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Obviously inspired by Kennigit's blog, I thought to myself... I'm going to cook me up a winning formula, aka the most awesome, jaw-dropping profile possible guaranteed to get Jessica Alba to divorce her husband (is she married even?), sign up at the site, and immediately send me a message asking for marriage. So after careful planning and deliberation, this is what I created:
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Hey everyone, I finally decided to sign up for this site and give online dating a try, I'm over the whole club/bar scene because picking up easy, good looking women at bars is as easy as not missing the toilet bowl when I take a piss in the mornings. I'm here because like you, I am a real person looking for something more.
I guess this is the part where I should say a little about myself, I've been driving an M3 since high school and live in a multimillion dollar condo (beach-front) that my parents generously provided me. I've had a tough life but at the end of the day when I smell the scent of the ocean pass by on a cool night breeze, I realize that things are going to be ok. I'm a pretty attractive guy too (and not just because I own an M3), I have smooth olive skin, a full head of blond hair, and a nice complexion. I'm not going to lie to you, throughout my school years I was attractive to all the girls in my classes. My parents are the co-founders of NetJet, so I have enough income to one day be able to buy a small island... I'm just looking for a special someone here to share it with.
My interests vary from badminton to reading car magazines. Mostly though, I'm into Starcraft (which is a computer game played professionally in Korea). I'm kind of a big deal in the community, being a well known admin (I'm way too cool to actually play the game myself) of some websites and have my own sponsored team, earning hundreds of dollars per month. I like to consider myself as being a young Jerry Buss, except more handsome and intelligent.
On weekends I like to sit around on the computer while I manage my team's matches, staring blankly at the screen while I watch other people play for me. After that (by this time it's late at night) I used to go out on the town, but nowadays I'd like to spend my time in the arms of a loving companion... and that's where you come in.
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Anyways thanks to WingSandrockX, Lastshadow, and myself for providing me with the winning formula. This is what you get when you combine by far the three coolest people in Starcraft. What woman can resist such charm and grace? Not to mention the olive skin.
I'll let you all know how it turns out.
By the way... if you had to rate this profile on a scale from 7-10.. with 7 being "Borderline Awesome" and a 10 being "I'd bang this guy right now", what would it be?
Poll: How awesome is this profile?
(Vote): 10
(Vote): 9
(Vote): 8
(Vote): 7
PROFILE HERE
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10 i just came while reading it
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I appreciate kenningt's concept, although I disagreed with some of the things he wrote.
However, if it works it works -- tell me how this goes for you =p
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Kennigit
Canada19447 Posts
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Why the fuck did you mention lastshadow, go jump off a cliff.
Edit: needs a -10 option
Poll: How awesome is this profile?
(Vote): -10
(Vote): something lower
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On July 30 2009 11:31 KawaiiRice wrote:Why the fuck did you mention lastshadow, go jump off a cliff. Edit: needs a -10 option Poll: How awesome is this profile?( Vote): -10 ( Vote): something lower
kawaii you're so cute that all the girls would go for you.....CUTIE RICE ^^
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+ Show Spoiler +On July 30 2009 11:23 Xeris wrote:
My interests vary from badminton to reading car magazines. Mostly though, I'm into Starcraft (which is a computer game played professionally in Korea). I'm kind of a big deal in the community, being a well known admin (I'm way too cool to actually play the game myself) of some websites and have my own sponsored team, earning hundreds of dollars per month. I like to consider myself as being a young Jerry Buss, except more handsome and intelligent.
I just lol'ed so hard. this is best thing i've seen all week. thank you for this.
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I'll keep you guys posted if I get any messages loool! +P
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LOL @ link.
Gold Xeris! I can't wait to hear results :o
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I'm I took a picture that has an excellent view of my sidekick so they can see I also own a $300 phone (how much are sidekick's anyways?)
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ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
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Why do you look like Lastshadow in that picture?
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so are you going to tell us about these adventures or what?
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On July 30 2009 11:46 SCC-Faust wrote:
Why do you look like Lastshadow in that picture?
It's all me baby.
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On July 30 2009 11:43 Xeris wrote:
I'm I took a picture that has an excellent view of my sidekick so they can see I also own a $300 phone (how much are sidekick's anyways?)
I see you got lastshadows help with that too
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So how many ladies have you had to turn down so far?
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On July 30 2009 11:48 Xeris wrote:Show nested quote +On July 30 2009 11:46 SCC-Faust wrote:
Why do you look like Lastshadow in that picture? It's all me baby.
