|
I'm a 28-year-old guy who had never had a real date with a stranger before. Through Tinder I managed to have one with a girl two years younger than me. At first it was awkward, but I tried my very best to maintain a decent conversation, and we talked for more than two hours. I think she showed some signs of interest, like asking me questions and stuff. However, at the end she noted that "you are a bit shy, aren't you? You need to make more eye contact. Just believe in yourself, you're good enough". I said "I am. I need to break this stupid habit (of not making eye contact), yeah". Then I suggested we go home (the coffee shop was closing soon). She said yeah, then told me she needed to go to the bathroom. I waited outside. When we were outside she asked me how did I get there, I said by motorbike. Then we just silently left.
After about half an hour, I texted her "It was great fun getting to know you today. Thanks so much  ". She liked the text and replied "Me too. Have a good night". Then I said "Sweet dreams!". The thing is, I've had an experience with a date with a co-worker before when they said "have a good night" but was actually really annoyed with me. The lack of emoticons kinda worry me, but then again she never used them before.
I think we both have lukewarm feelings for each other, but nothing sexual. I totally failed to do anything to "attract" her. She was nice and mature. Nothing more though.
This was a win no matter what since I gained a lot of experience, but I'm not sure what to do next. Can anyone with experience give me some advice? thanks!
Edit 1: I mentioned about a part-time job at my company during the date, so two days later she messaged me about it. I didn't think she was qualified for it though, so I gave some advice and told her to take her time.
 
|
congratulations on organizing the date and making it happen!
right off the bat, i am going to contradict you on something: you have gained a lot of experience, and you will need to go on other dates for more experience, are you up for that challenge? keep going on dates, keep learning; also a couple of other things:
when she asked you "you are a bit shy" question this was a test: she wanted to see how you would react, how she actually felt about you, and if she was considering being anything other than friends. i think she made her decision after you answered her right then and there, especially if there was a temporary "short silence" after you answered, and then maybe picking up the conversation with something really random.
"Me too. Have a good night" this phrase indicates that while she finds you to be a nice, decent, respectful person, she is not interested in continuing having a conversation or small exchange of words by text, she is cutting you off right away with something politically correct. i would speculate here that she has decided to not date you again, because either she thinks it will be too hard to get to know the real you. this would not mean that she does not like you: just that your too hard to reach in her eyes.
Now back to you: take it to the next level, as in, would you honestly agree that she got to know something about you, or was your being nervous holding you back from showing who you are/being yourself? men always are afraid of being refused or making some kind of false step, especially with the first contact. if you keep this barrier, you might go on 10 dates, and maybe only 1 or 2 will have any kind of consequence. i would say here, that she was not able to make a decision if she wants to go on other dates with you, because she does not know maybe anything really about you, and after the first date you have to give something.
Bottom line: if you show who you are and are a little bit more open, you will find someone who genuinely is interested in you, and yes you might get hurt, but as the saying goes, you can' t win or lose if you don' t play the game.
Also about the eye contact thing: women need more eye contact than men to establish an engaging interaction. i can reccomend this tv show to learn more about body language. this can help you understand how someone is reacting to what you are telling them.
hope this helps
|
On August 27 2020 05:01 pebble444 wrote:
congratulations on organizing the date and making it happen!
right off the bat, i am going to contradict you on something: you have gained a lot of experience, and you will need to go on other dates for more experience, are you up for that challenge? keep going on dates, keep learning; also a couple of other things:
Yes. I have wasted too much time on not doing anything, so I have nothing to lose now.
when she asked you "you are a bit shy" question this was a test: she wanted to see how you would react, how she actually felt about you, and if she was considering being anything other than friends. i think she made her decision after you answered her right then and there, especially if there was a temporary "short silence" after you answered, and then maybe picking up the conversation with something really random.
Nah I think she just wanted to give me some advice. Didn't sound like she was making any decision.
"Me too. Have a good night" this phrase indicates that while she finds you to be a nice, decent, respectful person, she is not interested in continuing having a conversation or small exchange of words by text, she is cutting you off right away with something politically correct. i would speculate here that she has decided to not date you again, because either she thinks it will be too hard to get to know the real you. this would not mean that she does not like you: just that your too hard to reach in her eyes.
