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I got a brother who used to call me a dumbfuck for years... like through middle school through high school. Anything I did offended him. Being on the computer, watching the TV too loud, taking too long to shower, not washing HIS dishes after he eats, not sweeping the floors of our place. (We're supposed to split chores but since he's older, he forced everything on me)
My parents were divorced and he lived with pops while I lived with my ma. My ma and I have a 2 bedroom apartment, which we're living in right now. He came back to us around middle school for whatever reason and took my bedroom forcing me out to the living room on a futon. But honestly, I don't really care.
What I do care about is how he comes home late at night at like 2am, making noise, cooking and listening to music on the computer which is in the living room, keeping me up all night when I have either school or work tomorrow. Imagine having insomnia for months on end caused by a guy you hate and who acts like he's the "man" of those house when he does jackshit. And... he brought his girlfriend to live with us without asking for permission. Basically, randomly one day a strange girl comes to our small apartment and is now living here. It's been 4 years and I still don't like her. What the fuck is she doing here? He's not paying any rent.. it's not his apartment. My mom even says what the fuck but my ma is honestly too passive to do anything about HIM or HER.
And it's not just he would get mad like a mother would, he threatens to punch me in the face. If I ever said anything back, we would have a fist fight. He even threatened to "kill" me plenty of times while I did not return those lines. He also told me once never to call him my brother ever again.
The worst thing he did probably in terms of violence was hit me on the side of the hit with a cue-ball and sock. I ran away from home after that incident but have returned. That was a couple of years ago though. After so many years, I became very isolated from him, not staying home, doing things where he couldn't find any reason to bitch at me for like reading a book silently.
A while ago my dad passed away and ever since then he has become the exact opposite of what he was before. He tries to talk to me, tries to watch tv and eat dinner with me. But any time he tries one of those things, I basically piss off and just read a book or give him the silent treatment. I don't know why but there's a giant.. giant void in my heart for him. I want nothing to do with him. He's like 26 years old with no job and still living with us. His girlfriend too... and she only has a part-time job. I'm turning 21 this year and even though I'm in university, I work but not just for my own allowance, I try to give as much as I can to my ma. He only takes. Like he did from my wallet today and 2 weeks ago without asking.
Still, I can see that he is trying to improve our relationship but somewhere in my past, I decided that after I graduate, I'll move on with my life and leave everything behind me except my ma. That being said... I've met a lot of people in my life and I don't know how, but they have gotten along so well with their siblings. I mean, they actually hang out in public, have some of the same friends, play music together, whatever.
They can butt heads but still be there for each other when they need the most.
I know that my life is my life and I am happy for it. I am not miserable...
I know that not everyone's parents are together and I know that not everyone is rich... or is in a Ivy League university or whatever.. but I've seen so many people have a sibling that they get along with that it seems so reachable.
I always wonder what that is like. Although I want to be forgiving as the good Lord says, I think my brother really took everything out of me.
I'm truly envious about a relationship like that.
 
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If your brother started acting like this maybe it was because of your parents. He might have taken the divorce harder than you think.
Very rarely is one born an asshole by nature I mean there are always fights, but they work themselves out. My advice is to try to reconnect at least a little or just flat out ask him why he was an asshole to you. Fairly sure their will be some kind of an explanation.
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That's really horrible man. I mean how he treated you before. I think all you can do now is try to believe that people can change. He clearly seems like a good-for-nothing right now, but maybe you can help him change.
That was just optimism speaking, though. I don't think anyone would blame you for just forgetting about him. But you should forget any regrets you might have too. Sibling relationships can be great and all, but straight up friendship can be stronger, and it can be formed with anyone.
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It sounds like there was never very much parental mediation involved. I never had a good relationship with my elder brother, though it never approached the degree of your problems, which I attribute to the fact that my parents did a decent job of controlling him as I grew up. The divorce probably contributed to this problem unfortunately.
