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This girl who moved in the neighborhood a while ago recently sent me a msg on msn after she heard i torn my ankle ligaments on basketball. She's a cousin of a guy i play basketball with on weekends, she lives in his house. I guess he told her what happened so it was a good way to start talking... anyway, before that i only talked to her once, i really liked her, but never saw her much coz she's either studying or on uni or something.
Anyway, we talked much on msn/sms in the last 2 weeks while i was home 24/7 coz of my injury and went to take a walk once my ankle got better.
I got to know her a bit, and while before i thought she was confident i realized she is actually a shy girl, doesnt talk that much. I've realized that many people i perceived as confident/cocky are actually shy but have that mask to protect themselves i guess. Anyway, i like her, I'd say she likes me, but she doesnt like herself, in my opinion. That was my problem for so long so i think i can recognize it now. Today i ran into her in the street and I could tell she was insecure when i talked to her. She mentioned that she didn sleep the day before, and today she only slept a few hours. She looked sad, like she'll gonna cry the moment she gets to her room. I wanted to hug her, tell her she's beautiful and protect her. I did neither, but we agreed we'd go out to drink or walk again today.
I wanted to share this just for the sake of it, but i'd like to know if you guys had experience dating this type of girl. She sometimes takes a tease seriously, she's not too open, but you can tell there's a whole other world underneath.
How do you handle things here, how to make her open up a bit and allow you to get closer.
Im thinkin I should seriously compliment her on specific things I like, perhaps not tease her too much, be honest, and show that i care. Basically be like the average nice guy, but with a bit more initiative.
Thx for reading, I'm hoping some good comments show up down below.
  
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you agreed to go out and drink? lol
But yea i think you should do something about her, low self esteem is terrible disease in american society and people like you can help cure it i think. let us know whats up.
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Remember man, ur a man, we've been chasing girls for a hundred thousand years in our current homosapien form.
let it come naturally
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On March 12 2008 01:07 MarklarMarklar wrote:
Remember man, ur a man, we've been chasing girls for a hundred thousand years in our current homosapien form.
let it come naturally
great advice haha.
I have no advice of my own except that you should try to approach slowly and try to be extra sincere and caring so that she realizes you actually do like her for real.
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On March 12 2008 01:07 MarklarMarklar wrote:
Remember man, ur a man, we've been chasing girls for a hundred thousand years in our current homosapien form.
let it come naturally
lol your contradicting yourself,
but i think you should just give her time and get to know her more, she will open up eventually
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I'm a super nice guy. It's very important to tell girls that they are beautiful if you mean it. They will eventually believe it if you are sincere.
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On March 12 2008 00:57 Hypnosis wrote:
you agreed to go out and drink? lol
But yea i think you should do something about her, low self esteem is terrible disease in american society and people like you can help cure it i think. let us know whats up.
lolol we are not gonna 'drink'! i meant to say we're going to grab a drink as in coffee, juice, u know. its a saying in my language...
I almost feel responsible to help her fully come to life, i hope i can do it.
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On March 12 2008 01:39 niteReloaded wrote:
I almost feel responsible to help her fully come to life, i hope i can do it.
Good that you want to help her, but realise that her life is her life. Her problems should not become your problems (at least not a lot) unless you two become very, very close. Compliment her, boost her self esteem, have a great time with her, but know that she has to figure it out herself.
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Well, things aren't hopeless as it seems, at least you guys agreed to go out and drink... =/ i can't even get a girl these days =_=
Anyways, even if she's shy, I'm sure shy people will eventually become not shy if you spend a lot of time with them. Just be there, as a friend first, don't take things too fast (if that's what you're intending), and comfort her whenever. Only hug her or whatever if she comes to you first, in my opinion it's often disasterous if you go up to her and hug her without her willing to do so or not.
Good luck =)
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Work it out slowly.
Find something you have in common and do it regurarly, it can be just talking or sport...
Now when you spend time together it is important she know you are interested, but not horny(that could scare her).
Make a few compliments each time you meet, but don't be abusive.
As your relationship will develop she will get to know you better, start to like you and even give you anything you deserve to have from her
GL
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On March 12 2008 01:56 Kwidowmaker wrote:Show nested quote +On March 12 2008 01:39 niteReloaded wrote:
I almost feel responsible to help her fully come to life, i hope i can do it. Good that you want to help her, but realise that her life is her life. Her problems should not become your problems (at least not a lot) unless you two become very, very close. Compliment her, boost her self esteem, have a great time with her, but know that she has to figure it out herself.
true, thanks man.
