a way that adds to the poem and doesn't detract from it. Robert Frost's famous poem, The Road Not Taken, is an awesome example of what subtle, and well done rhyming can achieve. TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5 Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same, 10 And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. 15 I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. Yeah true. But yo ushould attempt to rhyme whenever possible. Like change "me and you" to "you and me" to make something rhyme with "Why does he" is totally simple and it doesn't change meanings. I don't know why sonnet rhymes like abab cdcd efef gg Strange... Chinese poem is like; aaaa bbbb cccc dddd and it flows much better | ||
5HITCOMBO
Japan2239 Posts
Sonnet 116 Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle's compass come: Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved. Goddamn, that's a good sonnet if I've ever read one. You know what I think is funny? How everyone thinks that "The Road Less Taken"'s narrator is saying that he thinks the road he took was better because it was less traveled. He's not saying that. He states that both roads were as good as the other, and the more travelled one even looked like it was better. But his choice to take the less traveled road made all the difference. Not the road itself. | ||
evanthebouncy!
United States12796 Posts
My favorite: 李白 (http://www.epochtimes.com) 噫吁戲 危乎高哉 蜀道之難難於上青天 蠶叢及魚鳧 開國何茫然 爾來四萬八千歲 始與秦塞通人煙 西當太白有鳥道 可以橫絕峨眉巔 地崩山摧壯士死 然後天梯石棧方鉤連 上有六龍回日之高標 下有衝波逆折之迴川 黃鶴之飛尚不得 猿猱欲度愁攀援 青泥何盤盤 百步九折縈巖巒 捫參歷井仰脅息 以手撫膺坐長歎 問君西遊何時還 畏途巉巖不可攀 但見悲鳥號古木 雄飛雌從繞林間 又聞子規啼 夜月愁空山 蜀道之難難於上青天 使人聽此凋朱顏 連峰去天不盈尺 枯松倒掛倚絕壁 飛湍瀑流爭喧豗 砯崖轉石萬壑雷 其險也如此 嗟爾遠道之人 胡為乎來哉 劍閣崢嶸而崔嵬 一夫當關 萬夫莫開 所守或匪親 化為狼與豺 朝避猛虎 夕避長蛇 磨牙吮血 殺人如麻 錦城雖云樂 不如早還家 蜀道之難難於上青天 側身西望常咨嗟 | ||
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