This story starts out about 5 years ago when I started highschool. I graduated from the school before that with, translated to US grades, straight A's.
Once I got into highschool I started slacking off after the first few tests, that I nailed, and the first year went ok. Not the highest grades in the subjects, but good enough.
The second year got harder since I basically had forgotten how to study. My grades started falling, and at the same time my father broke off contact with me. I went into a depression that I'm still fighting not to fall back into. For the next 1½ years I basically just slept. I went to school then and then, my teachers tried to push me but I just didn't have it in me, at that time, to pull myself up and go to school.
No one around me really took notice of how down I was. I have always been a terrific actor when it comes to how I'm feeling. My mother, who has always been supportive but we don't get along all that well, just thought I was lazy.
Anyway, after I "graduated" from school, I had such poor grades I didn't really graduate, I was still down and all my friends leaving for diffrent schools didn't help. For two years I laid on the couch at my moms place and didn't do anything but watch porn and play nukezone. I got a job, but the job was so poor I got fired after the longest year in my life.
During that period I also lived above my assets and got into quite a bit of debt (about $5000). Instead of dealing with it I just looked the other way. Again I didn't have the strenght. After I got fired from that job it was kind of a alarmclock for me. I signed into a hospital to deal with my depression and once I got out I quickly found another job and was a model employee. I had to quit that job this december because of the economy being the way it is.
By the time I had to quit I had managed to pay off about half of my debt. Since I was unemployed and had no real education I had to move back home with my mother, which was a tremendeous blow to my ego and self-esteem. But it was the best thing I could do. I either had to live of social service, which I have promised myself to never do unless I really didn't have another option, or start studying and move back home.
So I moved back home and met with a student advisor and he told me "If you take these classes and pass, then you can go onto uni after the summer". So I did, while only getting about 800 bucks a month from the state because I was studying, 500 of those went towards paying off my debts and 100 went to rent to my mother. It wasn't fun at all, but I put myself into this situation and my plan was to get out of it before the end of the summer.
So here I am in July, all my debts are gone (YAY!) and that makes life so much easier. I've got a summerjob with a high possibility of employment after the summer (yay). So what's the problem?
The problem is I don't want this job after the summer. I want to go study on towards becoming something I want to be. But as it turned out this weekend the grades I have improved over the last 6 months wasn't enough. The student advisor didn't know what he was talking about. I would've had to read 2 more classes, which I could've handled, to get into uni.
So now here I am, at a work I do well but don't really like watching my future just drift away. I can't stay at my moms house, I can't get my own place because I have been in debt. I have no idea what to do and I'm confused.