EPTAnyhow, that's enough motivation to type up today's glorious deeds.
Here goes:
I was in China for the past month, being to ChengDu first for a week then moving to BeiJing cuz dad somehow signed me up for a silly SAT class in New Oriental. Nothing fancy, just the thing a dictatic parent would do anyways. Though classes might not be very relaxing, they do give me the chance to visit China and see lots of friends that I'd never meet otherwise.
So about the class:
CLass consists of about 100 people. All Chinese of course, since we're in China. About 2/3 of the students were living in China and were trying to score good in TOffle+SAT so they can be "exported"[very good slang term I learned this month] to the states as International students. 1/3 of the students were from the States/Canada/Singapore/unreported/etc/.
Class starts 8:30, then 2 hours of class, lunch for 50 min, then afternoon class till 2 pm. THen home.
Teachers were funny in a way that while they're imployed by New-Oriental, they urged us to buy the illegal copies of new-oriental published books in the parkinglot right nxt to the Classrooms. One teacher, Zhang-Hong-Wei, has volumptuous lips. It is 1/2 feet wide and shape like miniture sausages. His 'sexy lips', as we call it, is partly responsible for his success with his goddess-like wife.
Today's Story - Prelude:
About a week ago, maybe longer, my friends(Kevin, Peter, Zhang) and I went to "Noodle Love Noodle" for lunch. Tis a good place, very good noodles for about, 3 dollars/bowl, and the noodle gives you a sense of mucho-contento while digesting a good pound of noddle/soup.
At the resturant, I went
I: Let's play a game.
They: Go.
I: Tomorrow let's all take a girl out for lunch, should be fun.
They: Sure sure go ahead...
Then nothing exciting happend, except while on the way back, my friends all brough some canned beers to drink and went back to the classroom with their faces incandescent with red fumes.
Kevin: Wtf look at you Peter, your face is red as a monkey butt.
So then the task was on hand, trying to ask some good men to lunch might sounds easy but we were all lvl 1 newbs at the game, so it's quite hard.
I know Kevin should attempt to ask the BBG(abbriv for "big boobed girl") who's sitting on his left. However, on that day it seems that BBG is hanging out with her bald dad of a boyfriend so she didn't turn up for class the whole day. Blows for him.
I know Zhang wants to ask the Masterbation Girl for lunch. I call her the masterbation girl because the first time I drift(I tend to migrate from one seat to another in the class, one new seat per day, to get to know more people) to a seat next to her, she looked extremely haggard and sweaty, so Naturally I though she just masterbated, hence the name. She's quite good looking and normally a sweet demeanur. However, when Zhang talked to, or tried to, her that afternoon, it was quite disasterous. Zhang's assigned seat was on her right, and he went...
Zhang[face red as a monkey's butt as well]: Sup
Girl: Hey.
Zhang: Erm...
Girl: Your face is so red!!
Zhang: Er, yeah, um...
Girl: So red!
Zhang: yeah...
Girl: Really, are you okay?
Zhang: Sigh *blows wind*
The stink of drunken breath no doubt got all over the girl's face, she turned away quite resolutely and commanded,"Get away."
The monkey butt oozed sweat, I wiped it dry with a kleenex.
As of peter, well, I really have no clue. Not only has he a girlfriend in South Africa(he used to live there) that he claims to be high-blooded brits, but also has he a girlfriend in BeiJing that's with him for 3 years. I can't see him having trouble asking a girl out. However, peter spent most of the afternoon talking animatedly in the back row(bit high from alchohol) and dosing off soon afterward.
I really don't know who I should attempt...
And yet, god must loved me for being a good, abstemious kid and gave me some leeway.
Just as I was about to walk out of the classroom a girl talked to me.
Girl: You're from ChengDu too?
I: Yeah, how'd you know?
Girl: I heard you talking to your grandma yesterday. I'm from ChengDu as well ^^
[day before that was my grandpa's birthday, so I called grandparent's phone and grandma picked it up. I was speaking in my local accent and toodler accent combined]
I: O yeah...
I: Er hmm listen, wanna go to lunch w/ me tomorrow?
She: O... why?
I: You see, uh, my friend and I are playing this game and we need to take a girl out for lunch tomorrow...
She: I beg you pardon?
I: Er ah, fjdkalfjkdal~! Nvm! Will you go?
