I don't want to be mean to the Starcraft 2 community, but damn, you guys are stupid. You think Slayers is going to win because you go to bed every night dreaming that MMA would be your boyfriend? Don't come at me with that Incredible Miracle bullshit either. Nestea? Over the hill and a disgusting drink. MVP? Tell that kid to close his mouth before he chokes on a fly. You really think a terrible team like Prime is going to win with an ace who has lost three straight GSL championships?
WRONG
Let me break it down for you, kids. I've been watching Starcraft 2 back in 1990 when the greats played. If you really think these overrated teams like Slayers and Incredible Miracle have a chance to take down my boys, you're either an idiot or haven't watched a game of Starcraft in your life. The best team in the world right now, without question, are the one and only ZeNex.
What? You're laughing at ZeNex? You laughing at the coolest, most attractive and deadliest team in the known universe? I bet you didn't even know that they practice in a secret mansion. Huh? Want proof? Have you ever seen the ZeNex team house? If you have, their small cramped apartment that makes them sleep three to a room, that's just a cover for their secret mansion. Do you even know if they have sponsors? Of course not, because they're underground, people. They have sponsors from McDonalds to Microsoft; they just aren't allowed to tell people because they don't want their massive wealth to be known to the general public.
The secret ZeNex Mansion. Reporetdly either in the jungles of Thailand or the Moon.
Are you ready to meet your future GSTL champions? You fucking better, because they're about to crush your face in with their bonjwa-like skill and Bisu-like good looks. Get ready to meet the Golden Gods of Starcraft, bitches. This is ZeNex.
This is Line. He's the captain of ZeNex. You think you can mess with this guy? Nada thought he could in the Round of Sixteen of the Super Tournament. You know what happened to Nada when he tried to mess with the captain of ZeNex? He got beat up. Nada got destroyed by Line. Wanna know a fun fact? Since Line took Nada's and crushed it, the Brood War bonjwa hasn't been back to the quarterfinals of a GSL tournament ever again.
So if Line is so great, why hasn't he won a GSL yet or even qualified for Code S? That's simple, children. Line is a busy man. As the captain of ZeNex, the best team in the world, he has lots of friends. He goes to lots of parties. Here are some pictures that he sent me while he was hooking up with a girl in Egypt:
Look at this cool dude, looking all fly with his white team jacket. Coming into that party, those two girls were dating the two guys in the background. When the party was over, the two guys were left alone and Line ended up with two more girls begging to be his girlfriend. Obviously he declined since someone as suave and attractive as Line could not settle for girls who weren't perfect tens.
On his way to meet with his Tom Brady from the New England Patriots, Line got stopped at the airport by a bunch of women wanting his autograph. One thing led to another, and they invited him to go clubbing with them. By the end of the night, every girl was atop of the Captain of ZeNex, but they were all rejected with a wave of the hand. Their elbows were too pointy and Line would not date such ugly women.
Here's Line winning a Nobel Peace Prize. I asked him what he did to win such a prestigious honor, but the Captain is far too humble to brag for all the great deeds he has done in his life. He's also been to the planet Mars, ran with the bulls in Spain, and saved hundreds of people from burning fires, but he is far too humble to send those pictures to the known public. What a great man he is.
This is ZeNexTreme. You wanna know why he has sunglasses twenty sizes too big for his face on in his picture? Because he's Xtreme. Does he really need any other reason? He's the most extreme guy in the universe and has reportedly climbed to the top of every single mountain in the world. Every. Single. Mountain. Like most of ZeNex, the only reason why he hasn't won a GSL yet is because he's too busy fighting off the girls at his mansion and snowboarding gigantic mountains while juggling flamethrowers at the same time.
You remember Kyrix? He made the quarterfinals of the second ever GSL, facing MarineKing in the famous marine-splitting series. I could make a lame Chuck Norris joke about how the only reason MKP learned how to split marines is because Kyrix allowed him, but that's not the truth. Kyrix actually taught MarineKing everything he knows about playing Terran. I've heard that Kyrix's worst race is actually Zerg, but he only plays it because it would be unfair to all the nerds if he played with his better races.
So after losing to MarineKing, Kyrix started to suck. It's not his fault, though. The reason for this is actually that Kyrix is a time traveler. The Kyrix that you saw at the beggining of his career was actually Future Kyrix. The Kyrix that we saw when he started to suck was Present Kyrix. Future Kyrix came back to the present time to teach MarineKing how to split marines so that the next ten GSL's wouldn't suck as bad as the first two in terms of game play.
Now, a year later, after being forgotten for a while after falling out of the GSL, I've been told by my inside sources that Future Kyrix has returned from fifty years in the future and will be playing for ZeNex in this tournament. If this is true, then I'm pretty sure you're all fucked because that would mean Kyrix was able to play the Heart of the Swarm beta that was finally released in 2050 before everyone else.
