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You Have Been Deserted XI

Blogs > fanatacist
Post a Reply
1 2 Next All
fanatacist
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
10319 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-05-11 23:02:18
March 11 2009 07:40 GMT
#1
Chapter X

Note: Once again, if someone wants to take over for next chapter please say so and I will choose someone.


Chapter XI
Campfire, Finger Food... Insanity?


You
sit down and prepare to enjoy a wholesome meal. First you quickly and surgically remove the body parts that are both farthest from the flames and Raithed's anus - his head and right arm. You proceed to cut off chunks of meat, pierce them with the dull knife, and hold them over the campfire. Once roasted to a nice crispy treat, you put a few dabs of soy sauce on it. Raithed is finally being useful to TL. Well, okay, just you. But that's good enough, right? Not only have you satisfied the world's perverse/righteous desire to rid TL of Raithed in as gruesome a fashion as possible, but you are also gaining strength from the nourishment.

[image loading]


As you finish eating the scant pickings from Raithed's arm, you remember a Discovery channel special about how eagles drop turtles on rocks from high altitudes to crack the shell and eat those dopey fuckers. You pick up Raithed's head, do a tiger jump that would have made Mr. Miyagi commit hara-kiri, and toss the skull down like it was a burning AIDS-infested football you caught while making the winning touchdown in the Super Bowl. A loud crack, and ten seconds later you were roasting a small brain on your trusty kebab knife. You remembered faintly another Discovery channel special where it said that mad cow disease came from cows eating other cows' brains. You also remember that one joke about PMS being the same as mad cow disease. Hahahaha, good times. What were you thinking about again? Something important? Oh well, you're hungry, time to eat more. You can't bank on the fact that some other half-dead scrawny kid will be stupid enough to ask you for help. You are America, he was Poland, and death is Germany. Help? Fuck that shit.

All of the sudden you feel wet. Very wet. What the fuck? Was GodSatan punishing you for eating one of his childrensex toys by peeing on you directly? You open your mouth to confirm your hypothesis, but are pleased to find out it's water. Aah, refreshing! Seconds later, the lights turn on as well. It's a blessing! Fate is finally recognizing your achievement! The fire must have triggered the emergency power system. The lights are dim, flickering, but are suitable. You have a good look around:

[image loading]


Having just narrowly escaped death by herpes via Raithed, you feel nearly invincible as you walk down the corridor under the water sprinklers, feeling like Neo in the shitty Matrix sequel, who knows which one. You need to get out of this shitty storyplace as soon as possible. Then you suddenly realize; the walls are mirrored. You take this opportunity to inspect your condition. You see...

[image loading]


EDIT- STOP BALANCING THE POLL, I WILL NOT PRODUCE A HYBRID BLACK ASIAN (WTF YOU PERVERTS), I WILL JUST CHOOSE THE WHITE GUY BECAUSE YOU ARE BEING DICKS. I STRONGLY DOUBT IT IS REALLY THIS EVENLY DIVIDED.

[image loading]

Poll: Your reflection is...
(Vote): A
(Vote): B
(Vote): C

Satisfied with your condition, you begin to continue down the hallway. Your stomach feels a bit weird but that is probably the Raithed that you just consumed. You peer inside the open door - it is completely empty, save for a few rats. You then approach the closed door.

SLAM
AAAAAUUUUGHHHH NOOOOOOOO
SLAM RAA-RAAAUGHRRR
*gurgling sounds* *flesh rending sounds*

Now you KNOW some shit is going on around here besides the occasional murder and cannibalistic act. The door in front of you seems like a very meager barrier between you and whatever the fuck was thrashing away at what you presume is another human being on the other side.

[image loading]

Poll: You decide to...
(Vote): Jam the dull knife in the door, pick up your skirt, and run in the opposite fucking direction.
(Vote): Go back to the first room, pick up a rat, call it Nibbles, befriend it and train it for combat.
(Vote): Take your gun, your sharp knife, and your ballsack and kick the door down with a badass face on.
(Vote): Pick up Raithed, wield the gun. Bust the door down, using Raithed as a meatshield and deterrent.
(Vote): Shoot yourself in the head, this is the fucking end of this shit.


**VOTING ENDS FRIDAY AT 6 PM EST, 7AM SAT TL TIME**

****
Peace~
Carnivorous Sheep
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
Baa?21244 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-03-11 07:46:31
March 11 2009 07:46 GMT
#2
To be fair, Asians hold their liquor much better than other races from what I've seen and heard.

This story has also gotten exponentially better since Raithed stopped writing the chapters.
TranslatorBaa!
fanatacist
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
10319 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-03-11 07:47:35
March 11 2009 07:47 GMT
#3
On March 11 2009 16:46 Carnivorous Sheep wrote:
To be fair, Asians hold their liquor much better than other races from what I've seen and heard.

