Before the US plunges into Civil War, I just want to get this out of the way before I die from going "You all can fight, I'm going home." and then immediately tripping over a rock and falling into the sewer and being eaten by a mutant crocodile: I was doing the thing before it was mainstream. Yes, dear reader, let me adjust my fedora and put on some indie music that you've probably never heard of and tell you that in 2007, I borrowed my brother's StarCraft CD and started playing UMS games, namely: The Thing.
Based on John Carpenter's movie of the same title, The Thing is essentially the precursor to the viral game, Among Us. One person is "The Thing", but nobody knows who it is, and it becomes a game of psychological warfare between the "Thing" versus everybody else. This can range anywhere from really silly to insanely silly. The whole "Red is sus" meme isn't new to me; games would start and I'd giggle (really hard until I coughed up a baby chicken, which was still alive) and type "GUYS IT'S TEAL".
Enter Phantom.
Phantom is the same shit. If I have to explain it, then you obviously haven't been paying attention. However, with Phantom, the antagonist would secretly get bonus minerals and gas, and it would be up to them to either hide it and wait for everyone to freak out and kill each other, or trying to "rush" everyone. Both are fun, in my opinion (which is correct) but people would often get very mad if the Phantom didn't rush. "Pussy Phantom", they'd say, "I hate when people do this. I'm going to attack someone random and then leave." Then kick someone's shit in.
This leads to two results: the person who got attacked almost dying, and everyone else attacking the person who attacked first. The person who attacked will say "Fucking idiots. What a waste of time." You're the one playing StarCraft UMS games, dumbass. You absolute loser, lol.
Or
The two battle while everyone watches uneasily. Purple declares "If anyone intervenes, I will attack them." Red, who launched the first attack on Teal, will start winning, killing off Teal, then Red will say "Can't believe everyone is sitting around like this. I'm gonna leave and whisper Yellow who the phantom is." Then he leaves to go smoke crack. Or maybe he's sober now, and is afk from crack for 3 months now kid, ez.
The other scenario is that Teal fights back valiantly, and begins to overcome Red, and pushes back. Red cries out as Teal strikes him, saying "It's Teal! There's no way he could have made so many carriers this soon!" Everyone agrees, going "It's probably Teal, Red's got a point." So Orange attacks Teal, but Purple attacks Orange. "wtf you f*ggot" Orange exclaims.
"I told you." Purple explains, "I said if anyone intervenes, I'd attack them."
Because White has a sub-60 IQ, he just goes "Guys I'm confused, who is it?" and also built 200 supply of pure wraiths, even though wraiths are trash.
Yellow joins the attack on Red, sending 50 mutalisks to kill Red's command centers. "Fuck you guys." Red exclaims, because he hates fun. Red leaves the game instantly, and Yellow goes "hM! i ThOuGhT iT wAs HiM." No, you fool. No.
Meanwhile I'm just sitting there massing cannons and carriers, and Yellow goes "Hey, what about Blue? What if Blue is sitting there watching us kill each other while getting stronger?"
"It's not me." I say, which never works. I'm just way too good at building stuff, and am always suspected of being the Phantom. I mean, sometimes I am, and I just lie and say "Naw". But that's only when I get Terran.
I suggest that it could be Purple, citing that he is fighting with Orange. Although Purple has shown signs of aggression and a huge base, White goes "No, I think it's blue."
My blood begins to boil. "You idiot." I say, indignantly, "It's not me. I always rush if I'm Protoss and Phantom."
Then suddenly, Purple and Orange agree to a "cease-fire". "I don't think it's Orange." Purple proclaims, now that Orange's base is burning.
Then Yellow goes "We should vote."
I make my case, saying, "I think it could be Purple or Teal. Teal rebuilt pretty fast after Red attacked him, and Purple attacked Orange."
Then they all vote that it's me.
So six players all attack me at once and even with maxed-population of carriers, arbiters, cannons, and psi-storms, I get eviscerated in like 4 minutes. I'm now dead.
"You fucking idiots." I say. "I told you it wasn't me, you fucking morons."