Life is fifteen. What the hell did you do when you were fifteen? I bet you weren't already one of the best Zergs in the whole universe (if you're reading this Leenock, then I guess you can disagree with this past statement) and having ten billion girls asking you out because you're on the best team in the entire world. When I was fifteen, I had trouble even asking one girl out. Life has to tell his parents to lock the front door and windows so that a stray girl won't break in.
Make no doubt about it that Life is one of the best players on ZeNex and could be the future of the team if Line ever decides to hang up the mouse and keyboard for a new career of being an astronaut. Life has been atop of the Korean ladder for the past few months and is always playing. If you go on any Korean pro stream and don't see them play Life at least once that session, then you either blinked too fast and missed Life beating up that nerd or the fifteen-year-old was too busy counting his pile of cash to play for a night.
I would tell you about how amazing Jjun is, but then he would kill me for spilling his secrets. Look at his picture. Do you really want to fight this guy?
'sup, this is Avenge. He just qualified for Code A and is facing Idra in the next round. Huh? You actually think Idra has a chance against this guy? Let me break it down for you. Avenge beat Hack to make it into Code A. Hack recently beat Polt in a Korean Weekly. Polt destroyed MMA in the Super Tournament finals. MMA destroyed MVP in the GSL October finals.
Which means that Avenge is ten times better than MVP. Do you really think Idra can beat someone ten times better than MVP? Go to bed, Idrones.
Before you ask, is this really a picture of ZeNexCutter? Have you ever seen a picture of Cutter? Me neither, but I would have to presume that someone named Cutter would have to look like this. I already predict Cutter to be the best player in GSTL this season, all-killing every single team and then bench lifting every nerd he slays as a ceremony.
Look into this man's eyes and know that there is no way your crappy team will ever come close to the power of ZeNex. Cutter is coming for you oGs, and he will not stop until he snaps ForGG in half and does push-ups on TheWind's unconscious body after destroying all of you.
So let's make one thing clear, GSTL. The reason why players like Puzzle and Coca leave ZeNex isn't because they're dying, but because they aren't good enough to hang with the rest of the players. What happened to Coca when he left ZeNex? I'm pretty sure he's still locked in the Slayers Dungeon for his scandal with another former ZenNex member Byun. ZeNex obviously knew these guys weren't good enough to keep the good name of ZeNex, so knowing their foresight and tips from Future Kyrix, they were released to other teams before they brought shame on the good name of ZeNex.
The GSTL after ZeNex is done with it.
In conclusion, ZeNex is better than your favorite team. You should stop supporting your worthless team and join a winning squad. Don't you want Cutter to cut the people who pick on you? Don't you want to fly on Line's spaceship to Jupiter? If you do, then put on your ZeNex badge and cheer for them against the rest of these worthless foes in the GOM Arena.
On January 26 2012 19:43 Primadog wrote: I like the old version better. Fionn is trying too hard.
This.
The previous thread had a little bit more effort. Nice try though Fionn
No problem, can't please everyone. I could have done an actual, 100% serious thread about why ZeNex would win the GSTL, but...they're ZeNex. If anyone can actually write a 100% serious ZeNex thread, then please try to.
Such a misguided sense of duty; fandom must be genuine, fionn
On January 26 2012 19:43 Primadog wrote: I like the old version better. Fionn is trying too hard.
This.
The previous thread had a little bit more effort. Nice try though Fionn
No problem, can't please everyone. I could have done an actual, 100% serious thread about why ZeNex would win the GSTL, but...they're ZeNex. If anyone can actually write a 100% serious ZeNex thread, then please try to.
I think your talents are better used going to Assembly and poaching Polt for your newly founded team
fionn, youve got me sold on zenex, i cant believe i once thought that other teams would even have a chance in the gtsl... im so young and ignorant... forgive me fionn, youve shown me the light.
Do you know how perfectly timed that song you chose was? It lined up perfectly with the length of the article, haha. That Line section was amazing, by the way.
Zenex life is actually really sick. I've seen him play games on kr server and holy shit he has some crisp builds. If this kids goes to mlg he will own some face.
Well done Fionn, can't really do a "Why they would win" without using humor regarding ZeNEX, the underdog of underdogs. Here's hoping that they don't get 5-0'd every match :[
Hmm, It doesnt look real. The picture with line is just copy pasted into other pictures. Lol cant believe u guys fell for this. This guy is an obvious troll loolol.
Before you ask, is this really a picture of ZeNexCutter? Have you ever seen a picture of Cutter? Me neither, but I would have to presume that someone named Cutter would have to look like this.
