Jay's Hell On Earth Part 5

°Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK!!!°
"*gasp gasp gasp*"
°Run! Fucking run faster!!°
"SHUT UP! I'm running for my...WOUW!...life here. Of course i'm running as fast as i can!"
°Jay they are shooting at us!°
"Barely noticed..."
°WATCH OUT!°
"...the fucking bullets!"
°How Jay? Tell me how. How did this fucking happen?°
"*gasp* As if the fuck i knew."
°Down. Go down there!°
"I'm afraid of the dark..."
°It's gonna be much darker if you stay here and wait for them.°
"Fuck!"
°I told you man. I fucking told you! I clearly warned you about the trap!°
"You're stretching it."
°Oh yeah!? Who has bad guys with pistols chasing him through the sewer??°
"Oh *gasp* shut *gasp* it."
°STOP!! Dead end!°
"I can make the jump."
°More like you gonna FALL and then you gonna FUCKING DIE when you hit the water!°
"Hm."
°What?°
"I'm gonna jump."
°Oh lord.°
"Haaaa...."
°Wait! Oh ga-hawd!°
"You know i need to tell you something."
°What?°
"The original title for the series..."
°?°
"...was -Jay's Gonna Die At The End-, but there's already a book with that kinda concept."
°OH YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!°
"Here we go!"
°NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh.....!!!!!!!!°

SPLATTER!

Just kidding. The soundeffect was of course "SPLASH". But he was right. How did this happen? It's actually pretty hard to hit a moving target with a pistol, but still. How many times do people shoot at you with a gun? Two, three times tops? Barely 24 hours earlier i was a mediocre noone who was out for some Amaretto and the remote possibility to get some and now look at me. A mediocre noone who's about to join the dead if he so happens to walk into one of these bullets. Or knifes. Or giant poisoned sausace slingshots! But i guess we need to go back in time for you to understand. So let's do one of these storyjumps right when i'm about to surface with a big dramatic *gasp*.

"*GASP*"
SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHjump!

"So what you say is you just happen to find this girl, you never met before, lying on the street in a unusual dark corner."
"Yes."
"And she was shot."
"Yes."
"But not by you."
"Yes."
"You just happen to come by."
"That's right."
"And then you carried her, a seriously injured women, which is a seriously stupid thing to do, to the nearest bus station and called for help."
"Yes..."
"And how do you explain the 6-pack of premium swiss beer and a bottle of...a.."
"Amaretto. Sir."
"What the fuck is that?"
"Italien liqueur. Made out of almonds or apricotpips, refind by condiments like vanilla. Tastes like marzipan."
"And you drink that shit..."
"I...yes i do."
"And it has nothing to do with the girl?"
"Nothing."
"You know what this sound like? This sounds like you tried to lure this poor girl with some pussy-swill and then tried to have sex with her. But when she refused. When SHE refused!! You shot her. But realising soon after what terrible, terrible damage you've done, you tried to save her and probably part of your own foul soul with it."
"Are you serious?"
"Buddy, i'm made out of serious."
"This is ridiculous!"
"Ridiculous....or so on point you just shat your pants?"
"I go with ridiculous. For instance, how did i shoot her? Where's the gun then?"
"Oh i know you know where the gun is."
"I don't know! Is there maybe some other detective i can talk to?"
"Is there maybe some other detective i can talk to?"
"Imitate my voice? Really?"
"Imitate my voice? Really?"
"HELLO!! Anybody! Ca..."
"Shut up! You are in our city now. We will be watching you. We will be controlling you. Don't even think you can make one shit and we don't know about it. We are the law sunny. If we find any evidence that you have anything to do with this whole thing, we're going to fuck you up like a western big boobed pornstar in a room full of japanese businessmen."

So do we like...wait what's the white guy doing here?

Peachy. Ever locked your door to your apartment and then had the feeling somebody was there? Like, watching you? And then you turn around and nothing happens? I was seriously out of beer, food, and anything else fridges should be filled with. All i had was a can of thai soup (or water with thai flavour, you marketing pricks) and a head full of questions and misery. Sometimes when you think life throws you a bone it really just fucks you over again. There is a saying like: The foolish are trapped by karma, while the wise are liberated through karma. So there i was, at home, staring out of my window. Really, it looked like some interesting storylines were going to unfold. Not just for my sake, but for yours too.

"You were awfully quite for the past few hours."
°My comedic inputs are best put aside when you want to build up a dramatic conversation with a detectiv.°
"Thanks for the input."

You know how you can sometimes tell who's at the other side of your door just by their knocking? Some beat hard with their whole fist while some prefer the flat hand thumping more. Of course there is always the gentle knuckle tabbing or the "kicking-down-doors" popularised by SS soldiers in mid-to-end 1930's and glorified later on by rappers like Christopher George Latore Wallace also known as Notorious B.I.G. This knocking i heard then was that of some shy, probably mid 20's young woman. I could smell her scent trough the door. A mixture between Jennifer Lopez's fragrance i'm too lazy to research now and, well, love. I don't know how love smells of course, but mix some fragrance with love and you got yourself some mighty beguiling product. I had to open her door. Even if it meant dying right there on the spot after getting a pale rammed trough my heart. But here we go...

"Hi, you are Jay right?"
"You are the girl from the unusual dark corner! But, but how's that possible?"
"No i'm..."
"No your wounds were too severe! You were shot after all."
"because i'm..."
"What plottwist could possibly make you stand here?"
"L-let me explain."
"I mean i'm all for mistery but this clearly goes too far."
"..."
"I guess it's just storyelement lazyness."
"..."
"Probably because everything is written on the fly."
"..."
°Jay.°
"What?"
°Do the -hm- thing.°
"Hm."
"I'm Apri's twin sister Peach. She told me your name and i found your adress over the internet."
"Oh. That explains it. Wait, Apri like in Apricot?"
"I guess so."
"So it's Apricot and Peach?"
"Y-yeah..."
°Twin sisters. I guess the ones who imagined one of the Olsen twins in part 4 really hit the jackpot now...°

win-win

"Why are you here? And how is your sister?"
"The doctors said she's going to make it."
"I..."
"She told me that you didn't shoot her."
°That's convenient°
"Then why are you here?"
"She said i had to give this to you. You knew what it meant."
"Are you shure you have the right guy? I mean i...a watch?"
"I don't know. She had it in her drawer, hidden in her diary"
"It looks broken. And it has no strap."
"Did you know my sister well? I mean, are you and her?"
"Oh, i, no. We, i, i met her yesterday, for the first time."
"Then what do you need the clock for?"
"I have no idea."
"Really?"
"Hm-hm."
"..."

"OUCH!! Why would you slap me?"
"Did you think you could sleep with her!?"
"What?"
"What is the clock for!?"
"OUCH!! Stop it you lunatic!"
"I tried the oh-so-helpless-virgin-sister-way. But you leave me no choice. G3RMAN!"
"What the fuck is going on here?"
°DUDE! There is som...holy crap!°
"Either you talk or my friend here, The G3rman, is going to snap of your fingers one by one."
"Wait! What? Why?"
"ENOUGH of your stupid bullshit act!"
°Jay°
"What?"
°You are screwed.°
"Fuck."

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°Next time bitches! What's your dreamgirl by the way? And don't forget to rate!°

Jay's Hell On Earth Part 5

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