Well I must say you both have an excellent taste in shirts.
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lol...
What sites are you putting this up at, out of curiosity?
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PH you could try clicking on the link to view my awesome profile
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You should update the original post with all the responses you get.
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rofl @ profile pic hahahah this is amazing.
Interests: M3's Money and Starcraft hahahah.
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On July 30 2009 11:53 SCC-Faust wrote:
You should update the original post with all the responses you get.
Ya I will... nobody's even viewed my shit yet... bitches! =P loool. I'm sure they're all too stunned by how amazing I am. It'll come.
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Kennigit
Canada19447 Posts
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wow, id kick you in the fucking balls right now if i could....
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is awesome32274 Posts
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On July 30 2009 12:10 spetial wrote:
wow, id kick you in the fucking balls right now if i could....
Someone is jealous they don't own an M3 and a Sidekick.
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lol Xeris, really well done.
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On July 30 2009 11:39 AtlaS wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On July 30 2009 11:23 Xeris wrote:
My interests vary from badminton to reading car magazines. Mostly though, I'm into Starcraft (which is a computer game played professionally in Korea). I'm kind of a big deal in the community, being a well known admin (I'm way too cool to actually play the game myself) of some websites and have my own sponsored team, earning hundreds of dollars per month. I like to consider myself as being a young Jerry Buss, except more handsome and intelligent.
I just lol'ed so hard. this is best thing i've seen all week. thank you for this.
haha yeah hundreds per month is actually a bit low for the lifestyle you seem to be living...
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I had written a long serious critique, but clearly you're not really trying to do anything but get some smiles. So haha :-)
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I don't think you'll get too many messages because your description and "your picture" don't match. 
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On July 30 2009 12:35 Refrige wrote:Show nested quote +On July 30 2009 11:39 AtlaS wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On July 30 2009 11:23 Xeris wrote:
My interests vary from badminton to reading car magazines. Mostly though, I'm into Starcraft (which is a computer game played professionally in Korea). I'm kind of a big deal in the community, being a well known admin (I'm way too cool to actually play the game myself) of some websites and have my own sponsored team, earning hundreds of dollars per month. I like to consider myself as being a young Jerry Buss, except more handsome and intelligent.
I just lol'ed so hard. this is best thing i've seen all week. thank you for this. haha yeah hundreds per month is actually a bit low for the lifestyle you seem to be living...
not necessarily, think about it for a few more minutes.
you should get some bling, and maybe take a picture next to an expensive car or on the beach.
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I think you'll end up attracting the money grubbing type of girl with that profile. Whatever floats your boat though.
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obviously I'm making a living off of my starcraft income =p
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as long as starcraft is mentioned its good.
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I think Xeris is the exact meaning of sex.
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I was hoping this was real haha
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IT IS REAL KYLE, WHY TRY TO CRUSH MY DREAMS OF FINDING A SOUL MATE?
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MrHoon
10183 Posts
LOOOL THIS THREAD IS AWESOME
10/10
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On July 30 2009 11:52 Xeris wrote:
PH you could try clicking on the link to view my awesome profile
Just the one?
I thought it was just a sample, lol.
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I'm confused. I actually made that profile and put it on an online dating site.
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
'I'm not going to lie to you, throughout my school years I was attractive to all the girls in my classes.'
To me, as a woman - this part immediately made me go 'Ewh, how arrogant.'
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LOL updates plz?
Funny to see other people having fun with this. Some friends and I are having a blast with this site.
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omg! rooooofl who made it
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On July 30 2009 21:25 NeverGG wrote:
'I'm not going to lie to you, throughout my school years I was attractive to all the girls in my classes.'
To me, as a woman - this part immediately made me go 'Ewh, how arrogant.'
If that was the first thing that make you think "how arrogant", you probably need to read it again ;d
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On July 30 2009 21:25 NeverGG wrote:
'I'm not going to lie to you, throughout my school years I was attractive to all the girls in my classes.'
To me, as a woman - this part immediately made me go 'Ewh, how arrogant.'
God, I hope you are joking :D
If your post was serious you might wanna look up "he-was-obviously-joking" in a dictionary.
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Great thread, I particularly like your olive skin :>
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I like to consider myself as being a young Jerry Buss, except more handsome and intelligent.
hahahahahaha
Very classy profile.
