EPTI pulled the smoke from my pocket - I don't smoke regularly but my bro brought up Dajarums from the US during his visit and who can resist those? Besides we don't have them in Canada anymore - and lit it up with a lighter.
* a nice long drag *
It's the spice of life... ya can't beat that feeling in these moments. The cold January wind blew across the yard and the contrast of that feeling against the smoke was nice... like the opposite of nice shit like breaches in Mexico... but just as nice... I let those feelings wash over me.
I pulled up my phone. I was on page 45 of 100 in the PUBG "100" manga. I was loving every second of this read over the last couple days. I was stoked I had a bunch more to read. This comic - much like the game - was a safe space for me during a time where I needed consistency, and hope and adventure.
* another long drag *
My head was spinning with the feeling of intoxication. My heart was spinning thinking of the work transition I had just experienced and how my wife basically gave me an ultimatum in that process. I was aching for a moment of stability. I worked through it with her - and found a new job and changed my focus - over that month... but it was painful and the thought of a 15 year relationship changing drastically was almost more then I could bare.
* another inhale of my spice of life *
Sure I'd made some mistakes. Sure I'd let my passion projects take my main focus. Sure my old boss was a fucking shitbag that poisoned my mentality and effected my relationships. But I made changes goddamn it!
I'm trying to change!
The characters and struggle in the story only added to my own emotions and resolve. I was angry, frustrated, feeling tossed by the waves created by my own fuckups and stupid decisions.
* the smoke felt so good... exhale *
And then it all made sense. My childhood daydreams, my countless video game adventures, gigging, starting a family, having a career... it was one grand adventure. The (extreme) ups and downs are all part of the process. I'm caught up in the most intense plot that was designed just for me. So much more than a comic book.
* inhale... If I wasn't drunk before the smoke, it sure felt like I was after... exhale *
Spinning again, I clicked my phone off. Feeling a deep, deep appreciation for what I had just read and the moments in the game that fueled that reality.
Things are better but there's still a lot of work to do. I have to hold the line on my new commitments...
* one last drag *
I flicked the butt out into the snowy pathway and watched the cold consume the small ember. That was it... the last one I had. It enhanced my journey and kept me warm. An old foreign friend who visits once and awhile to also take me on adventures... you will be missed.
I walked up the stoop, opened the door and continued my new life.
