EPT
I don't want to be mean to the Starcraft 2 community, but damn, you guys are stupid. You think Slayers is going to win because you go to bed every night dreaming that MMA would be your boyfriend? Don't come at me with that Incredible Miracle bullshit either. Nestea? Over the hill and a disgusting drink. MVP? Tell that kid to close his mouth before he chokes on a fly. You really think a terrible team like Prime is going to win with an ace who has lost three straight GSL championships?
WRONG
Let me break it down for you, kids. I've been watching Starcraft 2 back in 1990 when the greats played. If you really think these overrated teams like Slayers and Incredible Miracle have a chance to take down my boys, you're either an idiot or haven't watched a game of Starcraft in your life. The best team in the world right now, without question, are the one and only ZeNex.
What? You're laughing at ZeNex? You laughing at the coolest, most attractive and deadliest team in the known universe? I bet you didn't even know that they practice in a secret mansion. Huh? Want proof? Have you ever seen the ZeNex team house? If you have, their small cramped apartment that makes them sleep three to a room, that's just a cover for their secret mansion. Do you even know if they have sponsors? Of course not, because they're underground, people. They have sponsors from McDonalds to Microsoft; they just aren't allowed to tell people because they don't want their massive wealth to be known to the general public.
WRONG
Let me break it down for you, kids. I've been watching Starcraft 2 back in 1990 when the greats played. If you really think these overrated teams like Slayers and Incredible Miracle have a chance to take down my boys, you're either an idiot or haven't watched a game of Starcraft in your life. The best team in the world right now, without question, are the one and only ZeNex.
What? You're laughing at ZeNex? You laughing at the coolest, most attractive and deadliest team in the known universe? I bet you didn't even know that they practice in a secret mansion. Huh? Want proof? Have you ever seen the ZeNex team house? If you have, their small cramped apartment that makes them sleep three to a room, that's just a cover for their secret mansion. Do you even know if they have sponsors? Of course not, because they're underground, people. They have sponsors from McDonalds to Microsoft; they just aren't allowed to tell people because they don't want their massive wealth to be known to the general public.
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/ZeNex mansion.jpg)
The secret ZeNex Mansion. Reporetdly either in the jungles of Thailand or the Moon.
Are you ready to meet your future GSTL champions? You fucking better, because they're about to crush your face in with their bonjwa-like skill and Bisu-like good looks. Get ready to meet the Golden Gods of Starcraft, bitches. This is ZeNex.
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/Linewcg.jpg)
This is Line. He's the captain of ZeNex. You think you can mess with this guy? Nada thought he could in the Round of Sixteen of the Super Tournament. You know what happened to Nada when he tried to mess with the captain of ZeNex? He got beat up. Nada got destroyed by Line. Wanna know a fun fact? Since Line took Nada's and crushed it, the Brood War bonjwa hasn't been back to the quarterfinals of a GSL tournament ever again.
So if Line is so great, why hasn't he won a GSL yet or even qualified for Code S? That's simple, children. Line is a busy man. As the captain of ZeNex, the best team in the world, he has lots of friends. He goes to lots of parties. Here are some pictures that he sent me while he was hooking up with a girl in Egypt:
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/LineParty.png)
Look at this cool dude, looking all fly with his white team jacket. Coming into that party, those two girls were dating the two guys in the background. When the party was over, the two guys were left alone and Line ended up with two more girls begging to be his girlfriend. Obviously he declined since someone as suave and attractive as Line could not settle for girls who weren't perfect tens.
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/supgirls.png)
On his way to meet with his Tom Brady from the New England Patriots, Line got stopped at the airport by a bunch of women wanting his autograph. One thing led to another, and they invited him to go clubbing with them. By the end of the night, every girl was atop of the Captain of ZeNex, but they were all rejected with a wave of the hand. Their elbows were too pointy and Line would not date such ugly women.
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/LineNobel.png)
Here's Line winning a Nobel Peace Prize. I asked him what he did to win such a prestigious honor, but the Captain is far too humble to brag for all the great deeds he has done in his life. He's also been to the planet Mars, ran with the bulls in Spain, and saved hundreds of people from burning fires, but he is far too humble to send those pictures to the known public. What a great man he is.
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/9ZeNextreme.png)
This is ZeNexTreme. You wanna know why he has sunglasses twenty sizes too big for his face on in his picture? Because he's Xtreme. Does he really need any other reason? He's the most extreme guy in the universe and has reportedly climbed to the top of every single mountain in the world. Every. Single. Mountain. Like most of ZeNex, the only reason why he hasn't won a GSL yet is because he's too busy fighting off the girls at his mansion and snowboarding gigantic mountains while juggling flamethrowers at the same time.