Maybe she was just tired and needed to sleep? Also we talked a lot about myself and hers.
Now back to you: take it to the next level, as in, would you honestly agree that she got to know something about you, or was your being nervous holding you back from showing who you are/being yourself? men always are afraid of being refused or making some kind of false step, especially with the first contact. if you keep this barrier, you might go on 10 dates, and maybe only 1 or 2 will have any kind of consequence. i would say here, that she was not able to make a decision if she wants to go on other dates with you, because she does not know maybe anything really about you, and after the first date you have to give something.
We talked a lot about myself and hers. She didn't ask anything about relationships though.
Bottom line: if you show who you are and are a little bit more open, you will find someone who genuinely is interested in you, and yes you might get hurt, but as the saying goes, you can' t win or lose if you don' t play the game. Also about the eye contact thing: women need more eye contact than men to establish an engaging interaction. i can reccomend this tv show to learn more about body language. this can help you understand how someone is reacting to what you are telling them. hope this helps
Thanks. I think it was just the fact that I hadn't talked to a stranger in a 1-1 for a long time before the date. I tried my best to be a better version of myself, but I guess that wasn't enough. It's still too soon to say though. What should I do next with her?
|
On August 27 2020 07:30 Garnet wrote:Show nested quote +On August 27 2020 05:01 pebble444 wrote:
congratulations on organizing the date and making it happen!
right off the bat, i am going to contradict you on something: you have gained a lot of experience, and you will need to go on other dates for more experience, are you up for that challenge? keep going on dates, keep learning; also a couple of other things: Yes. I have wasted too much time on not doing anything, so I have nothing to lose now. Show nested quote +
when she asked you "you are a bit shy" question this was a test: she wanted to see how you would react, how she actually felt about you, and if she was considering being anything other than friends. i think she made her decision after you answered her right then and there, especially if there was a temporary "short silence" after you answered, and then maybe picking up the conversation with something really random.
Nah I think she just wanted to give me some advice. Didn't sound like she was making any decision. Show nested quote +
"Me too. Have a good night" this phrase indicates that while she finds you to be a nice, decent, respectful person, she is not interested in continuing having a conversation or small exchange of words by text, she is cutting you off right away with something politically correct. i would speculate here that she has decided to not date you again, because either she thinks it will be too hard to get to know the real you. this would not mean that she does not like you: just that your too hard to reach in her eyes.
Maybe she was just tired and needed to sleep? Also we talked a lot about myself and hers. Show nested quote +
Now back to you: take it to the next level, as in, would you honestly agree that she got to know something about you, or was your being nervous holding you back from showing who you are/being yourself? men always are afraid of being refused or making some kind of false step, especially with the first contact. if you keep this barrier, you might go on 10 dates, and maybe only 1 or 2 will have any kind of consequence. i would say here, that she was not able to make a decision if she wants to go on other dates with you, because she does not know maybe anything really about you, and after the first date you have to give something.
We talked a lot about myself and hers. She didn't ask anything about relationships though. Show nested quote +Bottom line: if you show who you are and are a little bit more open, you will find someone who genuinely is interested in you, and yes you might get hurt, but as the saying goes, you can' t win or lose if you don' t play the game. Also about the eye contact thing: women need more eye contact than men to establish an engaging interaction. i can reccomend this tv show to learn more about body language. this can help you understand how someone is reacting to what you are telling them. hope this helps Thanks. I think it was just the fact that I hadn't talked to a stranger in a 1-1 for a long time before the date. I tried my best to be a better version of myself, but I guess that wasn't enough. It's still too soon to say though. What should I do next with her?
yeah congrats to you man, now that I think about I don't think I've ever gone on a date with a total stranger. Instead I guess I've just gone on dates with people I already know/casual acquaintances.
|
Thanks. I think it was just the fact that I hadn't talked to a stranger in a 1-1 for a long time before the date. I tried my best to be a better version of myself, but I guess that wasn't enough. It's still too soon to say though. What should I do next with her?
Well, if you wanna date her again, ask for another date. Basically nothing has really changed except that you meet her in person. Continue chatting, texting or whatever you are currently doing and ask for a 2nd date. Good luck!
|
Congrats! I would ask her on a second date and see where it leads, you never know!
|
Ugh, it's so weird to give advice to people from a totally different culture. I mean, in Bulgaria Tinder girls are ultra slutty and expect to get laid on first or at the latest on the second date. This does not seem to be the case here so I do not know what else to add.