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Valhalla18444 Posts
choke me and suck my dick xeris
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On July 31 2009 04:34 FakeSteve[TPR] wrote:
choke me and suck my dick xeris
+ Show Spoiler +
but be careful guys ~~
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
On July 30 2009 21:25 NeverGG wrote:
'I'm not going to lie to you, throughout my school years I was attractive to all the girls in my classes.'
To me, as a woman - this part immediately made me go 'Ewh, how arrogant.'
LOL
.......................
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haha she was either leveled or she tried to relevel ;d
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I'm rooting for you. Heres my opinion on stuff. I bolded the stuff that I think you can word better or delete.
On July 30 2009 11:23 Xeris wrote:Hey everyone, I finally decided to sign up for this site and give online dating a try, I'm over the whole club/bar scene because picking up easy, good looking women at bars is as easy as not missing the toilet bowl when I take a piss in the mornings. I'm here because like you, I am a real person looking for something more. + Show Spoiler +you're comparing women you meet at bars to your expelling waste in the morning? and if picking up is easy, then you should be able to convey it without saying it. that strikes me as desperate. "the club/bar women aren't doing it for me anymore" conveys that, at one time, they WERE doing it for you and you've moved beyond that. the line after the bolded part is really good. this is the part where I should say a little about myself, I've been driving an M3 since high school and live in a multimillion dollar condo (beach-front) that my parents generously provided me. I've had a tough life but at the end of the day when I smell the scent of the ocean pass by on a cool night breeze, I realize that things are going to be ok. I'm a pretty attractive guy too (and not just because I own an M3), I have smooth olive skin, a full head of blond hair, and a nice complexion. I'm not going to lie to you, throughout my school years I was attractive to all the girls in my classes. My parents are the co-founders of NetJet, so I have enough income to one day be able to buy a small island... I'm just looking for a special someone here to share it with. + Show Spoiler +You guess? That sounds timid and like other people are telling you what to do. Not attractive.
Just say you live on a beach-front condo in a "better neighborhood." A couple pics will say multi-millions of words. And don't say you've had a tough life, if you really did they'll figure it out when they want to find out who you are. You talk about all your money, then say you've had a tough life. That strikes me as you being really high-maintenance.
And also, you don't "realize," you know. You always know, and you let them know you always know you're going to be ok. It's like...the core of masculine beliefs.
The next bolded part where you start describing yourself..wtf? That makes me think this is a troll, and I would too if I hadnt seen your actual profile. I would just get rid of all that shit. When you describe yourself you basically wanna tell them "I'm comfortable with myself and I know I'm sexy." You could say just that. "Personally, I think I'm sexy. Check out my pics and decide for yourself."
And talking about your parents moolah? Don't talk about that. Tell a story or something where you can flex your money-muscles, don't go around saying you're rich. Imply it.
My interests vary from badminton to reading car magazines. Mostly though, I'm into Starcraft (which is a computer game played professionally in Korea). I'm kind of a big deal in the community, being a well known admin (I'm way too cool to actually play the game myself) of some websites and have my own sponsored team, earning hundreds of dollars per month. I like to consider myself as being a young Jerry Buss, except more handsome and intelligent. + Show Spoiler + On weekends I like to sit around on the computer while I manage my team's matches, staring blankly at the screen while I watch other people play for me. After that (by this time it's late at night) I used to go out on the town, but nowadays I'd like to spend my time in the arms of a loving companion... and that's where you come in. + Show Spoiler +You already said you watch your team, and then you say it again in the next part of the sentence. AND you make it seem boring. I'd take that part out or change it to make it seem fun and interesting. And if its not fun and interesting, why do you do it?
don't say used to. say usually. money-muscle flex, and lets them know that they're in competition with other women. + status for you.
The very last line, "and thats where you come in," I can't decide if it seems congruent or not. If you wrote that (and didn't take it from one of your friends), keep it. If you didn't, I'd get rid of it. End your profile with a hook, like "send me a message and we'll see if you're my kind of girl."
glhf
hit the wrong button so I'm editing in this last part
I don't like your picture. It's you taking a picture of yourself in the mirror. Use a picture of you doing something, hanging out, w/e, as long as somebody else took it. But the sidekick is a nice subtle touch.
