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Second Timepath
Running by the shiny shipway
Which flows thoughtlessly
Down the marine mirror
Of an ionic waterline
There was a fresh breeze
Strange peace
Tranquility
And there was the Sun
Lyrics by Novembre, an Italian band
HDR from 9 images in Photomatrix, + curves saturation, color balance, color channel switches, sharpness, noises and whatnot in Photoshop. I consider this my first 'good' Hdr image, so I'm pleased with it. The composition sucks, I know, but I felt I had limited resources (and a 18-55 kit lens doesn't help when trying to shoot landscape). I really wish the border between the water and land wouldn't have been so centered, but alas, it must do for now. Hope you guys liked
 
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Belgium6786 Posts
Awesome. The mood is perfect.
Nice work!
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Netherlands5964 Posts
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United States11637 Posts
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On March 27 2009 04:58 boesthius wrote:oh i like it, agree with xeo the mood is killer  also i subscribed to you on dA ;D
o; i'm flattered. Thanks!
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Pimpin, as usual dude. Pming the blog to Kau for PX!
how's iccup goin ;x
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@ hawk :
iccup - not at all, I'm afraid . I'm so busy lately, with school (i'm a senior) and all my preparation for college that there's barely any time left for SC
I plan to compensate once summer comes and I pass my exams though
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very nice picture, too bad its a different shaped rectangle, or else I would use it as my background =/
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Some notes
On March 27 2009 04:17 minus_human wrote:
Running by the shiny shipway 3.
Which flows thoughtlessly
Down the marine mirror
Of a ionic waterline <---- an* 1.
There was a fresh breeze
Strange peace
Tranquility
And there was the Sun 2.
4.
1. You put 'a' instead of 'an'... really surprised no one pointed that out already
2. This line is so good but I think it could be better, I would consider all of the following...
My first suggestion and MY favorite would be to change it to "And there was sun".. The main reason I prefer this is because it keeps the focus on the location itself.
When I think of "The Sun", I think of it in space, when I think of "Sun" by itself, I can imagine the warmth of it on my skin etc,
Another thing you could do:
And there was light... this would be really good if the rest of the poem emphasized that it was dawn, and the final line was the realization of the dawn... in this case "And then there was light" would also be good
EDIT: Hmmm before you respond I'm actually kind of changing my mind about this.. I read it again and this time pictured the sun looking down upon your setting instead and found it was effective... I think I might like the word light the best here but I would probably change my mind again if I gave it more thought.. anyway it's fine as is and a very interesting line to deconstruct.
Also a note that I don't think the word sunlight should be considered, it is redundant and therefore unpoetic imo
3. I love the word shipway here, and I don't want you to change it, just wanted to note that this word screams thesaurus to me, whether you used one or not I can't help but think of a thesaurus when I see a word like shipway, make sure to not have too many words like that in future poems.
4. I fucking love this poem and the picture is perfect.
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On March 27 2009 06:43 inReacH wrote:Some notes Show nested quote +On March 27 2009 04:17 minus_human wrote:
Running by the shiny shipway 3.
Which flows thoughtlessly
Down the marine mirror
Of an ionic waterline <---- an* 1.
There was a fresh breeze
Strange peace
Tranquility
And there was the Sun 2.
4.
1. You put 'a' instead of 'an'... really surprised no one pointed that out already 2. This line is so good but I think it could be better, I would consider all of the following... My first suggestion and MY favorite would be to change it to "And there was sun".. The main reason I prefer this is because it keeps the focus on the location itself. When I think of "The Sun", I think of it in space, when I think of "Sun" by itself, I can imagine the warmth of it on my skin etc, Another thing you could do: And there was light... this would be really good if the rest of the poem emphasized that it was dawn, and the final line was the realization of the dawn... in this case "And then there was light" would also be good EDIT: Hmmm before you respond I'm actually kind of changing my mind about this.. I read it again and this time pictured the sun looking down upon your setting instead and found it was effective... I think I might like the word light the best here but I would probably change my mind again if I gave it more thought.. anyway it's fine as is and a very interesting line to deconstruct.Also a note that I don't think the word sunlight should be considered, it is redundant and therefore unpoetic imo 3. I love the word shipway here, and I don't want you to change it, just wanted to note that this word screams thesaurus to me, whether you used one or not I can't help but think of a thesaurus when I see a word like shipway, make sure to not have too many words like that in future poems. 4. I fucking love this poem and the picture is perfect.
I really really appreciate the thought you've put into this, but the lyrics are not mine. I usually say it when they are, because most often I find lyrics which I like and I feel are fitting then and mix them with the photo, as a sort of 'mood enhancer'
http://www.metrolyrics.com/the-dreams-of-the-old-boats-lyrics-novembre.html
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On March 27 2009 07:03 minus_human wrote:Show nested quote +On March 27 2009 06:43 inReacH wrote:Some notes On March 27 2009 04:17 minus_human wrote:
Running by the shiny shipway 3.
Which flows thoughtlessly
Down the marine mirror
Of an ionic waterline <---- an* 1.
There was a fresh breeze
Strange peace
Tranquility
And there was the Sun 2.
4.
1. You put 'a' instead of 'an'... really surprised no one pointed that out already 2. This line is so good but I think it could be better, I would consider all of the following... My first suggestion and MY favorite would be to change it to "And there was sun".. The main reason I prefer this is because it keeps the focus on the location itself. When I think of "The Sun", I think of it in space, when I think of "Sun" by itself, I can imagine the warmth of it on my skin etc, Another thing you could do: And there was light... this would be really good if the rest of the poem emphasized that it was dawn, and the final line was the realization of the dawn... in this case "And then there was light" would also be good EDIT: Hmmm before you respond I'm actually kind of changing my mind about this.. I read it again and this time pictured the sun looking down upon your setting instead and found it was effective... I think I might like the word light the best here but I would probably change my mind again if I gave it more thought.. anyway it's fine as is and a very interesting line to deconstruct.Also a note that I don't think the word sunlight should be considered, it is redundant and therefore unpoetic imo 3. I love the word shipway here, and I don't want you to change it, just wanted to note that this word screams thesaurus to me, whether you used one or not I can't help but think of a thesaurus when I see a word like shipway, make sure to not have too many words like that in future poems. 4. I fucking love this poem and the picture is perfect. I really really appreciate the thought you've put into this, but the lyrics are not mine. I usually say it when they are, because most often I find lyrics which I like and I feel are fitting then and mix them with the photo, as a sort of 'mood enhancer' http://www.metrolyrics.com/the-dreams-of-the-old-boats-lyrics-novembre.html
Oh haha, oh well I enjoyed doing it anyways.
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Where can I find a beginner's guide to photography??
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EPT![[image loading]](http://fc25.deviantart.com/fs45/i/2009/084/3/8/Second_Timepath_by_niiFantasy.jpg)