She: Let me think about it
I: Uh cmon LaoXiang(translate as: good o' chap that's from my home-town)
She: O, hmm Okay then.
I:
Then I got super happy cuz I basically won the game(with no prizes... I should've set a prize for the winner but I suppose the girl is kinda like a prize?)
I got very happy and I ran the whole staircase down to the 1st floor from the 5th, 3 steps at a time. I beat my friend's elevator to the 1st floor's hall.
Kevin: Oy evan, you look very much aroused in esctacy.
I: Indeed... tis a zipadeedoodah day
*I ran off singing the zipadeedoodah day song, nearly got ran over by a taxi(numerous in China, they are one of the major transportation along with bus and subway. You just hail a Taxi down, hop in, and the meter will tick $$ as the taxi moves, 2 yuan/km, 10 yuan at the start. Tis a good deal for comfortible transports), hailed it down and hopped in and went home.*
-Next day-
At lunch time the girl and I walked out from the classroom building, walked about 400 metres to Carreot(spelling?)'s underground shopping mall and went into "Noodle Loves Noodle" for lunch.
We got in and I bounced forward, talking happily to the poor girls in the resturant
Evan: ME WANTS SEEeAAATTTS! 2 Peeeeple
Service girl: Sure mister and miss, right over here...
Girl: Thankx
Evan: ME WANTS NoOoOoOdleeee!
Service girl: Menu is under the desk, here you go mister
Evan: Call me Evan, I'm not that old
Service girl: O w/e ~_~. Evan. *sigh*
Girl: Don't mind him, he's bit dumb.
Evan: Meee Stuuuuuuuuuupiiiiddd
Girl: *Wacks Evan in the head w/ a chopstick*
Evan: *Quiets down*
Then I got more mannered, had a huge bowl of noodle and talked to her about lots of stuffs. Where she lives(canada, it turned out), what she does(dancing, etc), and some other random goofy bumbles. Turned out she's a very nice girl, logically.
I'm not sure if I was a good boy for her, logically, at that time yet, but I did a good job making her laugh alot and kept her amused. Things I do normally anyways-making people happy. All in All the lunch was rather pleasant, and Kevin dropped by for a visit, we invited him to sit w/ us but he's too shy and ran away immediatly after shaking hands w/ her.
Girl: He's one coal of a friend.
Evan: Yeah he's that dark since we were kids, trying to rip off each other's paper underpants in the spa.
Girl: I'm still eating...
Evan: Beg pardon my fairest lady.
We got back to the classroom abit late, but earlier than my lonely men friends. Who entered the classroom with monkeyassed faces, no doubt being very gloomily drinking outside again, lamenting: O when god, shalt I have amor?
So then I've always had lunch w/ that girl, I think we're getting more liking to each other with every minutes we spent together. Each day I'll have lunch w/ her and we biked together home (We lived so freakin close it must be god's granted rights. God's on drug that day, albeit). We mainly talk about our lives, what's it like in the States, how's my dances at schools/clubs etc, weathers, food, trivial things that makes ppl talkative. We kept our good relationships w/ each other since then, and we txt message quite often on cellphone. etc.
--Today's Story--
Lunch today we went to Hagen Das for some fancy Icecreams that costed alot. But they looked really cool so I didn't complain at all. Then since we're bit hungry, we went to KFC and I brought myself a pair of chicken hot wings ~_~
Back in the classroom in a short break in class, while Girl was showing me her pictures on Ipod, I comfortiblely laid my head against her shoulder. Then, slap! Her ferrit looking of a girlfriend was glaring at me with her beady eyes.
Ferrit girl: Hey! How dare you eat her tofu!
[Translation: Since eat tofu is really easy, eating someone else's tofu is like taking advantages of someone. In this case, I was condemned for getting too close to her body. Ferrits are harsh... ~_~]
Since today is the last day I would be in China, my friends were all like: Hey my good friend let's go to dinner and have some fun before you leave. It's all good.
So after class today my friends and I, and another newly aqquired friend, a boy named Stanley w/ a friend of a girl that's not a girl of a friend, and his friend of a girl named Keke went on the Taxi to a rail station. We took the rail, w/e that's called... looks like over-the-ground-subway to another subway station, got in, then to another subway station, then to another subway station.
We then come out of the subway and walked into the most famous mall in BeiJing, "Wang Fu Jing" it is called. It's a place right nxt to the TianAnMen Square. Anyhow, my Girl will come abit later since she's got to go to some silly dance lessons first, but she'll turn up for dinner.
