EPTOn July 30 2009 11:23 Xeris wrote:
Hey everyone, I finally decided to sign up for this site and give online dating a try, I'm over the whole club/bar scene because picking up easy, good looking women at bars is as easy as not missing the toilet bowl when I take a piss in the mornings. I'm here because like you, I am a real person looking for something more.
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I guess this is the part where I should say a little about myself, I've been driving an M3 since high school and live in a multimillion dollar condo (beach-front) that my parents generously provided me. I've had a tough life but at the end of the day when I smell the scent of the ocean pass by on a cool night breeze, I realize that things are going to be ok. I'm a pretty attractive guy too (and not just because I own an M3), I have smooth olive skin, a full head of blond hair, and a nice complexion. I'm not going to lie to you, throughout my school years I was attractive to all the girls in my classes. My parents are the co-founders of NetJet, so I have enough income to one day be able to buy a small island... I'm just looking for a special someone here to share it with.
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My interests vary from badminton to reading car magazines. Mostly though, I'm into Starcraft (which is a computer game played professionally in Korea). I'm kind of a big deal in the community, being a well known admin (I'm way too cool to actually play the game myself) of some websites and have my own sponsored team, earning hundreds of dollars per month. I like to consider myself as being a young Jerry Buss, except more handsome and intelligent.
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On weekends I like to sit around on the computer while I manage my team's matches, staring blankly at the screen while I watch other people play for me. After that (by this time it's late at night) I used to go out on the town, but nowadays I'd like to spend my time in the arms of a loving companion... and that's where you come in.
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Hey everyone, I finally decided to sign up for this site and give online dating a try, I'm over the whole club/bar scene because picking up easy, good looking women at bars is as easy as not missing the toilet bowl when I take a piss in the mornings. I'm here because like you, I am a real person looking for something more.
+ Show Spoiler +
you're comparing women you meet at bars to your expelling waste in the morning? and if picking up is easy, then you should be able to convey it without saying it. that strikes me as desperate. "the club/bar women aren't doing it for me anymore" conveys that, at one time, they WERE doing it for you and you've moved beyond that. the line after the bolded part is really good.
I guess this is the part where I should say a little about myself, I've been driving an M3 since high school and live in a multimillion dollar condo (beach-front) that my parents generously provided me. I've had a tough life but at the end of the day when I smell the scent of the ocean pass by on a cool night breeze, I realize that things are going to be ok. I'm a pretty attractive guy too (and not just because I own an M3), I have smooth olive skin, a full head of blond hair, and a nice complexion. I'm not going to lie to you, throughout my school years I was attractive to all the girls in my classes. My parents are the co-founders of NetJet, so I have enough income to one day be able to buy a small island... I'm just looking for a special someone here to share it with.
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You guess? That sounds timid and like other people are telling you what to do. Not attractive.
Just say you live on a beach-front condo in a "better neighborhood." A couple pics will say multi-millions of words. And don't say you've had a tough life, if you really did they'll figure it out when they want to find out who you are. You talk about all your money, then say you've had a tough life. That strikes me as you being really high-maintenance.
And also, you don't "realize," you know. You always know, and you let them know you always know you're going to be ok. It's like...the core of masculine beliefs.
The next bolded part where you start describing yourself..wtf? That makes me think this is a troll, and I would too if I hadnt seen your actual profile. I would just get rid of all that shit. When you describe yourself you basically wanna tell them "I'm comfortable with myself and I know I'm sexy." You could say just that. "Personally, I think I'm sexy. Check out my pics and decide for yourself."
And talking about your parents moolah? Don't talk about that. Tell a story or something where you can flex your money-muscles, don't go around saying you're rich. Imply it.
Just say you live on a beach-front condo in a "better neighborhood." A couple pics will say multi-millions of words. And don't say you've had a tough life, if you really did they'll figure it out when they want to find out who you are. You talk about all your money, then say you've had a tough life. That strikes me as you being really high-maintenance.
And also, you don't "realize," you know. You always know, and you let them know you always know you're going to be ok. It's like...the core of masculine beliefs.
The next bolded part where you start describing yourself..wtf? That makes me think this is a troll, and I would too if I hadnt seen your actual profile. I would just get rid of all that shit. When you describe yourself you basically wanna tell them "I'm comfortable with myself and I know I'm sexy." You could say just that. "Personally, I think I'm sexy. Check out my pics and decide for yourself."
And talking about your parents moolah? Don't talk about that. Tell a story or something where you can flex your money-muscles, don't go around saying you're rich. Imply it.
My interests vary from badminton to reading car magazines. Mostly though, I'm into Starcraft (which is a computer game played professionally in Korea). I'm kind of a big deal in the community, being a well known admin (I'm way too cool to actually play the game myself) of some websites and have my own sponsored team, earning hundreds of dollars per month. I like to consider myself as being a young Jerry Buss, except more handsome and intelligent.
+ Show Spoiler +
I like this paragraph.
On weekends I like to sit around on the computer while I manage my team's matches, staring blankly at the screen while I watch other people play for me. After that (by this time it's late at night) I used to go out on the town, but nowadays I'd like to spend my time in the arms of a loving companion... and that's where you come in.
+ Show Spoiler +
You already said you watch your team, and then you say it again in the next part of the sentence. AND you make it seem boring. I'd take that part out or change it to make it seem fun and interesting. And if its not fun and interesting, why do you do it?
don't say used to. say usually. money-muscle flex, and lets them know that they're in competition with other women. + status for you.
The very last line, "and thats where you come in," I can't decide if it seems congruent or not. If you wrote that (and didn't take it from one of your friends), keep it. If you didn't, I'd get rid of it. End your profile with a hook, like "send me a message and we'll see if you're my kind of girl."
don't say used to. say usually. money-muscle flex, and lets them know that they're in competition with other women. + status for you.
The very last line, "and thats where you come in," I can't decide if it seems congruent or not. If you wrote that (and didn't take it from one of your friends), keep it. If you didn't, I'd get rid of it. End your profile with a hook, like "send me a message and we'll see if you're my kind of girl."
glhf
hit the wrong button so I'm editing in this last part
I don't like your picture. It's you taking a picture of yourself in the mirror. Use a picture of you doing something, hanging out, w/e, as long as somebody else took it. But the sidekick is a nice subtle touch.
