Between people who I'm physically attracted to but don't like their personality, and people who I like but not attracted to, which should I choose? assuming they both like me. I don't have much experience with dating and stuff, even though I'm almost 30.

FlaShFTW

United States10246 Posts

March 05 2021 18:15 GMT

Are you looking for long term, or more of a short-term FWB style of relationship? That's your answer right there. You're almost 30, but it might seem like you're probably looking for something more permanent. If that's the case, remember you have to deal with your partner's personality every day (unless divorce). So probably prefer the latter.

NrG.Bamboo

United States2756 Posts

March 05 2021 20:02 GMT

Also kind of depends on how well you actually know these people. One can have a very different personality outside of public persona or even short-term "getting to know you" phase. It can be pretty hard for many to genuinely be yourself for a while in the presence of a potential partner, after all.

But if you think you know them well enough to make that judgement then it's probably best to pursue who you can see yourself getting along with in the long term, if that's what you're looking for (like what flash said.) If you want to just mess around and have fun, go for the former: worst case scenario is that you get sick of each other and part ways, best case being that you grow on each other and actually build something worthwhile together. Of course this also has to do with how much you are driven by physical attraction (some people are shallow and can't righteously "lower their standards," if that's you then shoot for the stars and hope for the best.)

Godspeed.

Deleted User 3420

24492 Posts

March 06 2021 14:59 GMT

I met my wife over the phone (and then online) and got to know her before I saw her. When it comes to physical appearances I was always way too discerning and unrealistic, but I also knew that.

Getting to know this girl first, I ended up really liking her. When she ended up not meeting my standards of physical beauty I wasn't bothered by it anymore. If I had met her in person first, this may have never worked out. We've been together for like 9 years now, married for 5 I think. I don't really keep track. But I am happy, even though she can be a pain in the ass sometimes.

DarkPlasmaBall

United States45132 Posts

March 06 2021 20:49 GMT

While people's personalities might change over time, their physical appearances are guaranteed to.

For that reason, if you had to choose, I would go for the personality. Physical/Sexual attraction is important, but if you're interested in long-term, permanent relationships, being able to get along with your partner on a daily basis and connect on an emotional level is more important, imho.

Of course, that's only running with your dichotomous premise - that you need to pick one and ignore the other. Ideally, you'll experience a spectrum of physical attraction and a spectrum of attractive personalities, and you'll hopefully be able to make it work with someone who's reasonably high on both of those personal, subjective spectrums

JimmyJRaynor

Canada17084 Posts

March 08 2021 00:19 GMT

Go out with both types and see how it goes. Try having silly, stupid, spontaneous fun when meeting new people. Don't try to turn these kinds of low information relationship decisions into binary flow chart decision making exercises.

Until you know more about both its impossible to make a reasonable decision. So don't make a yes/no type binary decision. Go out with both and gather more information about the people involved AND YOURSELF.

Back when I didn't own my own biz my attitude was 'i already got a job... i'm not going to turn finding a gf into a 2nd job". I suggest you do the same.

Be super serious about your chosen profession and try to have fun in all other aspects of life. Especially when it comes to starting new relationships .. you are starting with so little information.. just have fun dawg.

I love these "Old Man Relationship Stories" ....

Harris1st

Germany7006 Posts

March 08 2021 13:53 GMT

Was hoping for a real Girl Blog

JimmyJRaynor

Canada17084 Posts

March 08 2021 15:49 GMT

one other thought. work on relationship building in general. A romantic love relationship is just one type of relationship. Improve your work-colleague relationships, family relationships, Hobby based relationships. Improve your relationships with your customers and your work subordinates and your work team. Get better at doing job interviews whether you are the interviewer or interviewee. Get better at your presentation skills for presentations you make to customers, clients, and co-workers. Get better at relationship building in general. Be prepared for lots of experimentation and lots of trial and error. Be prepared for lots of failure.

I'm far better at building relationships than I was fifteen years ago. Along the way I had many setbacks and many soul-crushing , confidence-sapping failures. Why do we fall down? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

watch how this guy deals with failure and big losses...

if the rest of the world dealt with crushing failures the way this guy does.. the world would be 1000X better.

KelianQatar

303 Posts

March 08 2021 19:03 GMT

On March 05 2021 21:56 Garnet wrote:
Between people who I'm physically attracted to but don't like their personality, and people who I like but not attracted to, which should I choose? assuming they both like me. I don't have much experience with dating and stuff, even though I'm almost 30.

Don't date! Align yourself with good people, period. Small imperfections in looks or personalities are easily overlooked when the core of the person is good, honest, trustworthy and decent. You are not giving much detail on what "attracts" you or what personality traits you don't like. Just remember, both (the attraction and dislike) are a reflection of YOU. What you like and don't like about yourself. Focus on being a good human and you'll attract good humans. Hang out with people and get to know them! And like another poster responded, have fun!

puppykiller

United States3137 Posts

March 08 2021 19:46 GMT

#10

So obviously it's a balancing act.
Anyway I tend to veer towards looks. A girl who isn't physically attractive is a friend at best and honestly I think most people's personalities are pretty good.

ninazerg

United States7291 Posts

March 11 2021 04:11 GMT

#11

That was a long read, but worth it. It's been awhile since I've seen a blog with this sheer amount of text. Anyhow, I'm going to give the chaos recommendation by suggesting you find someone who has terrible looks, a terrible personality, and doesn't really even like you. If you roll higher than 18 on your d20 twice in a row, all of her attributes will flip because of a special rule, and she will then have good looks, a great personality, and will also really like you. It's a bold strategy, cotton. Let's see if it pays off for you.

JieXian

Malaysia4677 Posts

March 13 2021 13:46 GMT

#12

On March 11 2021 13:11 ninazerg wrote:
That was a long read, but worth it. It's been awhile since I've seen a blog with this sheer amount of text. Anyhow, I'm going to give the chaos recommendation by suggesting you find someone who has terrible looks, a terrible personality, and doesn't really even like you. If you roll higher than 18 on your d20 twice in a row, all of her attributes will flip because of a special rule, and she will then have good looks, a great personality, and will also really like you. It's a bold strategy, cotton. Let's see if it pays off for you.

hahahahahaha your response is longer than the OP too