Friends and I walked abit in the mall, had some silly Dinunch(like brunch, but different amalgam of words)
Then I looked around for her a present, since it IS our last day to see each other till maybe a year after, and she never really got anything out of me. For instance, when we go out to eat, we each buy our own food seperately instead of I paying all the shits. Come to think of it, untill today I only baught her a crappy icecream from KFC for free, only because I stole her cofee one day when I was really sleepy
Anyhow I went to PirateShip and was greeted by a bunch of "Pirately dressed girls". There wear dark clothings and lightly shaded their eyes while having rings of flashy ornaments circling their right breasts. After some explaination, a good pirate lady suggested me to buy a bracelet for her. This I did, to my dismay, spent all my money but mere 4 yuan-it costed 178 yuan... O bommer I'm poor now I thought.
I walked out of the shop feeling all scammed. I could've make that bracelet myself anyday... Although it's made of silver so... not bad. I thought. My friends promised me to buy me food so there's no worries for me to starve tonight. Tis all good and I accepted their help.
-Then something really really bad happend-
She called me, saying she's in the mall already, but she's all the way on the other side of the mall.
I walked toward that side while talking to her, speaking random jumbles... this pissed her off a good deal, I grok.
She: Wahh Evan walk faster ~_~
I: I am walking my friend, forward is evan walkingly walk. I see a hat shop, O it's passed me or I passed it. O another jean shop, look, Jeeeaaans! Hey man I'm walking 4m/sec, that's pretty fast right? O O loook! a pErFumeE shop! mMmMM...
She: That's it I'm hanging up.
I: NoOOOO!~ If you hang up I'll be all lonely! Don't hang off my good LaoXiang... Hey yay Nike! Look mate, shooes! xD O O O look, AnyMountain! You like hiking?
She: That's enough, phone costs money you know!
I: *snapping to logic* O yeah... my apologies. I'll see you really soon. Ciao.
I then walked briskly forward, swinging my cds that I brought for myself in a bag wildly.
I then saw her, looking pretty in yellow shirts and white pants and did she wear a bonnet? I don't think so. Anyhow, she didn't seem to notice me at all, maybe because I didn't wear my glasses. But then I was seized by a mad seizure...
She: Hey~
I: Hiii
*I then stupidly swung the bagfull of CDs across her face as a friendly gesture of suprise, however...*
"BANG!!!!*
I hit her face.
I: O shit are you alrite?
She: *ALl pissed* Did you know where you could've hit me?
I: Yeah in zee eyes, really lethal. I'm terribly sorry mate.
She: *Angry stare, kinda start to cry but not rly. Hard to explain her expression but she's obviously PISSEDx100! and I was scared as a duckling swimming in a heating soup.
She stilled walked w/ me though, but rather very unwillingly and angrily. And by god she looked so scary when angry and not pretty at all. But It was all my fucking fault to swing that fucking bag at her face and had the sense to NOT MISS IT!
I was talking constantly...
I: O man I suppose this is the difference between man and woman, we're so different see... If I had hit Kevin he'd been alrite w/ that, maybe just punch me in zee ballz but w/e lol. I'm still terribly sorry that I had hit you, and that you're my fair lady this is very not gentleman of me. I'm so sorry. But man, why are you all sad and hurt? You know this is the last day we'd spent for a long long time so why not just be happy and smilie?
Aww Cmon... 30 years latre you'd probably laugh at yourself for this stupid thing. Quit being so angry lolol xDMy verbose apologies didn't sound too sincere, I suppose... She angrily walked away to the left, away from me.
I got scared and I followed her to a diff road, not the one I had intended to go, and to my great trepidationi it leads to the SUBWAY! Is she gonna blow me off and take the sub home?
I: Hey um, don't be so sad, look at those couples, so romantique yeah? O... I'm terribly sorry haha... no big deal man, just a scratch. Maybe my gift for you should be some mint-oil to help your bruises. I really...
*Cellphone ring*
I: Ello?
Kevin: Where the hell ARE you guys? We're waiting for you guys for ages, I'm very hungry.
I: O ah... erm, she's abit mad at me... erm, gimme more time...
From Kevin's cellphone: *My friends*: What's wrong w/ Evan? Did he do something bad to her? O noes!
