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Aliens vs Koreans

Blogs > EsX_Raptor
Post a Reply
1 2 Next All
EsX_Raptor
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
United States2801 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-04-30 05:09:05
April 30 2009 04:25 GMT
#1
Yes my friends, it is not a joke, this is for real.

10:28 PM 4/29/2009

It was recently observed by the space telescope "Hobby-Eberly" in Mt. Fowlkes, Texas, that there is indeed a new form of life living under the surface of the moon whose sole and only purpose is to plan a huge invasion on the earth right before the release of StarCraft 2.

[image loading]
suspected alien hiding a battlechest


The reason for their invasion is very clear, as it was also observed that there was a StarCraft Battle Chest box barely hidden under a rock inside the crater Daedalus. "We're pretty sure they've been learning how to use the human computers that were left behind in one of our missions to the moon in 1998. They somehow managed to learn how they worked, learned our language, and finally learned how to play the game" said former astronaut Tom Harrison, "We're starting to think that's all they've been doing ever since; it looks like the moon is a pretty boring place to be honest." It is a known fact that the last seasons of proleague in Korea are going to be dominated by aliens before the release of StarCraft 2 so as to prove that the Koreans were never really good at the game at all.

After a short interview with some of the heads in KeSPA -- and after we miraculously managed to fulfill all of their criteria before we actually could talk to them -- we got in a few words from administrator Ze Ping-Yao about the issue they are going to be facing: "We no worried... go away... no talk alien to Korean the own ass in face... no no no... no talk stop please... go away... alien no talk no own the face in dick... we no want fight alien too pwn our ass ez... zizi yo" It was a pretty tough conversation as we didn't have any translators at hand, but we could catch that the Koreans are 100% willing to fight the aliens to show that they are still the dominating species in the e-Sport -- Ze Ping-Yao got fired by one of the Presidents of KeSPA right after he said the last statement, for reasons we do not know.

[image loading]

Ze Ping-Yao being escorted to his office


But how did they learn to play the game? That was a question we were asking ourselves before we found out that they actually started by beating the campaigns and playing against the computer. Then after they got bored of beating the computer, first by using their moon-made strategies, and later on -- when they successfully mastered all the game mechanics to perfection -- by using only one of their starting peons and beating it in less than 2 minutes; they got bored again and decided to play against each other by using some old serial cables that were still remaining in the debris of the space shuttle's garbage before it departed.

Years and years went by in which the aliens played against each other literally non-stop, and after they realized all their games ended in a draw no matter what map or MU they played in or with (except for Pv) they decided to link to the earth and play against the humans. How did they do that? We observed how one of them tied another with some strange cords and threw him to the closest satellite that was available in the orbit. This then connected the computer to one of the satellite's ports and in no time they were surfing the web. "I swear I saw one of them once watching some YouTube videos, CNN news, American Idol, and some Barney ... I don't know about these beings but they surely got taste!" said Dr. Robertson in a short interview we conducted with him regarding alien behavior. "But he quickly had to go back to StarCraft as one of his companions was throwing trash at him for wasting time... they cannot play for extended periods of times because of some issues with the earth's rotation and the length of their strange cord" concluded Dr. Robertson.

[image loading]

Alien-satellite attachment in progress


When the aliens finally got to a ladder similar to PGTour, called ICCup, they decided to sign up and start playing as time on the satellite allowed. "One of them quickly started owning, but not a long time went by before he was banned and called an abuser by ICCup Admins and newbies to the game." said Dr. Lin Xu as he showed us the records, archives and logs about the ICCup forums and all of its activities that the FBI keeps about third party affiliations that rip off registered trademarks. "He got to rank A in less than a day with a winning ratio of 100%... later they decided to play on an account called Leell and keep good stats while losing a number of games by Alt + q + q 'ing out of it in the middle of it, every so often" concluded Dr. Lin. This made sure the aliens wouldn't get caught in the process of testing their skills against humans, and as far as I can tell, they were frustrated; they wanted to play against the real Korean progamers they always saw posted on the YouTube site under Jon747's account (YouTube user, and frequent VOD uploader on the current proleagues).

Please stay tuned for more of Aliens vs Koreans news, your main source of information on the newly discovered aliens on the moon and their growing conflict over the Korean progamers.

[image loading]


***
Trezeguet
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
United States2656 Posts
April 30 2009 04:30 GMT
#2
i'm pretty sure this is a joke
SnowFantasy
Profile Blog Joined September 2006
4173 Posts
April 30 2009 04:34 GMT
#3
yeah he doesn't have a source link and the only pictures are mspaint.
De4ngus
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States6533 Posts
April 30 2009 04:34 GMT
#4
On April 30 2009 13:30 Trezeguet23 wrote:
i'm pretty sure this is a joke

No, I'm pretty sure it's real.
GANDHISAUCE
RebirthOfLeGenD
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
USA5860 Posts
April 30 2009 04:34 GMT
#5
It all makes sense.
but seriously, savior 2009, not aliens.

get r33l.
Be a man, Become a Legend. TL Mafia Forum Ask for access!!
SnowFantasy
Profile Blog Joined September 2006
4173 Posts
April 30 2009 04:37 GMT
#6
LoL ok now that I read it...