I also ended up in much better physical condition than he did, which ended any real threat of violence to me when my parents weren't around. I've also often envied siblings who manage to maintain a good relationship, but I haven't really seen that many who have. In your particular case it sounds like your brother is just a really 'bad egg' (which I hope you don't take as any offense). When two siblings are young it seems natural that the younger will take a bit of abuse at the elder's expense (such, unfortunately is human nature), but that should taper off as the elder sibling matures. Your elder brother is well into adulthood, so it seems as though he just never put effort into developing himself as a person.
Anyway, I hope things for you. somehow improve at some point.
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On July 03 2009 13:28 jjun212 wrote:
The worst thing he did probably in terms of violence was hit me on the side of the hit with a cue-ball and sock. I ran away from home after that incident but have returned.
this made me lol and giggle for some reason
But let's be serious your brother was just a dick to you when you were young, he probably had a hard life or it had to do something with your parents, or he's maybe just treating you well because you're in college, or he has finally grown-up, I don't know.
My brother is a dick also but it's not as bad as what you've experienced.
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Your brother sounds like a huge douchebag. I don't know if you could take him in a fight but after the shit you listed I'd fight him anyway lol...
I hate my younger brother so much even though he's changed dramatically over his life time, when he was younger he was really hyper and aggressive so we'd get into fights daily. He used to be fucking CRAZY. He's stabbed me 3 times, thrown large rocks and other shit at my head. Another time me and a buddy were playing n64 and for some reason I don't remember he was super pissed at us, he came running around the corner with a knife, threw it and luckily it went between our 2 heads and got lodged blade-first in the wall.
Now he's really tame though, I can't remember the last time we even yelled at each other. But same as you I still feel I can't forgive or forget what he has done before.
How common do you think it is that siblings will be good friends? In my experience with my friends it's non-existent though those relationships are almost all brother-brother. Could be an age/sex thing though as my parent's are really friendly with their siblings.
I wish I could be friends with either of my brothers but I don't see it happening any time soon :/
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Could he be your half brother? my parents are divorced as well but what other people said is true as well in that he must of taken it way harder than you did. Honestly he deserves a good beating by now from what you have said.
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I sort of know how you feel. Certainly not near to the same extent, but my brother (3 years younger) and I have never really got along too well together. I actually moved out with my girlfriend about 8 months ago, and a substantial part of the reason, without going into too much detail, was just to get away from all the drama. I've certainly felt the same way as you do before, and most definitely envied those who do have great relationships with their siblings (like my girlfriend), but I guess it just isn't possible for everyone.
My brother and I are also technically half-brothers, which was never an issue growing up or was ever really talked about, but I think we're just far too different kinds of people, and that probably has something to do with it.
It sucks man, and I know I don't really have any advice to give you, but at least know that you're not totally alone in not getting along with your brother. Also, it is a good thing that he's turned himself around somewhat, and is trying to improve your relationship, but if he's still stealing money from you and doing shit like that you need to tell him that it's not going to improve until that shit stops, you know? I mean, definitely give him a chance, but perhaps try talking to him just between you and him about what needs to happen.
Things have certainly improved between my brother and I since he's started working, broken up with his girlfriend (that was the source of much drama) and we haven't been living together, but if your brother is disrespecting your mother (as it sort of seems with this post) then I can imagine it being a lot tougher : /
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My brother is a total dickhead too. Hits me, calls me gaylord/faggot every time he see me, is critical of everything, and never lifts a finger for anyone else in the family.
It's not because he had a hard fucking life, like some of the people in this thread suggest. What utter bullshit. It's because he can get away with it. He has an easy life. He doesn't treat people outside the family badly. People he knows don't have to live with him or put up with bullshit. He tests the threshold.
I won't say he was born an asshole. Maybe it was just one faithful day he accidentally found out he could get away with horrible things, and from then it was a slippery slope. Call it bad luck =/ Bad luck for his future wife that he's going to beat every day after work.
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On July 03 2009 13:46 BuGzlToOnl wrote:
If your brother started acting like this maybe it was because of your parents. He might have taken the divorce harder than you think.
Very rarely is one born an asshole by nature I mean there are always fights, but they work themselves out. My advice is to try to reconnect at least a little or just flat out ask him why he was an asshole to you. Fairly sure their will be some kind of an explanation.
