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So I told her

Blogs > evanthebouncy!
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evanthebouncy!
Profile Blog Joined June 2006
United States12796 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-05-14 08:53:02
November 03 2008 09:34 GMT
#1
Still hanging in limbo, dunno if I will lose my tutoring job or not because I was messing around too much in my tutoring sessions. Sometimes a bit too harsh on my tutees, telling them if they don't start working hard and try to understand the materials they'll fail their midterm. That is entirely my fault, and I already met with my supervisor once to talk about it, and I was getting so much better, being more patient and encouraging since then. But good time did not last long.

All too soon I ran into what I thought was a club meeting, goofed around in it until some angry lady told me that it is actually a class not a club and shooed me away, she then complained to my supervisor, "Your tutor was disturbing my seminar session and hurting my student's feelings". I wasn't even on shift, I wasn't even in my uniform. She found out I was a math tutor by snooping around the academic service center which I worked, and which she saw me hang out... As to "hurting students feeling" it was an offhand remark to her students, when she gave a direction to her students that "You can only work on this one thing and no freestyle", to which I remarked "Man she's making all of u factory monkeys" jokingly. Apparently according to her, that joke hurt the student's feelings somehow...

Anyways my supervisor and I had a deep talk, and he explained to me that he has to talk to his supervisor about my situation, and that he understands I'm an excellent tutor, and that he does like me personally, but on a professional level, I might not be suitable for the job. He also told me that it is possible that I might be released from the position(somehow an ironic "freedom" in this context). Since then I have not been able to tutor, because they put a temporary suspension on my position until they settled my case, and I was deemed too "dangerous" and "risky" to continue my job. So I was effectively disabled for 2 weeks straight.

Job, no Job, doesn't matter. There's this co-worker who worked with me, who I feel fond of. I met her last year, during the first week of school. There was a ballroom seminar which we both went, and which we danced together. I felt, at that time, of all the girls I danced with, she felt the most comfortable, that there's something "just right" when I danced with her, and with non else. And that my body would heat like fire each time I hold her close. I asked her if she would consider joining the team, but she said maybe not, because she also wanted to be in choir. She also told me at some point, but not particularly pointing out, that she already has a boyfriend. I felt sad, but not hopeless then... After that I never seen her again for the longest time, only sometimes I would see her on the streets, in passing, and I would wave ceremoniously, and she would beam back. I danced w/ her a little bit when I ran into her in one of the proms, which was fairly awesome.

You could imagine how happy I was when I went to a tutoring meeting one day, and found out that out of 4 new math tutor we hired, there she was. I was so happy happy, and my bones tingled with fuzzy feelings. I sat next to her and made car out of m&m and m&m bags, and bunch of interesting geometric shapes, I guess that's the only way I show affections. Since then I've been on very good terms with her, showing her interesting theorems and proofs, puzzles and games, and she liked them. It is not common for girls to enjoy those, but she seems impressed and interested, and I spent prolonged minutes starring at her when we're together, she doesn't seem to mind. In tutor meetings I would save a seat on my side, and she would sit next to me when she comes...

Before I was suspended from my job, I had a shift with her which is more than I could ever asked for. However, I still show up to my shifts, after I was suspended, just to see her and talk to her, and help her out when she gets stumped at some hard questions. I would jokingly say to her "You sure you're not confusing them?" and she would say "I hope not" and smile. I have not told her my job situation, and she only knows that I'm not on shift, that I am "taking a break", apparently for over 2 weeks...

I met with my supervisor last Thursday, and he told me he would get back to me about my employment status asap, which is before this Wednesday, which he would be going on vacation. So either way I would found out about my situation by this Wednesday, either fired or not. Feeling that my time is running short, I thought to myself, that it is about time for me to tell her how I feel, before I am fired, before it would be a long long time until I would have a good excuse to be close to her. I walked her out of the tutoring room, like how I normally do. She called her boyfriend, where she put most of her stuff at his place, like how she normally does "Hey I'm done." And I told her, that it is possible that I might be fired. She went "What why?" And I explained, and I said that is is my fault for making the student feel bad, but I think the second incident with the seminar was just bad luck.

"Why are you here then? Isn't it so far to walk from where you live?" She asked me. I cannot dodge, I probably planned this conversation 12321321 times inside my brain, what I should tell her, what information I should get across, and how I might feel, and always sporting an embarrassing smile when I thought of it. There was no smile then, only a self-bemusing grimace and a chuckle, "I suppose, because I want to see you."

There was silence.

No, not the thick dead silence, not the sad heavy silence. It was a cool clear silence, chilling out in the autumn wind with falling leaves. I could not make out her expressions, it was dark, but I feel she's starring at me closely, slightly bent forward and stooped in my direction, her hairs draping down from her head like rains. There was something close to comfortable, I did not feel nervous, only an urge to tell her exactly what's on my mind, and so I said, "Everything just felt right with you, like when we danced in ballroom, it's just you who felt right, like no other girls, they don't feel the same... I was sad when you didn't continue to dance then." "I'm sorry, yeah, no time..." "No no it's fine, I just had to say it. But don't worry about it too much, it is a very respectful and kind feeling, don't think about it too much... I'm sorry." Silence again. "Well, I better get back to my stuffs downstairs then..." I said, don't want to be seen by her boyfriend, now that I got my points across. "Yeah, good luck on your midterms!" She said. "Thanks." I smiled briefly, and stepped back down the stairs to the service center.

