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On September 29 2008 04:06 Freyr wrote:Show nested quote +On September 29 2008 00:16 Frits wrote:
Where do I start explaining what's so bad?
-Your style is inconsistent.
-You start new paragraphs at points in the story that don't seem to require a new paragraph because it's the same nonsensical babble as the sentence before it.
-Half your sentences don't really follow the next one you can just mix the sentences around and it wouldn't matter.
-Some of it just doesn't make sense, bringing up jesus when talking about beauty and stuff? That's pretentious.
-It's just a terrible story in general.
-Stop mentioning the yellow dress so much.
-You have no idea how hilarious an expression like "flew gracefully through a windshield" is.
It's way too much like a poem for normal writing. And try to express a little more feeling and less gibberish that feels like you added it for no reason at all. What sort of authors do you read? Can you provide any samples of your own writing? You call the piece a story. It's clearly not a story. Explain your classification please. How are comments like "it's a terrible story in general" supposed to be interpreted? They obviously aren't helpful - are you just trying to be abusive?
I don't really care for any specific writers I just read any good books I can find.
I could give you samples but they're in dutch and pretty boring academic stuff.
I guess it's not really a story but then again it's not really anything, that's the problem with it.
Yeah I guess that last one was kinda vague: what I meant was that it just seems like a few scraped together thought totally unorganised and without any serious thought put into it. It feels like it's one big mess.
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People need to stop playing literary critic and just let the man have his written piece up to be read. If you can't bear to read it then you should at least have the dignity to refrain from commenting on it, especially since it seems the author invested himself into the piece.
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just another....brick in the wall
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On September 29 2008 06:13 jellyfish wrote:
People need to stop playing literary critic and just let the man have his written piece up to be read. If you can't bear to read it then you should at least have the dignity to refrain from commenting on it, especially since it seems the author invested himself into the piece.
There is so much wrong with this comment I can't even begin to explain why.
Please take your retarded logic elsewhere and never hit the post button again.
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Nice. We did alot of Eliot in our final year of high school and your writing really reminds me of his style ^_^
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On September 29 2008 06:25 Frits wrote:Show nested quote +On September 29 2008 06:13 jellyfish wrote:
People need to stop playing literary critic and just let the man have his written piece up to be read. If you can't bear to read it then you should at least have the dignity to refrain from commenting on it, especially since it seems the author invested himself into the piece. There is so much wrong with this comment I can't even begin to explain why. Please take your retarded logic elsewhere and never hit the post button again.
Well I just don't understand why you felt like you had to spread your shit all over his post. Why did you spend so much time and attention criticizing what he wrote even though you obviously thought it sucked? If he's not a good writer and his style his pretentious and all that then what makes it your business to point it out to him in a reciprocally pretentious matter? I'm not defending his piece, I thought it was confused and unpolished and refracted; but I am defending his right to post something he wrote without it being attacked so derisively.
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On September 29 2008 07:05 jellyfish wrote:Show nested quote +On September 29 2008 06:25 Frits wrote:On September 29 2008 06:13 jellyfish wrote:
People need to stop playing literary critic and just let the man have his written piece up to be read. If you can't bear to read it then you should at least have the dignity to refrain from commenting on it, especially since it seems the author invested himself into the piece. There is so much wrong with this comment I can't even begin to explain why. Please take your retarded logic elsewhere and never hit the post button again. Well I just don't understand why you felt like you had to spread your shit all over his post. Why did you spend so much time and attention criticizing what he wrote even though you obviously thought it sucked? If he's not a good writer and his style his pretentious and all that then what makes it your business to point it out to him in a reciprocally pretentious matter? I'm not defending his piece, I thought it was confused and unpolished and refracted; but I am defending his right to post something he wrote without it being attacked so derisively.
What's there to understand, I give my opinion on his essay on a public message board end of story. So it's alright to voice your opinion if it's good but not when you think it's bad? On a message board?
In the end I am giving him something he can use while you all give pointless comments on something that you don't give a shit about anyway, at least I try to contribute. You guys are praising him while Im sure most of you see the flaws in his work, are you all terrified to get banned or something? Giving an opinion on something while using commonly accepted standards in writing is not the same as trolling.
It's funny because you are giving him a skewed view of his work while Im being totally fair but I guess that somehow makes me an asshole. Yeah I guess your teacher is an asshole too for pointing out the flaws in your work.
You guys just don't 'get' message boards I guess.
Also just because I thought it sucked doesn't mean I want him to suck. Why am I investing time in my comments? Because I want him to be better. Sometimes you gotta be an asshole when doing the right thing, you guys are pussies because you'd rather protect your pathetic internet ego's than doing what is right.
