I've had a less than stellar history for the past few years of my life, but I'm not going to get into that. I just know its time to fix things. But that's the part which confuses me. I have no idea what to do, or rather, I have no idea what I should do. No wait, I know what I SHOULD do. I should get a job, go to school, blah blah blah. My best friend told me "Sometimes you just have to grind it out, no matter how much you hate it". But the thing is I don't know what I want to do.
I attended college for 2 months, majoring in computer engineering. During high school, I didn't give a second thought about anything when I applied. I just picked something that looked fancy. Rather, my parents told me to pick something fancy. But when I went to college, I realized I wasn't happy with how things were going. After a long talk with my parents with a ton of swearing, I withdrew. The reason I stopped going to college is because I had a change of mindset. Everything before that in my life had been set out all before me, I just followed the path. But as the last part was in front of me, I realized this was what I'm going to do for the rest of my fucking life. I wasn't happy with that. I didn't want to be another dude in a cubicle writing code for a company. So I set off trying to find a good direction for myself.
But after a year, I still haven't found it. I still have no idea wtf I want to do. Maybe I just don't know myself enough. But what I do know is that the life-jacket holding me afloat in the ocean is about to run out of air. Everyday I think about what I should do, but nothing pops out. If someone asked me "What would you like do do in life" I would respond "I have no fucking clue". Everything I see just seems the same, and somethings are just plain impossible for me to accomplish.
I WANT to go back to school. I really do. But I don't know what I want to do in life. Maybe I'm afraid, afraid I won't make the right choice and be stuck with a life I'm not happy about. But it's been a year already, and I still haven't found myself. What should I do?