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Being old at the age of 25 I wonder how much of my life have I thought about my future . Where should I be focusing my strengths to ? What should I have been doing to improve my living skills ? Things like this I should have done better when I was at my younger age . But no, you just got to waste your parents money and go f*ck around your life . I think I really understand my self now it's not hard to screw around when the money you are spending doesn't come from your own sweat . Not earn from your own hard work and dedication .
These totally fits the category of a spoilt brat like me. Maybe it's insanity for repeating the same thing and again and expecting something to change . Hoping and wishing that you don't need to put your self out there in the real world . There is a great quote in essence that says that if you don't push yourself to go beyond what you are capable you will never be able to reach heights you will never imagine you can reach in your life and I think I have totally done nothing to do so .
As a spoilt brat, I grown comfortable living a life of "self delusional" act of being a pro gamer and yet when I thought that I am done with this bull shit I usually do my self . I screwed things up again and I am pretty sure I am the one to be blame for most of the things that I have done . Bad news is you can't get lucky and in life all the time and you are running out of borrowed time . Watching my friends graduate and have what they call "social life" which is getting drunk and nailing girls in the pub is fun for them . Well maybe yeah and I think despite me being such a screw up in my life .
I have finally realized that if you do lose focus on things that you are suppose to do so .It's the most terrible things that could happen to you given from my experience that when you prioritize gaming over your education and such you probably need to see a psych as fast as you could . Because no one would have done that unless he is a freaking pro gamer . Previously before this I thought I could do well in the course that I choose and I finally got over my first year law programme and I was able to do well in a few subjects although public law has been killing me and I am not sure what else can I do to be better at it .
There's no freaking assignment to help you besides the freaking final paper and depending on whether you are a person who is pretty much great at the skill or allocating great thoughts and structured argument at a very short time the chances of you impressing the examiners and passing the papers are pretty much really slim and so here I am done with my business degree,law which both I gave it up half way on the particular basis that I couldn't do it and part of it is the screws up I have done in my life .
Here I am wishing to be given one last final chance to make things straight and go back to where I should have totally put my self in to from the beginning that is taking a I.T course after all I totally believed that if it's a IT subject I can nail it and I think you will probably thinking why should I be given a chance to study any more when I am just a failure at life ? . Well let's put it this way I am sick of being a totally dependent adult on my parents and I believe I can do really well in this degree and I am willing to put my soul in to it .
I like the fact that I know I am not the brightest bunch of bulbs around the world and I need to put extra effort in to my research if I ever going to get the job done even that is enough for me to keep trying to push my self that I can do better than the things I can already produces. I am at the point of my life I should have been a salary man having a desk and a cubicle for my self working on my laptop checking emails but that isn't the reality today because of my own stupidity and I know the only one can right this wrong is only my self .
On the bright side I have never missed "real" college life for many years like the one I am experiencing right now and compared to the law external programme where tutors literally feed you past year answers hopefully that one of them would come out and you will get a pass . I am really freaking glad to see that I could rely on assignments and final papers to help you out and taking I.T is still one of my favourite area where I don't mind spending lots of my time studying in it . Living in a real college campus is definitely a refreshing thing to look around compared to my previous experience where it's literally a mini college where people just stop by to study and me being an introvert and having lack of control over what I am doing . This is basically is the making of my own demise I have got no one else to be blame beside my self .
I recall nuke's word on about being focus about things and literally speaking I shouldn't be advising anyone at all basing on my records of failure but in the end I think if I can direct my resources and my time all on this course my chances of graduating is actually beyond 70% and I know I am being optimistic because I want to really want to turn things around.There is whole lot of regrets and things I could have done and they haunt me every night for not even trying to do those things that could help my daily life like having a basic focus and control over your life and a time table .
I guess no one is going to read my poor rant and poorly worded account of my failures although I did this for my self and I hope no one will ever fall in to a pit hole that they couldn't climb out from like me although I am not giving up my self and I am really want to shape my self to be a better person.
 
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United States10570 Posts
Good luck man. You'll come out an awesome person. Go for gold and never surrender.