This story has also gotten exponentially better since Raithed stopped writing the chapters.


I think it's a fact that most Asians have a deficiency of a certain enzyme that processes alcohol. In my experience it is very very true. Ever see the Asian flush on a girl? Lol.

EDIT: Thanks lol. Although I guess that's not saying much.
Peace~
boesthius
Profile Blog Joined February 2008
United States11637 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-03-11 08:16:41
March 11 2009 08:16 GMT
#4
--- Nuked ---
fusionsdf
Profile Blog Joined June 2006
Canada15390 Posts
March 11 2009 08:16 GMT
#5
On March 11 2009 16:46 Carnivorous Sheep wrote:
To be fair, Asians hold their liquor much better than other races from what I've seen and heard.


lol not true at all
SKT_Best: "I actually chose Protoss because it was so hard for me to defeat Protoss as a Terran. When I first started Brood War, my main race was Terran."
Carnivorous Sheep
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
Baa?21244 Posts
March 11 2009 08:18 GMT
#6
Maybe I have a bad sampling of Asians =P
TranslatorBaa!
fanatacist
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
10319 Posts
March 11 2009 08:30 GMT
#7
On March 11 2009 17:16 boesthius wrote:
rofl nice afro pick

this one's pretty good, i'm guessing it's incontrol on the other side of the door :o

LOL
Peace~
deathgod6
Profile Blog Joined January 2008
United States5064 Posts
March 11 2009 08:49 GMT
#8
LMAO!!! That racial profiling picture is hilarious. =3
4.0 GPA = A rank 5.0 GPA = Olympic --------- Bisu, Best, Fantasy. i ♥ oov. They can get in my BoxeR anyday.
kefkalives
Profile Blog Joined January 2007
Australia1272 Posts
March 11 2009 10:15 GMT
#9
fanatacist, i don't say it often enough, but i love you, i passionatley love you. This blog has been the funniest thing i've seen in ages .
prOxi.bOn ; \\ What makes most people feel happy/Leads us headlong into harm.
fanatacist
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
10319 Posts
March 11 2009 11:02 GMT
#10
On March 11 2009 19:15 kefkalives wrote:
fanatacist, i don't say it often enough, but i love you, i passionatley love you. This blog has been the funniest thing i've seen in ages .

Lol thanks <3
Peace~
fanatacist
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
10319 Posts
March 11 2009 13:25 GMT
#11
BTW I don't mean to be harmful in the racist things and I kind of took it out on all 3 evenly I think so yea >>
Peace~
Nyovne
Profile Joined March 2006
Netherlands19138 Posts
March 11 2009 14:44 GMT
#12
This shit is just TOO funny bwahahahahhaa.

DETERRENT!!
ModeratorFor remember, that in the end, some are born to live, others born to die. I belong to those last, born to burn, born to cry. For I shall remain alone... forsaken.
SpiritoftheTunA
Profile Blog Joined August 2006
United States20903 Posts
March 11 2009 16:27 GMT
#13
nobody wants to be white hahahahhahaha
posting on liquid sites in current year
miseiler
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
United States1389 Posts
March 11 2009 16:40 GMT
#14
On March 11 2009 17:16 boesthius wrote:
rofl nice afro pick

this one's pretty good, i'm guessing it's incontrol on the other side of the door :o

bwahahahahha

No way I'm going through there, then.
/me votes "Pick up skirt and run"
"Jinro soo manly wearing only a T-Shirt while the Koreans freeze in their jackets" -- Double_O
"He's from Sweden, man. We have to fight polar bears on our way to school." -- Yusername
Fontong
Profile Blog Joined December 2007
United States6454 Posts
March 11 2009 17:35 GMT
#15
This story has turned awesome.

On March 11 2009 16:46 Carnivorous Sheep wrote:
To be fair, Asians hold their liquor much better than other races from what I've seen and heard.

If you count turning red and falling asleep holding your liquor, then yes most asians are good at it.
[SECRET FONT] "Dragoon bunker"
fanatacist
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
10319 Posts
Last Edited: 2009-03-11 18:26:28
March 11 2009 18:26 GMT
#16
Hey assholes, don't try to balance the poll or I'll make him white.

EDIT: I could do a hybrid but that would just be feeding you fuckers.
Peace~
TryThis
Profile Joined February 2007
Canada1522 Posts
March 11 2009 18:41 GMT
#17
GO NIBBLES GO
Dwell
fanatacist
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
10319 Posts
March 11 2009 20:55 GMT
#18
Fuck you all.
Peace~
Boblion
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
France8043 Posts
March 11 2009 21:15 GMT
#19
Awesome fana :D
fuck all those elitists brb watching streams of elite players.
fanatacist
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
10319 Posts
March 11 2009 22:02 GMT
#20
Thanks.

Whatever fag rated this a 1 is a little bitch. Is raithed unbanned or something?
Peace~
1 2 Next All
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