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I only thought about this in passing before but my girlfriend recently brought it up and it has been nagging at my mind.
Before I progress, a bit of back story. She has a pretty bad case of eczema. Looking through the list here she seems to be affected by multiple kinds as she is very sensitive to certain foods, certain chemicals, various allergies, and stress. Untreated it's bad enough to prevent her from functioning anywhere near normal, unable to even go to work. The condition was somehow dormant when we first started going out but she tells me that she's had it her entire life except the first 2-3 years of college when we first met. Now it's back though and it's been ever present for the last 2-3 years of our relationship. Makes the relationship difficult at times but I still love her and have for nearly 4.5 years now. Still, it's something that I would never wish on anyone. Honestly, I'm not sure I would have gone out with her if she had this when I first met her.
So, the question she posed to me was, knowing that I would like kids at some point in my life, would I be okay knowing that there is an 80% chance a child with her would develop the same condition? It's a bit of a weird question and I know some of you are probably going "wtf why are you talking about kids?" but we're comfortable talking about this kind of stuff. Like I said though, I've been giving this more thought since she mentioned it and the more I think about it the more I run into the brick wall that it really would be terrible to bring a child into the world with that condition but at the same time I can't imagine being with anyone else. Alternatives like adoption and stuff have passed through my mind but those I largely dismissed.
It's a bit awkward of a question to ask but I could really use an outside opinion.
 
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80% chance?
youre deciding the fate of your children... keep that in mind.
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is she okay with aborting? The expected times you'd have to abort untill you get a kid of normal kind is 5 times.
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is awesome32280 Posts
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Why have you dismissed the adoption idea so out of hand? You wont knowingly inflict a potentially crippling illness on a child, and at the same time you'll be giving a child a loving home where s/he might otherwise not have one. Obviously I don't know you or your significant other, but it seems a little hasty to me to ignore that as a viable and even beneficial option.
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Well from reading from your source and from wiki, it doesn't seem like a major problem compared to other diseases. There aren't any cures but you can reduce the inflamation and such. But I'm not sure what to tell you, sorry
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On April 17 2009 13:27 IntoTheWow wrote:
Adoption.
This solves many problems.
+ Show Spoiler +80% is very likely, I wouldn't risk it personally but it's hard to say what I would actually do because I'm not in your situation.
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Genetic screening. It's kind of expensive, but keep in mind this will affect the entire life of your future children.
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On April 17 2009 13:26 evanthebouncy! wrote:
is she okay with aborting? The expected times you'd have to abort untill you get a kid of normal kind is 5 times.
???
uhm..
20% chance of success every time does not mean in 5 times you will produce the desired product.
In fact if its 80% every time, there is a slim chance he will ever have a healthy child without the condition at all.
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On April 17 2009 13:29 il0seonpurpose wrote:
Well from reading from your source and from wiki, it doesn't seem like a major problem compared to other diseases. There aren't any cures but you can reduce the inflamation and such. But I'm not sure what to tell you, sorry
I always thought it wasn't severe as well, and apparently in certain other cases it isn't. Her sister had it but it went away by the time she was 15-16 I believe. My girlfriend's case is apparently far far more severe and will most likely be lifelong as it has persisted past puberty. Consider itching that is bad enough to regularly disrupt sleep and result in open wounds in the morning due to the involuntary scratching. Also, the treatment for the inflammation is steroidal cream which you want to use as sparingly as absolutely possible as it will have adverse long term effects.
As for my dismissal of adoption, it's largely because I'd want the kid to be my kid and inherit parts of my genes. Call it weird but it's important to me. I've got nothing against adoption for other people, I think it's a great thing. But when you value the ongoing persistence of your genes then it stops being as viable an option.
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On April 17 2009 13:26 evanthebouncy! wrote:
is she okay with aborting? The expected times you'd have to abort untill you get a kid of normal kind is 5 times.
That just seems... wrong...
Not to mention somewhat dangerous to the woman, from what I understand.
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On April 17 2009 13:27 IntoTheWow wrote:
Adoption.
I believe this is the proper course of action. It might be very hard, but having children who will almost certainly grow to suffer daily is not good. 
What a terrible situation. I'm so sorry.
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ask ur gf if she would rather have not been born. if her poor quality of life does not justify her existence then she would probably want u to have a baby with a healthy surrogate.
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I think the real question here is If you want to have offspring with this girl.
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if passing on ur genes means so much to you, you probably want to do it with a healthy specimen so forget about "i still love her" and find someone else. no point dragging it on, you already know what you want so go get it.
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On April 17 2009 13:50 gusbear wrote:
ask ur gf if she would rather have not been born. if her poor quality of life does not justify her existence then she would probably want u to have a baby with a healthy surrogate.
Exactly. Treat her as human or treat her as property?
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On April 17 2009 13:42 ._. wrote:Show nested quote +On April 17 2009 13:26 evanthebouncy! wrote:
is she okay with aborting? The expected times you'd have to abort untill you get a kid of normal kind is 5 times. ??? uhm.. 20% chance of success every time does not mean in 5 times you will produce the desired product. In fact if its 80% every time, there is a slim chance he will ever have a healthy child without the condition at all.
by expected I mean expected value.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geometric_distribution
read it 
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I would definately say adoption is a good idea here. There is really no chance to have a child without the condition, and i've a friend that suffers from it, and it seems to be a very unpleasant condition. Dont force a child to suffer from that, especially in early childhood.
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[QUOTE]On April 17 2009 13:45 Phyre wrote:
[QUOTE]On April 17 2009 13:29 il0seonpurpose wrote:
As for my dismissal of adoption, it's largely because I'd want the kid to be my kid and inherit parts of my genes. Call it weird but it's important to me. I've got nothing against adoption for other people, I think it's a great thing. But when you value the ongoing persistence of your genes then it stops being as viable an option. [/QUOTE]
Haha thats funny. You know that humans all share the same genes right? The chances of you having any unique genes that are ONLY unique to your family is ridiculously small. Then you also have to factor in the fact that you may not pass on your unique genes too your children. Your reasoning for not wanting adoption is really not a good one The fact that you value your genes so much that instead of giving a child a loving home just because you want your genes too be passed on makes think that you might have a superiority complex or that you think your special. Trust me, there is probably nothing special or unique about you at all and this is not a bad thing or a good thing, its just the truth.
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EPT