So in conclusion, I am the only useful person here except for the OP and you guys are a bunch of fascist walking vaginas. Allowing only 1 side of arguments is still bad even though it seems 'good' in this case. You guys need to control your temper and think about your argument instead of blindly writing down your feelings.
There I pointed out everything that was wrong with your comment, hopefully you will suck less at posting from now on.
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I like to write as well and I'd like to applaud you for being brave enough to post something you wrote because, frankly, it takes a lot to put something out there (that is essentially a part of you) and face criticism.
Your style of writing doesn't thrill me, but there are some gems here and there that I really enjoyed. Specifically:
"Remember how I used to kiss you? Badly, as I recall."
I know this is simple prose, but it is the frankness in the line - like some secret to which we are now privy - that appeals to me so much.
Keep writing. (I wish I still wrote often, but I don't so much anymore. It's hard work that most people don't understand).
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There are so many ironies and self-contradictions in your post I'm not even going to take my time nitpicking them, Frits. And before you go off again about how lazy and weak-willed I am, and how much I suck at posting, take a moment to compose yourself before you yourself post. By the end of your post I wasn't sure whether you were ranting at me or at everyone else combined, because it seems somewhere along the line you just got confused and attributed to me attitudes and actions I didn't show anywhere in my posts.
In a phrase, don't assume shit. There's a sharp distinction between commenting on a work and commenting on the comments, and just because I disapproved of the way in which you commented doesn't mean I disapprove of your disapproval, capisce? I never complimented his piece. Only a person with very peculiar tastes will be blind to this work's faults, three of which I mentioned in my post (which you somehow forgot). Except for that one time, I NEVER commented on this guy's piece. I was talking only to you, Frits, and never was I giving an implicit judgment of what this guy wrote. Thanks for the stereotyping, buddy.
And I very much doubt the need in this situation for you to be so condescending towards his piece; what is so wrong with being critical in the way that Rayzorblade was above? To my judgment the author would be much more receptive and thus more likely to improve if you offered advice in a gentler manner than in a curt, one sentence defamation of his work as "pretentious".
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United States1866 Posts
I think back to when I first read your poem. I smile, teeth of pearly white. Except they arent white they are yellow, and cracked. Also they are not smiling. Rape. Jesus told me about the poem. But he didn't tell me, yet he did tell me again. For the first time.
I clicked the link. It flashed. Real. Alive. No link is really alive until you click it. Unless you are dead. Jesus is dead. I weep as my dry eyes scan your words. Paragraphs. Sentences. Cracks in your grammar. The writing is too hard. The page is too white. Black is not rigged. Too pristine. Its a shit-hole. Vomiting. Jesus vomits on me. On his dress.
Let me read more. Inspiring. Loving like a Family. Family Guy on Fox at 8. Jesus is Peter Griffin. All dressed in white. Perfectly white, perfectly dead - finished. scroll down, crashing dowards the bottom of the page. Nirvana at 200 words a minute. The poem finishes. My brain raped, crushed. Brain fluid everywhere. Soul peirced. Changed. Soul fluid everywhere. Read on, Jesus begins. He does not finish. Frits. Jellyfish. Criticism? Frits is Jesus. Your criticism was perfect, horrible. I type.
Whores. They argue too much.
I post. They argue too little.
RST. Australia. Its beautiful
Your beautiful.
Jesus.
Amen.
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On September 29 2008 12:42 Atrioc wrote:
I think back to when I first read your poem. I smile, teeth of pearly white. Except they arent white they are yellow, and cracked. Also they are not smiling. Rape. JoeJesusClassic told me about the poem. But he didn't tell me, yet he did tell me again. For the first time.
I clicked the link. It flashed. Real. Alive. No link is really alive until you click it. Unless you are dead. JoeJesusClassic is dead. I weep as my dry eyes scan your words. Paragraphs. Sentences. Cracks in your grammar. The writing is too hard. The page is too white. Black is not rigged. Too pristine. Its a shit-hole. Vomiting. JoeJesusClassic vomits on me. On his dress.
Let me read more. Inspiring. Loving like a Family. Family Guy on Fox at 8. JoeJesusClassic is Peter Griffin. All dressed in white. Perfectly white, perfectly dead - finished. scroll down, crashing dowards the bottom of the page. Nirvana at 200 words a minute. The poem finishes. My brain raped, crushed. Brain fluid everywhere. Soul peirced. Changed. Soul fluid everywhere. Read on, JoeJesusClassic begins. He does not finish. Frits. Jellyfish. Criticism? Frits is JoeJesusClassic. Your criticism was perfect, horrible. I type.
Whores. They argue too much.