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hahahahahahahahhaha
this thread is GOLDEN!!! so many good responses X'D
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On July 31 2009 07:11 KurtistheTurtle wrote:I'm rooting for you. Heres my opinion on stuff. I bolded the stuff that I think you can word better or delete. Show nested quote +On July 30 2009 11:23 Xeris wrote:Hey everyone, I finally decided to sign up for this site and give online dating a try, I'm over the whole club/bar scene because picking up easy, good looking women at bars is as easy as not missing the toilet bowl when I take a piss in the mornings. I'm here because like you, I am a real person looking for something more. + Show Spoiler +you're comparing women you meet at bars to your expelling waste in the morning? and if picking up is easy, then you should be able to convey it without saying it. that strikes me as desperate. "the club/bar women aren't doing it for me anymore" conveys that, at one time, they WERE doing it for you and you've moved beyond that. the line after the bolded part is really good. this is the part where I should say a little about myself, I've been driving an M3 since high school and live in a multimillion dollar condo (beach-front) that my parents generously provided me. I've had a tough life but at the end of the day when I smell the scent of the ocean pass by on a cool night breeze, I realize that things are going to be ok. I'm a pretty attractive guy too (and not just because I own an M3), I have smooth olive skin, a full head of blond hair, and a nice complexion. I'm not going to lie to you, throughout my school years I was attractive to all the girls in my classes. My parents are the co-founders of NetJet, so I have enough income to one day be able to buy a small island... I'm just looking for a special someone here to share it with. + Show Spoiler +You guess? That sounds timid and like other people are telling you what to do. Not attractive.
Just say you live on a beach-front condo in a "better neighborhood." A couple pics will say multi-millions of words. And don't say you've had a tough life, if you really did they'll figure it out when they want to find out who you are. You talk about all your money, then say you've had a tough life. That strikes me as you being really high-maintenance.
And also, you don't "realize," you know. You always know, and you let them know you always know you're going to be ok. It's like...the core of masculine beliefs.
The next bolded part where you start describing yourself..wtf? That makes me think this is a troll, and I would too if I hadnt seen your actual profile. I would just get rid of all that shit. When you describe yourself you basically wanna tell them "I'm comfortable with myself and I know I'm sexy." You could say just that. "Personally, I think I'm sexy. Check out my pics and decide for yourself."
And talking about your parents moolah? Don't talk about that. Tell a story or something where you can flex your money-muscles, don't go around saying you're rich. Imply it.
My interests vary from badminton to reading car magazines. Mostly though, I'm into Starcraft (which is a computer game played professionally in Korea). I'm kind of a big deal in the community, being a well known admin (I'm way too cool to actually play the game myself) of some websites and have my own sponsored team, earning hundreds of dollars per month. I like to consider myself as being a young Jerry Buss, except more handsome and intelligent. + Show Spoiler + On weekends I like to sit around on the computer while I manage my team's matches, staring blankly at the screen while I watch other people play for me. After that (by this time it's late at night) I used to go out on the town, but nowadays I'd like to spend my time in the arms of a loving companion... and that's where you come in. + Show Spoiler +You already said you watch your team, and then you say it again in the next part of the sentence. AND you make it seem boring. I'd take that part out or change it to make it seem fun and interesting. And if its not fun and interesting, why do you do it?
don't say used to. say usually. money-muscle flex, and lets them know that they're in competition with other women. + status for you.
The very last line, "and thats where you come in," I can't decide if it seems congruent or not. If you wrote that (and didn't take it from one of your friends), keep it. If you didn't, I'd get rid of it. End your profile with a hook, like "send me a message and we'll see if you're my kind of girl." glhf hit the wrong button so I'm editing in this last part I don't like your picture. It's you taking a picture of yourself in the mirror. Use a picture of you doing something, hanging out, w/e, as long as somebody else took it. But the sidekick is a nice subtle touch.
Read the thread yo, it's rather obvious it isn't real.
edit: Well, he actually did create an online profile etc, obviously, but the picture he used is LastShadows and some of the things you bolded were quotes from lastshadow.
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On July 31 2009 09:15 Mora wrote:
my brain.
<3 mora
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On July 30 2009 21:25 NeverGG wrote:
'I'm not going to lie to you, throughout my school years I was attractive to all the girls in my classes.'
To me, as a woman - this part immediately made me go 'Ewh, how arrogant.'
It took me a while to understand op is a joke... except I'm not woman and I don't know why I don't find this funny. Is something wrong with me or living on a different continent means something more actually?
lol
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I just think you don't know the references I'm making because you probably haven't been on TL long enough. It's ok though 
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Hey Xeris u have 69-69 posts. coincidence? I think not.
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EPT