This
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Seems like your brother is an asshole and a trash. He have never treated you as a brother and still haven't change. I think your doing the right thing. Just live on and avoid him.
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work out, beat the shit out of him if he crosses the line :3
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Pretty much all my friends who have siblings goes along nicely with them, of course it was worse when they where younger a lot of them would fight etc but once they grew up beyond like 15-18 things seems to go fine for everyone.
Personally I have a younger sister (2,5 years younger than me) and when we were kids we used to argue like siblings do but rarely anything seriously, but ever since I moved away from home for school at age 15 we have gone along perfectly fine and I don`t think we have barely had any arguments since. Granted the last 3 years shes lived in another part of the country so we don`t see each other that often anymore.
Sounds to me like your brother have just grown up and maybe you should give him a chance so you just might experience that you are so envious of.
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1) Beat the shit out of said brother.
2) Hide the evidence.
3) ????
4) Console me, because I assure you, I know how you feel. I have 4 fucking brothers.
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You know after reading what you're going through, I'm thankful of the relationship I have with my siblings; of course we get into small arguments but your life with your brother seem(ed) like hell.
Anyway, I'm glad you're able to care for your mother, I think that's the most important thing right now.
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“I keep my ideals, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.” - Anne Frank
EDIT: I feel bad that your childhood was like that
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i have the exact same problem,he's just a brat, raised up with too much luxury and thinks he can get away with anything.He never has had any responsibility his whole life, freeloads off of your family, acts tough around your family but when put in a real situation he turns into a 13 year old again, my brother is 23 and i 18, its just that your brother and mine never grew up :s, me and my brother probably got into 20 fist fights in the last 4 years me being 14 and him 19 and my brother and mom never did anything to him because it was a brother vs brother conflict and we should work it out, when he was a legal adult and was considered assault. My dad bailed my brother out a ton of times from jail and what not, i've done the same thing erased him from my life made him history, i'll speak to my brother when he grows up and when he's genuinely sincere, the same situation is happening to me as well, he tries to have a "normal" relationship with me from observing other brotherly relationships, but in truth, he doesn't know what normal is, he's just a brat and has never had to do anything responsible in his life.
p.s. violence isn't the answer, he'll never be happy until he has a new perspective on life, remember that.
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3861 Posts
You know, once you guys grow a bit older some of the things he used to be mad at you about may start to become trivial to him. Maybe he blames you for the divorce or something, there must be something that's underlying.
I am one of those people who get along with their siblings really well, but then again, we're a bit older now and realize that we can talk over some things without getting overly upset. =/ Best of luck, keep an open mind and just hope that he'll come around to embracing your relationship one day.
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From an elder brother perspective.
I used not to get along with my younger sisters at all, I found them just uninteresting and plain anoying. I used to do the things you say your brother did, at a lesser extend at least, getting anoyed at them for almost everything they did a little too loud and shit like that. Trying to impose my point of view almost by force (never hit anyone tho, but insulting quite a few times).
Why? I don't know. Because I was jealous maybe? (this supposed jealousy of not being the only child anymore). Because I could ?
And then life took her rights, shit happened, I had to grow up.
My parents divorced, my mother's sister got trapped into alchoolic problems and my grandfather died. The whole family was in ruins.
This is when I noticed my mistakes, how that I did everything wrong and was no good for anything during these years. I sudenly realised that everyday could be the last for anyone of us. And how sorry and crushed I would be if one of my sisters or myself would die with the horrible atmosphere we had.
So .. yeah, I had to man up, I was the man of the house now. I did it little step by little step and now, 3 years later, I think I can say that I am happy with my current familiar situation. I take alot of care of my sisters even if I don't live with my mother anymore. Of course the transition was not easy because my past actions could not be forgotten in a couple of days, but I managed somehow.
My advice is: Talk with him.
No1 in this blog will be able to tell you what he was thinking then and what he is thinking right now beter than himself. And if you actually come to him and manage to solve things up, I am 100% that you will feel alot better with yourself.
Insulting and menacing can be horrible but beleive me, ignoring can be even worst.
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Things usually change once you dont have to live with eachother.
They did for me anyway 
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EPT