Now I'm just seething. The anger continues to rise. This is why I can't play StarCraft. I've somehow conditioned my brain to explode with anger whenever I play the game, which makes it very toxic for me, and difficult to enjoy. Asterisk sighs asterisk. I wish I could control my emotions better and be a robot. I've talked to some of the top players in StarCraft, and they have the personalities of a brick. Everything is just a logic problem for them to solve, and even when they get mad, they just say in a monotone, European accent, "I am quite frustrated at this moment. But let's play a few more."
uh
So anyway! Eventually we learn that Teal was the Phantom the whole time, but I stay in the game, trying to talk all the players into killing Yellow. After all, Yellow was the absolute madlad who convinced everyone to go in on me and 360 no-scope slam-dunk me into the garbage dumpster, so I need to use my psychological whorefare to turn the stranded tribe of boys against him, and drop a boulder on Piggy's head (spoiler warning, I guess) but I'm also pissed at Purple, for being a pompous piece of shit.
But yeah, Yellow's got to go.
White gets attacked by someone, and his dumb wraith fleet gets annihilated, and he goes "Why did you guys attack me?" and the answer is that, deep down, people are not civilized, and we actually all hate each other. As we go to work, many people experience "road rage", where they just start swearing at the people around them randomly. The other people will never hear the bad words, so the veil of civility is lifted, and we learn what a barbaric species we truly are. Even this society that tries to mold us into refined, peaceful, and docile is showing its cracks. People are depressed and don't know why. "We work jobs we hate to buy things we don't need". We get the credit card bill in the mail on a cold day with grey skies, take some prescription drugs to keep our brains from freaking out, and wonder if we can ever experience true love. Of course the children in the Congo are dying, and we should be thankful, but as each day becomes a mirror image of the last, and even the most earnest attempts to find happiness feel hollow and empty, we empty our one millionth bottle (congratulations!) of our fermented drink of choice and hope for blackness instead of constant nightmares filled with violence. And this, of course, is why White has to get rekt nerd, ez lmao; uninstall game kid
What does this all mean?
First, if a 13-year-old is playing Among Us, I was playing Among Us before you were even born.
Second, there really is no "right" way to play Phantom. It's super-experimental, and you learn crazy weird things like that mass devourers beats mass carriers. Corsairs destroy wraiths. Mass carriers are really bad against marine/medic. The secret to beating mass battlecruisers is to stasis half of them, and if you're Zerg, that your scourge will never get close to 18 battlecruisers.
Sometimes, the Phantom will reveal themselves right away, and will get crushed by everyone else, and sometimes, the Phantom will kill everyone. Sometimes, the Phantom will hide really well, and will successfully survive to the end by getting everyone to kill each other to the point where they can just come out of their shell and win.
Then, keep in mind, if everyone starts allied, you don't have to follow a normal build-order because you don't have to worry about getting attacked immediately, so you build three nexuses to start, but oh what's that? The zerg in the top right went 4pool just to be a troll and suddenly attacks? Well, now you're behind by so much that you're stuck with next to nothing when everyone else is maxed-out.
Third, I'm just joking. It was just a prank, bro. It was all a social experiment. I was just trying to start a dialogue.
On November 02 2020 05:30 Artanis[Xp] wrote: And then people created a BGH Phantom version, and it was all that they played.
I still cry errytiem.
I like Phantom BGH. Originally, I was in the same boat as yourself, where I only liked the original phantom, but then I warmed up to phantom BGH and have had many fun games on there.
That was a fun read. My favorite UMS maps were Normandy Invasion, Diplomacy, Starship Troopers (both original and SE), Test of Survival, Vietnam War (can't remember version name), and A Day at School.
Also why do plebs insist on bringing politics into a video game thread? Are they that impotent and insecure that they must externalize onto the success of someone else that could not care less abt them?
On November 03 2020 14:27 StalkyBear wrote: That was a fun read. My favorite UMS maps were Normandy Invasion, Diplomacy, Starship Troopers (both original and SE), Test of Survival, Vietnam War (can't remember version name), and A Day at School.
The only ones of those I've ever seen are Test of Survival (a long time ago), and Diplomacy. I also feel like StarCraft, itself, pretty much is Starship Troopers. I'm doing my part.
On November 03 2020 14:27 StalkyBear wrote: Also why do plebs insist on bringing politics into a video game thread? Are they that impotent and insecure that they must externalize onto the success of someone else that could not care less abt them?
