TeamLiquid, arm your weapons and man your stations

YStim

Yemen1 Post

May 24 2009 00:35 GMT

Dear fellow Liquidians,

Long have we battled to keep this town free from corruption. With alert citizens and brave moderators our city has managed to efficiently spot and remove imminent threats.

The art of waging wars has changed over the past years, and the one fought by the brave volounteers on our site was no exception.

Merely two and a half years ago, on a mid-september day, a girl naming herself Zia gave us a painful wake up call. No longer did we face traditional, direct wars with our enemy. Our villains became smarter, using deception to infiltrate within our ranks.

+ Show Spoiler [NSFW] +

Not sure how we could miss the obvious clues..

'She' however, was alone in her Satan-inspired work. Despite deceiving an impressive number of our higher officers, her lack of planning and allies led to her demise.
Our once glorious settlement was shocked. Fear grew among our population that our defenses were too traditional to win against a cunningly clever enemy. Fear that, if a smarter and more numbered opponent would arrive, we would fail to rescue our town.
While general morale was down, our town was more alert than they had ever been, and attacks on our town were shut down immeadiately.

When the shock was over and the lust for revenge came, General Kennigit made a bold policy change. No longer would we wait for an attacker to show up at our town gates, eager to copy paste our precious resources. No longer would we refuse to pursue thieves as they ran to their own colony with a disguised version of our MSL banner. No longer would we sit and watch as criminals stole our favourite video directors. The Liquidian pre-emptive strike policy was born.

First target? A nation that went by the name of Star Craft 2 Good Game. Our mostly independant town knew little about this particular enemy. Some rumours claimed the town was just a myth..

InControl The Bard

I have studied all languages and dialects spoken on this planet. Not one of them would approve of "Star Craft 2 Good Game" as a name for their nation. The town is a mere diversion, created by GosuGamers so they can attack when our gates are unguarded.

The town bard was held in high regard, and the troops became uneasy, afraid to leave their women and children unguarded, especially with the rape-hungry GosuGamers troops mobilized up north. The town general however, confident as ever, decided to change his plan to meet the town's demands for safety.

General Kennigit

Dear Liquidians,

While our constitution labels our town as a military dictatorship, our population has always greatly determined our actions. I have decided to listen to your voices, and send a party of 7 reconaissance officers to "Star Craft 2 Good Game". If the nation does exist, we shall exterminate it immeadiately.

The seven scouts were sent out on a transatlantic journey, to find the unknown nation and gather information on it. They sailed out on Team Liquid's best ship, The Plexa, for a journey that would last several months at least.

Just a couple hundred miles north of our great city, GosuGamers had already mobilized their entire army to trample our meager defenses as the Liquidian army would be sailing the Atlantic. Unfortunately, their spies did not notify them of the change in Liquidian military plans.

Two weeks later, the GosuGamers' army arrived at the gates. Expecting a defenseless town, they moved in for the kill. Our army decimated them with minimal losses and suprising ease.

The town partied hard.

Just as the party was finishing up a small month later, a ship arrived at the Liquidian shores. All seven scouts exited the vessel upon arrival, and reported immeadiately to the General.

Kennigit: I'm glad you made it back this quickly. A lot happened since you were gone. So tell me, is this nation fictional?
Chill The Angry: Dude you're not gonna believe this.
Jared The Sociopath: Yeah du..
Chill The Angry: Shut up Jared. So, when we disembarked on the American continent, we immeadiately saw this huge group of buildings on the horizon.
Insane The Wise: It was the silhouet of a city much greater than our own.
Kennigit: Oh no..
Chill The Angry: So we approach the city, eager to learn more about our enemy. As we come closer, we realized 90% of the buidings weren't even halfway finished.
Kennigit: Haha, WHAT?
Chill The Angry: Even the gates were unfinished. So we decided to walk inside, trying to get an idea of what kind of military we would be up against. As soon as we realized their soldiers didn't even know how to pick up a sword, we decided to fight.
Insane The Wise: We manhandled their entire army by ourselves. It was ridiculous.
Chill The Angry: Truly a clinic.
Kennigit: You are brave men.. I think. Let us inform the town of your deeds.

The town celebrated for another 3 months. Embracing a victory in what they knew: traditional warfare, the Liquidians felt safe and at ease.

This all just happened 5 months ago, but I have an excruciating revelation to make. Not all enemies were defeated. Over the past two years, an unknown enemy has sent undercover agents to infiltrate our society. Inspired by the Zia debacle, they disguised as women, hoping to melt the hearts of our easily-erect males.
This conspiracy poses a bigger threat to us than we have ever faced before. And we must act immeadiately, before their ultimate weapon The Vagiath reaches completion.

Thus, I present you the enemy infiltrants:

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lilsusie aka The Distractron

Already promoted to officer, she has a lot of power in this town. Her main role however, is pure distraction and manipulation. She managed to develop two distracting devices, one slightly larger than the other. When in visual contact with any of our citizens, they will be mezmerized and perform any command she utters. Afraid of detection, she hasn't used these devices to the fullest yet. I however suspect her of putting them to full use during The Vagiath attack.

Smix aka The Legs

Ever wonder why she hides her face? She's afraid of being recognized as the daughter of Stimey and + Show Spoiler [this woman we arrested 22 years ago fo…] +

Working as our main anti-terrorist informant, she has been covering up the imminent threat by supplying us with false information. Her main quality is the abnormally fast speed she can achieve when running, without losing any elegance. This property will grant The Vagiath great mobility.

Peanut

Although I am convinced she is working alongside Smix and lilsusie, my investigation couldn't reveal any qualities that would help in The Vagiath. I have therefore assumed she is either The Brains (although some evidence contradicts this) behind this all-out attack, or The Nose. We aren't known as a city of personal hygiene, and The Nose would definately be able to detect our soldiers' position from half a mile away.

THE VAGIATH

I have had the chance to look in to their attack plans. Alongside their genetically manipulated bodies they have adopted a technology that has been long forgotten. Images on ancient Inca temples have already revealed the power of this technique. It is a half biological, half mechanical mutation that happens when these 3 infiltrants merge.

Ancient Inca image of the supersoldier this technology can create.

I have succeeded in making a military simulation image of what we would be up against if they manage to successfully use this against us.

Rough sketch

Now, go arm yourselves and search every dungeon of this town. We must find these witches before it is too late, and burn them at the stakes. Go forth, Liquidians. Do what you do best and defend our mighty settlement from these intruders!