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Hyrule19264 Posts
Don't ever give up on improving your life and ignore the people who say you should.
Good luck.
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Why not implement a serious attitude change to complement this major life change? Negativity like you consistently displayed throughout this post will all but ensure future failure and disappointment.
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Move on up
towards your destination
You may find
from time to time
Complications
Bite your lip
and take a trip
Though there may be
wet road ahead
You cannot slip
Remember your dreams
are your only schemes
So keep on pushing
Take nothing less -
not even second best
And do not obey -
you must have your say
You can past the test
Move on up!
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You're twenty-five? I imagined you as a seventeen-eighteen year old brat.
Good luck in the future. And never ever lose your inner child!
User was temp banned for this post.
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Hey bro, I'm in a similar boat as you except I'm 23. I went to college for engineering and ended up doing well my first two years. Well I was mostly taking humanities and non-engineering classes during those years but I did well in my Calculus classes too. Then at the end of my second year I stopped going to class, lost most of my friends and got really depressed, drank a bit, etc. My mistake was trying to "weather the storm" and I ended up staying near campus for another two years and didn't pass many classes in that time. By the end I was taking two classes a semester, the absolute minimum, and I wasn't even going to class and my life was a wreck.
I ended up deciding one day that I had enough of myself messing up my life so I dropped out of school instead of taking out more loans. In America, as long as you stay in school with at least two classes you don't have to pay your loans back until you graduate or drop out. But the loan payments come only once a month and I can make enough money for one payment in about two days of work.
To make a long story short I'm living with my parents again and my social life is zero, has been for about three years now. But my family has been very generous in letting me stay here for free until I get back on my feet. I am working a really tough job but for the first time in my life I feel like I'm getting stronger and I'm actually building up a lot of confidence. After the first day of that job I was so ready to get back in class. I could pay off my loans before the end of the year if I keep working but I am planning on getting back to school as soon as I can so I want to start in January. And I am going to prepare very well to make sure I am ready for college again, so I want to give myself 4-6 months to study up.
So I can't work through the end of the year, but I can make enough money for 2.5 to 3 years of loan payments. For that I will be saving most of my money so that I can still make the loan payment while I am in school (without having a job). If I do well and graduate in the minimum number of semesters that I have left for my degree, I will have 2-6 months to get a job and start making money as an engineer. Then I will be paying off the rest of this loan that I have and also the new ones that will not need to be paid until 6 months after I graduate.
So that's my plan.
About focusing on things: I think it's a good idea to focus 110% on whatever you are doing at the present moment. So if you start homework, for example, don't stop until it's done. There are some reasons to stop like if you have to go to the watercloset or if you are going to eat. But then as soon as you're done your focus should be to get back to your work. And go back and finish it. Then when you are done, if you play a game give it 110% of your focus, or if you are talking to someone give them 110% of your focus. It really helps productivity.
Also drink more water.
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I like the fact that I know I am not the brightest bunch of bulbs around the world and I need to put extra effort in to my research if I ever going to get the job done even that is enough for me to keep trying to push my self that I can do better than the things I can already produces. I am at the point of my life I should have been a salary man having a desk and a cubicle for my self working on my laptop checking emails but that isn't the reality today because of my own stupidity and I know the only one can right this wrong is only my self .
This is definitely a good start. Keep things simple for sure, it's easier to just do it one step at a time through micro-goals than all at once.
That said, I think something that could benefit you would be an attitude shift. From your Brood War posting, I know you as a passionate guy, which can help if you channel that into your new life goals, but you have to try to refrain from being so negative. It's great having high energy and caring, but only if it's productive. Good luck!
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Use Flash as your role model and work as hard as you possibly can towards whatever goal you want to achieve.
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ALLEYCAT BLUES51702 Posts
every failure is a stepping stone to success, this is true.
Chin up and don't give up sawa, I know for a fact that when you are passionate about something you go all out.
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You're a warrior, that I know. I believe you have the strength and determination to succeed where you put your heart and effort at, so keep at it and give it your best as you do always!
All the best, my BW brother.
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EPT