On March 12 2008 02:13 letsbefree wrote:
Well, things aren't hopeless as it seems, at least you guys agreed to go out and drink... =/ i can't even get a girl these days =_=
Anyways, even if she's shy, I'm sure shy people will eventually become not shy if you spend a lot of time with them. Just be there, as a friend first, don't take things too fast (if that's what you're intending), and comfort her whenever. Only hug her or whatever if she comes to you first, in my opinion it's often disasterous if you go up to her and hug her without her willing to do so or not.
Good luck =)
That scene from "Good Will Hunting" where the therapist (Robin Williams) hugs Will (Matt Damon) and says "its not your fault" is so touching to me. I believe we all could use a moment like that.
At first Will is like "hehe i know man"; the therapist keeps saying "its not your fault". Will tries to take it as a joke again, still has his guard up, but R.williams keeps telling the same thing. Eventually Will breaks up, starts crying and you can see he's relieved.
[EDIT: Here's the clip:
+ Show Spoiler + ]
I dont think i have the courage to do it that way, i dont see thru her _that_ well. I'll just see where this goes.
The thing is, before i got to know her, i was really attracted to her looks. Now all i want is to see her smile sincerely and be happy.
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On March 12 2008 02:28 niteReloaded wrote:
The thing is, before i got to know her, i was really attracted to her looks. Now all i want is to see her smile sincerely and be happy.
That's the best feeling in the world.
Heck, I want to hug her all the way from over here.
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How do you handle things here, how to make her open up a bit and allow you to get closer.
Im thinkin I should seriously compliment her on specific things I like, perhaps not tease her too much, be honest, and show that i care. Basically be like the average nice guy, but with a bit more initiative.
I have lots of experience in this kind of thing.
Basically, white lies never hurt.
But in serious issues, you have to be honest with her even when it'll hurt her. Don't be afraid to hurt her but let her know that you are just being honest to her and trying to make the best out of the worst.
Well, that's easier said than done. It seems that you are a nice guy so my advice for you is: don't be too nice  sometimes you don't have to be yourself, man it's all about experience I wish I could teach you how but u have to experience through that.
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On March 12 2008 02:13 letsbefree wrote:
Well, things aren't hopeless as it seems, at least you guys agreed to go out and drink... =/ i can't even get a girl these days =_=
i guess your girl advice you posted didnt work?
+ Show Spoiler +
bah, just do a normal date like grabbing a drink and see how it goes. I advice not to get involved with severed emotional people, you'll end up worse
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You know there was a time when i gave girl advice and usualy one day later bunch of people acctualy pmed me, told me some freakish story and asked about my opinion on the matter. I don't need that drama again.
But...
It's ok to open up and share what's on your mind but the mindstate of a young man in a relationship is allways the same. It's a rollercoaster. And as much as you prepare for it, events go up and down faster than you can control. Wich is good, wich can lead to love. You ask yourself tons of question before a date and shortly after it there are more questions. A long conversation, hands touching, looks, and the long kiss celebrating the final bond between two people.
Your toughts about what you should do and what would be the perfect comfort gesture is, and don't take this the wrong way, just a young mans overemotional phase. It's not wrong of course. But you usualy know what to do when the moment comes. Nomatter if she's a shy girl, proud girl, loud girl, fat girl (?) all these things don't matter once a man and a woman step in to the zone of where everything around fades and slows down.
If btw things don't fade and slow down one of you could be charged for sexual harassment.
Hackm *coughcough*
Take things how they come.
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Canada7170 Posts
As sincere as you want to be, don't make yourself sound cheesy.
Unless you're a hopeless romantic and you can afford to tell her things in the most cliche way possible. =D gl.
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I had a girlfriend similar to this about four years ago. She sometimes calls me out of the blue to remind me that I'm not allowed to like any girl more than her, ever. So be careful with what you might create. 
I doubt that this girl is a loony tho.
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I wanted to hug her, tell her she's beautiful and protect her.
Hahaha...
That was really touching. Ya, and I've felt the same way. Somehow I always fall for girls I feel like I need to protect and are very innocent. Your post totally made my day =).
My advice is just to treat her like a peer, which I think is what you've been doing. Let things come naturally. Girls like her love to be lavished with attention, so ya, compliment her, help her with self esteem, but don't get clingy. Also, get to know her a little more... make sure you can deal with her insecurities. Like other people have said, be sure her problems don't become your problems. If they do, it's easy to stop being attracted to her, and if that happens and you guys get too close, well, it's going to be a mess. But I only have limited experience with these kind of things ... I usually just let things happen naturally, and if they don't, too bad.
Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
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EPT