+ Show Spoiler +
LOL HE GOT FIRED FOR SAYING ZIZIYO
omninmo
Profile Blog Joined April 2008
2349 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-04-30 04:42:53
April 30 2009 04:41 GMT
#7
your mspaint skillz are 1337.
Ze Ping-Yao is a chinese name though.
deathgod6
Profile Blog Joined January 2008
United States5064 Posts
April 30 2009 04:42 GMT
#8
Yay! The MSPaint Pro strikes again!
4.0 GPA = A rank 5.0 GPA = Olympic --------- Bisu, Best, Fantasy. i ♥ oov. They can get in my BoxeR anyday.
R3condite
Profile Joined August 2008
Korea (South)1541 Posts
April 30 2009 04:48 GMT
#9
On April 30 2009 13:37 SnowFantasy wrote:
LoL ok now that I read it...

+ Show Spoiler +
LOL HE GOT FIRED FOR SAYING ZIZIYO

OHHHH THAT MAKES SENSE

haha

nice story btw... i bet savior or JD can control them though.... they r the zerg's overmind...
ggyo...
Carnivorous Sheep
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
Baa?21242 Posts
April 30 2009 04:55 GMT
#10
You use a crap load of Chinese names for Koreans.
TranslatorBaa!
vAltyR
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States581 Posts
April 30 2009 04:56 GMT
#11
so... when sAviOr said he would destory everything... now we understand the true meaning.

He's not the destroyer of us all. He's our savior.
내 호버크라프트는 장어로 가득 차 있어요
koreasilver
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
9109 Posts
April 30 2009 04:56 GMT
#12
Next time, take a little time to look up Korean names for Korean characters.
EsX_Raptor
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
United States2801 Posts
April 30 2009 05:05 GMT
#13
i just draw...

btw, update!

New blurry photograph published on how the aliens intercept wandering satellites.
emperorchampion
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
Canada9496 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-04-30 05:09:54
April 30 2009 05:08 GMT
#14
Hmm, so contrary to every space movie/show the final frontier will not be space. And the weapons will not be massive, disc shaped, ships full of people with names akin to: Picard, and Spock. Nor will it include massive spheres capable of destroying whole planets in single shots. No folks, that is not our future- as we have been so callously led to believe.

Our future will revolve around a much simpler, yet infenitly complex game. This game is Starcraft. Instead of photon torpedos, and flying models duking it out in a space like studio, our futures' hold implecable micro and macro skills. One of my hopes is that the aliens haven't seen our secret weapon. + Show Spoiler +
Jeadong, and his dual muta control


Most likely the existence of our planet will be based upon a series of "bests of seven", ggnore. I have hope that the Koreans can train up in time, to face this looming threat.The multiple appendages of these aliens may be capable of producing up to 800+ apm. Well folks, this may be it- the showdown of the century. Forget oov vs boxer, forget Nada vs Yellow, this is (sparta) Kor vs Aliens. A flurry of "E-han timing", "plaguuuuuuuuuuu", "ahh", "GG" and the like will be flying wildly in a no-holds barred Starcraft showdown. Personally I hope they have enough spots open in the video stream when it gets hosted.
TRUEESPORTS || your days as a respected member of team liquid are over
Licmyobelisk
Profile Blog Joined August 2008
Philippines3682 Posts
April 30 2009 05:13 GMT
#15
God! those aliens have cloaking abilities.. just look who potato-shadowy they are... good job in reporting this threat..
I don't think I've ever wished my opponent good luck prior to a game. When I play, I play to win. I hope every opponent I ever have is cursed with fucking terrible luck. I hope they're stuck playing underneath a stepladder with a black cat in attendance a
il0seonpurpose
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
Korea (South)5638 Posts
April 30 2009 05:26 GMT
#16
Haha I believed it for like two seconds, good job.
HamerD
Profile Blog Joined January 2008
United Kingdom1922 Posts
April 30 2009 05:59 GMT
#17
On April 30 2009 13:30 Trezeguet23 wrote:
i'm pretty sure this is a joke


this is like probably in my top 5 epic posts of all time on the internet
"Oh no, we've drawn Judge Schneider" "Is that bad?" "Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog" "You did?" "Yeah...if you replace the word *kinda* with *repeatedly*...and the word *dog* with son"
PH
Profile Blog Joined June 2008
United States6173 Posts
April 30 2009 08:46 GMT
#18
Those are like...Chinese names...

But I still laughed. Nice. lol.
Hello
The_Australian
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
Australia458 Posts
April 30 2009 08:48 GMT
#19
One of them has already managed to penetrate the progaming world! CJ's Effort! i knew it!
"Nothing should be unstoppable when you see it coming...." - Boxer
haduken
Profile Blog Joined April 2003
Australia8267 Posts
April 30 2009 10:23 GMT
#20
LOL... oh the nerdness of this site is so goood.
Rillanon.au
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