This post hurts me as I was a fan of ZeNEX when they seemed to be getting good, back when The Energizer Byunny made it to the Ro4, Puzzle was this new Protoss hero, Line was the last Zerg left in the Super Tournament and CoCa played really well in some GSL(all I can remember is that he played this really really good ZvP on Tal'Darim where he spawned at 5'o clock :p
But now, CoCa, Byun and Puzzle have all left :'(
On January 27 2012 04:01 Catatonic wrote: ZeNEX is so bad though :l and Slayers have won multiple GSTLs sooooo overrated I dont see where you're coming from lol
On January 26 2012 19:43 Primadog wrote: I like the old version better. Fionn is trying too hard.
This.
The previous thread had a little bit more effort. Nice try though Fionn
No problem, can't please everyone. I could have done an actual, 100% serious thread about why ZeNex would win the GSTL, but...they're ZeNex. If anyone can actually write a 100% serious ZeNex thread, then please try to.
I think your talents are better used going to Assembly and poaching Polt for your newly founded team
lolololololol, best comment so far.
On another note. 5 star fucking post fionn. i lol'd so hard. one of the best posts ever.
One of the TL writers need to amalgamate all these GSTL hype threads and stick it on the front page. They are all pretty awesome. Also, I love the hype music for this one.
On January 26 2012 19:41 Fionn wrote: [...] that would mean Kyrix was able to play the Heart of the Swarm beta that was finally released in 2050 before everyone else.
I stopped reading when you said "Let me break it down for you, kids. I've been watching Starcraft 2 back in 1990 when the greats played." i then knew you were trying to hard.
Now I am convinced that recent lackluster performance of Zenex is only due to them fighting secret wars against terror, PMS, evil time Hitler, time, HIV, goblins, orcs, and Kim Jong Lee (Looks like they've finally wrapped that one up tho).
Now they will definitely save universe and dominate in GSTL.
ZeNex obviously knew these guys weren't good enough to keep the good name of ZeNex, so knowing their foresight and tips from Future Kyrix, they were released to other teams before they brought shame on the good name of ZeNex.
LOOOOL.
This is fantastic. Changing all my esports dollars to ZeNEX.
I don't want to be mean to the Starcraft 2 community, but damn, you guys are stupid. You think Slayers is going to win because you go to bed every night dreaming that MMA would be your boyfriend? Don't come at me with that Incredible Miracle bullshit either. Nestea? Over the hill and a disgusting drink. MVP? Tell that kid to close his mouth before he chokes on a fly. You really think a terrible team like Prime is going to win with an ace who has lost three straight GSL championships?
The introductory war call paragraph is all worth it! good one
Very nicely written but... My honest opinion (for all its worth) is that Zenex is a massive underdog. They frankly don't have very good players. Kyrix imo is the best out of all of them, and he is only solid. Line can be decent but is no ace material. This team imo has a very shallow lineup.
ZeNexTreme never heard of this guy but he just showed a great macro game vs the STC. Really hope Zenex can do well and hold on to its players, they always move onto a bigger team lol.
lmao i love the fact you put so much work into this and loved the intro even though i completely disagree they just lost to oGs. By far the best thread
i must admit, i was just thinking this earlier, but you forgot one important little detail. Future kyrix actually has cybernetic implants to lower his apm and skills, so that it doesnt look too embarassing when he nerd stomps MVP.
LOLLLLLLLLL This has got to be the funniest thing I've read on TL yet. Couldn't stop laughing after I saw the line about MVP eating a fly cuz his mouth is open, Fionn strikes again
Psh they only lost because they did not use cutter.
IMO Zenex was lol'ing so hard they decided to troll OGS with life going out there with a ridiculous build and showing how long it would take oGs to win even with the wrong strategy/unit comp and everything going wrong for them.
On January 29 2012 04:42 farnham wrote: Zenex was such a solid team last year
they had byun, they had kyrix, they had coca, they had puzzle
even without the zenexline surprise in the super tournament it was a extremely great lineup
what happened ?
Quite a bit of inner-team strife, lack of sponsorship, etcetera. ZeNEX is still trying to hold together despite their hardships. I can't list everything here, but they're actually a team that even decided they would disband, but rethought things and stuck together.
this cutter is almost definitely the Korean version of me, hes only 1.5 months younger AND plays terran. although im not as good as him but we can attribute that to being Korean ^^
EPT
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/ZeNex mansion.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/Linewcg.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/LineParty.png)
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/supgirls.png)
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/LineNobel.png)
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/9ZeNextreme.png)
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/217.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/LifeGSL.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/220px-Jjun.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/220px-Avenge.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://i41.tinypic.com/xqm001.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://www.centralnewyorkinjurylawyer.com/explosions.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://img38.imageshack.us/img38/4584/zenexfighting.png)
ZeNEX lost vs oGs..