I don't think there is universal advice on how to behave because behavior and customs vary wildly across the world. What is acceptable in EU might seem like utter profanity elsewhere. So I would suggest to seek advice from local people rather than a forum on the internet.
Wish you all the best!
|
On August 29 2020 03:15 JoinTheRain wrote:
Ugh, it's so weird to give advice to people from a totally different culture. I mean, in Bulgaria Tinder girls are ultra slutty and expect to get laid on first or at the latest on the second date. This does not seem to be the case here so I do not know what else to add.
I don't think there is universal advice on how to behave because behavior and customs vary wildly across the world. What is acceptable in EU might seem like utter profanity elsewhere. So I would suggest to seek advice from local people rather than a forum on the internet.
Wish you all the best!
Oh Bulgaria. That's ... interesting.
|
|
|
|
|
Grats on the good date and experience.
|
Well, I guess you have to meet more girls in order to have experience lets say to be smooth... the thing I did when I was younger (now 31 married with a kid ) was that I asked the girls I like to a date (let's say coffee or drinks depending on your budget, and yes you gotta have money to date girls at least at your age) if they said no well no biggie (and it's important to never ask the girl that say no to you again, some girls just say no to be asked twice and the fun thing is that since you didn't ask twice they will ask you why? and then its a DATE!).
I remember it was all bout numbers lets say out of ten five will say no, five will say yes and from those 5, 3 will go on to something more intimated I guess you wanna call it. the more people you meet the more dates you will get.
Then you will understand a lot about feelings and behaviour of females, something to keep in mind is to always ask the questions first, girls like to talk about their things work, school, future, If you keep talking only about yourself and not ask them questions they will get bored, and you don't want that unless you don't find them interesting at all.
I also forget its important to have male friends I meet guys that were fun and stuff but most important they can introduce you to new female friends and based on experience preferably don't date someone from your work it's gonna save you a lot of trouble down the road.
Something that I forget is that never take people that too seriously the most important people for you must be you, you have to take care of yourself and love yourself, look in the mirror and really care about you, women will come and go but, if are ok with yourself you will be ok with other people(smooth, charming, sexy w/e), don't overthink things, and have fun I had had a lot of fun when I was dating and I enjoyed soo much I thought I will never marry, but years pass and other things matter.
So you know many people will say "I love you" its really easy and it cost close to 0 effort, so don't get your feelings hurt and never think too much about looks and please don't embarrass yourself if you get to drink with girls ALWAYS ALWAYS be the last guy to get drunk you will be surprised with the results of that simple rule.
|
>lets say out of ten five will say no, five will say yes and from those 5, 3 will go on to something more intimated
Is that the average for normal people?
|
On August 28 2020 14:44 TelecoM wrote:
Congrats! I would ask her on a second date and see where it leads, you never know!
Agreed. You really should have said something like "Let's meet up again next week" or something before you said good night and see how she responds. Because basically, getting the first date doesn't mean anything. It's mostly about getting the second date because it means they are actually at least a little bit interested.
|
I want to rate this a 1 because of the texts you sent her, but you'll learn over time. keep texts minimal. they can seem needy and desperate. Keep your heart out of this one old chap, but don't be afraid to take her out again. gl
|
Dont worry about this particular date as much, take it like a learning experience, if she is interested keep seeing her but nothing prevents u from getting more dates and experience with more people.
|
Bisutopia19345 Posts
On August 30 2020 10:11 Steelo_Rivers wrote:
I want to rate this a 1 because of the texts you sent her, but you'll learn over time. keep texts minimal. they can seem needy and desperate. Keep your heart out of this one old chap, but don't be afraid to take her out again. gl
I always try to find something that we talked about to text at. If she works at the hospital, "Hey I just saw your hospital in the news. Link article". If you talked about dogs you love, "Just saw this little guy on the street". If you talked about one of her interests like painting, "Just saw a new wine and painting place opened up. I bet you'd be awesome at both". Finding a way to reprove you listened to her is a super easy way to get a response.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