Half sad that things should be this way, half happy that I finally told her what's on my mind, and a third of feelings that I do not understand nor tried to, that makes the feeling more than what I could feel for... Singing in the light breeze on the way back, relieved and sad, slightly frustrating and making fun at myself for it, whistling a Spanish tune that I cannot decide if it is happy or sad, yet definitely not neutral.

****
Life is run, it is dance, it is fast, passionate and BAM!, you dance and sing and booze while you can for now is the time and time is mine. Smile and laugh when still can for now is the time and soon you die!
stanley_
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
United States816 Posts
November 03 2008 09:48 GMT
#2
Niceeeeee. Better to confess. Feels good. Give her 2 months then tap that.
hoorah
Last Romantic
Profile Blog Joined June 2006
United States20661 Posts
November 03 2008 09:56 GMT
#3
FIGHTING~

You'll have to introduce me sometime sir
ㅋㄲㅈㅁ
hymn
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
Bulgaria832 Posts
November 03 2008 10:21 GMT
#4
Wow, nice! You got balls, Evan. You really did the right thing.

Will you tell us how it turned out?
I mean does she feels the same to you? Or you gotta move on and seek another girl?
azk he is the north american player but the titan he is the french stars
grobo
Profile Blog Joined February 2007
Japan6199 Posts
November 03 2008 10:59 GMT
#5
You did the right thing, no doubt about it.

She'll end up with you in no time...
We make signature, then defense it.
Elvin_vn
Profile Blog Joined March 2004
Vietnam2038 Posts
November 03 2008 11:18 GMT
#6
[image loading]
do not agrue with idiots, they will pull you down to their level and beat you with their experiences
Elvin_vn
Profile Blog Joined March 2004
Vietnam2038 Posts
November 03 2008 11:21 GMT
#7
evanthebouncy! delivers babies
+125 exp
+1 respect
+1 man-toss hug
Next level: 50 exp
do not agrue with idiots, they will pull you down to their level and beat you with their experiences
JudgeMathis
Profile Blog Joined July 2006
Cuba1286 Posts
November 03 2008 12:35 GMT
#8
On November 03 2008 19:59 grobo wrote:
You did the right thing, no doubt about it.

She'll end up with you in no time...


:D
Benching 225 is light weight. Soy Cubano y Boricua!
Nytefish
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
United Kingdom4282 Posts
November 03 2008 13:33 GMT
#9
Heh, you put yourself across as such a child in the first few paragraphs it made me cringe.

Then all of a sudden you grow up and do something pretty brave in a sensible way.

It's all right to still be child at heart though, I know my dad is. ;D
No I'm never serious.
Archaic
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
United States4024 Posts
November 03 2008 13:40 GMT
#10
Heh, I had plenty of this over the summer... Really does make you feel refreshed. A bit sad story, but it didn't end up horribly. Good choice, imo.
HooHa!
Profile Blog Joined February 2006
United States688 Posts
November 03 2008 13:56 GMT
#11
Awesome, I wish I had the perfect situations to tell girls that. I've had some pretty lame things happen, like getting rejected or being ignored, and ditched with some other dude.

You got some balls man. It may not reward you with her, but it will only help you in the long run, as long as you continue to use it that way. It doesn't seem so bad, at least you didn't make it feel so awkward, you said it with style.

Thats something, I've tried to work on, getting over that awkward bullcrap feeling. I almost want to tell the next girls I meet, that if any of that awkward feelings happen, effin tell it like it is, and not ignore me, because thats lame. ( kinda got sidetracked here)

But yeah, you did the right thing, and you probably would have had a bigger burden if you didn't tell her.
Hoo Ra!
Jibba
Profile Blog Joined October 2007
United States22883 Posts
November 03 2008 14:04 GMT
#12
Takes a lot of balls
ModeratorNow I'm distant, dark in this anthrobeat
Kennelie
Profile Joined December 2007
United States2296 Posts
November 03 2008 15:05 GMT
#13
Nice write up and as everyone said "takes lots of balls" I just think it takes confidence to pursue what you want.

Now if she does fall thru the cracks and into your arms you can only imagine another guy with a stronger game being able to sweep her off your feet and falling into their arms.
ya had ya shot kid!
[X]Ken_D
Profile Blog Joined May 2005
United States4650 Posts
Last Edited: 2008-11-03 15:11:26
November 03 2008 15:08 GMT
#14
Interesting story. At first, thought the "her" was the angry lady and this would end up as a whine thread.
[X]Domain - I just do the website. Nothing more.
il0seonpurpose
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
Korea (South)5638 Posts
November 03 2008 15:54 GMT
#15
Good job, I liked that description of the feeling you had, not uncomfortable but not comfortable either. The response she gave didn't sound bad, maybe she's just confused between you and her boyfriend. Will it be awkward seeing her again though?
Zalfor
Profile Blog Joined October 2005
United States1035 Posts
November 03 2008 16:16 GMT
#16
u did the right thing.

=)
555, kthxbai
Raithed
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
China7078 Posts
November 03 2008 16:40 GMT
#17
i love romanticists. <3 go evan!
Mastermind
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
Canada7096 Posts
November 03 2008 17:28 GMT
#18
Good job man. Its always good to get those kinda things out. Was a good read as well.
BuGzlToOnl
Profile Blog Joined November 2006
United States5918 Posts
November 03 2008 17:59 GMT
#19
Haha, nice!

That takes some ballls, not too sure it was the right thing to do seeing that she has a boyfriend, but best of luck to you.
If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.
GHOSTCLAW
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
United States17042 Posts
November 03 2008 18:49 GMT
#20
Good Job. It was the right thing to do I'm sure.
PhotographerLiquipedia. Drop me a pm if you've got questions/need help.
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