1. Who is a "pleb"? I've been on this message board for 11 years, with over 7,000 posts. 2. What's wrong with someone mentioning politics? If you don't like it, Tyler the Creator has some solutions you can follow to make it all go away. 3. Blogs on tl aren't exclusively about video games. 4. Why are you using the word "impotent"? Are you saying certain users here suffer from erectile dysfunction or low sperm count? If so, how would you know about that? inb4 you go "It's a synonym for 'weak'". We know, StalkyBear. We know. 5. How is mentioning politics a sign of insecurity? 6. Why did you not type out the word "about"? 7. Who is the subject of the second sentence? You say "They", "They", "Them", and "Someone else". Who are you talking about? 8. What is 'externalizing'? How can I 'externalize onto the success of someone else that could not care less abt [sic] them'? 9. Why does 'someone else' not care about 'them'? 10. Who are 'they'? 11. Can someone else care about them, even if they are externalizing onto the success of the said someone else? 12. What do you think about lobsters? Are they horrifying sea-demons, delicious animals for us to eat, or cute?
Um wow, ok, thanks for the reply there. Wasn't actually directing that to you but if you wanna flex your TL post count to feel better about yourself by all means do so. Also how do you feel aboout Puck taking your name? :=P
On November 03 2020 19:51 StalkyBear wrote: Um wow, ok, thanks for the reply there. Wasn't actually directing that to you but if you wanna flex your TL post count to feel better about yourself by all means do so.
It's an international law that if you're on a forum, and someone new to the forum says anything, one must go "I have more posts than you." That's just science.
Also how do you feel aboout Puck taking your name? :=P
Everyone wants to be me. Not surprising at all.
Edit: also I'd appreciate if you'd answer my other points/questions, especially #12.
On November 02 2020 23:17 JieXian wrote: damn that was an amazing rollercoaster ride. you should consider doing standup or starting a youtube channel.
As you know, I have the charisma of a bucket full of dead leaves.
Yes, I recall that you weren't super bubbly from watching a few minutes of your stream some time ago. However, these things can be learnt with time, and having "no charisma" is the whole idea behind certain personas, so maybe it's not that bad:
I've giving you these suggestions (basically to consider putting yourself out there) I feel like it's wasted potential to limit your audience to TL.
On November 03 2020 14:27 StalkyBear wrote: That was a fun read. My favorite UMS maps were Normandy Invasion, Diplomacy, Starship Troopers (both original and SE), Test of Survival, Vietnam War (can't remember version name), and A Day at School.
The only ones of those I've ever seen are Test of Survival (a long time ago), and Diplomacy. I also feel like StarCraft, itself, pretty much is Starship Troopers. I'm doing my part.
On November 03 2020 14:27 StalkyBear wrote: Also why do plebs insist on bringing politics into a video game thread? Are they that impotent and insecure that they must externalize onto the success of someone else that could not care less abt them?
1. Who is a "pleb"? I've been on this message board for 11 years, with over 7,000 posts. 2. What's wrong with someone mentioning politics? If you don't like it, Tyler the Creator has some solutions you can follow to make it all go away. 3. Blogs on tl aren't exclusively about video games. 4. Why are you using the word "impotent"? Are you saying certain users here suffer from erectile dysfunction or low sperm count? If so, how would you know about that? inb4 you go "It's a synonym for 'weak'". We know, StalkyBear. We know. 5. How is mentioning politics a sign of insecurity? 6. Why did you not type out the word "about"? 7. Who is the subject of the second sentence? You say "They", "They", "Them", and "Someone else". Who are you talking about? 8. What is 'externalizing'? How can I 'externalize onto the success of someone else that could not care less abt [sic] them'? 9. Why does 'someone else' not care about 'them'? 10. Who are 'they'? 11. Can someone else care about them, even if they are externalizing onto the success of the said someone else? 12. What do you think about lobsters? Are they horrifying sea-demons, delicious animals for us to eat, or cute?
If I may: 1. That is some impressive stuff! Once I almost won a season of Liquibets. How much street cred does that give me? 2. Politics are confusing and have no place in my small huffy puffy cutie doodie world 3. True that. They should be exclusively about gilrs though 4. Probably in a sense of "you are not manly enough" if I had to guess 5. See #3 6. Some keys are missing. Who needs all the keys for playing Starcraft anyway? 7. Abt "them". Mostly referred to as "the others" 8. I have to chew on that, so maybe it can be internalized 9/ 10. Don't mention "them" They are listening ... 11. Now I'm hungry 12. Depends solely on perspective, but Imma go with sea demons that want to clip stuff
On November 04 2020 23:37 JieXian wrote: I've giving you these suggestions (basically to consider putting yourself out there) I feel like it's wasted potential to limit your audience to TL.