I hanged up.
I kept walking for abit, and O god she walked near the ticket stand. Is she gonna buy a ticket home? Should I follow suit? But I have no Money!!! God dammit what the hell am I going to do w/ that bracelet lol? Give it to my mom? O that doesn't sound too bad, I thought privately. Mom would love it.
Then miracle happend.
She: WHere are you taking me?
I: I thought YOU are leading, I'm merely following.
She: *more pissed* FJDKL FJKDLfJIOFD!!
I: *Privately* O shit, I've done it...
I: *w/ much courage, as she's about to break down* Er, our friends want to see us, you will follow me, I will lead. Here...
I start to walk up the stairts out of the subway, and to my great joy, she followed me.
I tried to make her life easier by singing to her for a trifle, I sang:
To my right is a sad girl who cry
A silly boy slapped her face to say Hi
O I am that silly boy, he is I
...
I didn't get to finish the song when she apparently got more pissed. I knew it, she's on a fucking roll of being pissed. Iono, woman can be like that sometimes. I should've anticipated it sooner. Sometimes my mom does this to my dad, it's all too usual among females. Although I have no clue how to leviate the problem. My solution, though, is to take her to all our friends and w/ that many friends she'll be forced to smile and forget her troubles and be good w/ me.
This I did, sterring her most painfully through the mall to our friends.
Peter: What took you so long?
I: Erm... LaoXiang is abit unhappy, you zee...
Kevin: No, she's not abit, she's REALLY unhappy about something.
Keke(Stanley's friend of a girl): What happened?
Girl: *retold the story*
Keke: :O
ALl the boys: WOAH! What were you smoking Evan? *laughing hysterically, dropping down to the ground and causing passing bys looking at us strangely...*
I: *Sat down in zee chair and remained stoney silent.*
Kevin: Oy! Give the seat to the lady will you?
I: *Stands up silently*
Zhang: O man let's slap Evan in zee face with our backpacks! Use mine, it's the heaviest of the lot.
Keke: Awww it's okay, come here, let's go for a walk.
So Keke, the good old sister(old enough to be all us boys' sister, born at least 6 months earlier) took Girl off for a walk, maybe to make her feel better, I suppose...
I: *Stonely silent, thinking*: O great, my girl turned lesbian, just want I needed.
Peter: O would this yogurt of mine make you happier?
I: Thx peter.
I took peter's yogurt and start spooning out of it.
Girls got back to us, Girl pointed at me, and said loudly: I've never met a boy as silly as he is!
She then start to half laughing sort of expression, which made me think O great now ur happy all so soon? Well I'll show you MY way of displeasure ~_~
I walked to the corner of 2 walls, wedged myself firmly inward, facing the corner, contemplating.
I thought: God dammit women are fucking irrational...
I stayed in the corner for 5 minutes, then to my delight, it worked.
She walked to me and was like...
Girl: Aye it's partly my faught as well, I shouldn't been so angry to you. It doesn't hurt anymore, so I won't be all that... pissed. Are you okay?
I: No.
She: Ahhh cmonnn Evannn *did some coochicoochicoo sound*
I: *Can't help a chuckle* O fuck, you win you win... now let's get some food.
So ends my quietude in the corner...
Then we had dinner, I'm rather quiet w/ her during dinner, cuz we still felt abit seperated. However, as time goes on, things begin to get better...
Then after dinner we all went to Peter's house to play some random craps.
-On the Way-
I am on good terms w/ her by that time and I was kinda happy. We break into 2 Taxis: Kevin, Peter, and Keke took a Taxi, Girl, I, Zhang, and Stanley to a Taxi.
Peter's house is rediculousely far from the center of the city. It took us nearly 30 minutes of driving. But it was so cool in the Taxi because we all sang so loudly to our childhood songs.
Girl and I managed to sang 10 or so songs together, from silly kid songs we listened in Kindergarde to Canon to NumaNuma.
Our Taxi's window was rolled down and when our beautiful song leaked out of our window to another car, the ppl in it(some early-middle-aged men and women) all looked soo joyful cuz GIrl and I were singing the phantom of zee opera and it sounds partly humerous partly beautiful music.
They rolled down their window to look at us.