I post. They argue too little.
RST. Australia. Its beautiful
Your beautiful.
JoeJesusClassic.
Amen.
This is why I have my quote beneath my name as, "Atrioc, I hate you so much"
However, JoeJesusClassic approves, as you gave a few shoutouts to him in your poem.
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On September 29 2008 12:42 Atrioc wrote:
I think back to when I first read your poem. I smile, teeth of pearly white. Except they arent white they are yellow, and cracked. Also they are not smiling. Rape. Jesus told me about the poem. But he didn't tell me, yet he did tell me again. For the first time.
I clicked the link. It flashed. Real. Alive. No link is really alive until you click it. Unless you are dead. Jesus is dead. I weep as my dry eyes scan your words. Paragraphs. Sentences. Cracks in your grammar. The writing is too hard. The page is too white. Black is not rigged. Too pristine. Its a shit-hole. Vomiting. Jesus vomits on me. On his dress.
Let me read more. Inspiring. Loving like a Family. Family Guy on Fox at 8. Jesus is Peter Griffin. All dressed in white. Perfectly white, perfectly dead - finished. scroll down, crashing dowards the bottom of the page. Nirvana at 200 words a minute. The poem finishes. My brain raped, crushed. Brain fluid everywhere. Soul peirced. Changed. Soul fluid everywhere. Read on, Jesus begins. He does not finish. Frits. Jellyfish. Criticism? Frits is Jesus. Your criticism was perfect, horrible. I type.
Whores. They argue too much.
I post. They argue too little.
RST. Australia. Its beautiful
Your beautiful.
Jesus.
Amen.
Thank you for sending me into uncontrollable fits of laughter during my science lecture.
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On September 29 2008 12:42 Atrioc wrote:
I think back to when I first read your poem. I smile, teeth of pearly white. Except they arent white they are yellow, and cracked. Also they are not smiling. Rape. Jesus told me about the poem. But he didn't tell me, yet he did tell me again. For the first time.
I clicked the link. It flashed. Real. Alive. No link is really alive until you click it. Unless you are dead. Jesus is dead. I weep as my dry eyes scan your words. Paragraphs. Sentences. Cracks in your grammar. The writing is too hard. The page is too white. Black is not rigged. Too pristine. Its a shit-hole. Vomiting. Jesus vomits on me. On his dress.
Let me read more. Inspiring. Loving like a Family. Family Guy on Fox at 8. Jesus is Peter Griffin. All dressed in white. Perfectly white, perfectly dead - finished. scroll down, crashing dowards the bottom of the page. Nirvana at 200 words a minute. The poem finishes. My brain raped, crushed. Brain fluid everywhere. Soul peirced. Changed. Soul fluid everywhere. Read on, Jesus begins. He does not finish. Frits. Jellyfish. Criticism? Frits is Jesus. Your criticism was perfect, horrible. I type.
Whores. They argue too much.
I post. They argue too little.
RST. Australia. Its beautiful
Your beautiful.
Jesus.
Amen.
Hahahaha. Funniest post this entire year. Laughed out loud for 3 minutes straight.
You, sir, just hijacked this blogpost.
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On September 29 2008 04:01 evanthebouncy! wrote:Show nested quote +On September 29 2008 00:16 Frits wrote:
Where do I start explaining what's so bad?
-Your style is inconsistent.
-You start new paragraphs at points in the story that don't seem to require a new paragraph because it's the same nonsensical babble as the sentence before it.
-Half your sentences don't really follow the next one you can just mix the sentences around and it wouldn't matter.
-Some of it just doesn't make sense, bringing up jesus when talking about beauty and stuff? That's pretentious.
-It's just a terrible story in general.
-Stop mentioning the yellow dress so much.
-You have no idea how hilarious an expression like "flew gracefully through a windshield" is.
It's way too much like a poem for normal writing. And try to express a little more feeling and less gibberish that feels like you added it for no reason at all. You should stfu. I don't care how he write it but important thing is he tried to write something. if you kept feeding him negative comments he might not find the courage to write again so please. Not to mention to share a poem is to share a piece of mind and what u said basically means "lolol your emotions and toughts are bunch of pretentious bullshit why do u even feel or think at all hahaha." Bottom line, if you think it is terrible, bear in mind that literature is highly subjective and different people have different styles of going about things, and you should not over criticize. Oh yeah and I hate people see something different and go "it's pretentious! I knew it!"
Any writer worth his salt looks for feedback to gauge how his work is... Seeing as he posted it here, that would be the case
If you're not looking for that, you're better suited to keeping a little pink diary under your bed.
edit: forgot that i came here to sasy that atrioc's poem was dope, ahha
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EPT