As an Internet denizen whose main output is garbage blogs on TL, I resent your insinuation that I, by extension, have in some way wasted my immense potential.
Anyway, regarding the main topic at hand: unlike most of the uncultured boors this forum primarily caters to, I have actually eaten lobster, and can attest to the fact that it is indeed quite delicious, although it takes a lot of chewing to break the shell into pieces small enough to swallow without getting lodged in your throat.
On November 02 2020 05:30 Artanis[Xp] wrote: And then people created a BGH Phantom version, and it was all that they played.
I still cry errytiem.
There are other versions of Phantom than Phantom BGH?
The original Phantom was on a regular Hunters map. Always liked it much better as I knew how it should be balanced. BGH makes it too easy for the non-phantoms and promotes the boring not-revealing-strategy
If you want the original phantom hunters, a lot of the newer Phantom BGH maps allow for 'low eco' that changes minerals and geysers to 1.5k and 5k respectively. You still get a lot of patches and geysers tho
On November 06 2020 06:06 FragKrag wrote: If you want the original phantom hunters, a lot of the newer Phantom BGH maps allow for 'low eco' that changes minerals and geysers to 1.5k and 5k respectively. You still get a lot of patches and geysers tho
I hate those versions, and I think they are trash and bad and stupid
On November 06 2020 16:41 TT1 wrote: pussy phantoms are the worst
The worst is when everyone derps around and the phantom kills everyones
On November 02 2020 05:30 Artanis[Xp] wrote: And then people created a BGH Phantom version, and it was all that they played.
I still cry errytiem.
There are other versions of Phantom than Phantom BGH?
The original Phantom was on a regular Hunters map. Always liked it much better as I knew how it should be balanced. BGH makes it too easy for the non-phantoms and promotes the boring not-revealing-strategy
I know of an even older phantom map from 1999.
On November 05 2020 12:02 MysteryMeat1 wrote: The thing gave me such a nostalgia trip to all the games I used to play on US West.
Lobsters are delicious animals for us to eat.
Lobster is kind of gross
On November 05 2020 01:59 catplanetcatplanet wrote:
On November 04 2020 23:37 JieXian wrote: I've giving you these suggestions (basically to consider putting yourself out there) I feel like it's wasted potential to limit your audience to TL.
As an Internet denizen whose main output is garbage blogs on TL, I resent your insinuation that I, by extension, have in some way wasted my immense potential.
Anyway, regarding the main topic at hand: unlike most of the uncultured boors this forum primarily caters to, I have actually eaten lobster, and can attest to the fact that it is indeed quite delicious, although it takes a lot of chewing to break the shell into pieces small enough to swallow without getting lodged in your throat.
You're wasting so much potential catplant. Get off tl and start posting your abs on instagram
On November 04 2020 23:37 JieXian wrote: I've giving you these suggestions (basically to consider putting yourself out there) I feel like it's wasted potential to limit your audience to TL.
As an Internet denizen whose main output is garbage blogs on TL, I resent your insinuation that I, by extension, have in some way wasted my immense potential.
My comment was based on my assessment of her large body of work throughout the years. You can sleep well knowing you have not wasted any potential
On November 05 2020 01:59 catplanetcatplanet wrote:
On November 04 2020 23:37 JieXian wrote: I've giving you these suggestions (basically to consider putting yourself out there) I feel like it's wasted potential to limit your audience to TL.
As an Internet denizen whose main output is garbage blogs on TL, I resent your insinuation that I, by extension, have in some way wasted my immense potential.
On November 05 2020 01:59 catplanetcatplanet wrote:
On November 04 2020 23:37 JieXian wrote: I've giving you these suggestions (basically to consider putting yourself out there) I feel like it's wasted potential to limit your audience to TL.
As an Internet denizen whose main output is garbage blogs on TL, I resent your insinuation that I, by extension, have in some way wasted my immense potential.
EPT![[image loading]](https://i.imgur.com/OwqzKdE.jpg)
![[image loading]](https://i.imgur.com/DipaO4v.jpg)
![[image loading]](https://i.imgur.com/jwMYkdY.jpg)