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/217.jpg)
You remember Kyrix? He made the quarterfinals of the second ever GSL, facing MarineKing in the famous marine-splitting series. I could make a lame Chuck Norris joke about how the only reason MKP learned how to split marines is because Kyrix allowed him, but that's not the truth. Kyrix actually taught MarineKing everything he knows about playing Terran. I've heard that Kyrix's worst race is actually Zerg, but he only plays it because it would be unfair to all the nerds if he played with his better races.
So after losing to MarineKing, Kyrix started to suck. It's not his fault, though. The reason for this is actually that Kyrix is a time traveler. The Kyrix that you saw at the beggining of his career was actually Future Kyrix. The Kyrix that we saw when he started to suck was Present Kyrix. Future Kyrix came back to the present time to teach MarineKing how to split marines so that the next ten GSL's wouldn't suck as bad as the first two in terms of game play.
Now, a year later, after being forgotten for a while after falling out of the GSL, I've been told by my inside sources that Future Kyrix has returned from fifty years in the future and will be playing for ZeNex in this tournament. If this is true, then I'm pretty sure you're all fucked because that would mean Kyrix was able to play the Heart of the Swarm beta that was finally released in 2050 before everyone else.
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/LifeGSL.jpg)
Life is fifteen. What the hell did you do when you were fifteen? I bet you weren't already one of the best Zergs in the whole universe (if you're reading this Leenock, then I guess you can disagree with this past statement) and having ten billion girls asking you out because you're on the best team in the entire world. When I was fifteen, I had trouble even asking one girl out. Life has to tell his parents to lock the front door and windows so that a stray girl won't break in.
Make no doubt about it that Life is one of the best players on ZeNex and could be the future of the team if Line ever decides to hang up the mouse and keyboard for a new career of being an astronaut. Life has been atop of the Korean ladder for the past few months and is always playing. If you go on any Korean pro stream and don't see them play Life at least once that session, then you either blinked too fast and missed Life beating up that nerd or the fifteen-year-old was too busy counting his pile of cash to play for a night.
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/220px-Jjun.jpg)
I would tell you about how amazing Jjun is, but then he would kill me for spilling his secrets. Look at his picture. Do you really want to fight this guy?
![[image loading]](http://imageftw.com/uploads/20120126/220px-Avenge.jpg)
'sup, this is Avenge. He just qualified for Code A and is facing Idra in the next round. Huh? You actually think Idra has a chance against this guy? Let me break it down for you. Avenge beat Hack to make it into Code A. Hack recently beat Polt in a Korean Weekly. Polt destroyed MMA in the Super Tournament finals. MMA destroyed MVP in the GSL October finals.
Which means that Avenge is ten times better than MVP. Do you really think Idra can beat someone ten times better than MVP? Go to bed, Idrones.
![[image loading]](http://i41.tinypic.com/xqm001.jpg)
Before you ask, is this really a picture of ZeNexCutter? Have you ever seen a picture of Cutter? Me neither, but I would have to presume that someone named Cutter would have to look like this. I already predict Cutter to be the best player in GSTL this season, all-killing every single team and then bench lifting every nerd he slays as a ceremony.
Look into this man's eyes and know that there is no way your crappy team will ever come close to the power of ZeNex. Cutter is coming for you oGs, and he will not stop until he snaps ForGG in half and does push-ups on TheWind's unconscious body after destroying all of you.
So let's make one thing clear, GSTL. The reason why players like Puzzle and Coca leave ZeNex isn't because they're dying, but because they aren't good enough to hang with the rest of the players. What happened to Coca when he left ZeNex? I'm pretty sure he's still locked in the Slayers Dungeon for his scandal with another former ZenNex member Byun. ZeNex obviously knew these guys weren't good enough to keep the good name of ZeNex, so knowing their foresight and tips from Future Kyrix, they were released to other teams before they brought shame on the good name of ZeNex.
![[image loading]](http://www.centralnewyorkinjurylawyer.com/explosions.jpg)
The GSTL after ZeNex is done with it.
In conclusion, ZeNex is better than your favorite team. You should stop supporting your worthless team and join a winning squad. Don't you want Cutter to cut the people who pick on you? Don't you want to fly on Line's spaceship to Jupiter? If you do, then put on your ZeNex badge and cheer for them against the rest of these worthless foes in the GOM Arena.