I: \m/~_~
Some guy from that car: b~_~b
Got to Peter's house and played some pool. We sucked terribly and we played mostly fools ball(spelling? It's that game w/ spinning the axle w/ little men on it to shoot the goal in miniture soccer field) ~_~
After a heated battle on the miniture battlefield, I walked back to the pool's table, and to my amazement, it is overtaken by 3 little punks.
They're like 8 yr old max, all retarded looking, all yelling and running around the pool table like little monkies, throwing the balls around on the ground, and messing things up.
Keving got pissed. After a 10 minutes of good talking to the kids, he walked toward them and with a healthy dose of body violence, chased the little fuckers out.
We then said GoodBies to each other and went home. I hugged peter saying I'll be back and get drunk w/ u nxt yr. And the same to Zhang and Stanley.
Kevin, Girl, and I went into a taxi, since our homes are close together.
We drove the girl home first, and when she got off, I got off w/ her.
Kevin: Eh?
I: I iz wanting a word w/ her.
Kevin: O, see you nxt yr then m8.
I: Awww... so sad... ah well we'll play games online sometimes, msn, email, w/e...
Kevin: Hell yeah. Ciao.
I: Ciao.
Taxi ran away.
I then gave her the bracelett thingie, she thanked me and we spent sometime trying to get it on her wrist cuz I didn't pay attention to the single-bra-ed pirate woman on how to put it on. But we managed it and she promised me that when she sees me next year, she'll be wearing it.
We then had a walk around the neighborhood, she told me all her hard lives in Canada w/ her godmother. It started all cool w/ girl's dad a friend w/ that woman, then Girl asked her dad if she can study in Canada and dad said sure. Then that woman is appointed her godmother and girl went to live w/ them.
First it's all good, good food, treatments, etc.
Then foods dissapeared. So everyday girl needs to cook her own food from teh fridge.
Then raw materials disappeared from the fridge. So she needs to buy her own food.
Godmother's kids were little jerks. They had a huge cabinet full of food but they're like, "Lulu, that's OUR food so don't you dare touch it or mom would chase you out k thx."
So some more horrible stories w/ that horrible family. I was mildly glad that I didn't have to go through that process ~_~
Then when there's about 500 till her home, I did silly giggle and did
She: Haha what are you doing?
I: O well, I'd thought i'll be cool for us to hold hands ~_~ Never done it before.
She: Hehe alrite...
Then we hold hands, feels kinda normal, nothing really special except it makes you guys grow closer. Tis a goodness, grow closer. O should we share waters next? I thought privately.
Walked pass some Salon, salon in China are mostly filled w/ prostitudes illegally, and 1 or 2 overly make uped girl throw us jealous looks. hheehehe...
Then mom phoned me, saying she's waiting for me downstairs and I need to be home in 10 minutes or be flayed alive.
She suggested for me to take a Taxi home.
I: Yeah but after I walk you home. I promised. And it's not safe in dark ~_~
She: Thanks...
She: Won't ur mom be really angry if you get home late?
I: *shrug* I'll just tell her I was walking a ChengDu girl home, that'll make her happy instantly. (My mom always tells me to get a ChengDu wife, dunno why haha...)
She: This is ur first time holding hands?
I: Yeah...
She: Me too... My first holding hand I gave to you, ain't that nice?
I: Yay!
Then I walked her home, reminded her kindly that I haven't money to take a Taxi, so she burrowed me 100 yuan. I told her that next time we meet, she'll be waving her hand saying: LOOK Evan Bracelet! and I'd be saying: Look! 100 Dollars! with 2 Dollar interersts for KFC icecream lolol!
Taking 100 dollars, I hailed down a Taxi and bid her fairwell. She offered me a hand shake and I shook it and kissed her hand.
She: Thank you.
I: Np, Ciao~ msn kk?
She: Alright. Bye! Be safe!
I: Dun worry I'll be fine. *Privately*: I can be abducted to a farm and sold 10k as a farmer's son haha...
Then we waved Ciao, and she stood untill the car turned the corner. I watched her.
-Just a Story, nothing serious. I thought I should make her abit nicer. Because she really is a nice girl. Always letting me eat first when we ordered the same dish and one is served 10 mins earlier than the other. She's very considerate to my friends as well so yeah. Kind person in general.
ANYWAYS COMMENTS ARE WELCOME or flames or what not.
K I'm SLEEPY! ZEE END! GOOD NITE!
ad running around the house all happy cuz he finally found an excuse to go back to China after 5 years of solitude*
